Читать книгу Her Ex, Her Future? - Louisa George - Страница 16

NINE

Lily didn’t need telling twice. After all the stress, the uncertainty and the tension that had been churning around inside her, the knowledge that Kit wanted her as much as she wanted him just about undid her, and with her heart pounding madly and heat flooding through her she flew into his embrace.

She threw her arms around his neck and plastered herself against him and held on for dear life as Kit whipped his arms round her waist and crashed his mouth down on hers.

His tongue delved into her mouth, sweeping over hers, tangling with hers, so fiercely, so desperately, that her knees nearly buckled.

As desire rocketed through her she pressed herself close and Kit pulled her even tighter, and she could feel the length of him beginning to harden against her abdomen.

He swept his hand up and buried it in her hair in a move that was so familiar it made her heart ache. Taking matters into her own hands and summoning up the courage to face him had been the best thing she could have done, and battling through torrential rain and gale-force winds, getting soaked, had been worth it. So worth it.

Because she’d missed this so much. Missed him so much. Pressing herself closer, Lily ran her hands down over his shoulders and then his back, tracing the contours of his muscles, feeling him tremble beneath her touch.

Then she reached the towel tied at his waist, and, filling with a longing she could barely contain, she tugged at it until it fell to the floor and he was naked. She dug her fingers into the muscles of his buttocks, pulling him closer and tilting her hips so she could rub herself against him.

Breaking off the kiss and breathing heavily, Kit stared down at her, his eyes hot and dark and glazed with desire, before dropping his hands to the hem of her top and pushing it up. She raised her arms to help him lift it off her and toss it to the floor. And then he was unzipping her skirt and tugging it down together with her knickers and she was stepping out of both and kicking off the trainers she’d donned to make the wet, sandy journey over here.

Pulling her back into his arms, and capturing her mouth with his once again, Kit manoeuvred her round until the backs of her knees hit the edge of the bed and down she went. She fell back onto the soft mattress and he came down on top of her, taking her wrists and pinning her arms to the bed as he kissed her.

She moaned and wriggled but he didn’t release her. Instead he tore his mouth from hers and as she panted and gasped for breath he began trailing kisses down her neck and over the slope of her left breast until his mouth closed over her nipple and she couldn’t help but abandon all attempts to free herself.

Beneath the force of the electricity and sheer wanton need that was shooting through her, her brain virtually melted and she stopped struggling and simply gave into revelling in the heaven he was taking her to.

Kit moved down her body, his mouth scorching her skin wherever it travelled, until he reached the hot, wet centre of her and she gasped at the heat of his breath over her.

He let go of her wrists, which should have given her the opportunity to touch him the way she’d been so desperate to, but then he was holding her hips still and slowly lowering his head to her and she was going so dizzy with desire that all she could do was clutch at the sheet.

‘Hey,’ she said softly, hoarsely, trying to make light of what potentially was so overwhelmingly powerful that she feared there might be no going back. ‘I thought I was supposed to be showing you how much I wanted this.’

Instantly stilling, Kit lifted his head, looked up at her and murmured, ‘You were. On the other hand, as you so perceptively pointed out, I owe you an orgasm.’

‘There is that,’ she said dazedly, her mouth dry and her blood roaring in her ears.

‘But it’s your call.’

As if she were going to stop him now. As if she could move anyway. As if she even wanted to. ‘I think I’d better just shut up.’

‘Good decision.’

And, boy, it was. As Kit returned his attention to the hot, wet centre of her her eyes fluttered closed and her body vibrated with the sensations rocketing through her.

When his tongue touched her clitoris she arched off the bed with a soft groan. He sucked. Licked. Slid one finger, then another, into her and gently, achingly slowly moved them inside her. Expertly building the tension inside her, knowing exactly how to, speeding up and slowing down until she thought she’d go mad with either desire or frustration.

She moaned. Cried out in desperation. Began to pant and writhe and was practically on the point of begging when Kit combined the licking and the sucking with a clever twist of his fingers and the tight ball of tension deep inside her exploded. And then she was spiralling out of control, hurtling into oblivion and splintering into a billion tiny pieces as she convulsed and clenched around his fingers with his name on her lips.

‘That certainly evened up the score,’ she mumbled, once the tremors had subsided, her vision had cleared and she’d got her breath back.

He pushed himself up and took his weight on his elbows as he looked down at her. ‘Good.’

‘I want more.’

‘Demanding.’

She shot him a wicked smile. ‘Oh, you have no idea.’

‘I’m intrigued.’

‘I still need to show you how much I want this. And you.’

‘Then what are you waiting for?’

‘Absolutely nothing,’ she said, curling a leg around his hip and rolling him onto his back.

Straddling his hips, she leaned forwards to kiss him and, taking him in one hand, positioned him and, unable to wait any longer, sank down.

He groaned into her mouth and she gasped at the feel of him stretching her, filling her, so tight, so deep. He began to move but she stilled him.

‘Wait,’ she said.

‘What?’

‘Patience, my darling.’

‘Not one of my virtues. Although I must say I’ve astounded myself this last week.’

‘Really?’

‘Like you wouldn’t believe. Not as much as you’re astounding me now though.’

‘You like this?’ she said teasingly.

‘I always did. You know that.’

‘Me too.’

He reared up then and, clamping one hand to the back of her neck, the other to her hip, held her close. She could feel his heart thudding against her. Inside her. And then unable to help herself she began to move. Rocking slowly against him, rolling her hips forwards as he thrust up.

The rain continued to pound the roof and the terrace, and sweat coated her skin as the heat inside her grew.

Kit brought her head forwards, caught her mouth with his, and she clutched at his shoulders, barely able to stand the pleasure coursing through her. She whimpered. He moaned and she felt the tension, the desperation clawing at her.

‘God, Lily,’ he said, breaking the kiss for a moment, his breathing harsh and fast and his face tight.

‘I know.’ She was trembling so much, feeling so much she thought she might burst with the pressure of it.

‘I love you,’ he said quietly, looking deep into her eyes.

‘I love you too.’

And then his grip on her tightened and he was moving harder and faster and she was grinding down onto him and then with one last powerful thrust he buried himself deep inside her. She felt him pulsate and throb, and the vibrations and the words he groaned into her ear tipped her over the edge, her body erupting in ecstasy.

* * *

Lying on the sun lounger and gazing up at the canopy of stars with Lily snuggled between his legs, her head resting on his shoulder, both of them wrapped in his sheets, Kit thought it was kind of hard to believe that only a couple of hours ago he’d been considering jacking it all in with her.

At one point he’d been about as low as he could be but now, after the craziest, best afternoon he’d had in years, there were possibilities. Infinite possibilities.

Just as the storm had cleared the heavy tropical air of dust and heat, leaving everything clean and fresh, they’d cleared the air of the doubt and frustration that had lain between them.

Now he and Lily had the chance to make a new start, and he intended to take full advantage of the fact that those doors were no longer merely ajar but wide open.

‘Have you really been thinking about this for the last four days?’ Lily murmured, cutting into his thoughts as she gently ran her fingers along his forearm, which lay across her beneath her breasts.

‘Pretty much every second.’

‘I never guessed.’

‘Nor I about you.’

‘What a lot of time we’ve wasted.’

Her words held a note of regret and he smiled faintly. ‘I don’t think so.’

She tilted her head back and round to glance up at him. ‘No?’

‘Well, put it this way, if we’d done this days ago we’d never have seen or done half the things we have. In all likelihood we wouldn’t have left the villa.’

‘That’s true.’

‘I’d never have learnt how good you are at fishing.’

‘That was just beginner’s luck.’

‘We wouldn’t have seen the Madagascar anemonefish.’

‘We wouldn’t. And it was incredible. Still, I’m pretty sure I’d rather have been doing this.’

She had a point. ‘Good to see our ability to communicate is as strong as ever,’ he said.

‘Yeah.’

‘When did we get so bad at reading each other?’ he murmured, idly stroking his fingers through her hair and feeling her shiver.

‘You have to ask?’

He grimaced in the dark. ‘Not really.’

More of a gradual descent than a sudden drop, it had started at around the time of the third failed cycle of IVF, he knew. They’d had such hopes. Dashed once again. Unable to deal with the devastating disappointment, Lily had withdrawn into herself, slowly turning into someone he didn’t recognise, and as he hadn’t had a clue how to help her he’d spent more and more time at work, telling himself he needed to do it in order to move on and up, but, more likely, subconsciously wanting to avoid her, the situation and the disintegration of their relationship.

‘Anyway,’ she said, pulling him back, ‘I think the last couple of hours proved that we’ve rediscovered the art.’

They had indeed. Their bodies instinctively recognised each other. Moved together as if they’d never been apart. He remembered what she liked with barely any effort of thought and she remembered what drove him wild.

A gentle gust of wind ruffled her hair and he felt it slide against his fingers like silk. ‘I like this,’ he said.

‘My hair?’

‘It suits you short.’

‘Thank you.’

‘When did you change it?’

‘Years ago.’

‘A new start?’

‘Something like that.’

‘Why did you never remarry, Lily?’

At his question, Lily went still, tensed a little, then relaxed in the kind of way that felt as if it had taken some effort. ‘Oh, I don’t know,’ she said lightly. Too lightly, he thought. ‘Once bitten, twice shy, maybe.’

‘That’s all?’

Where the question had come from Kit had no idea, but now it was out there he was rather interested, rather hoping she’d admit that she’d never truly got over him.

She sighed. ‘No. Not really.’

‘Then why?’

‘I never met anyone.’

‘Seriously?’ He found that rather hard to believe. Lily was gorgeous. Fun. Successful. He’d have thought she’d have been snapped up within weeks. Was very glad she hadn’t.

‘To be more accurate I suppose I never let myself meet anyone,’ she said, twining her fingers through his. ‘At least not anyone I could be properly interested in.’

Kit frowned, unable to work that out. ‘What do you mean?’

‘I guess I always figured a deep and meaningful relationship would put me in a vulnerable position or something. I didn’t—don’t—ever want to be in a situation again which could lead to the kind of pain and heartache and desolation I went through with you. Does that make any sense whatsoever?’

‘More than it should. So what are you saying? You’ve been celibate all these years?’

‘No, of course not,’ she said with a soft laugh that clearly didn’t take into consideration the jealousy lancing through him at the thought of her with other men. ‘I’ve been out with guys. Nice guys. Had flings and things. But none of them involved the earth-moving, mind-shattering, fireworks-and-explosions kind of sex we had. It was more a case of the scratching of an itch. Which suited me just fine at the time.’

‘But not now?’

She turned her head and smiled up at him. ‘What do you think?’

Kit thought that she was never having sex—good or bad—with anyone else ever again.

‘Anyway, what about you?’ she said. ‘Why haven’t you ever remarried? You always did want children and it can’t have been for lack of opportunity.’

‘It wasn’t.’

‘Silly me for asking.’

The trace of jealousy in her voice made him smile. ‘But every relationship I’ve attempted tended to be hampered by the problem you solved on New Year’s Eve.’

‘Your impotence?’

He winced. ‘Ouch. Do you have to?’

‘Sorry,’ she said, not sounding sorry at all. ‘What would you call it?’

‘A temporary psychological problem to do with certain issues relating to intimacy.’

‘Not all that temporary if it went on for five years.’

‘No.’

‘And that sounds like something a therapist would say.’

‘It was.’

Shifting out of his embrace, she sat up and turned round to stare at him, surprise written all over her face. ‘You saw a therapist?’

‘I did.’

‘But it didn’t help?’

‘Nothing did.’

‘That must have been frustrating.’

‘You have no idea.’

‘Well, now you’re cured you can go back and take your pick.’

Kit looked at her thoughtfully. ‘I could,’ he said eventually. ‘But I won’t.’

She went very still, not taking her eyes off him for a second. ‘Oh?’

‘Because this—us—isn’t just sex, is it?’

‘I don’t think so,’ she said, so softly it came out as almost a whisper. ‘I’ve spent the entire last week remembering why I fell in love with you.’

‘Ditto.’

‘And now I think the real reason that I’ve never really had a proper relationship since us is that despite everything I tried to tell myself I never fell out of love with you.’

‘And I think that the problem I had with sex, which I always thought was to do with the guilt I carried at having that one-night stand, was down to the fact that I never fell out of love with you.’

She tilted her head, a faint smile playing at her lips. ‘What a pair we are.’

They could be a formidable pair, thought Kit. A great pair. And if only she gave him the chance to prove it, he’d devote the rest of his life to making up for what he’d done to her and to them. He took a deep breath, his heart hammering so wildly he could feel it banging against his ribs. ‘Lily?’

‘Yes?’

‘What would you say to us trying again?’

* * *

Despite the fact that somewhere in the back of her mind Lily had been expecting something like this, she still had to bite back the ‘yes’ that was trying to tumble out of her mouth, and she still had to clamp down on the urge to throw herself against him and smother him in kisses.

Because while she’d thought about it quite a lot this afternoon, and fantasised about it before that more than she cared to admit, the reality of them wasn’t some kind of fairy tale. It wasn’t all hearts and roses, lost love found and a blissful happy ever after.

Once upon a time it had been painful, heartbreaking and soul-destroying. Now it was messy and filled with memories and experiences that were not, perhaps, conducive to a healthy, functional relationship.

So while on one level the idea that they got back together was the best thing she’d heard in ages, on another she had so many doubts and fears about what would happen if they did that she held back.

Ignoring her heart, which was remembering he’d said he loved her, Lily listened to her head, which was insisting she proceed with caution, and sighed. ‘I don’t know, Kit.’

He frowned, his smile fading. ‘What don’t you know? You know I love you.’

‘And I love you. But we were in love last time and look what happened. What makes you think it would work this time round?’

‘We’ve changed.’

‘Enough?’

‘I think so.’

He was right. They had. But still... ‘Some things haven’t though.’

‘Like what?’

‘Like the children you’ve always wanted,’ she said, and steeled herself for the dull ache that throbbed through her. Not quite the sharp pain it had been because she’d come to terms with it now, but nevertheless it still hurt a little. ‘That’s not going to happen with me, because I really don’t think I could go through the whole IVF thing again.’

Three rounds had been quite enough and she never again wanted to experience the hope and the despair that the procedures had aroused in her. Never again wanted to be reminded of the pain and devastation of her ectopic pregnancy and her resultant infertility.

‘There are other options,’ he said, watching her closely.

‘Adoption?’

He’d suggested that once before, just after she’d found out that the third round of treatment hadn’t worked, and at the time she’d been feeling so like she’d failed in her evolutionary role on the planet, and so unable to believe that he could have brought it up at that time, that she’d yelled at him that he was unthinking and unfeeling and wholly insensitive if he thought that adopting could make up for holding their own child in her arms.

But now, though, she could see that it was an option. The only one they had really.

‘We could think about it,’ he said. ‘At some point. Or not. Whatever you want. I’d rather have you and no children than a family with anyone else. I always did.’

Ignoring the warmth that swept through her at that, Lily said quietly, ‘You say that now, but what if you change your mind?’

‘I won’t.’

‘You might.’

‘Trust me.’

‘And that’s another thing,’ she said, frowning as yet another thing to worry about should she agree to try things again flew into her head. ‘How do I know I can trust you? How do I know that when things get tough, when I go all weird and withdrawn, as I’m bound to from time to time, you won’t go and find comfort with someone else?’

He reached out and took her into his arms. Pulled her round and back into him, nestling her head beneath his chin. ‘Because we’ll talk,’ he said against her hair as he held her tight. ‘Communicate.’

‘Do you think we can?’

‘I’ll make sure we do. I won’t let us not.’

Lily watched a shooting star dart across the sky and felt her heart skip a tiny beat. ‘Is it really that simple?’

‘It could be if we take things one day at a time.’

At the sincerity in his voice and with the warmth and heat of his body wrapped round her Lily found herself hovering.

Could they make a go of it? Get it right this time? Kit did make it sound simple. And out here, in the velvety isolation of the night, tucked away in their own little bubble, it seemed as if anything was possible.

But what would it be like when they got back to London? Back to life? Real life. Would they be able to navigate the obstacles of their relationship as well as two busy careers? Not to mention manage the expectations of family and friends. Did they have the strength? The commitment? Did they really have the ability to be open and honest when experience suggested otherwise?

‘Look, Lily, I’m not saying it won’t be hard,’ he said quietly, as if able to read her mind. ‘I don’t think we’re always going to have an easy ride. All I know is that I love you and if I do by some miracle get you back I’ll do my damnedest to make it work.’

At the quiet conviction of his words and with the beat of his heart strong and steady beneath her shoulder she could feel herself falling. ‘I’d need honesty.’

‘You’d have it.’

‘Always?’

‘Always. And I won’t give you any reason not to be able to trust me. Ever.’

‘Really?’

‘I promise.’

And just like that down she went, head over heels into a future with him. ‘All right,’ she whispered with her heart in her throat. ‘Let’s do it.’