Читать книгу The High Achiever's Guide - Maki Moussavi - Страница 12

Dig into Your Relationships

The one-two punch of limiting beliefs and patterns isn’t restricted to your internal world. The same combo has a major influence on how you relate to others, what you expect in relationships, what you tolerate, and how often you experience similar themes and challenges interpersonally. Relationship dynamics are subject to your personal limiting beliefs, with the added challenge that the other person’s beliefs are also in the mix. That combination sets up a scenario in which you are contributing to the cycle, the other person is playing a role, and you establish a pattern in which the outward expression of your beliefs creates the dynamic in which you find yourself. Because you can’t be inside the other person’s head, you must focus on how you are feeding the dynamic and how you can address your part in it.

Limiting belief: I am not interesting.

Thought: I have to go to my work holiday party.

Worry: I dread social gatherings. What if I say the wrong thing or bore people?

Pattern: Avoiding interaction with others due to low self-confidence.

Belief of others: They don’t like to be social, therefore we will leave them alone.

By now, I hope you’ve caught on to the extent to which your limiting beliefs and associated patterns create your reality. This example in particular shows clearly that this person’s low self-esteem directly contributes to limited social contact:

I am uninteresting = I isolate myself

The people around you have no idea why you behave as you do. Often, they are simply following your lead and, in that way, giving you space to create the reality you’re living in, even if it’s not the reality you desire. The added danger here is that the pattern established by limiting beliefs can lead you down the slippery slope of believing you’re a victim of circumstance or of the actions of others, rather than leading you to examine your own behavior and how you contribute to what you experience.

When it comes to your work life, the personal and relational dynamics at play establish deep ruts that you may have a hard time climbing out of. The extent to which you are the architect of your circumstances escapes you until you make a deliberate decision to cut the shit. No more effing around. Wake up, tune in, and decide that, right here and now, you have within you everything you need to break the chains that bind you.

Now that you have a few examples, let’s get into some limiting belief/worry/pattern associations that commonly arise in professional scenarios so that you can add to this list with your own experiences in mind.

Limiting belief:	I’m not that smart.
Worry:	People will find out that I’m not smart.
Pattern:	I overwork or otherwise overcompensate to prove my value.

Limiting belief:	I’m not good enough.
Worry:	I’m going to lose my job.
Pattern:	I expect the worst.

Limiting belief:	There aren’t enough hours in the day.
Worry:	I’ll never get it all done.
Pattern:	I’m overwhelmed and unable to prioritize.

Limiting belief:	The world is an unfriendly place.
Worry:	Someone will try to hurt me.
Pattern:	I am defensive and suspicious.

The examples above demonstrate that there is no such thing as compartmentalization; any of these can apply to any or many areas of your life. Once you’ve identified one area, you will begin to see how the pattern shows up globally.