Читать книгу Jane - Мэгги Нельсон - Страница 36

(JANUARY 20, 1960)

Right now I hate my sister so.

There is no sense of unison or understanding between us.

I hate her so much.

She is sarcastic, spiteful, snobby, snippy, and her whole attitude

is one of being better than I. I know that she is and perhaps I am

jealous, but I have no companionship with her any longer.

Jealousy is a funny thing. I am jealous of Barb’s fun, dates, looks, assurance, way with parents, clothes, charm, age, etc. Yet it’s something hard to understand. I am not always jealous or always envious but just sometimes I want to have and be like her so badly that I could cry. It’s a shame for she deserves what she possesses and certainly should have it.

If she hates me that’s OK. But I would give my life for her and she doesn’t care whether I live or die.

I wish we could go to Florida. Maybe being together and having fun would help.