Читать книгу ‘… and that’s when it fell off in my hand.’ - Louise Rennison - Страница 84

Phone rang.

If it’s Dave the Laugh, I am going to give him the full force of my glaciosity. I hate boys.

It was Rosie.

“Gee?”

“Oh hi, I’m glad you rang because I am sooo—”

“Did you hear about the dog who went into a pub and said to the barman, ‘Can I have a pint and a bag of crisps please?’”

“Rosie, I don’t-”

“The barman said, ‘Blimey, that’s brilliant. There’s a circus in town. You should go and get a job.’”

“Rosie, I have-”

“And the dog said, ‘Why? Do they need electricians?’”

And she slammed down the phone.

I am seriously worried about her dwindling sanity. I’d just got back upstairs to my bed of pain when the phone rang again. Why can’t we have a portable fandango thing or, alternatively, a servant called Juan who answers it?

Is it so much to ask?

This time it was Ellen.

“Georgia, it’s me. I was, you know… for the party. Well, do you… think I… well, if you were me, would you or would you just kind of, you know… or not?”

What in the name of Hitler’s pants and matching bra set is she on about?

“Ellen, how can I put this? What in the name of arse are you talking about?”

“Dave the Laugh, should I, you know, well, would you?”

Oh marvellous, I have to be Wise Woman of the Forest for my mates. Also it reminded me that if Ellen found out about the Dave the Laugh snogging scenarios, there might well be fisticuffs at dawn.

Still, I am not God and also I am very very busy with my own problems. My lurking lurker has to be dealt with before it makes a surprise appearance. Not that I will ever be going out again anyway. My lurker could grow to the size of my head if it wanted to. Erlack, now I feel sick.

Ellen was rambling on and on about Dave the Laugh and how to entice him and so on. In the end, in sheer desperadoes, I said, “Look, do you know why Dave the Laugh is called, you know, Dave the Laugh?”

Ellen said, “Er. No, why is that?”

I am being pushed to the limits of my nicosity, but I tried, God knows I tried.

“He’s called that because he likes a laugh, and well, to be frank, Ellen, you are a bit lacking vis-à-vis the laughometer scale.”