Читать книгу Are these my basoomas I see before me? - Louise Rennison - Страница 9

Wednesday September 21st Assembly 9:00 a.m. Oh, hurrah! We are having an “ad-hoc” assembly. No proper hymns that we can improvise hilarious lyrics to. No “Breathe on me BREAST of God” or “There are some green PANTS far away without a city wall…”

Hang on a minute though, things are looking up. On to the stage came Herr Kamyer in a check shirt and a cowboy hat. With a guitar. And he is accompanied by Miss Wilson on ukulele.

I said to Rosie, “I didn’t even know she could play the ukulele.”

Two minutes later She can’t.

This is torture. I don’t know if you have ever heard the Country and Western version of “All things bright and beautiful,” but I thoroughly don’t recommend it.

I said to Rosie, “Quickly leap on stage and grab Herr Kamyer’s guitar and kill him with it.”

She said, “Righty-o,” and started moving along the line. When she got to ADM on guard duty, she said to her, “Women’s trouble” and skipped off to the loos.

Damn.

Fifty-five million years later we were set free. Well, free if you think double maths is freedom. Which it isn’t.

Maths Oh, shut up about numbers, why don’t you?

Lunch Behind the fives court. Right, this was my chance to introduce the question of sophisticosity into the whole boynosity area.

I began, “I’d like to open this meeting of the Ace Gang…”

They were all looking at me attentively. Well, if you call people chewing and fiddling with their fringes and being fools attentive.

I went on, “I have called this meeting of the Ace Gang…”

Jools said, “One for all and all for one and one in all for one of us and so on?”

I said, “Yes, well, shall we get on?”

Ellen said, “Shall we do the group hug?”

I said, “I think we can take the group hug as done.”

Mabs said, “I really like the group hug.”

Oh dear Gott in Himmel.

Four minutes later The group hug practically turned into a love-in. Rosie would not let me go. She knows it annoys me so she keeps doing it.

Eventually though, I beat her off and started again.

“The thing, the serious thing I want to discuss is…”

Rosie said, “My Viking wedding?”

“Well, no I…”

But it was too late. She had her beard out.

Afternoon break