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STINKERS!

America’s Worst

Self-Published

Books

Learn what not to do

(Volume I)

Michael N. Marcus

Library of Congress Control Number: 2011914029

Version 1.72 (EB-1 1006011)

Published in eBook format by Silver Sands Books

Converted by http://www.eBookIt.com

ISBN-13: 978-0-9830-5728-4

Except for obvious quotations from cited books, promotional works, reproductions of book covers, and reviews—contents are © Copyright 2011, Silver Sands Books. All rights reserved. The author and publisher believe that the use of copyrighted material in this book is permissible as “fair use” under Title 17, Chapter 1, § 107 of the U.S. Code, specifically “for purposes such as criticism [or] comment.” In most cases, quoted reviewers are not identified because the review sources are difficult or impossible to verify—but their work is appreciated. No portion of the original material in this book may be reproduced, stored or transmitted in any form without permission of the copyright holder, except for brief quotations included in reviews and articles. Photo credits are in the back of the book.

Please use the physical or email addresses on the previous page for corrections, questions and comments.

Portions of this book were previously published in other Silver Sands books or online.

Editor: Mark Shields

Cover photo from DRB Images

Notes: (1)This book’s purpose is to educate, inform, instruct and entertain. (2)While this book should be helpful, no book can tell you everything that you might want to know or need to know about the topics it tries to cover. (3)Some errors may not have been detected and corrected. (4)Neither the author nor the publisher will be held liable or responsible for any actual or perceived loss or damage to any person or entity, caused or alleged to have been caused, directly or indirectly, by anything in this book. If you won’t accept these terms, please stop reading.

More about the author: www.MichaelMarc.us Help & info for self-publishers: www.BookFur.com Early book evaluation: www.RentABookReviewer.com Create Better Books with the Silver Sands Publishing Series www.silversandsbooks.com/booksaboutpublishing.html

Also by Michael N. Marcus

Books:

•Independent Self-Publishing: The Complete Guide (2011)

•Self-Publish Your Book Without Losing Your Shirt (2011)

•A Self-Published Book Doesn’t Have to be Ugly (2011)

•Get the Most out of a Self-Publishing Company (2011)

•The 100 Worst Self-Publishing Misteaks (co-author, 2011)

•555 Ways to Self-Publish Better Books (2011)

•399 Valuable Self-Publishing Tips for a Penny Apiece (2011)

•Internet Hell (2011)

•Easy E-books (2011)

•Become a Real Self-Publisher (2010)

•Stupid, Sloppy, Sleazy (2010)

•Stories I’d Tell My Children (2010)

•What I Most Wanted to Get Out of School Was Me (2010)

•Phone Systems & Phones for Small Business & Home (2009)

•The AbleComm Guide to Phone Systems (2009)

•Telecom Reference E-book (2009)

•I Only Flunk My Brightest Students (2008)

•What Phone System Should I Buy? (1996)

•CB Bible (co-author, 1976)

Blogs:

•Book Making is where Michael discusses writing, editing and publishing—and other things that interest him or bother him. www.BookMakingBlog.blogspot.com

•My Final Quarter Century Above Ground deals with dying and death—with appropriate irreverence. www.BloggingAboutDeath.blogspot.com

•911 Wackos. Some folks call 911 for strange reasons. Sometimes they get into trouble after the call. Sometimes the 911 operators get into trouble. www.911Wackos.blogspot.com

•For The First Time (or the last time) talks about changes in society and technology: first toilet paper, last country to get TV, etc. www.4TheFirstTime.blogspot.com

•Oh How Stupid provides an occasional look at some of the stupidest things done by human beings. www.OhHowStupid.blogspot.com

•Letters to April Wong is a collection of ridiculous and scam emails sent to a person who does not exist. www.LettersToAprilWong.blogspot.com

•Dial Zero discusses what’s silly, stupid or surprising in telecom. www.DialZero.blogspot.com

There may be more by the time you read this.

“From the moment I picked

your book up until I laid it

down I was convulsed with

laughter. Someday I intend

reading it.”

Groucho Marx

(1890-1977)

“This is not a novel to be

tossed aside lightly. It

should be thrown with great

force.”

Dorothy Parker

(1893–1967)

“It is far better to be

silent than merely to

increase the quantity

of bad books.”

Voltaire

(1694-1778)

“A good novel tells us the

truth about its hero;

but a bad novel tells us

the truth about its author.”

Gilbert K. Chesterton

(1874-1936)

“We publish a huge

number of really bad books.”

Bob Young, founder of Lulu.com

If Bob knows they’re really

bad books, he shouldn’t publish

them. Bob also misspelled

“misspell” and confused “less”

and “fewer.” A publisher

should know better.

“Errors in your writing cause

readers to question your

credibility.”

Brent Sampson, founder

of Outskirts Press

In one of Brent’s books, he wrote

the wrong name of the publisher

of Roget’s Thesaurus and made

many other errors. A publisher

should do better.

Introduction

The book publishing business is changing significantly and rapidly, and the changes provide both limitations and opportunities for authors.

BAD NEWS:

1.Sales of books by bookstores are decreasing and bookstores are closing.

2.Surviving bookstores face growing competition from other types of businesses and from e-books.

3.It has become much harder for new writers to get published by traditional publishers.

4.Traditional publishers have fired employees and cut back on the number of books selected, author advances and promotional budgets.

5.Mergers and acquisitions have reduced the number of major publishing houses.

6.Most publishers judge books based on potential profitability rather than on literary merit.

7.Most terrestrial bookstores won’t stock self-published books.

8.Some book review media reject self-published books.

9.Some authors’ associations ban self-publishing authors from membership.

GOOD NEWS:

1.Online booksellers Amazon.com, BarnesAndNoble.com and dozens of others worldwide make a huge selection of books—including self-published books—available quickly to anyone, anywhere.

2.In 2008, for the first time, sales of print on demand (“POD”) books (which include most self-published books) exceeded sales of traditionally printed books. The number of POD titles has been growing by triple digits in recent years.

3.Independent publishers are following the path of “indie” musicians and filmmakers by cutting out the middlemen between the creators and the audience.

4.Technology has made it much simpler and less expensive for any writer to have a book published, either on paper or electronically, without approval by the gatekeepers of traditional publishing.

5.There are many ways to get inexpensive or free publicity.

6.Many businesses are eager to sell publishing and distribution services to authors. They are able to produce excellent books—and terrible books.

7.More and more online venues review self-published books, and new organizations and online communities support self-publishing authors.

Although it has become relatively easy to self-publish, it’s also easy to make serious mistakes in writing, design and marketing that can seriously limit the acceptability and sales of a self-published book.

While there is great satisfaction in seeing your name on the cover of a book, I hope that you will write what other people will want to read, and that they’ll like what you write.

I believe in absolute freedom of the press. I don’t believe in prior censorship or the licensing of writers or publishers. Unfortunately, the ease of publication means that a lot of junk gets published.

It’s sad—and funny—that some of the worst self-published books I’ve found, and the majority of the books in this book, are books that try to provide advice to other authors.

This book will help you avoid the worst mistakes of others, so you can publish a book that you can be justifiably proud of, and perhaps enlighten, entertain and inform others—and maybe you’ll even make some money.

Michael

What makes a book a stinker? 1.Most stinkers are ugly. 2.Most stinkers are poorly written. 3.Most stinkers violate the rules and customs of book design. 4.Many stinkers are inaccurate. 5.Some stinkers make promises they do not—or cannot—deliver. 6.Some stinkers are padded—including unnecessary information, information that is readily available elsewhere for free, or too much empty space. 7.Some stinkers are really advertisements—even bad advertisements—masquerading as books. 8.Some stinkers are absurdly overpriced. 9.Some stinker authors either got help from the wrong people or got no help at all. 10.Some stinker authors are extremely careless—or just don’t care about producing good books. 11.Some stinker authors don’t accept the advice they give to others. 12.Some stinker authors know less than they think they know.