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Also by Michael Mewshaw

Fiction

Man in Motion Waking Slow The Toll Earthly Bread Land Without Shadow Year of the Gun Blackballed True Crime Shelter from the Storm Island Tempest

Non-fiction

Life for Death Short Circuit Money to Burn Playing Away Ladies of the Court Do I Owe You Something?

IF YOU COULD SEE ME NOW

a chronicle of identity and adoption

Michael Mewshaw

u n b r i d l e d b o o k s

Unbridled Books Denver, Colorado

Copyright © 2006 Michael Mewshaw

All rights reserved.This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any form

without permission.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Mewshaw, Michael, 1943– If you could see me now : a chronicle of identity and adoption / Michael Mewshaw. p. cm. EISBN: 978-160953-113-3 1. Mewshaw, Michael, 1943 with women. 3. Novelists,American 4. Birthparents PS3563.E87Z46 2006 813'.54 2005033457 1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2 Book design by SH First Printing For Linda, Sean and Marc, and in memory of my mother, Mary Helen Murphy Mewshaw Dunn (1916 "The true terror . . . the true mystery of life was not that we are all going to die, but that we were all born, that we were all once little babies like this, unknowing and slowly reeling in the world, gathering it loop by loop like a ball of string. The true terror was that we once didn't exist, and then, through no fault of our own, we had to." You Remind Me of Me, Dan Chaon