Читать книгу The Last Family in England - Matt Haig - Страница 34

sign

The next morning in the park Mick barely spoke, leaving Adam to gaze uninterrupted at the massive new house and at the sign which said: ‘FOR SALE’.

Henry sniffed me, as he always did, to smell my progress.

‘How have things been since yesterday’s meeting?’ he asked me, with typical formality.

‘OK,’ I said.

‘There have been no arguments?’

‘No. No arguments.’

‘You have observed everything?’

‘Everything I could.’

‘And no sign of trouble?’

I thought of Kate, crying in the kitchen, and I told him about it.

‘All right,’ he said. ‘You must pay special attention to today’s lesson. We’ve covered Wag Control previously but today it’s Advanced Wag Control.’ Henry stood up and placed himself in front of me at a horizontal angle. ‘So far I’ve told you when to wag and when not to, but what we haven’t talked about is how fast.’

I thought of my own efforts, the day before, to try and wag away Kate’s sadness. Perhaps that was why it hadn’t worked. Perhaps I’d got the speed wrong.

‘Now as we’ve discussed before, tail-wagging is of fundamental importance in the preservation of Family well-being. After all, Prince, this is one of the few aspects of our communication system that humans are able to recognise.’

‘Right,’ I said, ready to digest more information.

‘And although humans don’t always realise it, the speed of our wag directly impacts on their own happiness. Our tails dictate the rhythm of Family life.’ His tail started to move from side to side in slow swooshes, then picked up speed progressively.

A red setter on the other side of the park was on her back, laughing at Henry’s display.

‘We wag slow,’ Henry explained, ‘and things calm. We wag fast, things speed up. Fast-wagging can be a very useful way of lifting the general mood, but once a state of Family harmony has been achieved, a moderate wag, accompanied by a casual stroll such as this is usually sufficient to maintain an atmosphere of general happiness. But remember you must, as always, strike a balance between being too obvious and not being noticed at all . . .’

Fast-wagging? Wasn’t that what I had been doing the day before, but to no avail? Weren’t there scenarios when wagging just wouldn’t work?

But these are now-doubts, not then-doubts.

As Henry went on to illustrate, in full detail, how and when to use the eleven main types of wag, I did not question him for one moment. If Henry said that wag-control was the key to orchestrating sustained Family happiness and security who was I to disagree? The Family would be happy, and there was nothing they could do about it. And the reason they would be happy was because I was finally getting there.

I was following the Pact.

I was learning from Henry.

I was now, in the truest sense, a Labrador.

It was unthinkable that this would not be enough, that the security of the Family depended on more.

It was only later when I realised exactly how much had to be done to protect my masters from outside danger.

And from themselves.