Читать книгу Medical Romance June 2016 Books 1-6 - Lynne Marshall - Страница 21
ОглавлениеGABBY DID HER best to focus on work but, despite repeatedly yanking her attention back to her job, she kept making silly mistakes. Thankfully none had been too important, but still. How often did she normally drop things? When was the last time she’d walked into the storage room before completely forgetting what she’d needed? It had happened twice already. And giving a patient still water when she’d asked for sparkling...? Never.
And she knew it was because Rafael and his family were weighing on her mind. When he’d told her he had to leave and why, he’d sounded very matter-of-fact, but she knew him now. Knew that behind that suave and confident exterior was a man with a sensitive heart who cared passionately for others. No matter what he’d said about his family, about his conviction that they were disappointed in him, that he’d let them down when he’d decided to take a different path than what they’d planned for him, she could see he wasn’t indifferent to it. That he cared about that more than he’d ever let on. And when she’d looked into his eyes after he’d told her his mother was ill, the calm mask on his face hadn’t concealed the worry in his eyes.
Of course he’d been worried. No matter what kind of relationship anyone had with their parents, they were still important. Still loved.
She stared, unseeing, at the tray of supplies in her hands. Love. Such a complicated and confusing thing. She’d been so sure she’d loved Ben, had made a baby with him and had been planning to marry him. But now? Now she knew the truth. That it had all just been easy. They’d dated, he’d seemed like a good, stable man, and when she’d gotten pregnant had figured it was time to get married. Wasn’t that what most people would have done?
But she’d never really loved him.
She knew that now. Knew because she was crazily in love with Rafael Moreno. Arrogant prince, excellent doctor, and tender lover. The knowledge balled her stomach, and her heart swelled at the same time it pinched tight. How had she let herself fall in love with the man? A notorious playboy, an international jet-setter who didn’t stay in one place very long, and a man who freely admitted he didn’t believe in forever-after love.
Truth was, though, she couldn’t blame herself. It hadn’t been a question of letting herself fall for him. It would have been like trying to stop an ocean wave as she swam in the Pacific, because Rafael was a force of nature every bit as mesmerizing and powerful.
She loved him. And when he’d kissed her goodbye, she’d known there was a good chance he might never be back.
The ball in her stomach rolled and her knuckles whitened on the tray, but she lifted her chin as she picked up her pace down the hallway. Somehow she had to focus on what she did best, which was work. It wasn’t Rafael’s fault she’d fallen so hard for him. If he called to report back about his mother, which he’d promised to do, she’d do everything in her ability to listen like a friend would and not let him know how much she missed him. How much she hoped he’d come back to L.A., but at the same time part of her hoped he wouldn’t.
The love, the connection she felt with him seemed huge and overwhelming and uncontrollable. But the thought of having a real relationship with someone again? Something more than the short fling she’d decided to allow herself with him? Just the idea of it scared her to death.
“Why do I even care, Freya?”
Gabby hesitated at the sound of Mila’s upset voice, not wanting to walk by the open lounge door while she was obviously having a personal conversation. “He already broke my heart once—shouldn’t that have been enough to make my feelings turn to stone where he’s concerned?”
“We can’t just turn our feelings on and off like a faucet, Mila,” Freya said in a soothing tone. “It’s okay to feel the way you do.”
“I mean, it almost seems like he’s flaunting his new girlfriend, doesn’t it? Like he’s deliberately waving her in my face to upset me.”
“I think James...well, he might be having his own struggles, Mila. He’s never been one to let emotions control him, you know? Maybe his behavior is some unconscious reaction to seeing you again. I don’t know what else to say, except you should tell him what you just told me and give him some time to think about it.”
Now tearful, Mila continued to talk, and Gabby pivoted, deciding to go back the other way so as not to embarrass her. Her already aching heart hurt a little more, feeling bad that Mila was so upset. Why did life have to be so hard? Why did love have to hurt?
Giving your heart to someone made you horribly vulnerable, she knew. So where, exactly, did that leave her when it came to Dr. Rafael Moreno?
* * *
Everyone walking the hospital hallways drifted toward the walls to leave an open path as Rafael strode through, murmuring to one another and bowing as he passed, and his lips twisted at the sure sign he was home. He’d grown up with that kind of deference. Hadn’t really even noticed it until he’d left the country. Now most people just saw him as a doctor, and it struck him how much he greatly preferred that to this kind of respect, based only on his birthright and not his accomplishments.
Something his parents and brother still didn’t understand.
He pressed his lips together and forged on until he got to his mother’s room. Then surprised himself when he had to stop outside it to inhale long calming breaths, fighting for composure. It wasn’t as though he didn’t practically live in hospitals. Between medical school and residency and working around the world, doing basic medicine and not the specialized obstetrics he did elsewhere, he’d seen thousands of sick people. Had seen plenty of them die. Had seen patients make miraculous recoveries too.
But none of them had been his mother.
Yes, she aggravated him, insulted him, berated him and lectured him. But she was still his mother and, damn it, he loved her. She’d been so angry about the recent press brouhaha and the various photos and lurid details, half of which had been made up, and he wasn’t proud of the things he’d said back to her when she’d scolded him about it. He couldn’t remember what they were, exactly, but he knew his words had hurt her feelings.
All that felt pretty unforgivable now that she was lying in a hospital bed in Intensive Care. Even though her heart attack had been fairly mild and the prognosis was good, he also knew things could go downhill fast.
Bracing himself, he forced his feet to go through the doorway. Then stood feeling slightly off balance at the end of the hospital bed, gripping the railing tight, because the pale woman hooked up to machines, with an I.V. in her arm and an oxygen hose in her nose, didn’t look like his mother at all. She looked a good ten years older than the last time he’d seen her, and in that very second he vowed to never let so much time go by again between visits.
He swallowed hard then looked past the scary things to the one thing that seemed normal and familiar. Her hair was remarkably well coiffed and tidy for someone lying in the ICU after a heart attack, and it helped him manage a smile. Yes, this woman was his mother after all. The vain queen of the land who was always perfect and regal from head to toe.
Her eyelids flickered open and took a moment to focus on him. Then she smiled and slowly extended her hand. “Rafael.”
The heavy tightness in his chest loosened at the way she said his name. At the way her smile, weak as it was, lit her tired eyes. He quickly stepped around the bed to grasp her hand. “Hi, Mother. Your hair looks nice. I’m surprised, though, that you’re not wearing lipstick.”
Her smile widened into a slightly wheezy chuckle. “Had one tucked under my pillow, but I think the nurse took it when they changed the sheets.” The squeeze she gave his hand was weak but stronger than he’d expected, and he began to relax.
“Isn’t this a rather drastic way to get me to come home?”
“You make me do drastic things. You’ve been like that since you were a little boy, and you’re apparently never going to change, even if it kills me.”
“And apparently you aren’t going to change either, scolding me while flat on your back in a hospital bed.” Her acerbic tone was that of the queen and mother he knew well, but her eyes held a new vulnerability that made him feel guilty as hell for all the things he’d done wrong in his life that had caused her anxiety and stress. He leaned over to kiss her cheek. “I checked all your test and lab results. Has your cardiologist been in to talk to you about it?”
“Yes. But I’d like to hear what you think.”
She wanted to hear what he thought? Since when? “You have some mild blockage in your right coronary artery. They’re going to do angioplasty to cross through the area that’s narrowed by cholesterol plaque, and put in a stent to bridge that narrowing. The procedure has been done for years now, and results are usually good. So, assuming it goes well, you should be your old, bossy self soon.”
“I’m never bossy. I’m simply assertive and direct.”
“Rafael!”
He turned at the sound of his father’s booming voice to see him striding into the room. Unlike Rafael’s mother, he looked exactly like he always did, posture erect and the picture of health with his skin tanned from golfing and his silver hair thick and wavy. But his eyes held a worry Rafael had never seen before.
His father’s arms enfolded him in a hard hug. “What do you think about your mother? Is she going to be all right? Is what they want to do a good idea? I’ve talked to the doctors here, but I trust you to know what’s really going on.”
Rafael stared at him in shock. Again, this was entirely new. He couldn’t remember the last time they’d trusted him about anything, let alone his doctoring skills.
“I was just explaining the test results to Mother.” He repeated what he’d told her, and as he stood there, beyond surprised at the intent interest on both his parents’ faces as he spoke, Gabriella’s words came back to him. Saying that he should talk to them, should share how he felt about their opinion of him. He’d told himself for years he didn’t care if they respected him or not. But the peculiar mix of emotions filling his chest as he stood there looking at them told him loud and clear he’d been lying to himself.
Maybe Gabriella was right, and it was time to see if the air could be cleared between them, at least a little. “But I have to be honest. I’m surprised you’re asking my opinion. You’ve expressed nothing but disappointment that I decided to become a doctor.”
“I admit we wanted you to stay here and help your brother with various royal duties, but when you became a doctor? That wasn’t a disappointment, Rafael.” His father grasped his shoulder in a strong grip. “We were proud of you.”
“Always, Rafael. And I’m sorry we never really told you that,” his mother said. Her eyes held some look he couldn’t be sure of—guilt, maybe? Contrition? “As I’ve been lying here, I’ve thought about you. Realized that perhaps we’ve been wrong to object to you living your life the way you want to.”
“I’m sorry, too,” his father said. “In case you don’t know, your mother regularly brags about your work. When she’s not apologizing for the stupid things you do sometimes, that is.” His father’s grin took any sting out of his words, and he squeezed Rafael’s shoulder before releasing it to hold his mother’s hand tight. And when his parents’ eyes met both were filled with softness, an obvious connection that he’d never seen between them before.
That rocked him back on his heels as much as what they’d just said. They were proud of him? Even bragged about him? He found it nearly impossible to believe, but it was becoming clear he’d been wrong about a lot of things, so maybe it was really true.
His mind filled with a vision of Gabriella and her insight about his family that he hadn’t truly thought was a real possibility. Insight that had been pretty incredible, since she hadn’t even met his parents. She’d figured out something in just a few minutes of conversation with him that he hadn’t seen in thirty-one years.
She was one special woman, no doubt about that. Someone who understood human nature in a way he was obviously still trying to figure out, which was just one reason she was an amazing midwife.
Just one reason why he’d been so attracted to her that very first day they’d met.
A need to talk to her that moment, to call her and tell her he’d taken her advice, had him opening his mouth to tell his parents he’d be back in a short time when a nurse came into the room.
“Time to check your vital signs, Your Majesty,” she said, before coming to a dead stop to stare at Rafael.
A good excuse to make his exit. “Then I’ll leave you for the moment, Mother. I’ll be back in a little while.”
He scooted past the nurse, who still hadn’t moved, on down the long hallway to an exit door so he’d be sure to get a good signal on his phone. Just the thought of hearing Gabriella’s voice made his chest feel lighter than it had since the second his brother had called him in Vail.
* * *
Gabby wandered restlessly out of her kitchen with a cup of tea in her hand and plopped onto her sofa. The sofa where she’d made amazing love with Rafael, and thinking of it made her breath short and her heart heavy. If she was going to feel this way every time she sat on it, she might have to sell it and buy a new one. Something a completely different style and color. Maybe rearrange the whole room while she was at it.
Then again, her memories of being in Vail with him—their hot-air balloon ride, their intimate conversation beneath the stars, their lovemaking there too were all etched in her mind forever. And since being hundreds of miles away from Colorado didn’t seem to be doing much to dim those memories, rearranging her living room probably wouldn’t help much either.
She grabbed the TV remote and skimmed through some channels, not finding much that grabbed her attention. Why hadn’t she taken on a third shift instead of just a double to keep her mind occupied? To keep her mind off Rafael and his mother and wondering how she was and if he was upset and if he’d ever come back to Los Angeles.
Wondering if she’d ever hear from him again.
If she did, she’d try to act normal. Cool. Like the kind of woman he usually dated, who didn’t expect anything more than a quick fling. Not that she did expect more than that, or even wanted more than that, and had to somehow make sure he knew that, but still.
Lord, she was a confused mess. She sighed at the same time her phone rang and her heart nearly flipped over in a loop-the-loop when she saw it was him on the line.
“Is your mom okay? Are you okay? Is everything all right? Where are you?”
She winced even as the last words were coming out of her mouth. So much for being calm and cool.
“I’m at the hospital. I’ve just left Mother for a bit and am glad to say she’s doing well. They’ll be doing an angioplasty later today, and hopefully that will go smoothly and she’ll be heading home soon.”
“That’s wonderful news! Thanks so much for letting me know. I’ve been so worried.”
“I knew you would be, bella, because you care about everyone, even people you’ve never met. In fact, I have to tell you I took your advice and I’m impressed with your amazing insight. How is it you understand the inner workings of my parents’ brains when you don’t even know them?”
“What do you mean? What advice?”
“You told me you thought I must be wrong about them not being happy that I became a doctor. And you were right. I just about fell over when they were asking my opinion about Mother’s health and the upcoming procedure, and decided then to ask them, to tell them my perspective on it. Only because you’d suggested I do, so I thank you for that. They assured me they aren’t unhappy that I became a doctor, and I suspect my relationship with them will be a little less...turbulent now.”
“Oh, Rafael. I’m so glad you did.” She’d known his parents had to be proud of who he was. How could they not be?
“Me too.”
Gabby bit her lip, feeling the silence stretch awkwardly between them but not wanting to say anything that showed how much she’d been missing him. Definitely didn’t want to ask what his plans were, and prayed he’d tell her so she wouldn’t have to either ask or stay anxiously in the dark about it.
“Anyway, I just wanted to give you an update,” he said, his voice low and warm and not all that different from the way it had sounded when they’d made love, and she quivered in spite of herself. “I’m not sure exactly when I’ll be back. I’ll be staying here at least until she’s stabilized from the procedure—I’ll let you know how that goes.”
“I’d like that. And I’ll be thinking of all of you.”
“And I’ll be thinking of you, Gabriella Cain, both when I’m awake and asleep. You can be sure of that. Adios for now.”
“Bye.” She hoped her voice wasn’t shaking at his words as much as her heart was. “Talk to you soon.”
She hugged the phone to her chest and grinned like an idiot. Then, seconds later, a niggle of fear jabbed her in the solar plexus. When he came back, would she ready to put herself out there again? Let herself be in a relationship with a man, if that was what he’d been hinting at? Risk getting hurt all over again? There was a part of her that said no. The scared, wimpy part Rafael didn’t know about. He thought she was feisty and brave and wasn’t that who she wanted to be? Who she used to be?
Rafael had risked his family’s disapproval to go for what he wanted, which was to become a doctor. Wasn’t the chance to maybe, possibly be happy with him worth even more of a risk?
Yes. There was absolutely no doubt about that. It was worth that and a whole lot more.
She didn’t have to be at work for another eight hours. She felt beyond antsy, but it was a little too late to go out somewhere. How in the world was she going to fill the time?
Forty minutes of cleaning her apartment left it unfortunately immaculate. Chewing her lip, she had an aha moment. “My knitting stuff and the DVD on how to do it!” Surely learning something new would take up at least an hour, wouldn’t it? Then, with any luck, she could get some sleep.
Like that was going to happen.
She pulled the knitting things from a drawer she’d stuffed them into and was crouching down to stick the DVD into the player when one of the shows featuring stories about musicians and movie stars came on the TV. About to switch it off, she stopped dead when Rafael Moreno’s face filled the screen.
“And in other news, remember Prince Rafael Moreno and his former stripper girlfriend? Looks like he’s gone to the opposite end of the spectrum, dating a wholesome nurse midwife.”
Heart pounding, Gabby’s legs felt so wobbly that she tumbled back onto her rear as she stared at the bubbly blonde host of the show. How had they found out about her?
“But wholesome and midwife might not always go hand in hand, at least when it comes to Gabriella Cain, who works at the famous and prestigious Hollywood Hills Clinic.
“Our reporters have been busy doing in-depth research on the prince’s newest fling and found out that just two years ago she was not only pregnant with another man’s child but her utter disregard for her health led to her child being stillborn. A tragedy that could have been avoided, sources say, if she’d been focused on her unborn child instead of herself.
“Not something you would expect from a midwife who takes care of pregnant women every day, is it? We’re the first to bring you this breaking report and we are pretty sure that Rafael’s parents, and many others in the palace, will be furious all over again about his taste in women. After all, someone like Gabriella Cain isn’t the best choice to be the prince’s girlfriend or future wife, is she?”
A sickening, icy numbness crept across every inch of Gabby’s skin as she watched and listened. Saw the photos of her and Rafael together coming out of his house the morning after the night she’d fallen asleep. Photos at the charity ball. Photos in Vail. Heard the lies, and the truth too, about her mistakes and her loss and how Ben had left her because of her terrible choices. There was even a photo of her baby’s grave marker, and seeing it made her feel like she was dying inside.
She was shaking so badly it hurt physically, but she found she couldn’t move to turn it off. Had to watch the entire train wreck of her life unfold in garish Technicolor for all the world to see. And just when she was sure it couldn’t get any worse, it did.
Because some person, she had no idea who, was offering a loud opinion that someone like Gabby, a woman who’d neglected to pay attention to signs there might be a problem with her own pregnancy and baby, was totally unsuited to be a midwife anywhere, let alone at The Hollywood Hills Clinic, where patients had come to expect the very best.
Dear God.
She should have told Rafael. Should have told him their night together in Vail, when she’d only touched on the truth, telling him about Ben. Had decided she would when the time was right, if there’d been a time that was right. If she’d seen him again.
And now he’d find out this way. In this horrible, lurid, appalling way with exaggerated detail that made her sound like a monster. Not a woman who’d made a bad mistake and had had her heart broken because of it.
She had no idea if Rafael had planned for them to possibly be together as a couple, but it didn’t matter. Even if he had, after he heard about this he’d drop that thought fast and run as far as he could. And as she stared at the screen, the nasty things being said about her sounded very far away. A light year’s distance.
The same distance she now felt between herself and Rafael.
It made her realize that, even though she hadn’t let herself admit it, deep inside her stupid, lonely heart she’d thought maybe, possibly the two of them had something special. Something that might bud into a real relationship, even bloom into a forever-after. But her pathetic heart should have known better than to keep clinging to those Cinderella dreams.
As a prince, the man would surely need an heir. And even if, somehow, he still wanted to be with her after all this, it would be impossible. She could never go through the nightmare of losing a baby again. Never get pregnant again. Because the pain ripping through her heart at that moment felt, impossibly, even more torturous than the day she’d held her beautiful, lifeless baby in her arms.
A damp saltiness touched her lips, and she realized tears were streaking down her cheeks in stinging waterfalls. With shaking hands she slowly swiped them away.
Somehow she had to start a new life. She’d done it two years ago and, as hard as it had been, she could do it again. After this horrifying media exposure she couldn’t imagine a single patient would trust her anymore. She didn’t want James and Freya to feel bad about having to let her go. And even if, somehow, they didn’t want her to leave, she couldn’t face the looks and secret whispers about her past and her baby from patients and staff alike, whether it was criticism or sympathy.
No. It was time to cut the cord, so to speak, and be reborn. Again. Start over someplace where people didn’t know her past and, somehow, try for a new future.
A future that could never include Rafael, and of all the things ripping out bleeding pieces of her heart that was the very worst.
