Читать книгу ‘It’s OK, I’m wearing really big knickers!’ - Louise Rennison - Страница 68

Met Jas and we went to the park. I’ve got a spot on my chin but I’ve made it look like a beauty spot with an eyebrow pencil. With my shades on I look a bit like an Italian person. I think Jas was embarrassed about me not going to NZ after what she said. I am too considerate to mention it so I just said, “Do you really love me, Jas?”

She went all red.

As we strolled by the tennis courts we saw Melanie Griffiths sunbathing. I may have mentioned this before but she has got the largest breasts known to humanity. Some lads went by and went “Phwooar!”. One of them pretended to be juggling. Sometimes I feel that boys will always remain a mystery to me. I’ve felt that particularly since BG from up the road rested his hand on my basooma for no particular reason. Mel saw us looking so I said, “Oh, hi Mel!” sincerely.

She said, “Hi!” but I don’t think she meant it.

I said to Jas, “Where does she get her bras from? They must be made by those blokes who built the Forth Bridge, Ted and Mick Forth.” I just made that up; I don’t know what they were called.

We lay down on the grass to sunbathe and Jas said, “Do you think I should get a bra?”

I was thinking what I should wear when I saw Robbie again. I said, “Robbie hasn’t phone yet, you know.”

Jas was silent. I squinted round at her and she was sort of wobbling her shoulders around. I said, “What in the name of pantyhose are you doing?”

She said, “I’m seeing if my basoomas wobble.”

Jas can be spectacularly dim. I think that if I dressed Angus in her school uniform probably no one would notice for days. Unless they tried to take a snack away.

I said, “Do the pencil test. You put a pencil under a breast and if it falls out you are OK. If it stays there, sort of trapped by your basooma, you’re not and you should get help and support in the bra department.”

She was full-on, attention-wise, then. “Really?”

“Yeah. Sadly my mum can get a whole pencil case up there.”

Jas was rummaging about. “I’ve got a pencil in my rucky, I’m going to try it.”

“Jas, Tom hasn’t said anything about Robbie, has he?”

As per usual Jas had gone off into the twilight world in her head. She was fiddling about with a pencil up her T-shirt. She said, “Hahahahaha, it fell out!!! I passed, I passed…you try it.”

I wasn’t interested. “Why would SG snog me and say ‘see you later’ if he didn’t mean ‘see you later’? Do you think he’s worried about me being younger than him? Or do you think it’s my nose?”

You might as well be talking to a duck. Jas was shoving the pencil at me. “Go on, go on…you’re scared.”

“Try it, then.”

“No I’m not. I’m not frightened of a pencil.”

“Oh for goodness’ sake.”

I grabbed the pencil from her and pulled up my top and put the pencil underneath my right basooma. Actually it stuck there, but I jiggled a bit. I said, “Yeah, it falls out.”

Jas said, “You jiggled.”

“I did not.”

“You did. I saw you.”

“I didn’t. You’re a mad biscuit.”

“You did. Look, let me do it, I’ll show you.”

She grabbed the pencil and was trying to put it under my basooma when Jackie and Alison, the Bummer Twins, came round the corner of the tennis courts. Jackie removed the fag from her mouth long enough to say, “Well, well, well, our lezzo friends are out for an afternoon fondle.”

Oh no, here we go again with the lesbian rumours. That will be something to look forward to next term.