Читать книгу Raw: The diary of an anorexic - Lydia Davies - Страница 13

A note left for my mum

hi MUM

I have had such a positive day for myself today. I enjoyed most of the falafel starters + stuff.

Then had a good SLOW supper INCLUDING carbs! + a second bit (small + early so don’t worry) of spag bol.

I look forward to all the fun stuff we can do together when I am better.

I love u very much + see you tomorrow.

Lydia xo

From this point on I used my phone notes religiously to record my thoughts and feelings, as well as many crazy ideas and dreams that I had. I felt enlightened. I was running on a mixture of adrenalin, starvation and nervous energy. Combined, these fuels made me feel alert, invincible, powerful and generally wired. I felt euphoric, as though I could achieve anything I wanted, and that I had the power to defy nature and survive on nothing. I wasn’t like any other person around me; I had some special force within, to stay completely in control of my body. To me, everyone else seemed so bland, so conforming to the ideas of society. They woke up, ate, got on with their day-to-day tasks. I was always awake, never ate and had a mind spilling with important epiphanies, a special knowledge and outlook on life that no one else could even imagine. I did not need anything, sometimes not even water. I did not need people telling me I was sick. How did I know THEY weren’t all sick? I was above all these people, floating in clouds and sparkles, on edge constantly, a beautiful nervousness and buzzing feeling that I could not describe.