Читать книгу Posthumous Works of the Author of A Vindication of the Rights of Woman - Mary Wollstonecraft - Страница 9

"Whoever you are, who partake of my fate, accept my ſincere commiſeration—I would have ſaid protection; but the privilege of man is denied me.

"My own ſituation forces a dreadful ſuſpicion on my mind—I may not always languiſh in vain for freedom—ſay are you—I cannot aſk the queſtion; yet I will remember you when my remembrance can be of any uſe. I will enquire, why you are ſo myſteriouſly detained—and I will have an anſwer.

"henry darnford."

By the moſt preſſing intreaties, Maria prevailed on Jemima to permit her to write a reply to this note. Another and another ſucceeded, in which explanations were not allowed relative to their preſent ſituation; but Maria, with ſufficient explicitneſs, alluded to a former obligation; and they inſenſibly entered on an interchange of ſentiments on the moſt important ſubjects. To write theſe letters was the buſineſs of the day, and to receive them the moment of ſunſhine. By ſome means, Darnford having diſcovered Maria's window, when ſhe next appeared at it, he made her, behind his keepers, a profound bow of reſpect and recognition.

Two or three weeks glided away in this kind of intercourſe, during which period Jemima, to whom Maria had given the neceſſary information reſpecting her family, had evidently gained ſome intelligence, which increaſed her deſire of pleaſing her charge, though ſhe could not yet determine to liberate her. Maria took advantage of this favourable charge, without too minutely enquiring into the cauſe; and ſuch was her eagerneſs to hold human converſe, and to ſee her former protector, ſtill a ſtranger to her, that ſhe inceſſantly requeſted her guard to gratify her more than curioſity.

Writing to Darnford, ſhe was led from the ſad objects before her, and frequently rendered inſenſible to the horrid noiſes around her, which previouſly had continually employed her feveriſh fancy. Thinking it ſelfiſh to dwell on her own ſufferings, when in the midſt of wretches, who had not only loſt all that endears life, but their very ſelves, her imagination was occupied with melancholy earneſtneſs to trace the mazes of miſery, through which ſo many wretches muſt have paſſed to this gloomy receptacle of diſjointed ſouls, to the grand ſource of human corruption. Often at midnight was ſhe waked by the diſmal ſhrieks of demoniac rage, or of excruciating deſpair, uttered in ſuch wild tones of indeſcribable anguiſh as proved the total abſence of reaſon, and rouſed phantoms of horror in her mind, far more terrific than all that dreaming ſuperſtition ever drew. Beſides, there was frequently ſomething ſo inconceivably pictureſque in the varying geſtures of unreſtrained paſſion, ſo irreſiſtibly comic in their ſallies, or ſo heart-piercingly pathetic in the little airs they would ſing, frequently burſting out after an awful ſilence, as to faſcinate the attention, and amuſe the fancy, while torturing the ſoul. It was the uproar of the paſſions which ſhe was compelled to obſerve; and to mark the lucid beam of reaſon, like a light trembling in a ſocket, or like the flaſh which divides the threatening clouds of angry heaven only to diſplay the horrors which darkneſs ſhrouded.

Jemima would labour to beguile the tedious evenings, by deſcribing the perſons and manners of the unfortunate beings, whoſe figures or voices awoke ſympathetic ſorrow in Maria's boſom; and the ſtories ſhe told were the more intereſting, for perpetually leaving room to conjecture ſomething extraordinary. Still Maria, accuſtomed to generalize her obſervations, was led to conclude from all ſhe heard, that it was a vulgar error to ſuppoſe that people of abilities were the moſt apt to loſe the command of reaſon. On the contrary, from moſt of the inſtances ſhe could inveſtigate, ſhe thought it reſulted, that the paſſions only appeared ſtrong and diſproportioned, becauſe the judgment was weak and unexerciſed; and that they gained ſtrength by the decay of reaſon, as the ſhadows lengthen during the ſun's decline.

Maria impatiently wiſhed to ſee her fellow-ſufferer; but Darnford was ſtill more earneſt to obtain an interview. Accuſtomed to ſubmit to every impulſe of paſſion, and never taught, like women, to reſtrain the moſt natural, and acquire, inſtead of the bewitching frankneſs of nature, a factitious propriety of behaviour, every deſire became a torrent that bore down all oppoſition.

His travelling trunk, which contained the books lent to Maria, had been ſent to him, and with a part of its contents he bribed his principal keeper; who, after receiving the moſt ſolemn promiſe that he would return to his apartment without attempting to explore any part of the houſe, conducted him, in the duſk of the evening, to Maria's room.

Jemima had apprized her charge of the viſit, and ſhe expected with trembling impatience, inſpired by a vague hope that he might again prove her deliverer, to ſee a man who had before reſcued her from oppreſſion. He entered with an animation of countenance, formed to captivate an enthuſiaſt; and, haſtily turned his eyes from her to the apartment, which he ſurveyed with apparent emotions of compaſſionate indignation. Sympathy illuminated his eye, and, taking her hand, he reſpectfully bowed on it, exclaiming—"This is extraordinary!—again to meet you, and in ſuch circumſtances!" Still, impreſſive as was the coincidence of events which brought them once more together, their full hearts did not overflow.—[54-A]

[And though, after this firſt viſit, they were permitted frequently to repeat their interviews, they were for ſome time employed in] a reſerved converſation, to which all the world might have liſtened; excepting, when diſcuſſing ſome literary ſubject, flaſhes of ſentiment, inforced by each relaxing feature, ſeemed to remind them that their minds were already acquainted.

[By degrees, Darnford entered into the particulars of his ſtory.] In a few words, he informed her that he had been a thoughtleſs, extravagant young man; yet, as he deſcribed his faults, they appeared to be the generous luxuriancy of a noble mind. Nothing like meanneſs tarniſhed the luſtre of his youth, nor had the worm of ſelfiſhneſs lurked in the unfolding bud, even while he had been the dupe of others. Yet he tardily acquired the experience neceſſary to guard him againſt future impoſition.

"I ſhall weary you," continued he, "by my egotiſm; and did not powerful emotions draw me to you,"—his eyes gliſtened as he ſpoke, and a trembling ſeemed to run through his manly frame—"I would not waſte theſe precious moments in talking of myſelf.

"My father and mother were people of faſhion; married by their parents. He was fond of the turf, ſhe of the card-table. I, and two or three other children ſince dead, were kept at home till we became intolerable. My father and mother had a viſible diſlike to each other, continually diſplayed; the ſervants were of the depraved kind uſually found in the houſes of people of fortune. My brothers and parents all dying, I was left to the care of guardians, and ſent to Eton. I never knew the ſweets of domeſtic affection, but I felt the want of indulgence and frivolous reſpect at ſchool. I will not diſguſt you with a recital of the vices of my youth, which can ſcarcely be comprehended by female delicacy. I was taught to love by a creature I am aſhamed to mention; and the other women with whom I afterwards became intimate, were of a claſs of which you can have no knowledge. I formed my acquaintance with them at the theatres; and, when vivacity danced in their eyes, I was not eaſily diſguſted by the vulgarity which flowed from their lips. Having ſpent, a few years after I was of age, [the whole of] a conſiderable patrimony, excepting a few hundreds, I had no recourſe but to purchaſe a commiſſion in a new-raiſed regiment, deſtined to ſubjugate America. The regret I felt to renounce a life of pleaſure, was counter-balanced by the curioſity I had to ſee America, or rather to travel; [nor had any of thoſe circumſtances occurred to my youth, which might have been calculated] to bind my country to my heart. I ſhall not trouble you with the details of a military life. My blood was ſtill kept in motion; till, towards the cloſe of the conteſt, I was wounded and taken priſoner.

"Confined to my bed, or chair, by a lingering cure, my only refuge from the preying activity of my mind, was books, which I read with great avidity, profiting by the converſation of my hoſt, a man of ſound underſtanding. My political ſentiments now underwent a total change; and, dazzled by the hoſpitality of the Americans, I determined to take up my abode with freedom. I, therefore, with my uſual impetuoſity, ſold my commiſſion, and travelled into the interior parts of the country, to lay out my money to advantage. Added to this, I did not much like the puritanical manners of the large towns. Inequality of condition was there moſt diſguſtingly galling. The only pleaſure wealth afforded, was to make an oſtentatious diſplay of it; for the cultivation of the fine arts, or literature, had not introduced into the firſt circles that poliſh of manners which renders the rich ſo eſſentially ſuperior to the poor in Europe. Added to this, an influx of vices had been let in by the Revolution, and the moſt rigid principles of religion ſhaken to the centre, before the underſtanding could be gradually emancipated from the prejudices which led their anceſtors undauntedly to ſeek an inhoſpitable clime and unbroken ſoil. The reſolution, that led them, in purſuit of independence, to embark on rivers like ſeas, to ſearch for unknown ſhores, and to ſleep under the hovering miſts of endleſs foreſts, whoſe baleful damps agued their limbs, was now turned into commercial ſpeculations, till the national character exhibited a phenomenon in the hiſtory of the human mind—a head enthuſiaſtically enterpriſing, with cold ſelfiſhneſs of heart. And woman, lovely woman!—they charm every where—ſtill there is a degree of prudery, and a want of taſte and eaſe in the manners of the American women, that renders them, in ſpite of their roſes and lilies, far inferior to our European charmers. In the country, they have often a bewitching ſimplicity of character; but, in the cities, they have all the airs and ignorance of the ladies who give the tone to the circles of the large trading towns in England. They are fond of their ornaments, merely becauſe they are good, and not becauſe they embelliſh their perſons; and are more gratified to inſpire the women with jealouſy of theſe exterior advantages, than the men with love. All the frivolity which often (excuſe me, Madam) renders the ſociety of modeſt women ſo ſtupid in England, here ſeemed to throw ſtill more leaden fetters on their charms. Not being an adept in gallantry, I found that I could only keep myſelf awake in their company by making downright love to them.

"But, not to intrude on your patience, I retired to the track of land which I had purchaſed in the country, and my time paſſed pleaſantly enough while I cut down the trees, built my houſe, and planted my different crops. But winter and idleneſs came, and I longed for more elegant ſociety, to hear what was paſſing in the world, and to do ſomething better than vegetate with the animals that made a very conſiderable part of my houſehold. Conſequently, I determined to travel. Motion was a ſubſtitute for variety of objects; and, paſſing over immenſe tracks of country, I exhauſted my exuberant ſpirits, without obtaining much experience. I every where ſaw induſtry the fore-runner and not the conſequence, of luxury; but this country, every thing being on an ample ſcale, did not afford thoſe pictureſque views, which a certain degree of cultivation is neceſſary gradually to produce. The eye wandered without an object to fix upon over immeaſureable plains, and lakes that ſeemed repleniſhed by the ocean, whilſt eternal foreſts of ſmall cluſtering trees, obſtructed the circulation of air, and embarraſſed the path, without gratifying the eye of taſte. No cottage ſmiling in the waſte, no travellers hailed us, to give life to ſilent nature; or, if perchance we ſaw the print of a footſtep in our path, it was a dreadful warning to turn aſide; and the head ached as if aſſailed by the ſcalping knife. The Indians who hovered on the ſkirts of the European ſettlements had only learned of their neighbours to plunder, and they ſtole their guns from them to do it with more ſafety.

"From the woods and back ſettlements, I returned to the towns, and learned to eat and drink moſt valiantly; but without entering into commerce (and I deteſted commerce) I found I could not live there; and, growing heartily weary of the land of liberty and vulgar ariſtocracy, ſeated on her bags of dollars, I reſolved once more to viſit Europe. I wrote to a diſtant relation in England, with whom I had been educated, mentioning the veſſel in which I intended to ſail. Arriving in London, my ſenſes were intoxicated. I ran from ſtreet to ſtreet, from theatre to theatre, and the women of the town (again I muſt beg pardon for my habitual frankneſs) appeared to me like angels.

"A week was ſpent in this thoughtleſs manner, when, returning very late to the hotel in which I had lodged ever ſince my arrival, I was knocked down in a private ſtreet, and hurried, in a ſtate of inſenſibility, into a coach, which brought me hither, and I only recovered my ſenſes to be treated like one who had loſt them. My keepers are deaf to my remonſtrances and enquiries, yet aſſure me that my confinement ſhall not laſt long. Still I cannot gueſs, though I weary myſelf with conjectures, why I am confined, or in what part of England this houſe is ſituated. I imagine ſometimes that I hear the ſea roar, and wiſhed myſelf again on the Atlantic, till I had a glimpſe of you[65-A]."

A few moments were only allowed to Maria to comment on this narrative, when Darnford left her to her own thoughts, to the "never ending, ſtill beginning," taſk of weighing his words, recollecting his tones of voice, and feeling them reverberate on her heart.