Читать книгу Jane - Мэгги Нельсон - Страница 23

(1966)

You know, for a world that demands direction, I certainly have none.

Will I be a teacher? Will I go to France?

Really I don’t know how smart I am—

and that above all else keeps me working and working hard.

I’m not sure I’ve a good mind.

I’m not sure I reason well.

I know I can be as confused as anybody else.

I don’t know how I’ll do in advanced courses—

I don’t know how I’ll do on the next econ hourly.

I don’t know if I could be a great debater.

And there are a million other things I don’t know about my intellectual capacities.

Let’s leave emotional ones alone tonite—they’re in worse shape.

I want so much—to be versatile, charming, warm, deep, intelligent, accomplishing something, loving,

fooling around, giving instead of getting, cheery not driven, sure not uncertain, possessing not anticipating,

answers not questions.

I’m seething lately

—but it too shall pass.