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Chapter 2

Achievements: What you have accomplished

Reflection on what you have achieved in your life so far and how many situations you have already successfully mastered is one of your most significant strength sources. The awareness of what you have achieved will allow you to face new challenges with renewed strength. This becomes especially true as soon as you recognize the strategies behind your success and are able to draw on your resources in the future.

"Wanna drive?" Patrick asked and held the car key in front of Laura's face with his arm stretched out. "Women are better at parking anyway."

Really funny, Patrick, Laura thought. But she smiled sympathetically, nodded briefly and grabbed the key. As soon as she had come through the baggage claim doors into the lobby and saw Patrick waiting for her, she already guessed how he was feeling. Patrick seemed kind of excited and nervous and unfocused at the same time. Like someone who partied through the night and went straight to work. To welcome her, he had embraced Laura as if she had been in Seattle for six months and not six days. It was unusual enough that Patrick took the time to pick Laura up from the airport in the middle of the week. Their jobs did not allow for romance during peak business hours. Patrick seemed very eager for contact.

The day prior he had received the official offer for his new top job in an email from HQ in Japan. Everything was just as his boss had told him almost a week ago. Now Patrick had to make a decision.

Laura quickly got on the highway and then changed into the left lane. Patrick had moved the back of the passenger seat far back. He was searching for the right music on his iPhone for a long time and in the end, he couldn't decide on anything. After checking his emails and WhatsApp, he put the phone in his pocket and looked at Laura.

"What should I do?" Patrick asked.

"I can't tell you that," Laura replied without a second thought. "I can't make that decision for you. If you accept the job offer, it will affect me as well, because then we will probably see even less of each other. Still, it is your decision. So, ask yourself if the new job is what you want to do."

"Well, I don't know right now." Patrick started playing with the air conditioning controls. "Two weeks ago, I was thinking: Yeah! This is my dream job. Finally, the big opportunity. But now that the offer is official, I just want to run away."

"So, run away!"

"Excuse me?"

"Not forever, of course. But maybe over the weekend. You know I'm completely booked up for the weekend anyway."

"The annual BFF weekend with your classmates. Yeah, I know. But I'd also like to hear your opinion before I decide."

"As you should, of course. But only after you've decided what you want to do. You've done so much already! Do you even realize that? For someone who almost got kicked out of school at 16, you've come a long way. Sometimes I wonder how you always manage to get your successes. It all seems so easy to you."

"I don't know how I do it. I never ask myself that question."

"Look at this!" said Laura, pointing at a billboard on the highway's side with her finger. She read the advertising slogan aloud, which was written in big letters: "Our greatest success is our enthusiastic customers." Below was the logo of one of the world's largest IT companies. Laura briefly glanced over at Patrick. "What are your greatest achievements?"

"I've never asked myself that before." Patrick pulled his iPhone back out of his pocket and resumed the search for the right music.

"Why don't you hike to the Drachenkogel this weekend? We've been there before. There's this great hotel in the valley, remember? If you reflect on what you've achieved so far, you'll have more clarity afterward."

"I got it!" Patrick said and kept staring at his smartphone. "Arctic Monkeys." He pressed to play the first song via Bluetooth. "What did you say? Drachenkogel? Yeah, great idea. Maybe I will."

Consciously perceiving past achievements and successes

Now, if I ask you to consider three notable achievements you have had in the last 12 months – how easy or difficult is that for you? What goes through your mind? Maybe the examples and pictures just keep gushing out. Like opening a champagne bottle with a sword. Or maybe you are thinking: The last 12 months were quite tricky – what successes could I have achieved? Or maybe you're just trying to figure out how to answer my question: Am I talking exclusively about professional successes or also about personal ones? And what can be considered a significant success? Is it enough to have acquired a project with a dream customer? Does making an effort to go jogging regularly and lose three kilos count? Or is nothing worth mentioning except the first million net annual income or a dream wedding in Mauritius?

From my experience, I can assure you that people react very differently when asked about their recent successes. If you hesitated even a little bit in your answer, this little exercise has already revealed one thing: It is not part of our daily routine to visualize our successes. Many of us never realize what they have already achieved in their lives – both professionally and personally. However, when it comes to making decisions – but also in crises, from personal life crises to shutdowns in the event of a pandemic – it is incredibly helpful to remember past successes. After we perceive what we have already achieved in the first step, we can understand it in subsequent steps and recognize its patterns. Finally, we can draw strength from our past achievements and find solutions to challenging situations more quickly in the future. And this is what this chapter is about.

Commitment, support from others or pure luck? Typical interpretations of success

Patrick is experiencing a rollercoaster of emotions. His initial euphoria about his dream job has turned into doubt and nervous uncertainty. He wonders whether a job at the top of his company's hierarchy will still be as fun as his previous job. Could he end up losing his beloved freedom in Japan? Was he now on the road of becoming the slick career guy he never wanted to be? After his mother pointed it out to him, he also worries about what the new professional situation would mean for his relationship and Laura's previously unfulfilled desire to have children. But maybe Patrick has already successfully mastered similar turning points in his life? He had never reflected on this before. When Laura asked him about his most significant achievements to date, the look on his face just said, "Huh?"

Patrick's reaction corresponds to one of four typical reaction patterns that I experience when I talk to people about their past achievements and ask them how they think they have achieved them. There are certainly people like Patrick who have never asked themselves what their greatest successes are and how they managed to achieve them. Here are three more common answers:

● "I've always worked hard and fought for my successes. It was hard at times, but I fought my way through. In the end, my success has always proved me right. I know I can count on myself."

● "I owe my successes to other people. I had a supportive home, invaluable teachers and mentors, and consistently great teams. I am grateful for what I was able to learn from all these people."

● "First of all, I was lucky. I was always in the right place at the right time. Doors opened for me and I walked right through them. Life is a sequence of coincidences. Only in hindsight may we imagine that there are patterns."

What is your answer? Pretty sure it won't correspond one hundred percent with any of the three I have mentioned. But maybe one of the answers sounds a bit like you? Assuming that you aren't like Patrick and consider the question alone to be strange. This is alternative four.

There is no right or wrong interpretation of your past successes. But by recognizing what interpretation pattern is most likely for you, you will learn a little more about yourself. You are on track to discover your personal principles of success. From the outside, one might say that just about every career includes certain parts of the three patterns mentioned above: commitment and struggle as well as support from others and, ultimately, happiness. But objectivity does not matter here.

What are the greatest achievements of your life so far?

I invite you to focus your attention beyond the past 12 months and onto your entire life so far: What do you consider to be the most significant achievements of your life to date? I am referring to both professional successes, such as your first steady job or your first management position, and personal successes in the broadest sense, such as your first child's birth or running a marathon. Career milestones often seem more tangible to us than private successes at first glance – after all, we are used to listing our professional development in a resume. However, in this case it doesn't matter what you would include in your resume. But rather how important success was and still is for you personally. One of my greatest professional successes, for example, is the first seminar I held entirely in English more than 20 years ago. This is hardly a valid point for a resume, but for me personally, it was a milestone.

Personal successes are just as important here as professional ones! My personal list includes my son's birth, the academic celebration of my graduation in business administration or the wedding anniversary with my husband. Personal successes can sometimes be rather dramatic and sometimes pretty low-key. For example, I know a man who learned to walk again as a teenager after a swimming accident. A huge amount of willpower and a defining success for this individual! Or a woman, whose greatest successes include, in her opinion, the fact that she was able to put aside a behavior that originated in an

overprotective childhood and started to face life with all its ups and downs. This is a long, tenacious and not very dramatic process – and at the same time one of the greatest successes of this person. What comes to mind when you think of your professional and personal successes?

Exercise: Your greatest professional and personal successes

You can use a large piece of paper, small sticky notes (Post-its®), and a pen if you like. You can also use adhesive tape to attach two smaller pieces of paper together to create one large sheet. The important thing is that you have enough space to fit ten or more sticky notes on the sheet.

Now grab your pen and divide your paper with a horizontal line into two halves of equal size. The upper half is for your professional success, the lower half for your personal success. On the right end of the line, add an arrowhead. The line/arrow is now the timeline from your past to the present.

It' s entirely up to you how far in the past you want your timeline to begin. You can start at the time of your high school graduation, enrollment in school or at birth. Or you can start with your past lives – if you believe in those and think you might have some knowledge about it … You decide!

Now use the sticky notes to write down your greatest successes to date using keywords. Then stick them along the time axis in the appropriate field for professional or private successes. Allow yourself at least twenty minutes. Some successes may be less obvious and only come to mind after a certain amount of reflection.

Sticky notes have the advantage of being able to discard individual events and replace them with those that are more important to you. Now fill your sheet and rearrange the notes as necessary until the overall picture appears coherent. Examine the result for a moment. What does this trigger in you?

Please do not toss the sheet just yet but put it aside for another exercise later in this chapter.

It is a decisive moment to look back on the greatest successes of their lives for many people for the first time. Whether it is purely in their mind or with the help of the exercise described in the box. Biographical knowledge is mostly subconscious knowledge – most of our past experiences do not occur in everyday life. But we haven't completely forgotten formative events, we can recall them. (In unique states of relaxation, such as hypnosis, we can remember almost everything).

This process of placing and becoming aware of past successes is the first step towards using these successes as a resource for the future.

Discovering and recognizing personal success strategies

The ascent to the Drachenkogel followed a wide hiking trail, which slowly ascended for many kilometers through forests, over alpine pastures and along gorges. Most hikers started early in the morning to reach the summit around noon. From there you had a breathtaking panoramic view.

When Patrick set out around noon, after a good night's sleep and a big breakfast at the hotel's lavish buffet, he had the trail almost to himself. The sun was shining brightly from a cloudless sky.

After 45 minutes on the wide, lonely path Patrick started to get bored. He thought about turning around and taking advantage of the hotel's sports facilities in the valley. Then he remembered that he was supposed to think about his greatest successes so far.

All right, he told himself and took a deep breath: I graduated from high school even though my teachers had already given up on me. I was dating my first girlfriend for over five years, while most others had broken up with their first love after a few weeks. I am still in close contact with my best friend from school.

I was the first in our family to attend university. I financed my studies with jobs and did not accept money from my parents or the state. I never missed a party as a student and still passed every exam. I had signed an employment contract even before I graduated. I was the youngest team leader, the youngest area manager and the youngest country manager ever in our sales organization.

Patrick stopped walking, glanced over to a waterfall on the other side of a deep gorge and continued thinking. He smiled because he remembered: "I saved a teenager from getting beat up in front of the Rage Club at night and ended up in hospital myself. I proposed to the woman of my dreams Laura and she said yes, even though she could have married this Australian billionaire. I came up with the idea of getting married in Las Vegas and it was a good idea.

Not bad so far, thought Patrick when he came to a mountain pasture behind a bend and could hardly believe his eyes: Wow! Two years ago, Patrick and Laura had been here. A deteriorating cabin had been standing there. Now the cabin had been renovated and transformed into a little jewel. A carved wooden sign said, "Snack Shack". On a wooden bench, next to the entrance door sat a man with a stylish hat and a full hipster beard almost down to his bellybutton. Patrick approached him.

"Hey!", Patrick greeted the host of the snack shack in a not very alpine manner.

"Hi!", he replied. "All alone on the way to the summit this late in the afternoon? You look like you've escaped from a management seminar down at the hotel."

"Almost, but not quite," laughed Patrick. "I'm coaching myself right now. Voluntarily."

"Stressed at work?"

"On the contrary. I could be Head of Global Sales in Japan, but I'm not sure if I'd really enjoy it."

"I was Head of Global Brand Management," the innkeeper said. "Until a year and a half ago. I've been doing this ever since." He pointed to the decked-out cabin. "Why don't you sit with me for a moment? Coffee?"

"I'd prefer a beer."

The host was called Eduard, but everyone called him Eddy. He was enjoying his new life on the mountain pasture to the fullest. From time to time his old company was sending managers to him to be coached. Eddy donated his fee to charity.

By the third bottle of craft beer, the sun had long since set behind the mountain. Patrick was about to tell Eddy about his background and the successes he had achieved on the way here. Then he said: "In terms of your successes so far, I keep recognizing certain strategies. Would you like to hear more about them?"

"Absolutely!" Patrick replied. "Let's go inside, though. It's getting chilly."

Patrick was absolutely amazed how accurately Eddy was able to analyze him after that short time. Patrick listened intently and kept asking questions. Eventually, the two men arrived at the meaning of life. And soon after, it was pitch black outside. Eddy offered Patrick to get some sleep in one of the tiny guest rooms. "I'll wake you at 3: 00," Eddy said. "Then you can start hiking to the summit. If you don't have a headlamp with you, I'll give you one. That way you'll see the sunrise at the summit. This is the moment of greatest clarity. It will blow your mind!"

"I guess there' s no use arguing," Patrick replied with a smile. He was tired but felt comfortable in a strange way. More comfortable than he had felt in a long time. "That's fine. See ya, good night!"

Which successes are more important to you than others?

In my previous book, Impact: How to increase your company's success through significant employee development, I quoted the famous first sentence from Leo Tolstoy's novel Anna Karenina, published in 1878: "All happy families are alike, every unhappy family is unhappy in their way." In Impact, I have demonstrated patterns of how families make themselves unhappy and therefore leave a lifelong mark on their loved ones. But is Tolstoy's observation also true in terms of happiness and success? Yes and no. At first glance, definitely. But if we look more closely, people are not only unhappy in very different ways, but also happy in different ways. We all have our own path to success and our success strategies, which depend on our personality structure. But we are usually not aware of this. You remember: Most people aren't even aware of their greatest achievements. Let alone reflect on their path to success – and ultimately their path to a happy and satisfying life. However, the differences actually start with how we evaluate the successes of our lives so far.

If Patrick's Rebel component of the Process Communication Model® looks back on his successes, he may be more interested in the Las Vegas wedding than his graduation. The wedding was pure romance, fun and joie de vivre! School probably was not. On the other hand, if the Persister part of Patrick takes a look at his biography, he may be more impressed by the fact that Patrick lived certain values. Patrick was willing to protect people from violence and literally took a beating himself. But maybe Patrick doesn't see himself through the values-glasses as much as another person with a higher percentage of persistence in their personality would. Rather, the situation had just as much to do with alcohol and overconfidence for him.

Now, if you look at your own successes: What is particularly important to you? And what is maybe less important? Again, it all comes down to your own perception. It does not matter which successes have brought you particular attention and recognition. Or what is generally considered particularly desirable in society or the business world. The question is: What matters to you?

Exercise: "Temperature curve" of your greatest successes

Grab the paper on which you have arranged your greatest professional and private successes along a time axis using sticky notes. If you have done the exercise digitally, then please pull the picture back up on your device. Now weight your successes according to the intensity that the event in question has for you personally. Move the sticky notes with the achievements that are most important to you higher. What is less important to you is moved down. You can keep the separation between professional and personal life or you can eliminate it.

You will eventually end up with a type of "temperature curve" of your successes. Look at their spikes. Do you immediately recognize a pattern, of what is especially important to you?

Here are some typical trends of the individual PCM "floors": People with a certain personality element enjoy/value different aspects of success:

● Thinkers enjoy successes that seem meaningful to them and worth the time invested.

● Persisters are completely in their element, if they are true to their values.

● Promoters are proud when they've achieved something great with their efforts.

● Harmonizers value success with and for others the most.

● Imaginers are happy if their imagination and creativity were involved.

● Rebels prefer to remember things that made them go "Wow, that was great!"

Where are you most likely to recognize yourself? Where do you see yourself a little and where maybe not at all? You may now have clear indications as to which of the six "floors" of the PCM you are particularly inclined to and which could be your base.

As soon as you have identified which successes are particularly important to you, you will almost automatically have the first indications of the way in which you would like to achieve your successes. Behind what satisfies and fulfills you the most, your personal success strategy is often already apparent.

For example, you have already read that some people believe that they owe their successes to other people above all else. If the highest spikes in the "temperature curve" of success for this type of person now have to do with other people, i.e. if it makes this person happiest to have achieved something with and for others, then one thing seems clear: success and interpersonal contact are inseparable in this combination. The professional success strategies of an empathic person are very likely to have to do with teamwork, mentoring or an intense feeling of cohesion. And personal happiness here would be incomplete without a partner, family or friends.

The personality aspect oImaginer forms a certain counterpart to this, as he needs peace and quiet and time for himself to be successful. For example, some poets are entirely absorbed in their creative writing and experience themselves as successful, regardless of whether their work sells millions of copies or is only read by a few.

Decoding your personal success strategies

Feedback from another person who reflects your successes will give you the best insight into your previous success strategies. It is always amazing what accurate and helpful feedback people provide each other during my seminars, even though they often did not even know each other a few hours ago. We are all experts for other people! However, there is often a blind spot when it comes to ourselves, and we fail to see even the most obvious things. On his hike to the summit of the Drachenkogel, Patrick accidentally meets Eddy – because the universe in the form of the author of this book wants it that way – who provides him with feedback on the patterns behind his successes.

Eddy initially listens attentively to Patrick. This is the first and probably most important step. The people giving feedback offer their full attention to their conversation partner. Then they give back what they have perceived. Eddy does not use any methods or testing tools, he simply trusts his intuition. That's what we all should do! There are no "wrong" observations here, only honest feedback. So, you do not need experts to provide you with feedback. Ask a colleague, your mother, a golfing friend, your tax consultant – it doesn't matter. The only prerequisite is that the person is willing to take some time for you and to listen to you closely at first.

Exercise: Feedback from another person on your greatest successes

Choose a person who is allowed to give you feedback and ask them to take at least 30 minutes of their time. Find a quiet place where you will not be disturbed. The person giving feedback should have a pen and paper, a tablet, etc. in order to take notes.

Now ask your conversation partner the first question: "What do you think is the secret of my success? What patterns do you see in the success stories I'm about to tell you?" Then ask your opposite to listen to you closely and take notes about the patterns and possible strategies they may recognize in you.

Now tell the person giving feedback about the successes you have written down on the sticky notes. You can talk about all your successes or only about those with the highest spikes on the "temperature curve". If you feel that something is too personal, just leave it out.

Finish your story after ten to fifteen minutes. Now ask for feedback on the patterns that your conversation partner has identified. Listen carefully and do not interrupt your opposite number. Hold back comments and assessments. Take notes instead.

At the very end, discuss with your conversation partner how you perceive their feedback. Thank them for their time and attention. If necessary, ask one or two other people to provide you with feedback and then proceed as described here.

What did you learn from the feedback? To what extent does this feedback match your initial assessment of what is the main reason for your success? (assertiveness, other people, luck and coincidence or …?)

In one of my seminars, for example, a male executive received the following feedback on his strategies for success: "You always seem to be looking for new challenges. Variety is important to you. If you want to do something new, you don't question whether you can handle it. You set out on an adventure. You network quickly with people everywhere and establish the necessary contacts. You enjoy learning 'on the job' and so you learn quickly. Theory is not that important to you. You are positive and optimistic. This is infectious to others and you make sure that they enjoy supporting you."

It is rather unlikely that this executive would have recognized many of his patterns on his own. Nevertheless, it is helpful to reflect on your success strategies on your own. You can do this before asking for feedback or thereafter. It is best to reflect from time to time for a certain period of time.

The following questions help you with self-reflection on your success strategies:

● How have I achieved my important career goals so far?

● What have I used for this and what has helped me?

● What has motivated me – also and especially after setbacks?

● How did I celebrate my successes and with whom?

● What influence did my personal life have on my job – and vice versa?

You have already come a long way in terms of discovering what your most important successes to date are and what strategies you have used to achieve them. Now the question is how you can draw strength from this for the present and use the strategies for future success. You will then be able to recognize your personal resources and use them in a targeted manner. In the end you will develop confidence in your own success story. You will look forward to new tasks and challenges and tackle them courageously.

Targeted use of success strategies and resources

Susan, a marketing executive and expert in customer relations, was 42 years old when she joined an automotive manufacturer and became head of department. Whenever she changed jobs she always followed the same pattern: Within the first one or two years, she recruited several trusted individuals from their previous employer to her new company and either provided them with permanent jobs or gave them consultancy contracts. As a result, she created a core team of trusted associates, which she then gradually expanded to include other employees from her new company. Susan´s PCM architecture showed that she had a Harmonizer base. She always expressed herself graciously and diplomatically in meetings, emphasized team play and always consulted her associates before making decisions.

After a while, Susan noticed that there had been negative talk about her in the car manufacturer's closer management circle. Behind closed doors, colleagues referred to Susan as too soft, hesitant about making hard decisions and needing to "put her foot down" in order to make progress in her field – especially with her digital favorite project. This, according to PCM, is, by the way, a typical demand of people with a strong persister energy! Susan knew that it was due to IT and organizational hurdles in the cumbersome company that were slowing down her project, and that it would do no good to put pressure on her employees. Nevertheless, she was unsettled. Did her standing in the management circle maybe require a tougher approach after all? Not until she realized her strategies with which she had achieved her previous successes in a coaching session did she breathe a sigh of relief. She realized that her leading way had always resulted in the desired outcomes: she had satisfied, highly motivated employees and contributed to the overall system. Rather than changing, she decided to lead in her own way now more than ever: Bringing people together, friendly and relaxed. However, she now spoke more often with colleagues about her leadership style. She confidently explained her approach and values – even without being asked. This eventually also convinced the Persister element and silenced their criticism.

Learning to use your own success strategies more effectively

Once you have recognized your success strategies, you can consciously use them for future success. Of course, we are constantly changing and learning in life. Nevertheless, it is good to know what has worked for us in the past and will most likely work for us again. Nowadays it is trendy to immediately seek "purpose" and inner fulfillment in a job and to want to save the world at least once a day. In the process, we can also be successful with something we don't immediately identify with 100 percent – and learn a lot for our future path.

It is precisely in difficult times that we develop strategies for success that will benefit us later. For example, I know a top executive who started her career in the 1990s as a telemarketer in a call center. She had little desire to do so at the time, but desperately needed the money. Once on the job, she completed all the training and continuing education courses that were paid for her. This made her realize how important advanced training is, and she continues to educate herself further to this day. The call center also entrusted her with management responsibilities at the age of 21. This is how she discovered her leadership talent and quickly climbed the ladder in this company. In the end, she had learned an enormous amount for her further career in the call center.

When you look at your own success strategies, maybe there has been something that has carried you through difficult times before? A production manager once sent an email with confidential information to the wrong recipient because his mail program auto-populated a similar name and didn't notice. This is how the information got sent to a customer. The production manager contacted the recipient. The walk to Canossa. He was at his mercy. The recipient was kind enough to delete the message without reading it. A lesson learned for the production manager: I may make mistakes. But if I stand by my mistakes, I can ask for help. Most people are honest and helpful and do not take advantage of my mistakes when I admit to them. This experience continues to shape the production manager's management behavior to this day. He now enjoys the reputation of having established a truly performance and learning-oriented error culture in his field.

Identifying and using resources more effectively

Personal strengths are at the core of your success strategies, always helping you to achieve goals and overcome challenges. These strengths can be described as "resources". Like the resources in a company, your personal resources are what you can fall back on to carry out any kind of project successfully. The same applies to our successes and success strategies: most people are not or only partially aware of them. As soon as we become aware of our resources, we can use them even more effectively. A quick glance at our success strategies provides us with an indication of our resources.

Susan, the head of department at a car manufacturer, now knows that her pronounced relationship orientation is by no means a weakness – as some of her colleagues in top management once believed – but rather one of her greatest resources.

With her relaxed and diplomatic manner, she understands how to connect people into networks that serve each other and the overall system. And now she is fully aware of this fact. In Patrick's case, for example, his boyish recklessness is one of his resources. He does what he feels like doing and walks through life with a great sense of humor. Since he lacks the fear of failure or humiliation, he also lacks the perfectionism that holds many other people back. And because he doesn't take life more seriously than necessary, he achieves his successes with ease.

The same applies to your resources: other people can often recognize them much better than you can! Once again, it's worth asking for feedback.

Exercise: Feedback on your personal resources

Ask three people from your personal environment to give you feedback on your character strengths. You will receive the greatest feedback if you have different relationships to these three people,

e.g. 1. a close friend (boyfriend/girlfriend), 2. a person who is critical of you (e.g. someone from your team) and 3. a parent, sibling or person in a similar role.

This exercise does not need to be done in person, but works just as well in writing. Ask each of the three people to write down adjectives that come to mind when they think about your personal strengths. For example, "assertive", "committed" or "optimistic". The number of adjectives is not decisive. Let each person write down as many as they can think of. Then ask to see the result.

Alternatively, or even in addition, you can provide them with the 18 character strengths of the 6 PCM "floors" (see chapter 1) and ask them to circle or underline those adjectives that apply most to you: responsible – rational – well-organized – committed – conscientious – value-oriented – charming – persistent – competitive – sensitive – warmhearted – relationship-oriented – calm – thoughtful – imaginative – spontaneous – creative – funloving.

To what extent do these results correspond to your previous observations regarding your success strategies? How can you use these character strengths as a resource in a more targeted way in the future?

Your character strengths are your resources at the same time. However, there are also other resources, for example the awareness of your past successes. Or the knowledge that you have mastered every minor or major crisis in your life so far. If you reflect on what you have achieved so far long enough, you will gain confidence in your own success story.

Confidence in our own success story

It was Monday night. Patrick activated the artificial fireplace via app on his iPhone. The Smart Home was his new toy. Then he grabbed a craft beer from the fridge. It was the same kind he'd been drinking with Eddy on the mountain pasture. Patrick had found a little shop in the 7th district that carried that brand. Laura was sitting on the sofa in front of half a glass of Sauvignon Blanc. Patrick opened his beer and sat down next to Laura who was already looking at him with anticipation. He began to tell her about his hike up the Drachenkogel, his meeting with Eddy and his new insights.

"The sunrise up there was absolutely amazing," Patrick finally stated. "Eddy called it the moment of greatest clarity, and it was exactly that. When I got to the summit, I was disappointed at first because it was grey and foggy. But then, just before the sun actually came up, the fog lifted, and I could suddenly see for miles. In that moment, I knew then that everything would continue to go well for me and for the both of us. I have already achieved so much, particularly because I never racked my brain and constantly worried. This is exactly how it is going to be this time. We'll just relax and everything will work out!"

"So, you've decided to take the new job?"

"I don't even remember why I hesitated in the first place. Japan! A whole new world, wow! And then all those awesome cities I will regularly have meetings in: San Francisco, Toronto, Johannesburg, São Paulo, Beijing, Mumbai, Qatar, Moscow. And teams from all these places and cultures. The diversity – absolutely amazing! And most of all, I will finally be able to help develop strategies that will be implemented globally. Globally, not just between Vienna, Düsseldorf and Sofia."

"I am happy for you. You're gonna do great. And you're gonna have fun."

"Yes, I think so, too. But I will only do it if it's ok with you that I'm stationed in Japan and will be traveling even more. If not, I decline and stay here. There are many great jobs in Austria or Germany with exciting companies that I can apply for."

"No, do it, Patrick! By all means! It's the next step for you. I have no right to stop you, considering I'm hardly at home myself. Everything will work out, even for us. But it won't be a nobrainer. We have to figure out a way to see each other regularly. I mean, a lot of things can be done virtually. Even I know that. But we still need a plan. Because if we don't see each other at all – even our relationship won't be able to handle that." Patrick nodded in agreement.

"In fact, there's not much about living together that I want to do virtually," Laura added with a smile.

Connecting all points of life

Patrick has arrived at one of the most significant learnings we can gain from dealing with our past: He knows what he has already achieved, how he has done it and what resources he has at his disposal to repeat these successes at any time. He understands his personality and his strengths and affirms them. He knows that others are successful in other ways. They may be more persistent, more organized, or make more specific plans for their future. Although Patrick knows that empathy is certainly not a "floor" that requires a long "elevator ride", they may also be more empathetic. Patrick doesn't need to worry about how others do it. He doesn't need to adapt their way of doing things for himself. He has confidence in his own biography and is now considering the future with confidence, curiosity and composure.

We can all develop this confidence in our own success story. Take one last look at the sticky notes containing your successes. What a wealth of experience! Almost a work of art, isn't it? Even at the risk of being sick of hearing Steve Jobs quotes – or knowing the most famous ones by heart: The Apple co-founder aptly called this "Connecting the dots" in his famous Stanford speech, when we connect all the seemingly random points of our biography in spirit and suddenly recognize a harmonious, coherent unity, a type of artwork. Maybe it is just something we construct in retrospect and defy the coincidences of life. But maybe your Higher Self or the Universe has thought of something at all your stations. No matter how you look at it, contemplating this picture, this work of art of your life, can be a tremendous source of confidence.

Never underestimate the power of failure!

I don't know what you have written on your sticky notes and considered worthy enough to appear in the "temperature curve" of your successes. All I know is that many people like to leave out things that may seem self-evident. For example, having a high school diploma, having studied or being loving parents to a child or children. Precisely because all this seems so obvious, it is often forgotten about. However, these fundamentals are the resources that quickly provide us with the support we need when we recall them after setbacks or in crises. As paradoxical as it may sound, even our greatest failures still belong on the list of our greatest successes. After all, we have managed to stand up again and almost always learn something from it. Simply ask yourself: What were your "greatest" failures so far? Your most educational crises? What has really shaken you up and then made you carry on more vigorously than ever?

A woman I worked with – let's call her Cathy – once slipped into such a severe crisis that she could not even cling to her life's obviously self-evident facts. Cathy was in Hong Kong on a business trip when her husband emailed her to tell her that he wanted a divorce. In the same email, he confessed to her that he had been having a mistress for five years, whom he now wanted to marry. Cathy's husband was the love of her life. They had been together since their school days and she had married him when she was 19. With that email, her entire world collapsed. Cathy called me, crying softly, seeming apathetic. I asked her, deliberately out of context, "What subject did you major in?" She had to think for a surprisingly long time and later said that at first she had the feeling she couldn't remember. Everything was gone. Later, when Cathy got back on track and had gained a renewed zest for life, she had her university diploma framed behind glass and hung it on her office wall. She never wanted to forget who she was and what she had already achieved. Cathy is now able to recognize valuable resources even in seemingly self-evident situations.

There are no obvious successes. Everything you have achieved to date makes you special and can give you strength for your future.

Chapter 2: Questions for reflection

● When you look at everything in context: What made you the person you are now?

● If you are a woman: In which situations did it benefit you and in which situations did being a woman hinder you?

● If you are a man: In which situations did you willingly meet society's role of a "typically male" and in which did you not?

● What other elements of diversity in your life have contributed to or hindered your success? (e.g. age, origin, culture, religion, etc.)

● If you review all your success strategies once again: Do you have one or more preferred strategies?

● If you had the choice: Would you do everything the same in your life again or would you do something different? If there is something you'd do differently, what is it and how would you do it now?