Читать книгу ‘Stop in the name of pants!’ - Louise Rennison - Страница 28

Herr Kamyer stood up at the front of the bus and said, “Can I haff your attention, girls.” Everyone carried on talking, so he started clapping his hands together.

Mr Attwood jerked to life and said, “It’s time to go.”

Herr Kamyer said, “Ja, ja, danke schön, Herr Driver, but first I vill count zat ve are all pre—”

At which point Mr Attwood put his foot down and Herr Kamyer fell backwards into Miss Wilson’s lap.

Quite, quite horrific.

We just watched the young lovers as they got redder and redder. Like red things at a red party.

Herr Kamyer tried to get off her lap, but the coach was being driven so violently by Mr Mad that he kept falling back again, saying, “Ach, I am sehr sorry I…”

And Miss Wilson was saying, “No, no, it’s quite all right. I mean I…”

Eventually, when Mr Attwood was forced to stop at the lights, Herr Kamyer got into his own seat and pretended to be inspecting his moth collection. Miss Wilson got out her knitting but kept looking over at him.

I said to Rosie, “Just remember this – he was there when Nauseating P. Green did her famous falling into the shower tent fiasco and Miss Wilson was exposed to the world having a shower. He has seen Miss Wilson in the nuddy-pants.”

I was just thinking about popping back to Snoozeland when Ellen dithered into life.

“Er, Georgia… you know when Jas said… well, when she said that you had… like a million boyfriends or something, I mean have you or something?”

Rosie said, “Ellen, gadzooks and lackaday, OF COURSE Georgia hasn’t got a million boyfriends. She would be covered in them if she had.”

Ellen said, “Well, I know but, well, I mean, she’s only got Masimo, and that is like… well…”

Mabs said, “Yeah, Masimo… and the rest.”

I said to Mabs, “Who rattled your cage?”

And Mabs said, “I’m just remarking on the Dave the Laugh factor.”

Ellen sat up then. “What Dave the Laugh factor?”

Oh Blimey O’Reilly’s nose massager! Here we go again, once more into the bakery of love. I am going to have to nip this Dave the Laugh thing in the bud.

I said, “Ellen, did you snog Declan and, if so, what number did you get up to?”

Ellen looked like she had swallowed a sock full of vole poo, which is not a good look.

“Well, I… well, you know, I, well, do you think I did or something?”

I said, “A yes or no any time this side of the grave would be fab, Ellen.”

Ellen said she had to get her cardi from Jas’s rucky and tottered off to sit next to her. Hahahahaha. I am without doubtosity top girlie at red-herringnosity.