Читать книгу Matt's Family - Lynnette Kent - Страница 11

Sunday

Dear Diary

Mommy gave me this book to remember things I do and places I go. What do I write?

Today Jenny and me went with Daddy and Sarah to go to the mountains. We rode forever. Jenny fell asleep. I brought lots of books to read. Daddy and Sarah played some of my tapes and we sang songs. Sarah sings pretty good. Daddy doesnt but he makes up funny words for the songs.

Jenny woke up for supper. We had pizza.

It was almost dark when we got here so I dont know what mountains look like. Its cold and smells like trees. We have a little house like where Sarah lived before she married Daddy. A kondimium. Me and Jenny have a bedroom with two beds. She cried at bedtime coz Mommys not here.

I didnt cry. I know this is just vakashun. We will get to go home. Mommy sent us off with Luke and Sarah so she an Daddy Matt could go away all alone. I keep tellin Jenny we have to get used to things this way. My frend Trina never sees her dad much. At least we can see Daddy sumtimes. An we have Mommy all the time.

Only Mommy isnt happy now. She doesnt laugh much. Maybe she will be happy when she gets back from her trip.

Im tired of writin. My eyes hurt. By.

Your friend

Erin Elena Brennan

“READY, KRIS?” Matt called up the stairs Wednesday morning.

“Almost. I have a few more things to pack.” Kristin waited with her eyes closed, praying Matt wouldn’t come to find her sitting on their bed, paralyzed with fear. She breathed a sigh of relief when his footsteps receded toward the family room.

Vacation. Who knew the word could be so terrifying? The prospect of ten days alone with her husband should have been the fulfillment of a dream. Instead, she wasn’t sure she’d even survive the next hour. Her heart kept threatening to jump out of her chest.

She drew another deep breath and stood up. This trip would happen whether she was ready or not. Best to be ready. A few more shirts, a couple of pairs of jeans, a sweater…oh, and her makeup bag, in the bathroom.

Kristin fetched the bag, but stopped on the threshold of the bedroom. The pouch was too light. Turning back, she set the bag down on the counter and checked the contents. What had she missed?

Oops. Birth control supplies. This was the first time she and Matt had ever been completely alone. Chances were good they’d be spending time together in bed.

She smiled a little as she took the small pouch out of the drawer and added it to the bag. Thinking about making love with Matt eased her butterflies. Things worked between them, then. His smooth shoulders under her palms and his mouth taking hers…Kristin had no problem anticipating those hours in the dark.

But she had a real problem figuring out what to do with the rest of their day. Talk? About what? Battlefields? War? It was, after all, Matt’s job.

She recalled her mother’s advice—talk him into changing careers. Even if she could bring herself to ask for that sacrifice, she doubted Matt would agree. He’d worked long and hard to get assigned to a Special Forces unit. Instead, maybe they’d discuss when he would go back to regular duty, volunteering for the chance to get himself killed. Or just locked up in a foreign jail for five years, like last time…

“Kris? Kris!”

She jumped and whirled to see Matt standing in the doorway to the bathroom. “I’m sorry. Did you want me?”

He grinned and gave her a sexy wink. “Well, yeah…but I’ll wait. Erin’s on the phone.” He held out the receiver.

“Oh!” Kristin put the handset to her ear. “Erin, love? How are you?”

“Good. Mommy, I got some moccasins!”

“Wow! Are they comfortable?”

“Yes. They’re red. Jenny got tan ones.”

“Lucky girls. How’s Jenny?”

“She’s okay. She keeps getting into my bed, though.”

“Why?”

“She says she’s afraid ’cause you aren’t here.”

Kristin blinked back tears. “Poor Jenny. Can I talk to her?”

“Um, sure.” The phone changed hands.

“Mommy?”

“Hello, sweetheart.” She bit back the urge to comfort and console—that would only give Luke and Sarah more problems. “I hear you have new shoes.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I bet the mountains are pretty.”

“The roads are all twisty.”

Kristin laughed. “I remember that from when I was a little girl. What’s your favorite thing you’ve done?”

A long silence. “Can I come home?” Tears thickened the small voice.

“Jenny, love, why would you want to do that?”

The mumbled reply wasn’t clear, but Kristin got the message.

“Your daddy is so happy to have you and Erin there, Jenny. He and Sarah would be sad if you left. You know that, don’t you?”

Jenny’s reply was a small sniff. “Yes.”

“That’s my girl. You’re going to have a great time.” She put as much conviction as she could muster into her voice, though she felt precious little. “I love you, sweetheart. Now, let me say goodbye to your sister.”

Erin came back to the phone. “Mommy, when are we coming home?”

“You’ve got so much to do, I guess it will be a while yet. Your dad’s got some great ideas. The time’s going to fly. And then we’ll all be together again.”

This time Erin sighed. “I guess so. I love you, Mommy.”

Kristin’s eyes burned. “I love you, too. Sleep tight.”

“Bye.”

“Bye, Erin.” She clicked the button to end the call and stood for a moment leaning against the wall, her eyes closed with her fingers. After just three days, she wasn’t sure she could bear this any longer. Maybe she and Matt should go get the girls, bring them along on the trip to Virginia. The drive from here to Banner Elk in the mountains was about eight hours…

“I got your suitcase. Are you ready?” Matt stood in the bathroom doorway again. “Everything okay with Erin and Jenny?”

“Yes, I think so.” Kristin straightened up and eased past him into the bedroom. “They miss…us…a little bit.”

“Yeah, I imagine.” Only the slightest edge to his voice betrayed that he knew the truth. “And we miss them.”

She nodded.

He put a hand on her shoulder. “Do you want to go get them?”

Her eyes filled up again. Matt gave so much, to the girls and to her. She couldn’t ask him to give up this trip.

Taking a deep breath, she managed a smile. “No. They’ll be okay. Luke and Sarah will see that they enjoy themselves. And we’ve got some battlefields to visit, right?”

His blue eyes searched her face. Kristin hoped she’d hidden her worries well.

“Yeah, we do,” he said. Leaning forward, he pressed a kiss to her forehead, dropped a light one on her nose and brushed her lips with his. He started to draw away, but his arms came around her hard and tight and he found her mouth again, in a kiss that started at a fast burn and only got hotter.

Then on a shuddering breath, Matt straightened up. “There,” he whispered. He cleared his throat. “That’ll give us something to look forward to at the end of the drive.”

His hand slipped to hold hers and lead her out of the bedroom. Comforted, aroused and suddenly eager, Kristin followed him without a backward glance.

AS THE FIRST HOUR of their vacation passed, Matt discovered the flaw in his plans.

He and Kristin weren’t used to talking anymore.

Of course, they actually talked every day. About the girls, about the day’s schedule, about what Erin had done and who Jenny had played with. They talked about his parents, and hers. About furniture to buy and car repairs, checking accounts and insurance premiums. All the plain “stuff” that made up normal life.

But take those things away, and what was there to say?

Judging by the last sixty minutes of driving…Nothing.

Matt glanced across the car. She seemed calm enough, her excellent legs easily crossed, her shoulders relaxed, face turned to catch the scenery speeding by the side window. A movement in her lap caught his eye. Her hands were clasped loosely. But one thumb tapped an anxious tattoo on the other.

Okay. Kris was nervous about this, too. What could they talk about?

He said the first thing that came to his head. “I got a surprise phone call the other day.”

“Who was it?” Obviously willing to break the silence, she shifted in the seat to face him, curling her legs up underneath her.

“Lee Holt—he was stationed with me up at Fort Bragg.”

“Where is he stationed now?”

Matt suddenly had second thoughts about where this conversation would lead. “Uh…he’s been out of the Army for about three years.”

“Oh, really? Did he stay the full twenty before retirement?”

Matt cursed his own stupidity in ever bringing up the subject. “No, as a matter of fact. He was a couple of years behind me.” The next question was predictable and unavoidable.

“Why did he get out so early?”

“After…Africa…he didn’t have the heart, he said, to stay in.”

“He was in Africa with you?” The sudden chill in the air had nothing to do with the air conditioner.

“Yeah.”

“For all five years?”

“Uh…no. He was there for about two and a half years, I think.”

“He came home before you did?” Kristin dragged in a painful breath. “And he didn’t tell us you were alive?”

“He couldn’t do that, Kris. Our mission was classified.”

Kristin stared at her husband. Oh, God. She and Luke had still been sleeping apart at that point. If she’d thought for one moment that Matt would come home…

Jenny would never have been born.

She covered her face with her hands. “I can’t believe anyone could have been so heartless.”

“He had a responsibility to the Army. And he was under strict orders to keep quiet.”

She dropped her hands and looked over at Matt’s grim profile. “Could you do that? Would you have done that to some other wife?”

His knuckles whitened as he gripped the wheel. “Kris, I can’t—”

“Are you doing it…right now? Is there someone still left over there, someone whose parents or wife or children believe he’s dead?”

Matt didn’t answer. Kristin turned to stare out the side window again. There was some logic here, she supposed, from a military point of view. Too bad the military had long since stopped being human.

Perhaps her husband had, as well. “You’ve never said very much about what happened to you over there.”

She turned her head to watch him. For a minute, she didn’t think he would reply. Then he cleared his throat. “There’s not much to say.”

“Or not much you can say?”

“That’s part of it. But outside of what’s classified, there’s not much to tell. Each day was about the same as all the others.” His resistance vibrated like an electric field between them.

“Did you have books?”

“No.”

“TV?”

“No.”

“What did you eat?”

Matt slapped the steering wheel with the heel of his hand and muttered an ugly word. “Look…I’ve worked hard every damn day of the last four years forgetting the details you’re asking for. Remembering takes me back. I don’t want to go there again. Can we just drop it, please?”

He could have hit her, and she would have felt better. Her grievance quickly became guilt. “I’m sorry,” Kristin whispered. “So sorry.” She covered her eyes with her hand to hide the tears.

“Aw, Kris…” They rode in silence for a long time, until at last Matt cleared his throat. “What do you feel like having for lunch? Where’s a good place to eat in Wilmington?”

Kristin sat up straight. If he made an effort, so would she. “I don’t know. Let’s see what we find when we get there.”

Their mood gradually eased as they ate fresh shrimp and coleslaw and hush puppies at a table overlooking the Cape Fear River. Then Matt talked Kristin into dessert. “At least split a piece with me. Would that be so bad?” He knew her weakness against the temptation of chocolate.

Kristin sighed. “Yes, it would. But I can’t resist.” She raised her head and looked at him across the table. “You fiend, you.”

But her brown eyes laughed at him. Matt felt a weight lift from his shoulders, just knowing he’d made her laugh. Especially after the way he’d blown it this morning in the car.

He’d just have to work harder in the future to keep the conversation away from minefields like Africa…Luke…Erin…Too bad the inn in Fredericksburg where they were going to stay the night was still seven hours away.

A mere seven hours of intimate, meaningful discussion but no controversy?

Mission Impossible. Matt pulled in a deep, doubtful breath and concentrated on his share of dessert.

FREDERICKSBURG TURNED OUT to be even farther than seven hours—a bridge on the main road had been washed out by flooding. The detour markers led straight into the dark Virginia wilderness and then vanished, without showing the way out again.

“We must have missed another sign,” Matt muttered at about 10:00 p.m. as they sat parked at a roadside picnic area in the middle of nowhere. He studied the map. “I don’t see state road 3407 anywhere on here.”

Kristin rubbed her eyes with her fingers. She’d been driving for the last three hours while Matt navigated.

“Let’s call the B&B,” she said. “Maybe they can help.”

But the owners of the inn confessed to being transplanted Yankees, still learning the country themselves. They promised a bed would be ready whatever time the Brennans showed up.

He clicked off the cellular phone, dropped his head back and yawned. “Man, I’m tired.”

“Me, too.” Kristin leaned her temple against the window. “We can rest for a little while, can’t we?”

Matt stared at her awkward position for a few seconds. Then he climbed out of the van and in again—onto the back seat. “Sounds great to me. Turn off the light and come here. We can stretch out and be warm.” He grinned and held out his arms.

Kristin’s smile was all the answer he needed. By the time she crawled into the back, he had stretched out on his side, his head pillowed on the armrest. With a sigh, she lay down in his arms, resting her cheek on his shoulder. He let his other arm curve across the dip in her waist just made for that purpose. “Better?”

“Mmm.” She wiggled a bit, slipped her knee between his and, finally, relaxed. “Wonderful.”

He pressed a kiss on the top of her head, catching the sweet berry scent of her shampoo. “Me, too.”

But minutes passed, and sleep didn’t come. Somewhere in the woods a whippoorwill called. An owl hooted, answered by a different one. Crickets and bullfrogs scratched and croaked.

Kristin lay with her eyes closed, listening to Matt’s even breathing and the beat of her own heart…a beat that became quick and unsteady as she soaked up her husband’s scent, his nearness, his sheer magnetism.

In another few seconds, she knew he was awake. The very air around them was like a force pressing on her skin, making breathing difficult.

Matt put a finger under her chin and lifted her face. As she closed her eyes, his breath brushed her temple and her cheek. When his lips finally settled over hers, Kristin surrendered completely to the firmness of his mouth, the graze of his teeth on her lower lip, the sweet pressure of his tongue against hers.

“We haven’t made out in a car in a long time,” he whispered when they broke for breath. “Feels good.” He rubbed his knuckles gently along her spine under her shirt. “You feel good.”

His touch created an unbearable ache. Kristin shifted even closer. “You make me crazy,” she murmured against the base of his throat.

“I hope so.” Somehow he unfastened her bra—Matt had always been good with his hands. He covered her breast with his palm. “I’m trying.”

She pulled his shirttail out of his shorts and smoothed her hands over his back, across his ribs and chest. “Let’s see if I can do the same for you.”

“Oh, yeah,” he groaned. “Whatever you say.”

Heated minutes followed, while the soft sounds they made pleasing each other filled the van. Matt’s shirt disappeared, and her shorts. Smiling, quivering, Kristin remembered that this wasn’t the old days. They were married now. They didn’t have to stop.

Or did they?

Drenched with reality, her mind cleared. Birth control. They needed to use birth control. “Matt,” she whispered against the soft, short hair on the top of his head. “Matt, wait.”

“Hmm?” He raised his head and looked at her, his blue eyes heavy with desire. “Waiting is fast becoming a non-option, lady.” His sweet smile as he came in for another kiss robbed the statement of any demand.

“Matt. We need to stop for a minute.” She closed her hands on his shoulders and pushed. “I need to…get ready.”

He blinked. “Oh. Yeah.” Sitting up, he ran a hand over his face. “Sure.”

Flushed with embarrassment, Kristin made her way to the second-row seat and leaned over the back to reach her suitcase. She snapped open the latch and lifted the lid. And stared.

Her makeup bag wasn’t there, on top, where she’d put it. How could it have gotten moved? Or did it just sift down through the clothes? Heart pounding, she felt her way through the entire case. She found her hair dryer, her curling iron, her clothes iron and her three extra pairs of shoes. But no makeup bag.

Kristin crossed her arms on the back of the seat and buried her face in them.

“What?” Matt put a hand on her back. “Kris, what’s wrong?”

“My makeup bag,” she whispered without lifting her head. “I left it at home.”

“And?”

“And my diaphragm was inside.”

“That means—”

“Yes, it does.” She turned around and sat facing him, pulling her shirt down over her hips. “We don’t have any protection. We can’t do…this…anymore.”