Читать книгу ‘Stop in the name of pants!’ - Louise Rennison - Страница 72

I may have to call her and let her know I am ignorez-vousing her, as she can be a bit on the dense side.

Phoned Jas.

Her mum answered. “Hello, Georgia. Gosh, you had a fabulous time camping, didn’t you? Jas said you sang and played games till all hours.”

I said, “Er yes…”

“You had a great time, I bet.”

“Er yes, it was very, erm, campey.”

“Good. I’ll just call Jas, dear. I think she’s in her bedroom dusting and rearranging her owls and so on.”

You couldn’t really write it, could you? If I wrote a book and I said: “I’ve got a mate who dusts her collection of stuffed owls and follows greater toasted newts about,” people would say: “I’m not reading that sort of stupid exaggeration. Next thing you know, someone will say they went to a party dressed as a stuffed olive. Or accidentally snogged three boyfriends at once.” Hang on a minute, everything has gone a bit déjà vu-ish.

Jas came on the phone. “Yes.”

“Jas, it is me, the Whore of Babylon, but I am preparing myself to forgive you.”

“What are you forgiving me for?”

“Because you are a naughty pally saying things about me being selfish and lax and having a million boyfriends.”

Jas said, “It’s up to you how many boyfriends you have. I am not my brother’s keeper.”

“Jas, I know you aren’t. You haven’t got a brother.”

“I mean you.”

“I haven’t got a brother either, thank the Lord. I do, however, have an insane sister, who by the way is now probably going to be done for TBH.”

“You mean GBH – grievous bodily harm.”

“No, I mean TBH. Toddler bodily harm. Josh’s mum has complained about her and she is suspended from nursery school. She is staying with Grandfarty and he is looking after her. She is the first person in our family to get a restraining order besides Grandad.”

Jas was not what you would call full of sympatheticnosity.

“I don’t think she will be the last person in your family to get a restraining order, Georgia. I am a bit busy actually.”

“Jas, please don’t have Mrs Hump with me. I need you, my dearest little pally wally. Pleasey please, be frendy wendys. Double please with knobs. And a tiny little knoblet. And—”

“All right, all right, stop going on.”

She deffo had the minor hump, but it was only four on the having-the-hump scale. (cold-shoulderosity work).

“Jas, come on. Remember the laugh we had when we all snuck off to the boys’ tent? And I came and told you that Tom was there, didn’t I? Even though you were singing ‘Ging Gang Gooly’.”

“Well, yes, but—”

“I displayed magnanimosity, which isn’t something everyone can say. But I did it because I luuurve you. A LOT.”

“OK, don’t go on.”

“You are not ashamed of our luuurve, are you, Jas?”

“Look, shut up. People might hear.”

“What do you mean, the people who live in the telephone?”

“NO, I mean, anyway, what’s happened?”

“I’ve got a postcard from Masimo and we have to call an extraordinary general meeting of the Ace Gang.”

“Oh no.”

“Oh yes.”