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Introduction:

How Camping Can

IMPROVE YOUR SEX LIFE

I know what you’re thinking: How could a book on camping possibly improve your sex life? Admittedly, it sounds unlikely. For most, camping is about challenging ourselves against nature, with only a thin layer of Gore-Tex to protect us from the elements. Traditionally, people went into the woods to tough it out, not to get it on. Most likely, your idea of a romantic weekend away involves crisp linens and room service—and there’s nothing wrong with that. But once in a while, even the bottle of sparkling chilling in a stand next to the rosepetal-covered bed in your five-star hotel gets a little mundane. Maybe you and your lover are ready for something different. Something wilder. Something outside the walls of your bedroom. Something just plain outside.

The exhilaration of the wilderness can really fan our flames when it comes to love. In reality, the pursuits of the great outdoors and great sex are not all that different. Think about what people look for in great sex: spontaneity, adventure, mystery, excitement, uncertainty. If you asked Sir Edmund Hillary why he “mounted” Everest, he just might give you the same list.

If your sex life is lacking excitement, the problem might be the scenery, not the performers. Camping together will definitely change the scenery. After all, it’s something we do to put some adventure back into our lives—and if you believe the dozens of best-selling books, talk shows, and advice columns on improving your sex life, adventure is the one thing we could all use a bit more of between the sheets.

Consider Heather, an Arizona camper who is so enthusiastic about her outdoor escapades that she maintains a website entitled “Naked in the Woods.” Heather and her husband, John, make it a point to “play naked” whenever possible on their outdoor adventures. In their nine years of camping together, they have had sex on the top of a mountain, on hiking trails, in the water, and, of course, on a beach. According to Heather, the whole idea of being someplace where they could get caught is enough to keep them seeking out more romantic adventures on our public lands. And indeed, she says, “We’ve been caught many, many times! That just makes it more exciting!”

Not everyone is so comfortable with public exposure, but these two have found the perfect way to rejuvenate their sex life by taking it away from their regular routine. According to Esther Perel, a therapist who counsels couples in the urban wilds of New York, the domestic comforts of home can be a real turnoff. In her book, Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic + the Domestic (HarperCollins 2006), Perel looks at the things that can get in the way of erotic desire for long-term couples. She thinks it’s a great idea to trade mating in captivity for mating in the wild now and then. With no bedroom, no TV, no phone, and no schedule, you’ll be free to let your imagination take over.

“We tend to associate home with the place where you feel serious and responsible; it’s not a place we associate with playfulness,” Perel says. “You can make home predictable, but you can’t make nature predictable. It can bring out playfulness. When you go into nature, you go to play.”

That sense of adventure and play is what gives sex its spark. And the more challenges you face in the wild together, the hotter the results. Climb a mountain with your lover, and you may find your libido rising right along with the elevation. “At home, there’s nothing to defy, to resist, to conquer,” says Perel. “Home is comfortable, it’s easy. Nature adds an edge.”

Priya, a nature-lover from South Africa, couldn’t agree more with Perel’s theories. “Worry is a great passion killer, and as nature relaxes you, chances are just much more favorable for romance,” she says. “In addition to that, usually you have far fewer distractions and responsibilities when you’re out camping; therefore you have more time to spend together, which is usually very limited in any work day.” Priya even finds the exertions of camping sexy. “The working up a sweat and getting physical relates to exactly what you’d be doing in the bedroom, not so?”

Kathleen Meyer, a longtime outdoorswoman and author (she wrote the popular tome How to Shit in the Woods, about the other call of nature), has all but abandoned her traditional bedroom. She and her partner, Patrick McCarron, love the outdoors so much that even at home they prefer to sleep outside on their uncovered deck. “The air feels so good compared to the indoor air,” Meyer says. “And having the sky open to you is tremendous. We watch the sky at night, and we know a lot of the constellations—they’re like friends up there. It kind of puts you in closer touch with the universe and makes you feel more a part of it.”

Not many of us can bring our camping practices home like they do, but imagine how wonderful it would be to snuggle in your double sleeping bag every night, enjoying fresh air and a starry sky together. When Meyer and McCarron do leave their Montana home and venture deep into the wilderness, it gives them an even greater thrill. “There’s nobody but us and the wolves and the moose up there,” Meyer says. “And just to feel the world as your own, to be that isolated, I find that thrilling.”

While Meyer and McCarron seem to have it all worked out, I have to admit that my own first experiences mixing camping with romance didn’t quite live up to my wildest fantasies. Mostly they involved a lot of muffling noises with body parts, Therm-a-Rest rug burn, and some rather inconvenient cramping. But I just knew that if I could get beyond the “technical difficulties,” there would be plenty of excitement and hot adventures waiting for me.

One morning, after a particularly unsatisfying night in the woods, I declared that there ought to be a book about how to have sex in a tent. It wasn’t until later that it occurred to me to write the book myself. Now, after a lot of fulfilling “research,” I am making it my mission to bring passion and romance to campers everywhere. I’m here to tell you that camping doesn’t just bring you closer to nature, it brings you closer to each other. It’s time to check out a whole new world of nature at its naughtiest!

Great Sex and the Great Outdoors

Consider your usual love life at home. If you’re like most of us, it gets squeezed in between working too much, making dinner, shopping, taking care of the kids, mowing the lawn, and a million other boring tasks. If you’re lucky, you’ve set aside a date night when you regularly have sex in the bedroom after dinner and a movie. The lights are out, and you’re on auto-pilot. It’s hard to be inspired when everything around you is so familiar and predictable.

Now consider your relationship outside of that bedroom box. Imagine spending a whole day walking hand in hand through the forest, flirting like you did when you first met. Picture your protective instincts kicking in when you think you might be lost. Connect with your most primitive passions and imagine lying in a pile of fallen leaves, naked with your soul mate (or perhaps your first date). It’s not your usual Saturday night in—and it’s bound to take you places you don’t normally go.

Venturing into the wilderness with your partner creates a different dynamic in your relationship. You’ll have to throw away the typical gender roles. Women will have to pull their weight when it comes to carrying gear, and men will have to help out with dinner. And if you want to take a break from your regular roles during sex, well, that’s not a bad idea, either. Maybe it’s the lady’s turn to talk dirty. Perhaps your bandana would make a handy blindfold. Here’s your chance to push your boundaries and try something new.

Couples therapist Perel sees camping as a time when partners can really shake up the way they relate. “There’s something that goes beyond gender, into competencies and sensibilities,” she explains. “If one partner is more competent at home, but in nature, the other is more competent and has the power, the roles have shifted because he is at ease in that environment. So people who are shy at home might be more daring when they’re camping.”

For Kiwi camping enthusiast Justine, the “rough and ready” version of her man is a total turn-on. “There’s nothing sexier than seeing your partner happy in the bush with a streak of mud on his face,” she says.

It’s no surprise that we get the hots for our partners when we see this survivalist streak in them. It’s a matter of looking at someone you know all too well in a new light. Maybe you’re accustomed to seeing your guy lazing on the couch watching the game; when you watch him rigging a makeshift shelter, it’s a bit like discovering an endangered species. It’s intriguing and thrilling at the same time—is this really my man? “Very often, people are most attracted when their partner’s ‘otherness’ is accentuated—when they are competent doing things you can’t do,” Perel says. “There is a mystery—you see them from a distance. He’s doing something that is his that has nothing to do with me.” Whether it’s catching fish for dinner or climbing a rock face, it feels great to remember why you admire the one you love.

My friend Maria recently got into a relationship with an outdoorsman. At first she was nervous about joining his adventures, but once she gave it a try, she found his wild side very attractive. “He is gorgeous at any time, but there is something about the wind in his hair, the color the mountain air puts in his cheeks, the effort of the exercise that makes him completely irresistible,” she says. Seeing him so confident in the wilderness is part of his appeal. “He’s spent a lot of time outdoors, doing some, what I would call ‘extreme’ sports (though I’m sure he would deny that they were extreme), and so he feels comfortable and happy during our trips,” Maria adds.

For me, sometimes it’s my own outdoorsy side that provides the spark. I feel so confident and inspired when I get to the end of a tough trail or reach the top of a mountain, that my self-esteem soars. Feeling so great about myself translates into feeling strong and sexy. I’m rarely the sexual aggressor at home, but inside the tent, I’m ready to say I’ve earned it! It’s not just the boys who look good with a bit of dirt under their fingernails.

Camping as a Couple

When I surveyed couples for this book, I was surprised by how many of them simply didn’t have a sex life when they went camping. There are people who think of camping as something to do with their buddies, so when they camp, they tend to treat their partner the same way—like a buddy.

Your buddies may think it’s hilarious when you pee over the side of the canoe, but your wife is less likely to be amused. I’ve been on group trips where the guys belched and farted around the campfire like it was half the fun of being there. The girls just rolled their eyes. The men needed to stop and think about how they behave on camping trips, and compare it to how they usually act around their partners. I’m willing to bet that none of those women was in a big hurry to have hot sex with her guy that night.

Suffice to say, bringing together your love life and your love of the outdoors may be a bit of an adjustment. Lifelong campers usually start out considering it an asexual hobby—more about toughing it out than indulging their fantasies. But spending time outside is a sensual experience. People go into the woods to awaken their senses—to feel the wind on their faces, to breathe the clean, fresh air, and to let the sun warm their skin. Jessica, a camper from Michigan, told me that she thinks it’s perfectly natural for those highly sensual feelings to add romance to her camping trips.

“All of your senses are alive in nature,” she says. “Being out in the woods is a natural buzz anyway, but there’s something about being ‘wild and free’ with your partner. There is nothing more romantic than cuddling with my husband under a sky full of stars, or waking up in the perfect quiet of dawn.”

Camping can be about indulging your senses, but it can also be a romantically indulgent experience. No longer is it all about denying yourself luxuries and suffering against the elements with the barest of essentials. Camping has discovered decadence! Even the outdoor gear and clothing companies sense the romance in the air. You don’t have to shop at Victoria’s Secret for thong underwear; you can buy it from Patagonia. And what better place to show it off than in MSR’s two-person tent, the Hubba Hubba? They’ve also got a model called the Fling—proving once and for all that even mountaineers have time for a quickie. When you’re ready to commit to your outdoor love life, you can pick up REI’s wedding cake topper featuring a couple in mountain-climbing gear. (That outdoor retailer has even introduced a wedding registry service, where you can order things like backcountry margarita glasses and even a Lexan blender to make cocktails.) Couples everywhere are making it clear that camping is a big part of their relationships.

“Our industry has been asleep when it comes to sexiness,” admits Beaver Theodosakis, founder and president of Prana, the outdoor clothing company that had the groundbreaking idea of outfitting sexy climber bodies with equally sexy clothing. “I think that’s hurt the industry. The way the advertising used to be a picture of a guy out on a mountain by himself with ice in his beard. In our catalogs and ads, we try to show a more playful attitude, with guys and girls interacting and natural sexiness.” Yes, even mountain men have love lives these days.

Shifting your point of view to consider camping as a couple opens up a whole new world of possibilities. Couples who go camping together often find it improves their level of trust, their closeness, their ability to solve problems together, and their sex lives. One camper from New Zealand, Hillary, found that she could discuss things with her husband during camping trips that they would never talk about at home. Somehow, being outside makes him more open to conversation. For a lot of men, it comes down to feeling “in their element” out in the woods. For many women, leaving behind the worries of home and work makes the outdoors a great place to reconnect as well. It’s an environment where a couple can really come together. Getting back to basics while camping can bring you back to the basics of your relationship, too.

Heather, the camper from Arizona, finds that her husband can relax more in the wild. “When we’re camping together, what I like most about John is that he’s much more carefree and laidback,” she says. “He’s not ‘at work’ anymore.” Camping is their time to be close, Heather says. “We each have our separate things that we do: John skydives, and I do things like scrap-booking and spending time with my friends. But together, we have this passion for the outdoors that we share.”

This is true for a lot of couples. At home, two people can lead very separate lives, even under the same roof. But camping can give them the time and inspiration to really enjoy each other’s company. “I’m a writer, he’s into computers,” says Justine “We hate each other’s taste in music, clothes, houses, possessions. But it doesn’t matter if we can come together the way we do when we’re camping. I’m just living each moment, with the man I love, in the most beautiful mountains in the world. That’s very fresh and simple somehow. There’s just a calm that you’re in the right place, sharing it with the right person.”

Once you have started to camp as a couple, it’s something you can do together for the rest of your lives. It’s inexpensive, the gear lasts for years, and as long as you have transportation, you can enjoy a camping trip at any time. Jessica told me she recently met a couple who are traveling around the US, doing a lot of camping now that their kids have all grown up and moved out. “They are enjoying each other and the country so much,” she says wistfully. “I can’t wait till we can do the same…in a couple of decades.”

I often come across couples well into their 70s enjoying a hike through the woods or a paddle on their favorite lake. The best thing about it is seeing that romantic sparkle in their eyes. Getting outdoors together keeps them young and passionate well into their golden years. The playwright George Bernard Shaw once said, “We don’t stop playing because we grow old. We grow old because we stop playing.” So keep playing outside with your partner, and you’ll stay young forever!

About this Book

As you have probably already guessed, this is not your average camping book. You won’t find anything here about navigating with a map and compass, or building an emergency shelter out of branches—unless you’re doing it for sexual role-playing purposes (there’s nothing like a little game of Survivor), in which case, may I suggest tying the supports together with a strong rope so you don’t have a mid-coitus collapse. This book is about making your outdoor experiences more romantic and sexier than you’ve ever imagined.

Throughout this book, you’ll read stories from couples who will give you a peek at their secrets to wilderness romance. I’ve maintained their anonymity and changed some details and names for obvious reasons—you never know whose mother might be reading—except where they’ve specifically wanted their name in lights. (And with some of their stories, who wouldn’t be proud!)

Chapter by chapter, we’ll look at how to introduce an absolute beginner to camping, how to plan your camping trips so that you both enjoy them, how to keep yourselves clean and attractive in the wilderness, how to make gourmet meals for two without a kitchen, how to approach different kinds of camping for maximum romance, where to go for the ultimate wilderness getaways, and, of course, how to have sex in a tent and just about anywhere else outdoors.

In order to keep things simple, this book generally refers to couples as one man and one woman. This by no means suggests that same-sex couples can’t use this book as a guide for planning their own romantic outdoor adventures. All couples will find that their relationship changes when they leave the comforts of home behind, regardless of gender. For the most part, there will be very little difference in terms of the challenges and rewards you will face. In places where same-sex couples may encounter their own unique situations, I’ll address them separately.

Ideally, both members of a couple should read this book. If you’ll excuse the pun, it will keep you on the same page when it comes to planning your camping adventures. If only one of you reads it, you can share with your partner the ideas you’d like to try. Bring them up over dinner, or on a lazy weekend. Get your partner excited about the idea of camping together, be sure to mention all of the amazing sex you’ll be having, then pick a time to get out there and give it a shot.

I sincerely believe that even the most urban of us can get into camping just by being open to the experience. But having a supportive and enthusiastic partner makes it so much easier and more enjoyable. So I encourage you to try it out—it’s good for you, it’s good for your relationship, and as you’ll see in this book, it’s good for your sex life, too!