Читать книгу Lifehack for Moms. A fun book for loving moms! - Maria Savina - Страница 7

Long before birth I enthusiastically started compiling all sorts of lists: list of things for a newborn baby, list of things to take with me to the hospital, etc. Among these lists were directions for my beloved husband Artemy. I specified all the things that he would need to do while his precious wife was at the hospital.

While working on this book, I decided to include this list in my literary opus. Later I got an idea to write a whole chapter for future fathers. However, this chapter would have been lopsided if I wrote it all by myself. Then I asked my husband a question: “What advice would you give to men who are soon to be fathers?”. The first thing that he said was: “Spend all days of your annual leave for the time after birth because your wife will really need you”. This answer made me fall in love with my husband once again.

On my return from hospital I was physically and emotionally exhausted, and it brought me immense happiness to be together with my family all days long. All the memories about difficulties of the first days are already erased from my memory, but I know for sure that at that moment my husband’s attention and help were more important than any present. So, my dear future fathers, instead of writing “Thank you for our son” on the rear window of your car, better give your wife all your time and surround her with care.

Usually fathers are more relaxed about the process of caring for a baby. This is something that amazes me the most. Even if they put on a diaper backwards and cannot tell the difference between a bodysuit and a sleepsuit, daddies can handle any task. Fast, easy and without a nervous breakdown.

I remember how terribly worried I was on those first days when Matvey was crying and I did not understand what he needed. Artemy, my husband, would just pick the baby up and start reciting Pushkin’s fairy tales, walking around the room. Matvey would easily calm down and be fast asleep, listening to the famous Russian poet (I am talking about Pushkin, not my husband).

And so it happened always, in every situation. Fathers are not obsessed with the idea of doing everything “the right way”, they do not worry if they do not know something and do not panic about first snots or wrong colored poop. They just know that they can handle it, and everything will be good in the end.

Anyhow, despite the huge responsibility, I will take the liberty to write this chapter. “Lifehack for daddy” contains advice for future fathers. This is the only chapter written in collaboration with my husband, so it also contains the male opinion on the subject of having a new little family member. I hope it is unbiased.

І. To men: what you need to do while your partner is at hospital

1. Remember that first days after birth new mommy will be obsessed with sterility because a little baby needs clean and fresh air. So before taking your wife home from hospital, do a big cleaning up. Wash the floors and wipe all existing surfaces so they will be free from dust. Ideally, wash all the curtains and throw blankets, and clean all furniture (all of this you can do before the birth date). In this pursuit for sterility you do not have to wash half of the planet with bleach. It is enough to do thorough wet cleaning and air your home regularly.

2. The car that you will use to meet your wife and the newborn baby from hospital should also be washed. By the way, do not forget about the child safety seat.

3. Try to finish all your personal errands before birth so that you do not have anything to do for the first few days after your partner’s return from the hospital but to stay with your family. If you want to celebrate the birth of your baby with your friends, better to do so while your wife is still at the hospital.

4. Buy all groceries beforehand, keeping in mind the diet for nursing mothers. Study the list of things recommended for women who breastfeed (the list is in this book), so that you do not tempt your partner with chocolate and oranges (in case your baby develops an allergy).

5. It will be great if you learn about baby care beforehand. How to change a diaper, how to swaddle, bathe, etc. This way you can actively participate in caring for your baby from day one and will be able to offer a great help to your partner.

6. Think about a nice little surprise for your partner when she comes home from hospital. There is no need to hire an orchestra to celebrate the birth of your baby, of course. It could be some cute little thing that you give her in private. For example, a special piece of jewelry that will always remind her of this important family event. My husband presented me with a beautiful necklace and put vases with flowers in every room. I really appreciated this gesture. Well, to tell you the truth, some of the bouquets I noticed only about four days after we came home from hospital.

ІІ. What to take with you to hospital when you come to take your partner home

1. A blanket-envelope for a newborn (or a bunting suit) and some clothes for your baby according to season (ask your wife for more details). Take extra couple of outfits, just in case. For example, some of the things we bought for Matvey turned out too small since the very first day. He was quite a big boy.

2. A couple of diapers (in case you will need to change it on the way home).

3. Clothes and shoes for your partner (if the ones that she had on when she came to hospital are not her size anymore or not right for the weather on the day when she goes home).

4. Flowers and presents for your beloved partner.

ІІІ. New life. For future fathers about the most important

That’s it. She gave birth. Slowly you begin to realize that you became a father. I really do not want to give you any persistent advice. However, there are some important peculiarities that you might not know or notice.

1. Your wife’s emotional state can go through dramatic changes after birth. You cannot escape this hormonal rage, even if post-natal depression does not touch your family. A new mommy can easily get upset about some little thing, cry when watching a melodramatic film or listening to a moderately teary song. This is all hormones. She might also look back on her birth for the 500^th time, sometimes saying that “everything did not go the way I wanted”. When it happens, you need to listen to her, nodding your head understandingly, and at the end say something reassuring and kind, like: “You are the best, my darling!”

I had this hormonal emotional turmoil for around three months, no less. I could start crying when watching how cutely Matvey slept, smiled or said “Agoo”.

Just be aware of this peculiarity and be patient. And stock up on tissues and chamomile tea.

2. New mommies also worry about their figure that, let’s be honest, not many people will find really appealing. Support your wife, love her for who she is, even if now her belly is not in its best shape. Maybe her waist is not the same as before, but you can enjoy the new beauty of her full breasts. In any case, it is quite possible to get back in shape after birth (and you can delicately remind it to your wife from time to time). Support your wife in getting her old body back and (((take away her chocolates))) exercise together!

3. Prepare for sleepless nights. It is not easy, especially in the beginning. Just know that it will end with time. Try to take some days off, if possible, otherwise you run a risk of regularly falling asleep at your office desk, using documents and folders as pillows.

4. For these first days when a new mother is exhausted, your help with household chores will be much needed. Cleaning, cooking, washing dishes, participating in baby care – be ready to help with all of this. Even if you do not usually do this, it is nice to temporarily take responsibility, letting your partner recover after birth and devote all her attention to your baby.

After some time the whole family will adapt to this new lifestyle and it will become much easier and more fun! And your beloved wife will be endlessly grateful for your help and care.

5. It is essential to give the new mom a possibility to take a break from household chores and baby care. You have no idea how much it is important for her health, and therefore the health of your baby.

If your wife refuses to leave the baby even for half an hour, do not listen to her. It is not common sense speaking, it is a mere prolactin hormone. Send her to a spa salon for a massage, and your wife will return with fresh vigor, beaming smile and tastier dinners!

A little side note for the mommies (since you are reading this chapter anyway!): trust your husband! If you left your baby with daddy for an hour, do not call every five minutes. Do not question your partner’s abilities! Do not check if he dressed the child correctly. Ok, so maybe your partner did not read anything about swaddling, bathing and first baby foods. Maybe you are scared when he throws your child in the air, carried away by fatherly love (it is good if ceilings in your house are high). Maybe you are worried for your baby. But just believe in your partner. He can do anything! Well, maybe apart from breastfeeding.

And for the men again

6. The first child changes everything about your relationship. However, your partner is not only the mother of your child. She is still your loved one. She needs not only your care and help but also your attention as your beloved woman. While going to the shop to buy baby food, buy some flowers or another cute little present for your wife. Among everyday routine, find time to be together. When all your day consists of feedings, changing clothes and changing diapers, women find it hard to think about the relationship with their partner on top of all that. Her only wish is to fall face down in (((the soup))) the pillow and not move. But it is still possible to find time for the two of you. In the evening, when your baby falls asleep, drink some tea together, talk about everything, make inspiring plans for the future. Have a romantic evening!

There will be very hard days when your baby cries a lot and behaves badly because of colic or teething, and everyone in the family gets exhausted. At these moments, try to support each other and keep up good spirits in the family. When your baby finally falls asleep in the evening, have some beer and a milkshake for your wife with some calming herbs, and watch a good movie.

7. Fathers of sons especially want their child to grow up as fast as possible. He cannot even crawl yet and constantly hangs on mom’s breast, but you already want to teach your son everything: play hockey, do push-ups, hammer nails and build spaceships. But do not rush. Enjoy every moment of your baby’s life, because this time will never be repeated. Time will fly so fast! Today you will teach him to do stacking rings, and tomorrow he will teach you to use the new smartphone.

I remember when our Matvey was born it was the time of the FIFA World Cup. The new father was watching matches in the nights while rocking our child. And I, the mother (thanks to this championship!), was sleeping. In the morning I took over, so we were taking turns. One year later Matvey learned to kick his first ball. Hockey is up next.

8. Some have a talent to give endless advice to all who are unable to resist. If inexperienced parents become victims of such advisers… Co-sleeping or teaching the baby to sleep in his own bed since birth, breastfeeding on demand or schedule, until one or three years old… Now the Internet and the books are full of a lot of advice and radically conflicting theories about a child’s upbringing. New mothers easily feel at a loss and start doubting themselves. Am I doing everything right? Am I a good mother? It is hardest in the beginning because you not have enough experience yet, and the baby expresses his needs only by screaming, and you do not always understand him\her. Some men do not pay much attention to these things but new mothers sometimes find it hard to feel all this pressure from all the theories, advice and opinions of other people. Do not let anyone (not the Internet, not relatives, not your neighbor with three kids) make your partner doubt that she is the best mother for your baby and feel its needs better than anyone else. Do not doubt yourself as well! If you need advice – read about it or ask someone yourself. Then you can decide what to do.

Now your head is busy dealing with all important tasks in connection with the expansion of your family. You think about the future and make plans. You feel responsible for your family because now not only your own life is in your hands. You are impatient to see the baby who is about to come into this world.

And then in an instant it will happen. You will become a father. And your life, your whole world will never be the same again.

You will be bringing up your child and celebrate all his\her first successes. You will become a role model. You will see how your baby makes the first steps in his\her life. You will hear how he\she says “daddy” for the first time.

This tiny newborn will be radiating so much warmth and love, so many hopes and joy and happiness for you! You will understand it all yourself when you hold your baby for the first time.