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Chapter 1

Background: The origins of your success

This chapter is an invitation to reflect on what has significantly influenced all of your previous accomplishments. If you understand your background, you gain a better understanding of yourself and can decide and act more deliberately. Nothing defines us more than our early development and the basis of our personality throughout our lives. Are you ready for a journey back to the beginning?

Patrick closed the front door behind him and left it unlocked. His wife, Laura, hated him for it. Holding a duffle bag in his hands, he approached his red Ford Mustang V8, parked with the front wheels casually turned in front of the two-car garage. The Sales Director for Central and Eastern Europe of a global glass manufacturer drove the most striking company car at the entire Vienna site. But Patrick was far too successful for his colleagues, boss, or boss' boss to dare to blame him for this extravagance. The others can drive their "taxis" – this is what Patrick called the dark grey and black limousine monotony in the company parking lot. He preferred to have a little fun in the streets. After all, life was short.

When Patrick threw his duffel bag in the back seat, got behind the wheel and closed the driver's side door, he grabbed his smartphone to listen to his favorite playlist on the infotainment system. At the same moment, he thought of Laura. She had said goodbye to him early in the morning and let him sleep in, Patrick pulled up WhatsApp and typed: "Have a safe flight to Seattle, honey! I'm headed to my parents' house now. It's going to be a lot of fun. My mom will miss you. Don't work too hard ;) Kisses, P." Then he drove off. On the way to the southern highway, he turned the music so loud that neither the engine nor the turn signal's ticking could be heard. Then suddenly, the music faded in the middle of a song. An incoming call: Sheila, Patrick's boss. What did she want on a Saturday morning? Patrick answered.

Sheila got straight to the point: "Listen, Patrick: First of all, this phone call never happened. Second, you got the job. The board made a decision tonight, European time. I expect you'll be officially notified by the end of next week. In the meantime, start learning Japanese – your office will be in Shinagawa. In other words, in the Business Class of a Boeing. By the way, congrats. Patrick hit the steering wheel with his right hand and shouted, "Yeah!" His boss's boss told him to have a lovely weekend. "Thanks, Sheila," Patrick said quietly, but she had already ended the call. The music resumed its best-of-best playlist on random playback.

Patrick turned the volume even louder. The windows were shaking. The next song started with a guitar solo before the bass and drums kicked in like an explosion: "Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana. When he began hearing Kurt Cobain's husky voice, Patrick felt as if the song punched him in his stomach's pit. Next thing he knew, he had tears in his eyes. That was his song at the age of 15, his anthem! And now, just before the ramp to enter the highway, on his way to his parents in Styria, he felt like he was 15 again.

It was the exact feeling he had back then: Patrick against the rest of the world. His life was supposed to be wild and dangerous and never, ever dull! At 15, Patrick had written a letter to himself. He had not thought about it for years. Now he saw himself sitting in his cramped room again – a townhouse in a workers' estate – his walls covered with posters, his desk a mess. He saw himself writing. He had promised himself never to become a slick career guy in that letter. "Fuck the system," he had written back then. Patrick turned the music down, signaled right, and drove into a parking lot. He got out, leaned against the car, closed his eyes, and inhaled the cold air. Where the hell was he now? He had been pushing forward in the last few years, rushing up the corporate ladder and married the greatest woman in the world in between – who mostly worked when he happened to be home. Just like he worked when she was home. And now the big job at HQ in Japan. His big goal will soon become a reality! Global competence, colossal responsibility, appointments on all continents. But all he saw was 15-year-old Patrick. And he was screaming. Not "Here we are now, entertain us!" But: "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

When the time comes to reflect on your background

Patrick's 15-year-old version of himself is asking a legitimate question. What is he doing? Or rather: How thoughtful or inconsiderate is Patrick about what is happening in his career – and his life in general? And how consciously or unconsciously does he decide to take it to the next level? Most people don't think about their lives always. This is a good thing because life needs to be lived and not frequently thought about. In crises – be it personal crises, such as a divorce, or global crises, like the Corona Pandemic – many people start to reflect for the first time. Not only during crises but also when major success is just around the corner. The victory for which you may have been working for years. And as soon as you get a call like the one from Patrick's boss, the celebration is often surprisingly brief. After that, a queasy feeling sets in. Or maybe the thought of the family and what the next level will mean for your loved ones. Or the pictures and feelings from your past appear. This is actually quite common.

Acting out of greater self-awareness and consciousness

Many of the people I work with hardly ever talk to anyone in their professional environment about what concerns them on the inside. Mainly when a career leap is about to take place. Some don't even talk to their partner or family about it. But through my work with people in growth situations, I have been able to experience and accompany many internal processes. This is beneficial for you, dear readers because it enables me to write this book. In turn, this allows you to reflect throughout the book and eventually get clarity about what you need to do to take the next step in your career. I am not referring to what you need professionally, because you already know that. Instead, I am talking about what you need to understand yourself better and act out of greater self-awareness. To help you approach things in a way that corresponds more closely to your personality type in the future. Essentially, this entire book is an invitation for you to reflect on yourself and develop a greater level of awareness with a greater sense of complexity.

In this chapter, I am going to start with where your success comes from. Where you come from – because one cannot be separated from the other. Have you ever taken a closer look at your background? If the answer is no, you're probably part of the majority. Everyone comes from somewhere, but most of us simply shrug it off. So, let me ask you this: What is the first thing you think of when you hear the keyword "origin"? Your mother, your father, maybe your siblings and your hometown? The happy days of your childhood, or the terrible ones? Or are you one of those people that quickly become a bit metaphysical when it comes to the topic of "origin"? According to the motto: Who am I, and if yes, how many? Do you think about God when it comes to your origin because you are religious? Or do you think, "I don't know who or what brought me into this world – evolution, my genes, the Flying Spaghetti Monster – but I' m here now and I' m making the best of it?

Welcome to your incarnation! Unfortunately, we've lost the manual …

A while ago, I read a novel that I enjoyed because of its quirky humor. It is called “Mieses Karma” and was written by the German author David Safier. The story begins on the anniversary of the death of TV presenter Kim Lange. She is killed by debris from the disused Russian space station Foton M3 when it crashes into Western Europe due to a miscalculation of Baikonur's control center. Her comment on this from the otherworld: "The day I died was not much fun. And that was not only because of my death. To be more precise: "It barely made it to sixth place in the worst moments of the day." Kim is reincarnated as an ant after a brief trip into the light. Without any prior explanation from a higher being as to what this was all about. She suddenly finds herself in an ant's body and has to navigate through the world of ants. This situation is "the number one of the worst moments" of her death. Shortly after that, she meets a "fat" ant, with a "kind voice" who introduces herself as "Siddhartha Gautama". Better known as Buddha. This ant promptly provides her with an explanation for her reincarnation as a Hymenoptera: "Because you deserve it!" Bad karma? Yeah, I guess. But not as lousy as the karma of dictators. According to the Buddha ant, they're reincarnated as intestinal bacteria.

The best way to find out how this bizarre story unfolds is to read it for yourself if you are ever in the mood for stimulating entertainment. I ask myself concerning the topic of this chapter: Is a reincarnation as a human being that much different from reincarnation as an ant? We have landed somewhere on planet earth without explaining the reasons and without a manual for guidance. We grow up in Styria, in Chhattisgarh, in the San Fernando Valley, on Shikoku or in Ayacucho. Was it karma? Or pure coincidence? Maybe we have already met our parents in a previous life. Or perhaps we haven't. Either way, we have to get along with them, because we depend on them while we are children. Some of us don't even get to meet their parents. Or only one parent (Fate? Coincidence?). Religious, philosophical, or scientific authorities come into our lives – like the ant called Siddhartha – and have seemingly plausible explanations for all the significant connections in life. But it is up to us whether and to what extent we accept these explanations.

This isn't about the mysteries of the universe. It's about you!

Why am I telling you all this? How you answer the great metaphysical questions of the universe, or whether you are interested in them has no bearing on you reading this book. This is about you, your personal development and your success! I would like you to consciously pursue a professional career path that satisfies you and maybe makes you even a little bit happy. In other words, preferably extremely happy, of course. Perhaps you belong to most people who imagine the path to happiness to be something like one of those endlessly long staircases to a Japanese Shinto shrine. These people always want to take one step at a time. For others, the path to success is more like a highway, where the most important thing is to keep your foot on the accelerator whenever possible. Others believe in affirmations and visualizations and expect the universe to supply them with what they want one day. Whatever your path: After my long experience with people in leading positions, it is always worth reflecting on your origins at a certain point in your career. The bigger the upcoming step in your career, the more you benefit from knowing your origins.

Why is that? The success you have enjoyed thus far is always a result of your imprints. The more you know about these imprints, the better you understand which of them can be used as resources for your next step – and what you can let go of. I will get to the subject of letting go later in this book. First of all, I want to invite you to accompany Patrick on the journey back to his roots. Patrick represents all those that I encourage to return to their origins – to the family, local, social, and cultural imprints that we all will probably never thoroughly shake off before leaping to the next level. All human paths are unique. And maybe that makes us a little different from ants in the end.

Discovering and appreciating your imprints

Right past the place-name sign, Patrick took his foot off the accelerator, but only stopped short of the speed trap. For the past 20 years, it had been visible on the side of the road, just behind a gas station and just before the parking lot of a discount store. The bright summer sky flattered Patrick's hometown, in which everything looked functional and hardly anything seemed merely beautiful. Apart from the Catholic church, the baroque town hall and the foundations of a medieval castle, there were no sights to see here. This was not Styria for tourists, but that of workers. For a long time, the mining industry had provided for the village. Most of the workers' estates originated from that time. Patrick's grandfather on his father's side still worked in the mines. His mother's family had once immigrated from Italy because of mining. But his parents had already been forced to look for other jobs: Patrick's father, a skilled locksmith and recently retired, had last been caretaker at a housing company after decades in a small factory. His mother had worked as an accountant for a car repair shop for 25 years.

Patrick passed by the Italian ice cream parlor that belonged to relatives of his mother. For a moment, he thought about stopping there and having an espresso. But his parents were waiting for him and he did not want to keep them any longer. Two streets further on, he passed by the factory where his father had worked. The warehouses had been empty for a few years now. After the local government had tried to set up a start-up center there and then abandoned the attempt due to a lack of founders, a purchaser for the building was sought. The car repair shop where his mother had been employed – part-time, because a full-time employee in the accounting department would not have been profitable for the owner – had already been sold. It was located on the main road, behind a slight right turn. An entrepreneur from Graz was now having old Harley-Davidson motorcycles restored here. More or less as a hobby, as it was rumored in town. Even though a buyer for one of the massive old bikes could be found now and then, it seemed to be a losing battle.

As Patrick was driving through the village center and passed the church, he smiled. "Meier Moden" still existed! It had always been the most exclusive shop in town. When Patrick was a child, his parents had taken him and his brothers and sisters here, although they really couldn't afford "Meier Moden". Each year before Easter and at Christmas we had something new to wear. In church on Sundays everyone was supposed to see that the children were well taken care of. Patrick turned left. Behind the doctor's office, which had also been there for ages, the almost one-hundred-year-old miners' settlement with its rows of identical row houses began. Patrick briefly considered parking his car under a tree on the village's outskirts, but finally decided to park in front of his parents' house. He was aware of the looks some of the neighbors gave to his flashy car with the Vienna tag. But his father looked at his son's vehicle with pride. For him, a car couldn't be large and powerful enough. He stepped out of the house. He had probably been standing by the window for an hour waiting for his son to arrive.

Self-reflection starts with observation, not judgment

Patrick drives through his hometown like a silent observer. He notices things. And he remembers how things used to be. But he isn't always quick to judge everything. He doesn't say, "I'm finally home," nor does he think, "What a miserable dump!" Patrick accepts the place where he grew up and the time he spent here as something that has shaped him irrevocably. This attitude of a curious observer, who does not judge hastily, is what characterizes positive self-reflection. We are used to judging ourselves and others too quickly. Many individuals in business are also used to thinking in terms of status and image. Does my parental home make an impression on other people? Or would it be best not to draw too much attention to my origins? Selfreflection begins when you no longer care what others think about you and your background. This is about your own unique life and your origins. If you can examine your imprints without judging them, it will make you that much stronger.

If Patrick is doing well on his chosen career path, then his rural working-class upbringing is not even a concern. He doesn't need to continually point out to everyone that he is a working-class child, but he also doesn't have any reason to withhold this fact. There may even be specific strengths related to his social background. His family was not always able to afford everything. But his parents took responsibility for their children and made sure that they were well taken care of. Part of his family has a migration background and had to work their way into a small town's social fabric. The structural change in the region has put a strain on many families. Patrick's father didn't give up, always tried to find a new job, and found one. What can Patrick take away from this today? What strengths come to mind when you think about your own background? How did your family deal with difficult times and how did they deal when times were more relaxed? With scarcity or with abundance? What did you receive, simply because you were a child or an adolescent and could not yet take care of yourself?

You have the opportunity to read this book? You must be doing pretty well!

I have no idea where you grew up, what shaped you and what family relationships you may have experienced – or even sorely missed. Your company car (if you have one) may be more discreet than Patrick's – or an even bigger statement. And your parents – assuming they raised you – may have been blue-collar workers, too. Maybe they are professors, artists, farmers, entrepreneurs or office workers. I'm unable to know all this. But one thing I do know for sure: If your situation allows you to purchase this book and deal with its contents, then you already belong to the super (successful) rich of this world! Most individuals still have far too many existential concerns to allow themselves the luxury of comprehensive self-reflection. Would you agree with my assessment that you must already be doing quite well for yourself?

And 99 percent of previous generations' members can only marvel at the intellectual pursuits we focus on today. This also applies to women, among others. At least in the economically prosperous countries of recent decades (which have consumed most resources in the process), an increasing number of women are finally sitting at the table when the cards are shuffled and dealt. Your hand, dear reader, is certainly better than most people at any point in history. Now, make something of it! As a side note: Maybe you are even a little thankful – or even very thankful – now and then for all the opportunities and possibilities that less than one percent of humanity has been given access to.

Understanding your family of origin and being at peace with it

When you look at your parents now, what do you see? (Assuming you have gotten to know your parents sufficiently.) When the best qualities of your parents marry, you are born! Children are 50 percent mom, 50 percent dad and 100 percent themselves. Yes, that's a paradoxical formula, as you can see. But if you can say yes to your family of origin and to yourself, then the procedure makes perfect sense. Psychologists, therapists and coaches have been dealing with the family structures of individuals for many decades. I recommend that you take a more indepth look at your family structure at least once in your life. Whether you do this in the form of self-reflection or with guidance – simply choose what suits you best.

One method that has provided many people with valuable insights is, for example, a systemic family constellation. At this point in the book it is neither necessary nor useful to deal with family constellations in detail. But I would like to highlight one point that experts have noticed in decades of dealing with family structures. In short: People who are permanently successful and happy are at peace with their families of origin and their ancestors. By the way, most indigenous peoples always knew that brave warriors should not feel stress from their ancestors. Otherwise all kinds of foolish things will happen to them. And they won't have much luck hunting either.

Psychology confirms this phenomenon. A part of psychoanalysis, the so-called transactional analysis, even speaks of a "loser script", an unconscious script of failure. People typically internalize when issues from their family of origin and childhood and adolescence are not yet resolved. The family structure needs to be on the table before moving on to your career's next level! Just ask yourself: Am I able to fully accept my origins? What does that make me? And what am I nonetheless? Today, as an adult, you are still 50 percent mom, 50 percent dad and 100 percent yourself. The only thing remaining is the question of what this "100 percent yourself" is and how you want to develop it in the future. Do we have our own foundation as well, regardless of our family background? Quite a few psychologists say: Yes.

The unchangeable basis of our personality

In the 1970s, the US psychologist Dr. Taibi Kahler was looking for new methods to analyze conflictual interpersonal situations faster and more accurately than with classical psychoanalysis. Kahler was also interested in finding solutions more efficiently and effectively than most therapists at that time. He closely observed the communication style of many individuals and could discern six characteristic patterns after some time. Based on his findings, combined with basic psychological research results, Kahler developed the Process Communication Model® (PCM). Therapy sessions demonstrated an astonishing success rate for PCM. This model made it possible to classify different personality types with certainty after just a few short discussions. The typical reactions – particularly the characteristic stress patterns – of people became predictable. After several years of experimental trials, Kahler also recognized the potential of PCM beyond psychotherapy. The model entered the business world as a tool for recruiting, personnel development and coaching. Between 1978 and 1996, NASA used the Process Communication Model® to select all its astronauts. Kahler was a close advisor to US President Bill Clinton in the 1990s.

You' re at home in one of six personality patterns

Taibi Kahler once described his model as a "key to ourselves". This means that you do not need a special occasion to deal with your own specific personality traits. PCM is a means of selfknowledge and a way of dealing more consciously with other people. In developing the model, Kahler never succumbed to the temptation to pigeonhole people. The six personality patterns of PCM are basically accessible to everyone. This means that we can behave one way or another, depending on the situation. However, it may come to us with varying degrees of ease. Elements ments that are easy for us are almost always presented in everyday life, while those that are more difficult to access are hardly ever presented to us. Kahler also discovered something else: Every person has a so-called base. This means that he is most at home in one of the six patterns. The base is like the ground floor of our house, where we stand completely naturally as soon as we get home and enter through the front door. This forms the pattern according to which we prefer to perceive, develop our character strengths, and communicate.

Fig.: Example of a personality architecture according to PCM. The "Thinker" is the base in this case. © 1996, 2014 Kahler Communications, Inc.

Our base does not change throughout our lives, while other "floors" of personality can certainly change. The French authors Gerard Collingnon and Pascal Legrand, both Taibi Kahler students, state in their PCM book ’Understand to Be Understood’: "We have a 'Base' personality type, which is acquired for life. We may experience other parts of our personality structure during our lifetime – a process that Dr. Kahler calls a 'Phase change'. "I will discuss the "phases" and their possible changes later in this book. At the moment, I am only concerned with the base.

Many things become easier when you know your base

If Kahler's observation is correct, there is indeed something that is 100 percent characteristic of you from early childhood. A basic pattern of perception and communication that you have not inherited from your parents, from your extended social environment or from your culture. Well, there are billions of people with a base like yours. And yet, knowing your base is not the only good starting point for deeper self-knowledge. Rather, it also provides convenient instructions for better interaction with the people in your social circle and all those you will encounter along your career path. The better you know your basis, the more you will understand why you immediately click with one person and why you often have issues with another.

The Process Communication Model® recognizes the six possible personality types: Thinker, Persister, Promoter, Harmonizer, Imaginer and Rebel (see box). In Patrick's base, the rebel element is evident. People who have strongly developed this energy often show that they are spontaneous, creative, unconventional and are ready to have fun. People with this base are relatively rare in top management. The actual person who has served as a role model for me here, however, is actually a base rebel and took a career step in a global corporation a while ago that was as big as Patrick's in this book. It seemed appealing to me to take this rather unusual personality for the business world as an example. This also shows that it is irrelevant for the success of a career that of the six PCM types forms the personality. At this point I would like to explicitly point out that we are dealing with elements that we find inherent in our personality and can perceive as such here. In this book, the PCM model is intended to be an aid to self-reflection and understanding of others. It is never about pigeonholing people. Rather, the point is to broaden our understanding of the differences between people and to meet these differences with appreciation.

The Process Communication Model® (PCM) recognizes the following personality elements. One of them forms the base for every human being throughout his or her life. Each personality element comes with some specific character strengths:

● The Thinker element: responsible, rational and well organized.

● The Persister element: committed, conscientious and value oriented.

● The Promoter element: charming, persistent and competitive.

● The Harmonizer element: empathetic, warm and relationship oriented.

● The Imaginer element: calm, thoughtful and imaginative.

● The Rebel element: spontaneous, creative and fun-loving. When it comes to taking the next step in their career, people react differently depending on their base energy:

● The Thinker energy first needs to think about it and analyze the entire situation.

● The Persister energy tries to clarify whether the new position corresponds to their values and ideas.

● The Promoter energy is excited about the opportunity, but also wants to know what the bottom line will be.

● The Harmonizer energy must first develop a feeling for the new situation and is also wondering how others will feel about it.

● The Imaginer energy wants to withdraw, reflect, and wait for the internal images to appear.

● The Rebel energy wonders whether he/she will enjoy his new position and if it will leave him enough room for spontaneity.

Which of these six elements/energies would most likely be your reaction? The answer to this question will give you an indication of your base.

Staying true to yourself and charging your battery at the base

The needs that arise from your base intend to be met in any environment in which you spend more than just a little time. This is also the reason why Patrick is suddenly confronted with the 15-year-old version of himself. Patrick's "Inner Teenager" wants to know from the adult Patrick whether the latter has remained true to himself and is still living enough of the "rebel energy" life that corresponds to his base. (If you read the story carefully, you will undoubtedly find several clues in Patrick's behavior, such as the fun-loving driving style, listening to loud music or impulsive reactions to good news). The PCM allows me to examine oneself: Am I living the life that corresponds to my base? Or have I distanced myself from myself? Because, for instance, I have adapted myself too much to other people with a different base – and their individual needs. Or because I think that in order to be successful in business, I would have to be a certain type of person, but I'm not that person at my base. In the end, the Process Communication Model® only confirms what you might have guessed by now: that I am a unique person with particular preferences: Successful people are true to themselves. If you know your base, you can also consciously charge your battery here. This is because it always costs us energy to take the elevator to other floors while we are in energetic charging mode at our base level.

Your origins as a resource for your success

A BBQ at noon? Nobody in Patrick and Laura's circle of friends would have thought of this. In the evenings, people gathered on patios around American gas barbecues, in front of houses in the Vienna area, which all looked similar to Patrick and Laura's new home: White cubes with large glass surfaces, surrounded by just enough grass to be affordable in view of the horrendous property prices. As a welcome drink, the men were handed a Craft-Beer and the women a Chardonnay. The steaks were then put on the grill – the per kilo price equal to the weekly budget of a family in Patrick's hometown. On the other hand, Patrick's parents were barbecuing just like they did in the old days: on a small round charcoal grill. His father was dealing with the coals. His mother was in the kitchen, cleaning the meat and lettuce, cutting vegetables and bread. Patrick was supposed to feel comfortable in the few hours he was back home.

After two pork chops, three sausages and plenty of vegetables, salad and bread Patrick was done. He couldn't eat any more. His parents looked surprised – as though he hadn't eaten anything. Like many times during a visit to his parents' house, there was a pause in the conversation. Patrick and his parents did not have too much in common.

"I got a call this morning," Patrick said, looking to fill the void rather than to discuss his career with his parents. "I'm going to move up quite a bit in the company. I'll soon be based in Japan, where I'll be responsible for a specialty industrial glass's global business."

Patrick's father was beaming, patting his son on the shoulder and congratulating him. "In ten years, you'll be president of the entire company," he said.

"I'd have to be Japanese and belong to the founding family," Patrick objected bluntly. But in principle, he sounded as if he had the confidence to manage the group.

"And what does Laura think about it?" Patrick's mother asked. Her expression was hard for Patrick to read. "Will you still see each other? And what about having children? In a few years, it will be too late for Laura. Are you only thinking about your careers?"

"Laura? Shit!" Patrick jumped out of his chair and grabbed his phone out of his pocket. "I haven't told her yet. I was thinking about it when I got into town, but there was dinner at your place. Laura is on a plane, but there is internet onboard. Give me just a minute."

When Patrick took a few steps into the backyard to type in peace, he saw Anna on the neighboring property. Anna had been not only the girl next door, but also his first big love at 17. She was pulling garden tools out of a shed. Patrick put his phone back in his pocket, waved to Anna and approached the fence that separated the two properties. Anna never left town. Since her parents had died early, she was living with her boyfriend in her parental home. The two of them had acquired the small grocery store, which had to shut down due to the new discount stores and had turned it into a health food store.

"Hey, Patrick," Anna said. "You're moving up in the world! I'm sorry for overhearing. I couldn't help it. Our backyards are so small."

"I am going to do it as long as I enjoy it," said Patrick. "But it's strange. I can't stop thinking about the old days. About the way I used to be. And what do you think? You hate my career, don't you?"

"No, Patrick, I don't," Anna said with a smile. "But I know you. You're going to struggle with yourself. Then you will take the new job. And yes, you will enjoy it! Do you know why? Because you're gonna do it your way, on your terms. Because that's who you are."

Values, convictions and beliefs are often inherited

Every form of success and prosperous life has to do with relationship management. And no matter what rapid progress artificial intelligence is going to make in the coming years: We have good reason to believe that humans will become irreplaceable, wherever interpersonal relationships make the difference. Most of us learn how human relationships work from the family of origin. Our parents not only feed and clothe us, but they also provide us with plenty of values, beliefs and convictions, free of charge. As children we have no choice but to adopt it all. Later we are allowed to make our own decisions. But this requires reflection. Have you ever wondered how much of what you consider to be fair and right in life was also true for your parents? And where you might see things quite differently today? Maybe precisely because you don't want to think and act like your parents did?

Patrick's father exemplified some of his status thinking. It was important to his father that the family was able to afford things and demonstrated this. Due to her migration background, it was also crucial for his mother to integrate herself and feel a sense of affiliation among the locals. She takes a more holistic view than her husband on Patrick's new situation and when it comes to the topic of careers, she also thinks of the possible downsides. What does the next step mean for Patrick's relationship with his wife? Is there still time for children? If there isn't, will they regret not having children later on? Patrick has to decide what's important to him. As a personality with a decisive rebel component, he can focus on himself and what he enjoys. Still, at the same time he needs interaction and communication to make a decision. Patrick's childhood girlfriend encourages him to take the next step in his career – but to play by his own rules. This might be good for his battery, as it corresponds to his rebel base. And maybe Patrick's 15-year-old self can also get used to this option?

Your origin still has an influence – but now you get to decide!

In this chapter I have given you various suggestions to deal with your background. No matter what your success is today, the source of your success is always in the past: the family system and your cultural and social imprint are as much a part of it as the permanent base of your personality. From the time you were a child, whether you wanted to or not, you received an unmanageable amount of values and beliefs. As a teenager, you may have increasingly formed your own opinions, made your first individual life decisions, had dreams, maybe even vowed, like Patrick, to do certain things but never others. Our life is always changing and that is why we are allowed to examine everything continually. Self-reflection and awareness are the key. Those of us who know their origins know themselves. And those of us who know themselves know what is good for them and what isn't.

Beyond specific occasions, personality models help us understand ourselves better, communicate more successfully and make more conscious decisions. I will return to the Process Communication Model®, which I have presented to you in this chapter, in subsequent chapters. If you are interested in receiving a comprehensive PCM analysis, you will find information on the annex subject. Of course, this is not necessary to continue reading this book. In general, the models and theories in the book are always a means to an end. I hope you will understand the next step of your career in its entirety and act on the next level in a way that best suits your personality. Ultimately, we are all the architects of our own happiness, within a framework set by our environment and our own beliefs. For the most part, success is what we make of what we have been given. So, don't wait for your next reincarnation – there might not be one, who knows. Do something with your life! And if you're enjoying the book, keeping reading. The next chapter is about what you have achieved so far.

Chapter 1: Questions for reflection

● What comes to mind when you think of your childhood and youth?

● How would you characterize your family of origin from the present perspective?

● What values were conveyed to you in your childhood and adolescence?

● How did you want to be in your youth and how do you see yourself today?

● What do you do in order to satisfy the basic needs of your character?