Читать книгу ‘It’s OK, I’m wearing really big knickers!’ - Louise Rennison - Страница 58

I went into the front room to watch TV. Libby was snoozing but woke up when I sat down. She stood up on her little fat legs and put her arms up to me.

“I love my Georgie, I lobe my Georgie.”

She made it into a little song:

“Haha, I lobe my Georgie,

I love my little Girgie, Gingie, Gingie.

Hahahaha. Ginger, I love Ginger…my Ginger.”

In her tiny mad brain I am half cat, half sister. I picked her up and we snuggled down on the sofa together. At least I have someone who loves me in this family, even if she is bonkers.

Mum came in and said, “You look really sweet together. It only seems a little while ago that you were that size, Georgie. Dad and I used to take you to the park and you used to have a little hat with earflaps that were like cats’ paws. You were such a sweet little girl.”

Oh good Lord, here we go. It will be, “How did my little girl get so big…?”

Sure enough, Mum’s eyes got all watery and she started stroking my hair (very annoying) and doing the “How did my little Georgie get so…” routine.

Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on where you were sitting) Libby let off the smelliest, loudest fart known to humanity. It came out of her bum-oley with such force that she lifted off my knee– like a hovercraft. Even she looked surprised by what had come out of her.

I pushed her off my knee and leaped up. “Libby, that is disgusting!!!! I blame you, Mum, for the bean extravaganza. It’s not natural, the amount of stuff that comes out of such a little girl.”

Phwoaar…

Grandad farted once when we were out in the street. Really loudly. When he looked around behind him there was a woman walking her dachshund dog. You know, those little sausage dog things. The woman heard Grandad’s fart (who didn’t?) and she said, “Well, really!!”

And Grandad said, “I’m terribly sorry, madam, I seem to have shot the legs off your dog.” Which was possibly the last semi-sane thing he said. I’d still rather stay here with him than go to Kiwi-a-gogo.

I said to Mum, “Well, can I go and live with Grandad, then?”

And she said, “He lives in an old people’s home.”

And I said, “So?”

But she is so mad and unreasonable she wouldn’t even discuss it.