Читать книгу Posthumous Works of the Author of A Vindication of the Rights of Woman - Mary Wollstonecraft - Страница 12

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"My father," ſaid Jemima, "ſeduced my mother, a pretty girl, with whom he lived fellow-ſervant; and ſhe no ſooner perceived the natural, the dreaded conſequence, than the terrible conviction flaſhed on her—that ſhe was ruined. Honeſty, and a regard for her reputation, had been the only principles inculcated by her mother; and they had been ſo forcibly impreſſed, that ſhe feared ſhame, more than the poverty to which it would lead. Her inceſſant importunities to prevail upon my father to ſcreen her from reproach by marrying her, as he had promiſed in the fervour of ſeduction, eſtranged him from her ſo completely, that her very perſon became diſtaſteful to him; and he began to hate, as well as deſpiſe me, before I was born.

"My mother, grieved to the ſoul by his neglect, and unkind treatment, actually reſolved to famiſh herſelf; and injured her health by the attempt; though ſhe had not ſufficient reſolution to adhere to her project, or renounce it entirely. Death came not at her call; yet ſorrow, and the methods ſhe adopted to conceal her condition, ſtill doing the work of a houſe-maid, had ſuch an effect on her conſtitution, that ſhe died in the wretched garret, where her virtuous miſtreſs had forced her to take refuge in the very pangs of labour, though my father, after a ſlight reproof, was allowed to remain in his place—allowed by the mother of ſix children, who, ſcarcely permitting a footſtep to be heard, during her month's indulgence, felt no ſympathy for the poor wretch, denied every comfort required by her ſituation.

"The day my mother died, the ninth after my birth, I was conſigned to the care of the cheapeſt nurſe my father could find; who ſuckled her own child at the ſame time, and lodged as many more as ſhe could get, in two cellar-like apartments.

"Poverty, and the habit of ſeeing children die off her hands, had ſo hardened her heart, that the office of a mother did not awaken the tenderneſs of a woman; nor were the feminine careſſes which ſeem a part of the rearing of a child, ever beſtowed on me. The chicken has a wing to ſhelter under; but I had no boſom to neſtle in, no kindred warmth to foſter me. Left in dirt, to cry with cold and hunger till I was weary, and ſleep without ever being prepared by exerciſe, or lulled by kindneſs to reſt; could I be expected to become any thing but a weak and rickety babe? Still, in ſpite of neglect, I continued to exiſt, to learn to curſe exiſtence," her countenance grew ferocious as ſhe ſpoke, "and the treatment that rendered me miſerable, ſeemed to ſharpen my wits. Confined then in a damp hovel, to rock the cradle of the ſucceeding tribe, I looked like a little old woman, or a hag ſhrivelling into nothing. The furrows of reflection and care contracted the youthful cheek, and gave a ſort of ſupernatural wildneſs to the ever watchful eye. During this period, my father had married another fellow-ſervant, who loved him leſs, and knew better how to manage his paſſion, than my mother. She likewiſe proving with child, they agreed to keep a ſhop: my ſtep-mother, if, being an illegitimate offſpring, I may venture thus to characterize her, having obtained a ſum of a rich relation, for that purpoſe.

"Soon after her lying-in, ſhe prevailed on my father to take me home, to ſave the expence of maintaining me, and of hiring a girl to aſſiſt her in the care of the child. I was young, it was true, but appeared a knowing little thing, and might be made handy. Accordingly I was brought to her houſe; but not to a home—for a home I never knew. Of this child, a daughter, ſhe was extravagantly fond; and it was a part of my employment, to aſſiſt to ſpoil her, by humouring all her whims, and bearing all her caprices. Feeling her own conſequence, before ſhe could ſpeak, ſhe had learned the art of tormenting me, and if I ever dared to reſiſt, I received blows, laid on with no compunctious hand, or was ſent to bed dinnerleſs, as well as ſupperleſs. I ſaid that it was a part of my daily labour to attend this child, with the ſervility of a ſlave; ſtill it was but a part. I was ſent out in all ſeaſons, and from place to place, to carry burdens far above my ſtrength, without being allowed to draw near the fire, or ever being cheered by encouragement or kindneſs. No wonder then, treated like a creature of another ſpecies, that I began to envy, and at length to hate, the darling of the houſe. Yet, I perfectly remember, that it was the careſſes, and kind expreſſions of my ſtep-mother, which firſt excited my jealous diſcontent. Once, I cannot forget it, when ſhe was calling in vain her wayward child to kiſs her, I ran to her, ſaying, 'I will kiſs you, ma'am!' and how did my heart, which was in my mouth, ſink, what was my debaſement of ſoul, when puſhed away with—'I do not want you, pert thing!' Another day, when a new gown had excited the higheſt good humour, and ſhe uttered the appropriate dear, addreſſed unexpectedly to me, I thought I could never do enough to pleaſe her; I was all alacrity, and roſe proportionably in my own eſtimation.

"As her daughter grew up, ſhe was pampered with cakes and fruit, while I was, literally ſpeaking, fed with the refuſe of the table, with her leavings. A liquoriſh tooth is, I believe, common to children, and I uſed to ſteal any thing ſweet, that I could catch up with a chance of concealment. When detected, ſhe was not content to chaſtize me herſelf at the moment, but, on my father's return in the evening (he was a ſhopman), the principal diſcourſe was to recount my faults, and attribute them to the wicked diſpoſition which I had brought into the world with me, inherited from my mother. He did not fail to leave the marks of his reſentment on my body, and then ſolaced himſelf by playing with my ſiſter.—I could have murdered her at thoſe moments. To ſave myſelf from theſe unmerciful corrections, I reſorted to falſhood, and the untruths which I ſturdily maintained, were brought in judgment againſt me, to ſupport my tyrant's inhuman charge of my natural propenſity to vice. Seeing me treated with contempt, and always being fed and dreſſed better, my ſiſter conceived a contemptuous opinion of me, that proved an obſtacle to all affection; and my father, hearing continually of my faults, began to conſider me as a curſe entailed on him for his ſins: he was therefore eaſily prevailed on to bind me apprentice to one of my ſtep-mother's friends, who kept a ſlop-ſhop in Wapping. I was repreſented (as it was ſaid) in my true colours; but ſhe, 'warranted,' ſnapping her fingers, 'that ſhe ſhould break my ſpirit or heart.'

"My mother replied, with a whine, 'that if any body could make me better, it was ſuch a clever woman as herſelf; though, for her own part, ſhe had tried in vain; but good-nature was her fault.'

"I ſhudder with horror, when I recollect the treatment I had now to endure. Not only under the laſh of my taſk-miſtreſs, but the drudge of the maid, apprentices and children, I never had a taſte of human kindneſs to ſoften the rigour of perpetual labour. I had been introduced as an object of abhorrence into the family; as a creature of whom my ſtep-mother, though ſhe had been kind enough to let me live in the houſe with her own child, could make nothing. I was deſcribed as a wretch, whoſe noſe muſt be kept to the grinding ſtone—and it was held there with an iron graſp. It ſeemed indeed the privilege of their ſuperior nature to kick me about, like the dog or cat. If I were attentive, I was called fawning, if refractory, an obſtinate mule, and like a mule I received their cenſure on my loaded back. Often has my miſtreſs, for ſome inſtance of forgetfulneſs, thrown me from one ſide of the kitchen to the other, knocked my head againſt the wall, ſpit in my face, with various refinements on barbarity that I forbear to enumerate, though they were all acted over again by the ſervant, with additional inſults, to which the appellation of baſtard, was commonly added, with taunts or ſneers. But I will not attempt to give you an adequate idea of my ſituation, leſt you, who probably have never been drenched with the dregs of human miſery, ſhould think I exaggerate.

"I ſtole now, from abſolute neceſſity—bread; yet whatever elſe was taken, which I had it not in my power to take, was aſcribed to me. I was the filching cat, the ravenous dog, the dumb brute, who muſt bear all; for if I endeavoured to exculpate myſelf, I was ſilenced, without any enquiries being made, with 'Hold your tongue, you never tell truth.' Even the very air I breathed was tainted with ſcorn; for I was ſent to the neighbouring ſhops with Glutton, Liar, or Thief, written on my forehead. This was, at firſt, the moſt bitter puniſhment; but ſullen pride, or a kind of ſtupid deſperation, made me, at length, almoſt regardleſs of the contempt, which had wrung from me ſo many ſolitary tears at the only moments when I was allowed to reſt.

"Thus was I the mark of cruelty till my ſixteenth year; and then I have only to point out a change of miſery; for a period I never knew. Allow me firſt to make one obſervation. Now I look back, I cannot help attributing the greater part of my miſery, to the miſfortune of having been thrown into the world without the grand ſupport of life—a mother's affection. I had no one to love me; or to make me reſpected, to enable me to acquire reſpect. I was an egg dropped on the ſand; a pauper by nature, ſhunted from family to family, who belonged to nobody—and nobody cared for me. I was deſpiſed from my birth, and denied the chance of obtaining a footing for myſelf in ſociety. Yes; I had not even the chance of being conſidered as a fellow-creature—yet all the people with whom I lived, brutalized as they were by the low cunning of trade, and the deſpicable ſhifts of poverty, were not without bowels, though they never yearned for me. I was, in fact, born a ſlave, and chained by infamy to ſlavery during the whole of exiſtence, without having any companions to alleviate it by ſympathy, or teach me how to riſe above it by their example. But, to reſume the thread of my tale—

"At ſixteen, I ſuddenly grew tall, and ſomething like comelineſs appeared on a Sunday, when I had time to waſh my face, and put on clean clothes. My maſter had once or twice caught hold of me in the paſſage; but I inſtinctively avoided his diſguſting careſſes. One day however, when the family were at a methodiſt meeting, he contrived to be alone in the houſe with me, and by blows—yes; blows and menaces, compelled me to ſubmit to his ferocious deſire; and, to avoid my miſtreſs's fury, I was obliged in future to comply, and ſkulk to my loft at his command, in ſpite of increaſing loathing.

"The anguiſh which was now pent up in my boſom, ſeemed to open a new world to me: I began to extend my thoughts beyond myſelf, and grieve for human miſery, till I diſcovered, with horror—ah! what horror!—that I was with child. I know not why I felt a mixed ſenſation of deſpair and tenderneſs, excepting that, ever called a baſtard, a baſtard appeared to me an object of the greateſt compaſſion in creation.

"I communicated this dreadful circumſtance to my maſter, who was almoſt equally alarmed at the intelligence; for he feared his wife, and public cenſure at the meeting. After ſome weeks of deliberation had elapſed, I in continual fear that my altered ſhape would be noticed, my maſter gave me a medicine in a phial, which he deſired me to take, telling me, without any circumlocution, for what purpoſe it was deſigned. I burſt into tears, I thought it was killing myſelf—yet was ſuch a ſelf as I worth preſerving? He curſed me for a fool, and left me to my own reflections. I could not reſolve to take this infernal potion; but I wrapped it up in an old gown, and hid it in a corner of my box.

"Nobody yet ſuſpected me, becauſe they had been accuſtomed to view me as a creature of another ſpecies. But the threatening ſtorm at laſt broke over my devoted head—never ſhall I forget it! One Sunday evening when I was left, as uſual, to take care of the houſe, my maſter came home intoxicated, and I became the prey of his brutal appetite. His extreme intoxication made him forget his cuſtomary caution, and my miſtreſs entered and found us in a ſituation that could not have been more hateful to her than me. Her huſband was 'pot-valiant,' he feared her not at the moment, nor had he then much reaſon, for ſhe inſtantly turned the whole force of her anger another way. She tore off my cap, ſcratched, kicked, and buffetted me, till ſhe had exhauſted her ſtrength, declaring, as ſhe reſted her arm, 'that I had wheedled her huſband from her.—But, could any thing better be expected from a wretch, whom ſhe had taken into her houſe out of pure charity?' What a torrent of abuſe ruſhed out? till, almoſt breathleſs, ſhe concluded with ſaying, 'that I was born a ſtrumpet; it ran in my blood, and nothing good could come to thoſe who harboured me.'

"My ſituation was, of courſe, diſcovered, and ſhe declared that I ſhould not ſtay another night under the ſame roof with an honeſt family. I was therefore puſhed out of doors, and my trumpery thrown after me, when it had been contemptuouſly examined in the paſſage, leſt I ſhould have ſtolen any thing.

"Behold me then in the ſtreet, utterly deſtitute! Whither could I creep for ſhelter? To my father's roof I had no claim, when not purſued by ſhame—now I ſhrunk back as from death, from my mother's cruel reproaches, my father's execrations. I could not endure to hear him curſe the day I was born, though life had been a curſe to me. Of death I thought, but with a confuſed emotion of terror, as I ſtood leaning my head on a poſt, and ſtarting at every footſtep, leſt it ſhould be my miſtreſs coming to tear my heart out. One of the boys of the ſhop paſſing by, heard my tale, and immediately repaired to his maſter, to give him a deſcription of my ſituation; and he touched the right key—the ſcandal it would give riſe to, if I were left to repeat my tale to every enquirer. This plea came home to his reaſon, who had been ſobered by his wife's rage, the fury of which fell on him when I was out of her reach, and he ſent the boy to me with half-a-guinea, deſiring him to conduct me to a houſe, where beggars, and other wretches, the refuſe of ſociety, nightly lodged.

"This night was ſpent in a ſtate of ſtupefaction, or deſperation. I deteſted mankind, and abhorred myſelf.

"In the morning I ventured out, to throw myſelf in my maſter's way, at his uſual hour of going abroad. I approached him, he 'damned me for a b——, declared I had diſturbed the peace of the family, and that he had ſworn to his wife, never to take any more notice of me.' He left me; but, inſtantly returning, he told me that he ſhould ſpeak to his friend, a pariſh-officer, to get a nurſe for the brat I laid to him; and adviſed me, if I wiſhed to keep out of the houſe of correction, not to make free with his name.

"I hurried back to my hole, and, rage giving place to deſpair, ſought for the potion that was to procure abortion, and ſwallowed it, with a wiſh that it might deſtroy me, at the ſame time that it ſtopped the ſenſations of new-born life, which I felt with indeſcribable emotion. My head turned round, my heart grew ſick, and in the horrors of approaching diſſolution, mental anguiſh was ſwallowed up. The effect of the medicine was violent, and I was confined to my bed ſeveral days; but, youth and a ſtrong conſtitution prevailing, I once more crawled out, to aſk myſelf the cruel queſtion, 'Whither I ſhould go?' I had but two ſhillings left in my pocket, the reſt had been expended, by a poor woman who ſlept in the ſame room, to pay for my lodging, and purchaſe the neceſſaries of which ſhe partook.

"With this wretch I went into the neighbouring ſtreets to beg, and my diſconſolate appearance drew a few pence from the idle, enabling me ſtill to command a bed; till, recovering from my illneſs, and taught to put on my rags to the beſt advantage, I was accoſted from different motives, and yielded to the deſire of the brutes I met, with the ſame deteſtation that I had felt for my ſtill more brutal maſter. I have ſince read in novels of the blandiſhments of ſeduction, but I had not even the pleaſure of being enticed into vice.

"I ſhall not," interrupted Jemima, "lead your imagination into all the ſcenes of wretchedneſs and depravity, which I was condemned to view; or mark the different ſtages of my debaſing miſery. Fate dragged me through the very kennels of ſociety; I was ſtill a ſlave, a baſtard, a common property. Become familiar with vice, for I wiſh to conceal nothing from you, I picked the pockets of the drunkards who abuſed me; and proved by my conduct, that I deſerved the epithets, with which they loaded me at moments when diſtruſt ought to ceaſe.

"Deteſting my nightly occupation, though valuing, if I may ſo uſe the word, my independence, which only conſiſted in chooſing the ſtreet in which I ſhould wander, or the roof, when I had money, in which I ſhould hide my head, I was ſome time before I could prevail on myſelf to accept of a place in a houſe of ill fame, to which a girl, with whom I had accidentally converſed in the ſtreet, had recommended me. I had been hunted almoſt into a a fever, by the watchmen of the quarter of the town I frequented; one, whom I had unwittingly offended, giving the word to the whole pack. You can ſcarcely conceive the tyranny exerciſed by theſe wretches: conſidering themſelves as the inſtruments of the very laws they violate, the pretext which ſteels their conſcience, hardens their heart. Not content with receiving from us, outlaws of ſociety (let other women talk of favours) a brutal gratification gratuitouſly as a privilege of office, they extort a tithe of proſtitution, and harraſs with threats the poor creatures whoſe occupation affords not the means to ſilence the growl of avarice. To eſcape from this perſecution, I once more entered into ſervitude.

"A life of comparative regularity reſtored my health; and—do not ſtart—my manners were improved, in a ſituation where vice ſought to render itſelf alluring, and taſte was cultivated to faſhion the perſon, if not to refine the mind. Beſides, the common civility of ſpeech, contraſted with the groſs vulgarity to which I had been accuſtomed, was ſomething like the poliſh of civilization. I was not ſhut out from all intercourſe of humanity. Still I was galled by the yoke of ſervice, and my miſtreſs often flying into violent fits of paſſion, made me dread a ſudden diſmiſſion, which I underſtood was always the caſe. I was therefore prevailed on, though I felt a horror of men, to accept the offer of a gentleman, rather in the decline of years, to keep his houſe, pleaſantly ſituated in a little village near Hampſtead.

"He was a man of great talents, and of brilliant wit; but, a worn-out votary of voluptuouſneſs, his deſires became faſtidious in proportion as they grew weak, and the native tenderneſs of his heart was undermined by a vitiated imagination. A thoughtleſs career of libertiniſm and ſocial enjoyment, had injured his health to ſuch a degree, that, whatever pleaſure his converſation afforded me (and my eſteem was enſured by proofs of the generous humanity of his diſpoſition), the being his miſtreſs was purchaſing it at a very dear rate. With ſuch a keen perception of the delicacies of ſentiment, with an imagination invigorated by the exerciſe of genius, how could he ſink into the groſſneſs of ſenſuality!

"But, to paſs over a ſubject which I recollect with pain, I muſt remark to you, as an anſwer to your often-repeated queſtion, 'Why my ſentiments and language were ſuperior to my ſtation?' that I now began to read, to beguile the tediouſneſs of ſolitude, and to gratify an inquiſitive, active mind. I had often, in my childhood, followed a ballad-ſinger, to hear the ſequel of a diſmal ſtory, though ſure of being ſeverely puniſhed for delaying to return with whatever I was ſent to purchaſe. I could juſt ſpell and put a ſentence together, and I liſtened to the various arguments, though often mingled with obſcenity, which occurred at the table where I was allowed to preſide: for a literary friend or two frequently came home with my maſter, to dine and paſs the night. Having loſt the privileged reſpect of my ſex, my preſence, inſtead of reſtraining, perhaps gave the reins to their tongues; ſtill I had the advantage of hearing diſcuſſions, from which, in the common courſe of life, women are excluded.

"You may eaſily imagine, that it was only by degrees that I could comprehend ſome of the ſubjects they inveſtigated, or acquire from their reaſoning what might be termed a moral ſenſe. But my fondneſs of reading increaſing, and my maſter occaſionally ſhutting himſelf up in this retreat, for weeks together, to write, I had many opportunities of improvement. At firſt, conſidering money I was right!" (exclaimed Jemima, altering her tone of voice) "as the only means, after my loſs of reputation, of obtaining reſpect, or even the toleration of humanity, I had not the leaſt ſcruple to ſecrete a part of the ſums intruſted to me, and to ſcreen myſelf from detection by a ſyſtem of falſhood. But, acquiring new principles, I began to have the ambition of returning to the reſpectable part of ſociety, and was weak enough to ſuppoſe it poſſible. The attention of my unaſſuming inſtructor, who, without being ignorant of his own powers, poſſeſſed great ſimplicity of manners, ſtrengthened the illuſion. Having ſometimes caught up hints for thought, from my untutored remarks, he often led me to diſcuſs the ſubjects he was treating, and would read to me his productions, previous to their publication, wiſhing to profit by the criticiſm of unſophiſticated feeling. The aim of his writings was to touch the ſimple ſprings of the heart; for he deſpiſed the would-be oracles, the ſelf-elected philoſophers, who fright away fancy, while ſifting each grain of thought to prove that ſlowneſs of comprehenſion is wiſdom.

"I ſhould have diſtinguiſhed this as a moment of ſunſhine, a happy period in my life, had not the repugnance the diſguſting libertiniſm of my protector inſpired, daily become more painful.—And, indeed, I ſoon did recollect it as ſuch with agony, when his ſudden death (for he had recourſe to the moſt exhilarating cordials to keep up the convivial tone of his ſpirits) again threw me into the deſert of human ſociety. Had he had any time for reflection, I am certain he would have left the little property in his power to me: but, attacked by the fatal apoplexy in town, his heir, a man of rigid morals, brought his wife with him to take poſſeſſion of the houſe and effects, before I was even informed of his death—'to prevent,' as ſhe took care indirectly to tell me, 'ſuch a creature as ſhe ſuppoſed me to be, from purloining any of them, had I been apprized of the event in time.'

"The grief I felt at the ſudden ſhock the information gave me, which at firſt had nothing ſelfiſh in it, was treated with contempt, and I was ordered to pack up my clothes; and a few trinkets and books, given me by the generous deceaſed, were conteſted, while they piouſly hoped, with a reprobating ſhake of the head, 'that God would have mercy on his ſinful ſoul!' With ſome difficulty, I obtained my arrears of wages; but aſking—ſuch is the ſpirit-grinding conſequence of poverty and infamy—for a character for honeſty and economy, which God knows I merited, I was told by this—why muſt I call her woman?—'that it would go againſt her conſcience to recommend a kept miſtreſs.' Tears ſtarted in my eyes, burning tears; for there are ſituations in which a wretch is humbled by the contempt they are conſcious they do not deſerve.

"I returned to the metropolis; but the ſolitude of a poor lodging was inconceivably dreary, after the ſociety I had enjoyed. To be cut off from human converſe, now I had been taught to reliſh it, was to wander a ghoſt among the living. Beſides, I foreſaw, to aggravate the ſeverity of my fate, that my little pittance would ſoon melt away. I endeavoured to obtain needlework; but, not having been taught early, and my hands being rendered clumſy by hard work, I did not ſufficiently excel to be employed by the ready-made linen ſhops, when ſo many women, better qualified, were ſuing for it. The want of a character prevented my getting a place; for, irkſome as ſervitude would have been to me, I ſhould have made another trial, had it been feaſible. Not that I diſliked employment, but the inequality of condition to which I muſt have ſubmitted. I had acquired a taſte for literature, during the five years I had lived with a literary man, occaſionally converſing with men of the firſt abilities of the age; and now to deſcend to the loweſt vulgarity, was a degree of wretchedneſs not to be imagined unfelt. I had not, it is true, taſted the charms of affection, but I had been familiar with the graces of humanity.

"One of the gentlemen, whom I had frequently dined in company with, while I was treated like a companion, met me in the ſtreet, and enquired after my health. I ſeized the occaſion, and began to deſcribe my ſituation; but he was in haſte to join, at dinner, a ſelect party of choice ſpirits; therefore, without waiting to hear me, he impatiently put a guinea into my hand, ſaying, 'It was a pity ſuch a ſenſible woman ſhould be in diſtreſs—he wiſhed me well from his ſoul.'

"To another I wrote, ſtating my caſe, and requeſting advice. He was an advocate for unequivocal ſincerity; and had often, in my preſence, deſcanted on the evils which ariſe in ſociety from the deſpotiſm of rank and riches.

"In reply, I received a long eſſay on the energy of the human mind, with continual alluſions to his own force of character. He added, 'That the woman who could write ſuch a letter as I had ſent him, could never be in want of reſources, were ſhe to look into herſelf, and exert her powers; miſery was the conſequence of indolence, and, as to my being ſhut out from ſociety, it was the lot of man to ſubmit to certain privations.'

"How often have I heard," ſaid Jemima, interrupting her narrative, "in converſation, and read in books, that every perſon willing to work may find employment? It is the vague aſſertion, I believe, of inſenſible indolence, when it relates to men; but, with reſpect to women, I am ſure of its fallacy, unleſs they will ſubmit to the moſt menial bodily labour; and even to be employed at hard labour is out of the reach of many, whoſe reputation miſfortune or folly has tainted.

"How writers, profeſſing to be friends to freedom, and the improvement of morals, can aſſert that poverty is no evil, I cannot imagine."

"No more can I," interrupted Maria, "yet they even expatiate on the peculiar happineſs of indigence, though in what it can conſiſt, excepting in brutal reſt, when a man can barely earn a ſubſiſtence, I cannot imagine. The mind is neceſſarily impriſoned in its own little tenement; and, fully occupied by keeping it in repair, has not time to rove abroad for improvement. The book of knowledge is cloſely claſped, againſt thoſe who muſt fulfil their daily taſk of ſevere manual labour or die; and curioſity, rarely excited by thought or information, ſeldom moves on the ſtagnate lake of ignorance."

"As far as I have been able to obſerve," replied Jemima, "prejudices, caught up by chance, are obſtinately maintained by the poor, to the excluſion of improvement; they have not time to reaſon or reflect to any extent, or minds ſufficiently exerciſed to adopt the principles of action, which form perhaps the only baſis of contentment in every ſtation[114-A]."

"And independence," ſaid Darnford, "they are neceſſarily ſtrangers to, even the independence of deſpiſing their perſecutors. If the poor are happy, or can be happy, things are very well as they are. And I cannot conceive on what principle thoſe writers contend for a change of ſyſtem, who ſupport this opinion. The authors on the other ſide of the queſtion are much more conſiſtent, who grant the fact; yet, inſiſting that it is the lot of the majority to be oppreſſed in this life, kindly turn them over to another, to rectify the falſe weights and meaſures of this, as the only way to juſtify the diſpenſations of Providence. I have not," continued Darnford, "an opinion more firmly fixed by obſervation in my mind, than that, though riches may fail to produce proportionate happineſs, poverty moſt commonly excludes it, by ſhutting up all the avenues to improvement."

"And as for the affections," added Maria, with a ſigh, "how groſs, and even tormenting do they become, unleſs regulated by an improving mind! The culture of the heart ever, I believe, keeps pace with that of the mind. But pray go on," addreſſing Jemima, "though your narrative gives riſe to the moſt painful reflections on the preſent ſtate of ſociety."

"Not to trouble you," continued ſhe, "with a detailed deſcription of all the painful feelings of unavailing exertion, I have only to tell you, that at laſt I got recommended to waſh in a few families, who did me the favour to admit me into their houſes, without the moſt ſtrict enquiry, to waſh from one in the morning till eight at night, for eighteen or twenty-pence a day. On the happineſs to be enjoyed over a waſhing-tub I need not comment; yet you will allow me to obſerve, that this was a wretchedneſs of ſituation peculiar to my ſex. A man with half my induſtry, and, I may ſay, abilities, could have procured a decent livelihood, and diſcharged ſome of the duties which knit mankind together; whilſt I, who had acquired a taſte for the rational, nay, in honeſt pride let me aſſert it, the virtuous enjoyments of life, was caſt aſide as the filth of ſociety. Condemned to labour, like a machine, only to earn bread, and ſcarcely that, I became melancholy and deſperate.

"I have now to mention a circumſtance which fills me with remorſe, and fear it will entirely deprive me of your eſteem. A tradeſman became attached to me, and viſited me frequently—and I at laſt obtained ſuch a power over him, that he offered to take me home to his houſe.—Conſider, dear madam, I was famiſhing: wonder not that I became a wolf!—The only reaſon for not taking me home immediately, was the having a girl in the houſe, with child by him—and this girl—I adviſed him—yes, I did! would I could forget it!—to turn out of doors: and one night he determined to follow my advice, Poor wretch! ſhe fell upon her knees, reminded him that he had promiſed to marry her, that her parents were honeſt!—What did it avail?—She was turned out.

"She approached her father's door, in the ſkirts of London—liſtened at the ſhutters—but could not knock. A watchman had obſerved her go and return ſeveral times—Poor wretch!—" The remorſe Jemima ſpoke of, ſeemed to be ſtinging her to the ſoul, as ſhe proceeded."

"She left it, and, approaching a tub where horſes were watered, ſhe ſat down in it, and, with deſperate reſolution, remained in that attitude—till reſolution was no longer neceſſary!

"I happened that morning to be going out to waſh, anticipating the moment when I ſhould eſcape from ſuch hard labour. I paſſed by, juſt as ſome men, going to work, drew out the ſtiff, cold corpſe—Let me not recal the horrid moment!—I recognized her pale viſage; I liſtened to the tale told by the ſpectators, and my heart did not burſt. I thought of my own ſtate, and wondered how I could be ſuch a monſter!—I worked hard; and, returning home, I was attacked by a fever. I ſuffered both in body and mind. I determined not to live with the wretch. But he did not try me; he left the neighbourhood. I once more returned to the waſh-tub.

"Still this ſtate, miſerable as it was, admitted of aggravation. Lifting one day a heavy load, a tub fell againſt my ſhin, and gave me great pain. I did not pay much attention to the hurt, till it became a ſerious wound; being obliged to work as uſual, or ſtarve. But, finding myſelf at length unable to ſtand for any time, I thought of getting into an hoſpital. Hoſpitals, it ſhould ſeem (for they are comfortleſs abodes for the ſick) were expreſſly endowed for the reception of the friendleſs; yet I, who had on that plea a right to aſſiſtance, wanted the recommendation of the rich and reſpectable, and was ſeveral weeks languiſhing for admittance; fees were demanded on entering; and, what was ſtill more unreaſonable, ſecurity for burying me, that expence not coming into the letter of the charity. A guinea was the ſtipulated ſum—I could as ſoon have raiſed a million; and I was afraid to apply to the pariſh for an order, leſt they ſhould have paſſed me, I knew not whither. The poor woman at whoſe houſe I lodged, compaſſionating my ſtate, got me into the hoſpital; and the family where I received the hurt, ſent me five ſhillings, three and ſix-pence of which I gave at my admittance—I know not for what.

"My leg grew quickly better; but I was diſmiſſed before my cure was completed, becauſe I could not afford to have my linen waſhed to appear decently, as the virago of a nurſe ſaid, when the gentlemen (the ſurgeons) came. I cannot give you an adequate idea of the wretchedneſs of an hoſpital; every thing is left to the care of people intent on gain. The attendants ſeem to have loſt all feeling of compaſſion in the buſtling diſcharge of their offices; death is ſo familiar to them, that they are not anxious to ward it off. Every thing appeared to be conducted for the accommodation of the medical men and their pupils, who came to make experiments on the poor, for the benefit of the rich. One of the phyſicians, I muſt not forget to mention, gave me half-a-crown, and ordered me ſome wine, when I was at the loweſt ebb. I thought of making my caſe known to the lady-like matron; but her forbidding countenance prevented me. She condeſcended to look on the patients, and make general enquiries, two or three times a week; but the nurſes knew the hour when the viſit of ceremony would commence, and every thing was as it ſhould be.

"After my diſmiſſion, I was more at a loſs than ever for a ſubſiſtence, and, not to weary you with a repetition of the ſame unavailing attempts, unable to ſtand at the waſhing-tub, I began to conſider the rich and poor as natural enemies, and became a thief from principle. I could not now ceaſe to reaſon, but I hated mankind. I deſpiſed myſelf, yet I juſtified my conduct. I was taken, tried, and condemned to ſix months' impriſonment in a houſe of correction. My ſoul recoils with horror from the remembrance of the inſults I had to endure, till, branded with ſhame, I was turned looſe in the ſtreet, pennyleſs. I wandered from ſtreet to ſtreet, till, exhauſted by hunger and fatigue, I ſunk down ſenſeleſs at a door, where I had vainly demanded a morſel of bread. I was ſent by the inhabitant to the work-houſe, to which he had ſurlily bid me go, ſaying, he 'paid enough in conſcience to the poor,' when, with parched tongue, I implored his charity. If thoſe well-meaning people who exclaim againſt beggars, were acquainted with the treatment the poor receive in many of theſe wretched aſylums, they would not ſtifle ſo eaſily involuntary ſympathy, by ſaying that they have all pariſhes to go to, or wonder that the poor dread to enter the gloomy walls. What are the common run of work-houſes, but priſons, in which many reſpectable old people, worn out by immoderate labour, ſink into the grave in ſorrow, to which they are carried like dogs!"

Alarmed by ſome indiſtinct noiſe, Jemima roſe haſtily to liſten, and Maria, turning to Darnford, ſaid, "I have indeed been ſhocked beyond expreſſion when I have met a pauper's funeral. A coffin carried on the ſhoulders of three or four ill-looking wretches, whom the imagination might eaſily convert into a band of aſſaſſins, haſtening to conceal the corpſe, and quarrelling about the prey on their way. I know it is of little conſequence how we are conſigned to the earth; but I am led by this brutal inſenſibility, to what even the animal creation appears forcibly to feel, to advert to the wretched, deſerted manner in which they died."

"True," rejoined Darnford, "and, till the rich will give more than a part of their wealth, till they will give time and attention to the wants of the diſtreſſed, never let them boaſt of charity. Let them open their hearts, and not their purſes, and employ their minds in the ſervice, if they are really actuated by humanity; or charitable inſtitutions will always be the prey of the loweſt order of knaves."

Jemima returning, ſeemed in haſte to finiſh her tale. "The overſeer farmed the poor of different pariſhes, and out of the bowels of poverty was wrung the money with which he purchaſed this dwelling, as a private receptacle for madneſs. He had been a keeper at a houſe of the ſame deſcription, and conceived that he could make money much more readily in his old occupation. He is a ſhrewd—ſhall I ſay it?—villain. He obſerved ſomething reſolute in my manner, and offered to take me with him, and inſtruct me how to treat the diſturbed minds he meant to intruſt to my care. The offer of forty pounds a year, and to quit a workhouſe, was not to be deſpiſed, though the condition of ſhutting my eyes and hardening my heart was annexed to it.

"I agreed to accompany him; and four years have I been attendant on many wretches, and"—ſhe lowered her voice—"the witneſs of many enormities. In ſolitude my mind ſeemed to recover its force, and many of the ſentiments which I imbibed in the only tolerable period of my life, returned with their full force. Still what ſhould induce me to be the champion for ſuffering humanity?—Who ever riſked any thing for me?—Who ever acknowledged me to be a fellow-creature?"—

Maria took her hand, and Jemima, more overcome by kindneſs than ſhe had ever been by cruelty, haſtened out of the room to conceal her emotions.