Читать книгу ‘…startled by his furry shorts!’ - Louise Rennison - Страница 39

Apparently she had been snogging away when she had suddenly had the lip spaz.

She said, “I got cramp in my lips and they sort of seized up.”

“What does that look like?”

And she showed me. Blimey. You know when you put food in a baby’s mouth and it doesn’t like it, and its eyes go all goggly and then its whole face goes into a spasm and the food comes shooting out of its mouth? Well, even if you don’t know, believe me, I do. Libby could make rice pudding reach the other side of the room.

While Jas was showing me her spazzy face, I said, “If you don’t mind me saying, Jas, that is not very attractive.”

She said, “I expect it was snogging withdrawal. I hadn’t puckered up for ages, so… you know, being out of practice… but it won’t happen again.”

“Good.”

“Because I have an exercise regime now. Shall I show you?

“No.”

“OK. It goes pucker, relax, pucker, relax, pucker, relax. Do you see?”

I didn’t say anything, just lay there staring at her with big starey eyes like the rest of the owls as she pouted her lips and then relaxed them. She looked like a mixture of Mick Jagger and an idiot. Not necessarily in that order.

She was in full ramble mode now. “And then for the pièce de résistance it’s darty tongue, darty tongue.”

God, it was horrible sitting there while her little tongue went in and out like a mad vole. Fortunately I was able to shove a Midget Gem in her gob so that I could tell her the sad tale of my Italian Stallion.