Читать книгу Baggage Claim - Michael J.D. Lowery - Страница 4

Experience shapes us. Who we are is influenced by the things we've experienced, and what we become is influenced by our responses to them. While genetics play an important role in our overall makeup, experiences are an integral part of our development, and they directly or indirectly influence our decision-making. Experiences act as software uploaded into the hard-drive of our psyche, and they help download our sensitivities, perceptions, passions, and dreams. Any and every experience, even the negative ones, can be turned into a positive depending upon how it's perceived. At best, it can make you better; at worst, it can make you bitter. It is said that when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. But even lemonade can be bitter if unsweetened. No! When life hands you lemons, hand them back! We don't have to always accept what life hands us. You never accept mail that doesn't belong to you, do you? You mark, "Return to sender" and send it back! That's what you do to the unacceptable. You don't have to sit around and let life determine what type of life you'll lead. Take the lead in life and don't let life lead you! If all we do is let negativity recycle itself at our expense, then when will the cycles end? They won't end until you end them! In a photo lab, negatives require a dark room in order to develop the images that have been captured. In life, negativity requires the mind to become a darkroom of every negative thought. It is as if the mind has captured a moment of disappointment and failure, and has replayed it beyond the experience, developing into an issue. So even though the experience has passed, the image has been captured as a still photograph in the core of our psyche. It then becomes the torn contact lens through which we perceive everyone and everything we come in contact with. Therefore, the enemy to the next good experience is the last bad one! That photograph then hangs like a "wanted poster" in which you have super-imposed the image of the individual (s) who hurt you. And if anyone comes in contact with you who remotely resembles the profile of your last relationship, then that relationship is destined to tear. So instead of potential mates being prospects, they've become suspects. The tragedy is that there were more wonderful moments that have passed since the bad one that was captured!

I was taking a picture of my-then-4-year-old daughter Layke- Michal during one of her school performances. While capturing a still photograph, I lowered the camera to inspect the image of the shot I had taken, looking for reassurance that a beautiful moment in that performance had been captured. At that brief moment, while checking the picture on the digital camera, thunderous laughter and applause erupted from the crowd. I looked up only to discover that I missed one of the most adorable, choreographed sequences of the performance. While checking to see if I had captured one moment, I had completely missed another! And while we are busy reflecting on and inspecting one moment that was negative, we are missing out on the positive, beautiful moments that are occurring right in front of us. One thing that is for certain; life promises another moment. However, life doesn't promise you'll be there to see it! Furthermore, life doesn't promise an encore presentation of the opportunity that was missed in those moments. I think the only thing worse than a missed opportunity is standing in the same place expecting a repeat performance! We treat opportunities like a bus route. We think that if we miss the 9:30 am moment of opportunity, we can just wait at the same stop for the 11:45 am. Moments of opportunity don't run like a bus schedule, and you can't hail them like you do a cab. It would be nice if we could schedule them like a limousine ride, or use them to get to our next destination like a shuttle service. But that's not life! Life is a journey that has moments along the way; many to be captured and stored; many to be caught and released. Part of the journey involves knowing which is which; which ones to seize and which ones to surrender. The root word to momentum is moment, and the root cause to gaining momentum is seizing the moment! If we don't know the difference, we will find ourselves clinging to moments past their expiration date; holding onto relationships, friendships, and memberships that were only meant for a season. There is a popular adage that states, "There's no use crying over spilled milk." I would like to rephrase that: "There's no use crying over SPOILED milk"! It has spoiled because it was kept past its expiration date. Please understand that many or even most of our past relationships were meant to contribute experiences that help to shape us, but not necessarily to be life-long relationships. Those are few and far between. The roles of most of our relationships, however great or small, are to essentially help in building the bridges we cross to get to the next place in our lives, which is essentially our own growth and development. If it weren't for those experiences, even the negative ones, we wouldn't be who we are. I'd like to think of them as connections to our destination.

When you realize that, it makes it impossible to harbor hatred, bitterness, and un-forgiveness. Often, we magnify the offence, not the opportunity for growth! We let emotions skew our perceptions, obstructing our view of how much we could have grown out of those negative experiences. They should have yielded wisdom and maturity, not issues. How can I hate the person who hurt me or abused me, when that hurt or abuse empowered me? I wouldn't have known what was lying inside of me! I wouldn't have known what I was capable of handling. I wouldn't have known my value. It may sound absurd to most, but every negative experience has the potential to aid in our development. But even people who have made positive contributions in our lives are often only there for a season. Please read carefully what I have discovered: Only a small fraction of all the people we have met in our lives will remain in our lives for a lifetime. Once again, life is a journey that has moments along the way; many to be caught and released. So too is it with people. Once again, they are often connections to our destination.

How many times have you been to a family reunion or a class reunion and greeted people you haven't seen in ages? Perhaps it was 10, 20, 30 years since you were in their company. Remember how emotional that reunion was, seeing and realizing how much that person had drastically changed? Some faces changed so dramatically that they were barely recognizable. Remember how you felt when they said their name and at that moment, you were able to associate their name with their face; their face with your history? It's usually then when, after seeing how much they've changed, you realize how much you've changed. You see, living with yourself allows you to acclimate to the changes that naturally occur over time. You are able to see the signs of aging as they occur. You are able to make adjustments and allowances; qualify and sometimes rectify years of abuse and neglect. It isn't as traumatic as seeing someone you haven't seen in many years, and "running into" a completely different-looking individual. Well, the changes you see over time are physical, visible signs of aging. What you don't see are ravishes of time and experiences that have taken their toll emotionally and psychologically. What aren't visible to the human eye are the loads of emotional baggage that have accumulated over long periods of time. What aren't taken into account are the psychological damages incurred due to failed marriages, relationships, businesses, and friendships. You see, underneath the surface, we have aged well beyond our calendar years because issues will age us faster than the years themselves! These are the emotional and psychological "Dog Years" that determine our true age, not the calendar years. Deep beneath the physical appearance are near-death experiences, times of disappointments, and times of defeat; losses as well as gains. No doubt, the stories you heard at those reunions were mostly exaggerated and embellished, leaning more towards success than failure. Most people abbreviate their recall of life's journeys, editing them to match yearbook predictions and senior-class dreams. You usually only learn of them through the whispers and gossip that occur at the bar. Reunions aren't for therapy sessions, confessionals, or counseling. They often involve lying, pretending, and overlooking the big elephant in the room.

It isn't until the evening, back at the hotel room as you prepare to retire for the evening that you begin to stare face-to-face with your own mortality. It is then that you realize the obvious; we aren't getting younger, and that life is quietly and quickly passing us by. We have been on a journey for a long time and didn't even realize it. Along the way, we picked up excess cargo; luggage we somehow stowed in the overhead of our minds. Somewhere along the way we forgot to do the most important thing in life; that is, to live! It is then we realize that we settled and compromised for so long in order to make relationships work, that we lost our own identity in the process. Reunions have a way of being bitter-sweet, and they can leave a lasting, lingering depression long after the last piece of cake has been consumed. There are many who skip reunions for these very reasons, and that is certainly understandable. After all, who wants to celebrate getting older, fatter, and slower?

Yet, there are important lessons, life lessons that can be learned from these events. One lesson I learned is that life is a journey, so pack light! Take with you only the essentials and leave the extras behind. Make many memories without packing too many memorabilia; experience the negative without collecting souvenirs.