Читать книгу Modern Romance July 2015 Books 1-4 - Кэтти Уильямс, Maisey Yates, Cathy Williams - Страница 21

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

BE CAREFUL WHAT you wish for.

Jessica stood at her bedroom window, watching Loukas in the garden below as he chopped logs and added them to the growing pile. It made for a compelling image. His strong arms swung in an arc as the blade splintered into the wood—drawing attention to the honed definition of muscles rippling across his shoulders and his broad back.

Her throat dried. How many times had she longed for a scenario like this, in those lonely moments when her fantasies about him wouldn’t respond to censorship, no matter how hard she’d tried? She’d dreamed of Loukas being back in her life and in her bed—with the freedom to conduct their relationship openly in a way which had never been possible before. And now she had it. No more moments of passion sandwiched in between the strictures of her career and the demands of his billionaire boss. Now he was the billionaire—although she no longer had a career, she thought wryly. Still. It should have been great. It should have been almost perfect.

So why the questions which still whirled around in her mind, which felt as if they had no real answers?

Ever since he’d moved into her Cornish cottage, they’d behaved like a couple. They’d done stuff. The normal stuff which other people did. They’d cooked dinner and shopped for food, and at first it had been disorientating to see Loukas in the local store, standing among all the villagers and the occasional tourist. People stopped what they were doing and turned to look at him and it was easy to see why. With his leather jacket and faded jeans, he looked larger than life—tall and indomitable. A dark, head-turning presence who seemed to come from a very different world.

Because he had. That was exactly what he had done. He’d known violence, rejection, pain and despair and those things had given him an edge which marked him out from other men. No wonder everyone else had always seemed so pale and so tame in comparison. No wonder no other man had ever been able to coax her into his bed.

Very quickly Jessica discovered that she liked having him around. She liked being part of a couple and doing coupley things. It made life more interesting to have a man to watch a scary film with, and play the old-fashioned board games which she taught him and which he was soon winning. She liked the feel of his warm, naked body when she got into bed at night and his arms wrapped around her waist when she woke up in the morning. She liked knowing they could make love whenever and wherever they liked.

But she was also aware of the subtle boundaries which surrounded them. The unspoken, instinctive restrictions. They never talked about the future and they never used the word love. He might have seamlessly slotted into having a home, but it still felt like her home, not his. As if he had invested nothing in it, nor was he planning to. Of course he hadn’t. Because, when she stopped to think about it for long enough, could she really imagine Loukas Sarantos living the rest of his life in some rural Cornish outlet?

And despite his intention to delegate, his other life soon began to snap around at his heels, like a puppy demanding to be played with. It started with the odd phone call here and there and the beginning of a mounting pile of emails which needed to be dealt with. Soon there were conference calls, which he told her he had to take.

Jessica usually absented herself for those. She would go out into the garden, hearing his deep voice drifting through the open window—often speaking Greek—while she stared down at the bare soil and wondered when the first daffodils would push through and show that spring was nearly here.

She had just straightened up from plucking a weed from the ground after one such call, when she felt the warm caress of Loukas’s hand splaying over her denim-covered buttock and she gave a little shiver of pleasure.

She threw the weed onto the compost heap. ‘Everything okay?’

‘The conference call was fine. And then my brother rang.’ There was a pause. ‘My twin.’

Jessica turned around, hearing his deliberate emphasis of the word and knowing just why he did that. She guessed it was still weird for him to acknowledge that he actually had a twin—the amazingly successful Alek Sarantos. She knew that contact between the two men had been minimal, but maybe that wasn’t so surprising, since neither had known about the other’s existence until they were grown men.

‘How is he?’

He shrugged. ‘He’s okay. Actually, he’s in London.’

‘Oh.’ Wasn’t it stupid that just the mention of the city sounded vaguely ominous, as if it posed some kind of threat? She felt as if his other world—the one she wasn’t part of—was beginning to inch towards them. Her smile didn’t slip. ‘That’s nice.’

‘Mmm. He wants me to have dinner with him. I thought I’d stay up for a few days. Do a little work while I’m there.’ He narrowed his black eyes. ‘You could always come with me.’

She lifted her hand to his face, her fingertips drifting over the sculptured outline of his unshaven jaw and feeling its rough rasp. Yes, she could. She could accompany him to London, a trip which would require a frantic mental inventory about what to wear. She could gatecrash his meeting with his newfound brother and inhibit their burgeoning relationship. She could hang around the Vinoly while he went into the office, or dutifully kill hours doing cultural things with which to impress him when he got home.

She got a sudden scary glimpse of how the future might look, once the initial wild sexual excitement had started to fade. He would probably start making more trips to London and each time he came back, it would be a little harder for them to reconnect. That was how these things worked, wasn’t it? How long before he told her he was moving back permanently to the city, to the rented hotel suite he called home? Deep-down she knew she didn’t fit into his life in London and that was his base.

So shouldn’t she start getting used to that—with pride and with dignity?

‘You need some time on your own with Alek,’ she said. ‘I’ll stay here.’

His mouth tightened. ‘Right.’

She saw the sudden flinty look in his eyes. Did it matter to him if she accompanied him or not?

So ask him. Just go right ahead and ask him.

But the different ways of phrasing such a question were really only a disguise for the one which could never be asked.

How do you feel about me, Loukas?

A more confident woman might have come right out and said it. A more sexually experienced one almost certainly would have done. But Jessica had been protecting herself from pain for so long that she would sooner have walked barefoot across the rough cliff path than risk getting hurt again.

‘When will you leave?’ she said as they began to walk back towards the house.

‘I’ll leave immediately. Why hang around? There’s just one thing I need to do first.’

She turned her face up to look at him. ‘What’s that?’

‘I’ll show you.’

He linked his fingers with hers and led her inside, taking her straight upstairs and stripping off her clothes with speed rather than finesse. His eyes were still flinty and his mouth hardened into an odd kind of smile just before he drove it down on hers in a punishing kind of kiss.

He entered her urgently and as Jessica clung to his thrusting body she was filled with a terrible sense of sadness—as if she’d just failed a test she hadn’t even known she was taking.

The house was quiet after he’d left. It was the first time she’d been without him for weeks. Long, lazy weeks which now seemed to have passed in a flash. She kept looking up, expecting to see him, telling herself it was crazy how quickly she had become used to having him around.

She kept busy, working hard on her embroidery and selling a small piece privately, before hearing about the possibility of a commission for a much larger piece. She gardened and made bread and went for long cliff-top walks. Then she took a call from an excited Hannah, who told her that she’d met a young Australian vet in Bali.

‘Oh, Jess,’ she sighed. ‘He’s gorgeous. You’d really like him. He wants me to go to Perth next. That’s where his folks live.’

‘That sounds lovely,’ said Jessica, even though inside she wanted to scream, Please don’t fall in love with a man from the other side of the world, so that I probably won’t see you very much.

Because you shouldn’t use your own selfish needs to try to change someone else’s behaviour, should you? Wasn’t that one of the reasons why she never dared bring up the subject of the future with Loukas—because she sensed there could never be any compromise about their different lifestyles? Or because she wasn’t sure if his feelings for her went any deeper than a powerful sexual attraction? She thought about him, miles away in London, and her heart clenched. Did he miss her, she wondered, and did he have any idea how much she missed him?

She spoke to him that evening and the sound of laughter and glasses clinking in the background made her feel very alone. And it was her own stupid fault. She thought that if he’d suggested her joining him, she would have been booking her ticket from Bodmin station quicker than a flash. But he didn’t. Just as he didn’t know exactly when he would be back.

‘Soon,’ he said.

But soon was inconclusive. Soon gave her the chance to dwell on all the things which were nagging away inside her. Maybe his brother was lining him up with a nice Greek girl. Maybe the lure of London had enticed him back and the thought of returning to this quiet little hamlet had filled him with horror.

Or just maybe he was missing her as much as she was missing him. What if that was a possibility? And once she allowed herself to consider that possibility, it altered everything. It scared her. It excited her. It made her feel as if she were floating three inches about the ground. She thought about some of the things he’d told her. About a mother who had always put other men before her son. Didn’t that mean he would be reluctant to trust the love of women—or wary about putting his own feelings on the line? So wasn’t it time to start grabbing at a little emotional courage—to dare show Loukas that she wanted him? To stop worrying about the fear of rejection and tell him she cared.

A text arrived from him in the early hours and she stared at it sleepily.

Back tomorrow. L xxx

She woke, still with that walking-on-air feeling. She cleaned the house from top to bottom and swept the path. At the village store, she bought coffee, bread and wine—and when she got home went out into the garden, snipping off bright stems of foliage to cram into a beautiful blue and white vase. When he arrived she would tell him she’d missed him. Or ask him whether he wanted her to return to London with him. Because home was where you made it, wasn’t it? She might not particularly like London, but wouldn’t she rather live there with him than live in the countryside without him? Couldn’t she show him that she could be adaptable?

She’d just washed the mud from her hands when the phone started ringing and eagerly she snatched it up, surprised but pleased to hear Patti, the spiky-haired stylist from Zeitgeist, on the end of the line and remembering the conversation they’d had at the launch party.

‘If you’re ringing about meeting for coffee, then it’ll have to wait,’ said Jessica. ‘I’m in Cornwall.’

‘Oh, okay.’ There was a pause. ‘Jessica...this might sound like a crazy question but I don’t suppose Loukas is with you, is he?’

Afterwards, Jessica would think how strange the human brain was—that it could sift out a single word from a sentence and focus on that alone.

‘Why would it be crazy?’ she asked, because maybe it was time to stop pretending this wasn’t happening. To start acknowledging that she and Loukas were in some sort of relationship.

‘Oh, just that someone at Lulu said they thought you two were dating.’

‘I don’t know that I’d exactly describe it as dating. But, well, yes. He’s been staying here.’

‘So it worked,’ said Patti, in a flat kind of voice.

‘What worked?’

‘It doesn’t matter.’

‘Oh, come on, Patti—you can’t do that. You can’t half say something and then leave me wondering the worst.’

There was a pause. ‘I like you, Jessica. I like you very much.’

‘And I like you, too. Mutual admiration society established. So what aren’t you telling me?’

Another pause. ‘Remember when the photos weren’t working that first time in Venice? You know—when you were all wooden in front of the camera.’

‘Yes, I remember. What about it?’

Patti’s voice sounded hesitant. ‘It’s just that the art director said that what they really needed was for you to look like a woman who had just had sex. And the next day you did. The photos were absolute dynamite and everyone thought...’

‘Everyone thought, what—that Loukas had taken the suggestion literally?’

‘Something like that,’ said Patti uncomfortably. ‘And I wouldn’t say anything, but... Well, it’s just that he has such a reputation, and I’d hate to see you getting hurt. I’m sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything.’

‘No,’ said Jessica, with soft urgency. ‘You should. Don’t worry about it, Patti. You did exactly the right thing. You told me something I needed to know.’

She couldn’t settle to anything after that. Loukas rang to say he was on his way back and she slumped down into the chair, her embroidery untouched and nothing really registering until she saw the low flash of winter sun glinting from his windscreen.

Her heart had started pounding and her palms were clammy. Wiping them down over her jeans, she prepared to greet him. And even while her heart was feeling the pain, she was running the whole scene like a film through her mind. This is the last time I’ll see him drive up here like this, she thought. The last time he’ll walk up this little path with the sun glinting off his black hair. The last, dying moments of being a couple were almost upon her and Jessica could barely summon up a smile with which to greet him.

But she didn’t want this to turn into some kind of awful screaming match. She’d witnessed enough of those before her parents’ divorce to put her off displays of high emotion for ever. She would be very calm and very dignified. It might even come as something of a relief to Loukas. For all she knew, he might have been trying to work out a diplomatic way of ending it himself. She wasn’t going to do accusations, or regret. She would do it neatly and without a scene, just as she’d promised right at the beginning.

His sleek car came to a halt and he got out. She saw those impossibly long legs unfolding themselves and the expression on that dark and rugged face making her feel...

She gave herself a mental shake. She wasn’t going to feel anything. It was safer that way.

The crunch of the gravel was replaced by the sound of a door being opened and closed and then suddenly he was standing in front of her, framed in the doorway, like some dark and golden statue come to life.

‘Hello, Loukas,’ she said.

‘Hello, Jess.’

Loukas waited for her to jump out of the chair and fling her arms around him. But she didn’t. She just sat there in her jeans and sweater staring up at him, with those extraordinary aquamarine eyes narrowed and giving nothing away.

She never gave anything away, did she?

‘Did you have a good trip?’

‘Good in parts,’ he said, just about to tell her that he’d missed her when something stopped him, only he wasn’t sure what. He stared into her tense face. Perhaps he was starting to get a good idea.

He looked around the room, noticing the spray of berried branches in a blue and white vase and he narrowed his eyes in surprise, because that wasn’t usually the kind of detail he noticed.

‘So how was your brother?’

‘Is my brother the reason you’re sitting there looking so uptight?’ he questioned. ‘Is my brother the reason you haven’t kissed me, or looked as if you’re pleased to see me?’

‘I’m very pleased to see you.’

‘Liar,’ he said softly. ‘Or maybe you’re just not as good at hiding your feelings as you used to be. Are you going to tell me what’s bugging you, Jess—or are we going to play a game of elimination?’

She shook her head as if she was having some kind of silent tussle with herself and when she spoke, it was as if she was picking her words with care.

‘Let me ask you a question, Loukas. How important was it to turn the company around, when you bought Lulu?’

He shrugged. ‘Very important—naturally. I’m a businessman and success is part of the deal—the biggest and most measurable part there is.’

She nodded as if his answer had just reinforced something she already knew, and suddenly her hands were clenching into fists so tight he could see the whitening of her knuckles.

‘Did you have sex with me just to get me to relax for the photo shoot?’ she hissed.

‘What?’

‘You heard me perfectly well. Don’t try to think up a clever answer—just tell me the truth.’

‘You seem to have already decided for yourself what the truth is, without bothering to reference me first,’ he snapped. ‘Where the hell has all this come from?’

‘It doesn’t matter where it came from. Just that I heard that after the first disastrous shoot in Venice, the art director said I needed to look as if I’d just had sex.’ Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes defiant as she stared him full in the face. ‘And so...’

Her words tailed off and he felt his heart clench with anger. ‘And so you thought that I would make the ultimate sacrifice for the sake of the company? That I’d take you to bed and loosen you up, thus ensuring that we had the requisite sultry photos to headline the new campaign. Is that what you thought, Jess?’

She opened her mouth and then closed it again, before nodding her head so vigorously that her blonde hair shimmered up and down.

‘Yes,’ she said fervently. ‘That’s exactly what I thought because it’s the truth, isn’t it, Loukas?’

He stared at her for a long moment and then he began to laugh.