Читать книгу ‘Stop in the name of pants!’ - Louise Rennison - Страница 79

Jas turned up. She looked quite nice actually, if you like that mad fringey look. She said, “I was just talking to Tom on the phone. He’s playing footie this arvie with the lads. He’s got some new boots.”

I said, “No!! Honestly!”

And she gave me a huffty look. I don’t want to have more rambling lectures from her, so I went and gave her a hug and a piece of chuddie.

Anyway, we had just settled down and I’d got out my postcard from Masimo to show the gang, when Jools said, “Oh God, Blunder Boys alert!”

They were shuffling about by the bushes at the far end of the swing park. Mark Big Gob was absent, probably carrying his tiny girlfriend around somewhere. Junior Blunder Boy was with them though. I noticed he had a belt round his elephant jeans. So now he didn’t look like a twit any more. He looked like a twit with a belt on.

Mabs said, “Don’t look at them and they’ll get bored.”

I said, “Can we get back to the matter I hold in my hand?”

Rosie went, “Oo-er.”

I gave her my worst look and went on, “What do you think ‘I am playing fun’ means?”

Ellen said, “Well, erm, I don’t know but you know, well – well, you know when a boy says ‘See you later’, well, like when Declan said ‘See you later’ and that was, like, three days ago now. So, er, this is, like, later, isn’t it? Or something. And he hasn’t, like, seen me.”

Even though we were actually officially having the official Ace Gang meeting officially for me (as I had officially called it), I did feel quite sorry for Ellen. And also it has to be said it would be a bloody relief if she did get off with Declan.

Then she would leave Dave the Laugh alone.

Not that it is any of my business whether she leaves Dave the Laugh alone or not.

I mean, he has a girlfriend anyway.

Probably.

Unless he has told her about the accidental snogging and she is even now taking kickboxing lessons for when she next sees me.

Anyway, shut up, brain. He has got a girlfriend, which is good because so have I.

Well, not a girlfriend exactly, but an Italian person.

Who incidentally does not have a handbag.

Or a sports bra.

Whatever Dave the so-called Laugh might say. Why is Dave the Laugh sneaking about in my brain???

Jools said to Ellen, “Maybe he’s a bit shy.”

Ellen said, “Yes, but he, I mean, he showed me his Swiss Army knife.”

I looked at her. What is the right response to that? I said, “Well, maybe he is a bit backward then?”

Ellen looked like she was going to cry. Oh Blimey O’Reilly’s Y-fronts, if she starts blubbing, I’ll never get round to talking about the Italian Stallion.

I said quickly, “I know… Jas can ask Tom to get Declan and the lads to come along to Sven’s gig, and hopefully that will be a good excuse for him to get his knife out again (oo-er) and everything will be tickety-boo and so on.”

Ellen looked a bit cheered up.

I said, “Now, shall we get back to the official meeting? What do you think ‘I am playing fun’ means?” And that is when an elastic band hit me on the cheek.

“Owww, bloody owww!!!”

Amazingly, not content with being complete losers, tossers and spoons, the Blunder Boys were flicking rubber bands at us from behind our tree. And then hiding behind it as if we wouldn’t know where they were. Like the Invisible Twits. Not.

I got up and went behind the tree where they were all larding about, puffing smoke from fags and hitching their trousers up. Dear God. I said to one of the speccy genks, “What is it you want?”

And he said, “Show us your nungas.”

They all started snorting and saying, “Yeah, get them out for the lads.”

Rosie came up behind me and loomed over them. She is not small. She said, “OK, that’s a good plan. We’ll show you our nungas, but first of all we need to see your trouser snakes, to check that all is in order.”

Ellen and Jools and Mabs and even Woodland Jas came and ganged up in front of them.

I said, “Come on, lads, drop the old trouser-snake holders.”

They started backing off, holding on to their trousers.

Jools said, “Are you a bit shy? Shall we help you?”

They started walking really quickly backwards as we kept walking. Then they just took off and got over the fence at the back of the park.