Читать книгу Lifehack for Moms. A fun book for loving moms! - Maria Savina - Страница 6

Mother Nature thoughtfully gifted a woman with (((memory like a sieve))) oxytocin, in order for all labor pain to be forgotten so that a woman would absolutely willingly want to go through all this torture again. It is so amazing how fast we start to think that it was really not that bad and hard, and yes, painful, but just a little bit. Even if you clearly remember that during labor you were thinking: “Never again!!!”, your brain will still make up excuses to actually do it again. Maybe then it was like this just because you did not have enough sleep, or the doctor did something wrong, and to tell the truth, the weather was kind of bad as well. Anyway, it seems like everything was quite tolerable. Actually, these kind of stories are usually told to a friend who is about to give birth. And then she calls you right after birth, screaming: “Why did you lie to me?! Is THAT not painful?! I nearly died!!!” Then again, some months after giving birth, the very same friend tells her pregnant acquaintance: “Labor? Well, it is fine, not a big deal. I had it quite smoothly…”

This is the magic of nature. No matter how hard labor was, pain and weariness disappear in an instance, as soon as you see your newborn baby for the first time and hold him/her to your breast. You smile and cry from happiness, hear your baby’s first cry, feel him/her on your skin, this tiny warm miracle on your breast… Day and night you are looking at this cutest peaceful face, and cannot get enough of it. It never happened to you before. You became a Mom!

І. A little bit of physiology

To enjoy motherhood to its fullest after birth, you need to know some facts beforehand. In the following section we will speak about physiology, so if there are any men among my readers, then maybe it is better that you skip to another chapter.

1. For a better after-birth recovery without any complications, it is important to lay on your belly as much as you can (you finally get an opportunity to do so after 9 months!) and stand as much as you can. This way your uterus will get rid of all the excessive stuff much faster. Stand up and walk regularly, even within the borders of the postnatal ward. You can just stand by the window and muse upon passers-by who are hurrying somewhere and do not even have the slightest idea that the whole world has just changed.

2. If your baby swallowed some blood when he was moving through the birth canal, then some time later he will be posseting with terrifying blood clots (nobody told me about that so the first night after birth when it happened I started panicking and called for a nurse).

For this reason, you have to put the baby on his\her side first nights after birth. In order for him\her not to turn to his back, roll a blanket or a towel and put it behind the baby’s back to support it. Do not forget to change side on which your baby is sleeping (interchange left and right side).

3. It is important to know some of the specific characteristics of a newborn. This will help you to avoid unnecessary worries when you meet your baby for the first time.

– a newborn baby who just came into this world, does not have a pink skin like we think. It is more of a red tone, blueish or even purple. Do not panic! Soon your newborn will adapt to the unfamiliar surroundings and will become your typical rosy-cheeked baby. Feet might still stay a bit purple for some days, though;

– in the beginning your baby will look a bit wrinkly and crooked. No wonder! Imagine spending some months in a small cask! With time your baby’s back will become more straight, you will see the neck, and his arms and legs will get straight as well;

– a newborn baby cannot hold his head yet, his neck is too weak, so make sure you always support the head when you pick up and hold your baby. Do not let any abrupt movements in the neck area. If necessary, ask a nurse to show you how to hold a baby carefully and safely, including the times when you give him\her a bath or perform hygienic procedures;

– your baby’s skin might slightly peel off in the beginning, especially on the back, palms of his hands and on the feet. This process will soon come to an end by itself;

– some babies may have red vascular spots on their body (more often on the head). They will also disappear on their own, though not so fast (usually it takes more than a year);

– you might find white spots (like little cysts) on your baby’s face (especially on the nose). These spots are called milia, or milk spots. They usually occur due to the clog of the sebaceous glands. You do not have to do anything about them, they will disappear on their own in the course of some weeks;

– baby’s first feces are dark-colored, even black. When you start breastfeeding, it will gradually change color to yellow or a little bit ginger, quite runny in consistency. It can also contain white grains of undigested breast milk.

4. Until the milk comes in, your baby will actively draw drops of colostrum. And by “draw” I mean “gnaw until the nipple is bleeding”. To save the breast you can regularly apply Lansinoh to the nipples. You do not have to wash it off before breastfeeding. If you develop some serious war wounds (which happens to a lot of us), apply Bepanthen to your nipples directly after breastfeeding (and wash it off with running water before next breastfeeding session).

5. When your milk comes in – it is an important event. If it comes unnoticed at night, the following morning new mother wakes up under the two hot stones. I mean, breasts. In the day time you can react fast and start expressing excess milk with your breast pump, in order to avoid engorgement. If you feel that your breast is too hard, hot and hurts (this is engorgement), then express some milk until it feels better. Do not express all of it until the last drop because milk comes in in the same quantity as was expressed (or eaten). On the day when milk comes in (usually it happens on the second or third day after birth) and the day after that, do not go heavy on drinks, or you will be flooded with milky rivers.

Perhaps, for some time you will regularly fight with engorgements because in those first days after birth many new mothers produce milk for wholesale. Be patient, soon it will be fine, and your body will produce the right amount of milk according to the needs of your baby.

6. Right after birth your belly will not go away completely, it will probably look like you are 5—6 months along again. Your uterus has not contracted to its normal size, it will need about 6—8 weeks to do that. Breastfeeding contributes to a faster contraction of your uterus, and you might feel it when you are feeding your baby (it might be a bit painful).

7. Do not forget to go to the toilet regularly. Even if you feel like you do not want to. I know it sounds strange now, but wait until you give birth.

8. To feel more calm and confident in the sphere of baby care when you return home, do not be shy to ask for help from a nurse at the hospital. Ask her to show you how to swaddle a baby, change a diaper, etc.

ІІ. A little bit of psychology

When I returned home from hospital, I had a feeling that I was absent for more than a month instead of just four days. Like I had just returned from a long trip. And it looked like everything was the same, but you see it with different eyes… No wonder, because your new life has just started!

The first weeks with a baby require determination. However, if you become a mom for the first time in your life, it is not that easy to get ready and gather yourself beforehand. But if you know that you are not alone with those difficulties and worries, it is easier to start your journey of motherhood. I was somehow not aware of the main difficulties, and all those things that I read during my pregnancy turned out to be not that important after all. From the books I learned how to swaddle and bathe a baby, fight baby colic and many other everyday things. But nobody wrote that the above mentioned colic can bring the parents to the boil. In fact, those books only superficially mentioned all psychological difficulties that might await the new mother. Mothers/grandmothers also kept silent, pretending that they did not have any of those problems, and wondering why I am complaining about the lack of sleep and weariness.

Meanwhile, the birth of your baby is a huge psychological stress. After birth hormone levels are unstable, there is physical and emotional weariness, constant lack of sleep, various fears and doubts – new mother experiences all of this, together with the infinite happiness, of course.

This book is titled “Lifehack for moms”, so here you will find numerous great ideas and advice about different topics: how to put your baby to sleep, how to dress him/her according to the weather, what your breastfeeding diet should be and how to get back in shape after birth. But below you will find a few words about something else. It is not really lifehacks, but they are definitely the most true-to-life and much needed words of support for all mothers.

1. Let’s begin with proverbial lack of sleep. Perhaps, you will be lucky and win the lottery titled “Calm baby who sleeps good since birth”. But it is more likely that you will become a member of a social club whose participants monosyllabically answer “Idontgetenoughsleep” if you ask them “How are you?” Just be assured that everyone goes through the same things. Well, excluding the winners of the above mentioned lottery and those who gave birth around 20 years ago and more (as the latter simply do not remember anything).

Even if a baby sleeps good at night, the new mother might have her own sleep disorders. Moms sleep very light and little, so they do not even see dreams, as their brains do not have time to make them up.

Get ready it is not going to be easy in terms of sleeping for the first year (or even longer). Just accept this as a fact and as something temporary, and please do not worry, even if it feels like it will never end. Trust me, everything will surely get better!

For me sleeping problems were an issue number one. At some point it felt like I needed to feed on freshly squeezed caffeine to survive. Only breastfeeding stopped me from that, so I completely understand you, my dear not sleeping moms. Especially for you I wrote the longest chapter of this book with detailed advice on how to improve your baby’s sleep. In short, if your neighbors know all lullabies by heart and in the mornings you hear them singing: “Twinkle, twinkle, little star…” – then do not hesitate to open this chapter.

2. Be ready that for the first time it might feel like a groundhog day. Yes, now you have all the time in the world to enjoy motherhood and your baby. However, sometimes it might feel like every new day is exactly the same as the one before, and the most interesting things pass you by. Somewhere out there people have fun and go to shows, solve global problems and organize important meetings. They throw parties and go mountain skiing. And you? In the whole day you changed nine diapers and breastfed thirty-three times.

Wait, what was that about global tasks? Isn’t that the most important and global task that you have right now in front of you – to bring up a Human being? There is no one who would bring up and care for your baby better than you. Your little one just recently came into this world which feels like a totally different planet to him\her, where everything is so strange and unknown. In this world there are new ways to breathe, move and see, not how he/she was used to… Only mother can help a baby to adapt and feel safe in this new world. That is why, if you find yourself in the same position for three hours in a row, breastfeeding, do not worry. At this stage this is the only thing that you need to do. Just be patient, stock up on some good books and some hypoallergenic cookies.

And please do not worry that you do not have enough time for everything. This is not important right now. You can take that shower tomorrow. Or after tomorrow.

3. There is one more difficulty that all new mothers face. In the beginning it is very hard to understand a baby, who does not have any means to show what he/she needs, other than crying. If your baby is screaming and you do not understand him\her, it does not mean that you are a bad mother. It is impossible to recognize all intonations right away. You will get this with time, because you feel your baby like no other.

Your baby knows it too. And it is usually the mother who a baby turns to if he/she needs something. It is the mother who is expected to help and understand. This is why sometimes it might seem that with other members of the family your baby is somehow calmer than with you, his/her mom (or father). More likely, it is not just a guess. And it is not because there is something wrong with you. It is because a baby always expects more from the person who plays the biggest role in his/her life. Usually, only mom will help if a child is scared, hurt or cold, and will bring the feeling of peace, warmth and confidence, showing that everything is fine.

One of the chapters in this book contains lifehacks on a topic of “How to calm down a crying baby”.

4. The next very important advice to all new mothers – do not forget to rest from taking care of your baby. Yes, you heard it right! If going out just means going to the shop to buy new bibs and bodysuits, if you hold your cat up after every meal to burp, if for every partner’s phrase you automatically have a nursery rhyme ready in your head – then it is time to take a break!

Be it a meeting with your friend or a swim at the swimming pool, or going out to see some movies – it is not important what you choose. The main thing is that the chosen activity must help you to relax and gather strength. A calm and happy mother – this is what your baby needs (and your partner as well!)

You can find advice on how to find time for yourself in the chapter “Maternity time-management”.

5. And the last advice in this chapter for those who recently stepped on the path of motherhood. You have already read and continue to read so many things about children. The Internet and magazines pour out advice and different approaches to parenting. Books compete in promoting different theories and attempt to teach us “the right way to raise a child”. French children don’t throw food. German children easily go to bed at 8 p.m. Neighbor’s Johnny sleeps all night since birth and goes to toilet strictly in his potty.

Do not believe in everything you read and hear! New parents get buried under so many categorical statements and other people’s “right” examples. It is easy to think that you are doing something wrong.

I got caught up in this trap so many times. Especially in the first months when hormones are raging in your body and replace common sense. However, maternal intuition and my son looking happy and carefree returned my ability the ability to think adequately.

Reading books and learning from more experienced people is wonderful, but it is important that it helps and does not make you neurotic, constantly thinking you are raising your child wrong. Those who breastfed their baby following the schedule and put the baby to sleep in a separate bed since birth, start to worry that they had missed something important when they read about “natural parenting” and co-sleeping. On the other hand, after reading another book, those who breastfed their baby on demand and constantly carried him/her in their arms, start to question their approach and worry that the baby will grow up spoiled.

As you can see, they are two completely opposite theories, and there are plenty of arguments for each of them. But in the end the most harmful thing in both cases is the mother’s worry about her so-called mistakes. Maternal intuition and unconditional love for your child – these are the best fundamental things for your baby’s upbringing.

Read, learn new things, but do not let other people’s words make you question one thing: you are the best and the most proper mother for your child. Do how you feel is comfortable specifically for your baby, specifically in your family. All advice and information from the books and the Internet should firstly go through the filter of your own understanding and your maternal intuition, including this book.