Читать книгу Medical Romance June 2016 Books 1-6 - Lynne Marshall - Страница 22

CHAPTER TWELVE

“RAFAEL!”

His father’s bellow carried all the way down the hospital hallway, and Rafael took off in a dead run to his mother’s room, fearing the worst. His heart practically stopped when he saw the bed was empty, and his father was pacing the room like an agitated grizzly bear.

“What? Has something happened to Mother?”

“She’s all right, for now at least. They took her to prep her for the surgery. I hate to think, though, how your damned latest scandal is going to upset her. The woman has already had a heart attack, Rafael—how is it that you don’t care how your actions will affect her recovery? Why don’t you give a damn about anyone but yourself?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t care about Mother and her health and recovery.” He fought down his anger, which was rising to match his father’s, because he didn’t understand what had enraged the man again.

“You told us you’d go to L.A. to stay out of the news for a while. And now this! Who knows, maybe the last few scandals were part of the reason your mother had her heart attack in the first place. Maybe you should think about her health and recovery first instead of last.”

“Again, I don’t know what you’re talking about, so please enlighten me.” He wanted to add, Before I put a fist through this wall, or even your face. Which, of course, he’d never do, but visualizing how good that would feel after being accused, again, of something he doubtless hadn’t done helped calm him down.

“This.” His father flicked on the TV, and a news station blared with chatter and photos. Rafael stared in horror. These pictures weren’t dim and blurred. These showed him holding Gabriella’s hand as he’d helped her from the car outside the charity ball. The two of them going into her apartment afterwards. The two of them kissing—hotly kissing—by that fire pit in Vail.

Damn it to hell.

“So I dated a woman? A nice woman. A few casual dates. Since when is that an embarrassment that would give Mother another heart attack?” He tried to keep his voice cool, but it was hard with his breath short and his anger flaming higher. Did his parents expect him to stop living?

“Nice? Not according to this. This shows why she’s not a good choice for you. Are you ever going to find someone to settle down with and marry who’s appropriate? Who would make your mother happy and proud?”

Proud. There was that word. They’d said they were proud of him for being a doctor, but obviously it stopped there. They weren’t proud of his private life, of who he was outside the hospital. He’d told himself he didn’t care but, like the rest of it, knew now that wasn’t true.

He shifted his gaze back to the TV monitor and listened to the story in all its garishness, his gut burning and his heart feeling like someone had driven a scalpel straight through it.

A stillborn child. This was the source of the pain he’d seen on Gabriella’s face as she’d watched little Skye in the incubator. When new mothers had held their infants close to their breasts. And now all that pain was being blasted out there for all the world to see. Lurid details he knew had to be killing her to hear and see splashed in the media, and even unbelievable, nasty comments implying she was unfit to be a midwife.

And that it was happening at all was completely his fault.

His fault. There was no doubt he’d made the torment she obviously carried inside even worse. And as bad as that felt, there was something else digging a hole into his chest. The fact that she hadn’t told him any of this, hadn’t shared it when they’d been talking about their pasts and their secrets, made him wonder if there were other things in her past she didn’t want to share. Other things she wanted to keep hidden.

It seemed most everyone he got involved with had a past that was better left buried. Over and over, his notoriety ended up causing whatever it was to become unearthed. And that hurt everyone. His mother, now ill and fragile. His father, angry about that, and who could blame him? Whatever woman Rafael had been seeing at any moment. And even his career, when a few scandals had threatened to derail his reputation as a doctor, making a few people see only that part of him, and not his skills as a physician.

No wonder he ended up being a disappointment to some of the people closest to him. And not only because of the media. Because he’d never wanted to commit to anyone. Still didn’t believe in love and forever-after, though for a brief moment being with Gabriella had made him wonder if he could possibly be wrong about that. He had learned not to fully trust anyone, and felt ashamed that a small part of him felt that way about Gabriella, wondering what might come out next that would upset his mother while she was in Intensive Care. And what kind of son would risk his mother’s health and recovery for a fling?

God. What did it say about him that he would even let that cross his mind about Gabriella? Obviously, he couldn’t see her anymore. For her sake. For his mother’s. The damned selfish man inside him argued with that decision, but Rafael resolutely struck him down. Gabriella had already been through so much terrible heartache. She deserved someone who knew how to trust completely. Who wouldn’t expose her to public scandal. A man who could offer her something she might believe was real love, forever wiping away the pain of her old boyfriend leaving just when she’d needed him.

“No, Father, I’m never going to settle down and get married, which I’ve told you before. I’m sorry that’s a disappointment to you and Mother, but that’s just the way it is. I’m going to stay here for a while, though, until Mother gets well. Because I do care about her, even though you’ve thought some of the things I’ve done make it seem like I don’t.”

He turned and left the room, heading back to the door opening to the outside, needing to suck some air into his lungs that wasn’t vibrating with anger. And to call Gabriella again.

His last promise to his father would be the easiest to keep. Staying away from women wouldn’t be an issue, because he had no desire to date anyone besides Gabriella or make love with anyone other than her. And he knew that would be true for a long, long time.

Rafael wasn’t sure how long he stood there on the small hospital balcony, staring across the landscape of the place where he’d grown up. The place he’d left for too long, searching for something. When he’d met Gabriella, a part of him, an unconscious part, had felt a little like he might have found it. But that part was the selfish part, and he was kicking that guy out of his life for good.

He knew he needed to stay here for now. Lie low. Really lie low this time, being the poster boy for a good prince doing his duties. Even embrace the good that might come of that, bringing his knowledge of healthcare needs around the world to charitable work here at home. Be here for his mother, keep an eye on her medical care as her health improved. Not upset her. Be here for his family.

He held his phone in his hand, staring at it, but couldn’t make himself phone her. He’d ended things with a woman more times than he could count, but it had never felt painful like this did. Nearly impossible, in fact. But he couldn’t be the man she needed. He couldn’t be his old, selfish self.

He made himself phone her number. It went straight to voice mail, and his heart fell when he realized he wouldn’t get to hear her voice again. At the same time, the cowardly part of him felt relieved to be able to just leave a message.

He hesitated over what to say, then decided to keep it short. Without detail, or comments about her pain that he’d just learned about. Anything that might hurt her more, or make her try to contact him. Weaken his resolve to keep her safe from him.

“Gabriella? Rafael. Listen, I’m... Mother is so far still fine, so don’t be worried about that, but...well, I don’t think I’ll be coming back to L.A. I need to stay here until she’s stronger. It was great knowing you, and I wish you only the best for your life. Truly.” His voice shook on that word, but he couldn’t help it. The last ones he whispered, so she wouldn’t know. “Adios, mi bella.”

* * *

Gabby sat on the damp, green grass in the Seattle cemetery, not caring that her pants were getting wet and cold. She couldn’t care about her clothes or anything else when she’d lost everything she cared about all over again.

Her baby lay under this earth where she’d just placed a small bouquet of spring tulips. The pain of losing him had slowly faded with time, and even more in the past weeks when she’d realized that shutting herself in a box by working all the time was no way to honor the tiny, beautiful baby who had been her son. Who should have had a chance to grow up into a boy and then a man. Seeing Rafael live his life on his own terms had opened her eyes to the realization that she wanted to live the same way. Without hiding, without fear of what others might think of her if they learned the truth.

But, oh, how wrong she’d been that could be possible. Her past mistake would always be there. Ben had blamed her, and she’d blamed herself. Now others did too, and she thought maybe they were right. Maybe she wasn’t fit to be a midwife anymore. A woman who didn’t listen to her own body probably shouldn’t be listening to anyone else’s.

So if she couldn’t be a midwife anymore, where did she belong? What would she do with her life? God, she just didn’t know. But she did know one thing. She could never be a wife and mother, because there was no way she could go through that kind of heartache all over again. She’d gone back into hiding from that, at least, and this time she was never coming out.

Staring down at the small stone carved with her baby’s name, she became aware of a movement next to her and turned her head, only to have her heart completely stop in shock.

Ben.

For a moment she could barely process it. She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He gave her a twisted smile then knelt on the grass next to her. “Hi, Gabby. Rough day, huh?”

He’d seen the news. “Yeah. Pretty rough.”

“All that garbage on TV made me think about you and this little guy. Gave me a strangely strong need to come here, and now that I see you’re here too, I figure that’s the reason why.”

“What do you mean?”

“Because the universe knows I need to make things right with you.”

“Make what right?”

He stared at her a long moment, his hand gripping the back of his neck before he dropped it, placing it on top of hers. “Hell. I...I’d been thinking that maybe I’d call you after I stopped here today, but now that you’re right in front of me, all the things I know I should say to you seem a lot harder than I thought they would.”

Since she didn’t have any idea what to say to him either, she kept quiet and just looked at him, waiting. Bracing herself for the worst.

“I know I treated you badly when our baby died inside of you,” he finally said. “I was hurt at losing him and angry at the world about it. I took that anger out on you.”

“No, you didn’t. You didn’t say much about anything.” And in some ways that terrible silence, his inability to talk about it, had been worse to take than if he’d ranted at her.

“Maybe not. But when you blamed yourself I didn’t tell you it wasn’t your fault. I felt the same horrible loss you did, and it pushed me to act in a way I’m not proud of. I let you believe I blamed you, but I never did. Not really.”

Again, she didn’t respond, having no idea how to process what he was saying. How to feel about it. She’d held his blame, along with her own, so close to her bruised and battered heart. Had let it live there, a sharp splinter that had stabbed and festered, and she hadn’t even tried to remove it because she’d believed she deserved the pain.

“There’s more, and I want to tell you about it,” he continued, still wearing that wry smile. “I’m married now. Have a baby on the way, and after what happened to us I admit I’ve been damned scared. I’ve asked her doctor lots of questions, and he’s explained things to me. So even if there was a part of me that wasn’t sure back then, I know now. You working late that day, assuming the pains you felt were nothing? That didn’t have a damned thing to do with losing our baby. It was just one of those really bad outcomes that happen sometimes.”

Gabby’s throat closed, and tears burned the backs of her eyes as she looked at Ben. The man who two years ago she’d expected to share her life with. Who had in one second of hardship left.

This was proof he was the good person she’d thought he was. That he’d been perhaps as immature and unprepared as she’d been in trying to deal with their loss. “Thank you for telling me this. It’s been...very hard to know how to feel about it.”

“I know. But here’s something else I want to tell you. We both had a bad time of it, but I’ve finally found happiness again. I love my wife and can’t wait until our baby is born. I don’t know what’s going on with you and this prince guy in the news, but you know...?” His smile broadened to become a real one. “It’s worth taking a risk. It is. And he’d be one lucky guy to have you.”

Unable to say another word, stunned by all he’d said, Gabby just stared at him. He reached out to squeeze her shoulder before he stood, and after a lingering look at their baby’s headstone he was gone.

Gabby sat for long minutes, processing it all. The knowledge that he didn’t blame her seeped slowly into the fog in her brain. Pushed out some of the guilt she’d carried for so long. And as that guilt eased from her chest it was replaced by cautious optimism.

Maybe she could put the past behind her, the way Ben had. Maybe she could be happy again, and maybe that happiness could come from being with Rafael. Hadn’t she decided, before the shock of the media mess, that she needed to try to be more like her old self? That spending time with him to see where it might lead was worth the risk of future pain?

A gusty breeze moved her hair, and she had to smile. She could feel it. A shift in the wind, both literally and figuratively. No more guilt. No more hiding. No more self-protection. Time to move on, and what better way than to reach for the hand of a certain handsome prince who, from what he’d told her about his relationship with his parents, just might be experiencing a little shift in the wind himself?

She looked down at the small gravestone. She kissed her fingertips then slowly caressed the name and date etched there before standing tall. As she walked to her car she knew that part of this healing, part of moving forward would come from sharing everything with Rafael. Talking about it over the phone wouldn’t be the way to do it, but with any luck his mother would improve and he’d be back soon.

Her chest filling with a buoyancy she hadn’t felt in a long, long time, Gabby fished her keys from her purse and got into the car. Then her heart smacked into her ribs when she saw Rafael had called and left a message.

A giddy feeling of joy bubbled through her, and she quickly brought up her voice mail. His voice was odd, not warm like it usually was. Not even filled with its normal confidence, and in seconds the bubble deflated and flattened completely.

Her ears rang as she listened to the classic brush-off. “It was great knowing you, and I wish you only the best for your life...” Then his final quiet words felt like a hard slap of reality. “Adios, mi bella.”

Adios, mi bella.

She wasn’t sure how long she sat in the car, hands still holding the phone limply in her lap. Her pants, damp from the grass, now chilled her to the bone, and somehow she finally managed to lift her hands to the steering wheel to get the engine running and the heat on.

What a fool she was. Thinking Rafael, a man who’d stated more than once that he didn’t believe in long-term relationships and forever-after, would want to be with her longer than a few days or weeks. But even as that knowledge felt like a huge hole in her heart she straightened her spine. Looked into the rearview mirror, swiped away the tears leaking from her eyes, and saw the new Gabby. A stronger Gabby. A woman who was moving on from the past to a new future. A person who deserved someone who loved her—hadn’t Ben said any man would be lucky to have her? She’d thought maybe Rafael was that man, but that had been a pipe dream. A fairy tale.

Her cold hands gripped the steering wheel. Once she found a new job she’d find a way to balance work with finding a life that included other things. Maybe she’d even get lucky like Ben and find someone to love who’d love her back.

The hardest thing she’d ever done had been dealing with the loss of her baby. The next hardest thing?

Forgetting all about Rafael Moreno.