Читать книгу Sex in a Tent - Michelle Waitzman - Страница 7

Chapter 1:

Convincing Your Reluctant Partner that

CAMPING IS FUN

I wasn’t born into camping. We never went as a family because my father firmly believed that if you own a perfectly good bed, you should use it. So, I have to admit that before I started camping, I had some pretty crazy ideas of what it might be like. I thought that you had to find your way around with a map and a compass in the wild, because I didn’t know about trail markers. I thought you had to be able to make a fire in the rain to cook your food, because I’d never seen a camping stove. I thought there would be bugs crawling around inside the tent all night—and I had a huge bug phobia. Suffice to say, the idea that camping might be romantic never entered my mind.

When you’ve been doing the camping thing for a while, it’s easy to forget that not everybody is familiar with the way things work in the woods. And when you’re worried about staying alive, you tend to put passion on the backburner. If you’re introducing a newcomer to camping, don’t make any assumptions about what that person knows.

For true city-slickers, it’s like being beamed up to another planet—and it can be downright intimidating. When Hillary met her future husband, she wasn’t a camper. He, however, had been camping with his family since he was little. “The only question they ever had to settle was whether to head for the mountains or the beach,” says Hillary. “But it wasn’t a holiday unless they packed up the tent and crammed the whole family into the car to set up at a campground somewhere.”

Hillary knew it would mean a lot to him if she tried his favorite pastime, but she was willing to do so on one condition: He had to do all the work. “I just trusted him to take care of everything, and, in fact, he still does,” says Hillary, who is now a camping convert. “Camping is a real vacation for me because he does absolutely everything—cooking, cleaning, and organizing.”

While at first camping was a big adjustment, Hillary soon figured out the trick for her was to avoid comparing it to the way things are at home. A few bugs weren’t the end of the world, even if she found one in her tea.

Her willingness to give camping a shot made all the difference in their relationship. “The fact that I had a good time on our first trip may have been the key to our entire relationship from that day forward,” she says. “It’s hard to say. But we go on a trip every three months and we’ve been doing it for years.”

Hillary and her husband are a good example of how to get a novice to go camping. If you are introducing your partner to camping, be sure to take your partner’s concerns seriously, and deal with them before you go on your first camping trip. If you’re the beginner, make sure you speak up about the things that are worrying you. You can’t expect your partner to predict everything that might make you nervous. Don’t be afraid that your partner will think you’re being stupid or wimpy—you aren’t supposed to know everything the first time out. Remember: If both of you are comfortable with what’s going on, camping together will be fun for each of you, and you might even be able to indulge in some of the romantic stuff.

Start with the Good Stuff

Sure, there are fears and difficulties to deal with, but let’s begin by looking at all of the great things about camping together. It’s going to be a whole lot easier to talk your partner into trying it out if you can provide some tempting reasons. (And if you’re the non-camper, listen up!)

Try this for starters: “Honey, if we go camping, you can have a whole weekend without hearing the phone ring, or de-spamming your email, or checking off chores on your to-do list. It will just be you and me, with no interruptions. We can do whatever we want, whenever we want. Doesn’t that sound nice?”

What couple couldn’t use a little more alone time these days? Leaving your usual life behind is a great way to refresh things between you and deepen your relationship. If that doesn’t work, crank it up a notch: “Baby, going out into the woods brings out the wild beast in me! I just want to get you out there alone so we can run naked through the grass and keep the animals awake all night while we howl at the moon.” Who could turn down an invitation like that?

If your partner is a romantic, don’t forget to mention the opportunities for cuddling by the campfire, eating dinner by moonlight, and skinny dipping under the stars. If it sounds like fun, not work, you’ll have a much easier time making it happen.

Camping together can make your relationship stronger by giving you a deeper trust in one another. You will be physically challenged, have to adapt to changing conditions, and find ways to get by with no help from the outside world. It’s amazing when you realize that the only person you need to survive is your partner. Learning to solve your problems together in the wild makes problems at home seem much more manageable. Knowing you can work through any situation together is going to make you a more confident, more dedicated “team.”

Top 10 Reasons to Camp Together

Is your partner still not convinced? Try my top 10 list. These reasons always work for me!

1 See wildlife without paying zoo admission.

2 Walk all day breathing pollution-free air.

3 See how bright the stars really are.

4 Have conversations that last longer than commercial breaks.

5 Wake up to the sun, not the alarm clock.

6 Toast marshmallows over a campfire.

7 Actually enjoy getting exercise.

8 Hold hands all day.

9 Enjoy dining al fresco.

10 Go skinny dipping!

Kathleen Meyer, a prominent outdoor writer from Montana who also used to guide rafting trips, has experienced the joy of bringing new campers into the wild, and watching their self-esteem grow as they master new skills. “It’s that self-esteem that you build when you’re doing things that you haven’t done before and facing situations that are new to you,” she says. “You bring that confidence back to the city with you. In a relationship, it builds that mutual confidence in your togetherness, that you have survived something, so that it becomes a bonding.”

Even if you do encounter difficulties while camping—and chances are, you will at some point—dealing with those challenges might be the best way to bring you and your lover closer. It’s no coincidence that war buddies have some of the strongest friendships. It’s the challenges we overcome together that build connections. When you begin to admire someone for what you’ve seen them do, it’s easy for that admiration to become something more. Friendship? Lust? Love? When we’re camping, we intentionally put ourselves into challenging situations, so the odds of admiring each other at the end of the day are pretty good. And then we get to crawl into the tent and express our admiration in all kinds of fun ways.

Going camping as a couple can also give you a shared feeling of accomplishment. Nothing is better than standing at the summit of a mountain (even a small one) with someone you love, knowing that the two of you made it up there the hard way. I defy you not to top it off with a big, heartfelt kiss! It’s one of the most popular places for hikers to propose marriage. How could you possibly say no with all of those endorphins running through your body?

One of the things that is so addictive about camping is the wonderful scenery you get to see along the way. Untouched wilderness, spectacular views, and sparkling lakes are just a few of the joys of getting away from civilization. Seeing these things with someone you love makes them even more special, because they become part of your shared experience as a couple. You can look at a picture and be transported back to a moment in time without saying a word. You can mention a particularly hot night of sex you had on a trip, and know that the place will forever mean something different to you than to anyone else who goes there.

Ross Morton, who works with the outdoor education program Outward Bound, says it’s a matter of recognizing those magical moments so you can take them in together. “Even though you may be focused on the end (goal), or what you’re doing, moments of beauty can stop people in their tracks,” he says. When two people stop to share one of those moments of beauty, sparks will fly.

High-Altitude

Pick-Up Artist

“ Several years ago, a guy friend—let’s call him Don Juan—invited me to climb Mt. Whitney with him. I was fairly new to California, and as an outdoorsy girl, I looked forward to climbing the state’s highest peak. I really had no romantic interest in Don whatsoever, so it caught me off-guard when, about halfway up to our base camp at Upper Boy Scout Lake, he broached the subject of whether we might make a good couple. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, or ruin our shot at the summit, so I gave him the I-really-don’t-want-to-ruin-our-friendship line.

I figured Don had gotten the hint because when we were filtering water at camp that afternoon, he took note of my pink toenail polish and told me he was more attracted to women who had the “natural” look, anyway. (I briefly considered using one of my painted-toenail feet to kick him in the butt, but then I figured it was in my best interest that he was no longer attracted to me.)

Later that night, however, Don must have forgotten his aversion to my nail polish. Just minutes after I snuggled into my sleeping bag in our shared tent, I felt his hand gently stroke the length of my body. I ignored him and scooted closer to my side of the tent. Then he did it again. Once more, I ignored him. But he needed an answer. “Eh-hem,” Don said, matter-of-factly. “How would you feel about a little non-committal cuddling?”

I toyed with the idea of asking him exactly what that meant: Did his no-nail polish rule have a high-altitude sex clause? Instead, I simply told him, “No thanks,” and curled up to sleep.

The next morning, we climbed Whitney without a hitch, and I felt relieved until I realized that I had plans to go on a climbing trip with him and a group of mutual friends the very next weekend. As a safeguard, I brought my two dogs. When he asked whether he could share my tent, I motioned to the dogs and said, “Sorry, it’s full.” I have to admit, I felt a bit sorry for him when he realized my dogs were the only ones who would get any “heavy petting” that night. ”

—ED

Deal with the Scary Stuff

It may be a little hard to concentrate on these moments of beauty if one of you is actually afraid you’ll be attacked by a bear at any minute. Putting your partner at ease before the first trip will leave you free to really enjoy yourselves. Once you know how to overcome possible problems, they won’t seem like such a big deal anymore.

It’s important to go into the wilderness feeling confident and prepared, particularly the first time. So let’s look at some common fears for first-time or inexperienced campers, and how you can make them less of a concern.

Remember, just because something doesn’t worry you doesn’t mean that it’s unreasonable for your partner to be scared. I used to be so freaked out by bugs that if I saw a centipede crawl across the floor, I’d go running out of the room. My boyfriend at the time thought I was nuts. “What do think that centipede is going to do to you?” I had no rational answer, but the fact is, my heart would start to pound, and when I saw just one bug, it was like I could feel a million of them crawling all over me. That was just an irrational fear of something that couldn’t really hurt me, but there are some very, very rational fears associated with going camping.

Kathleen Meyer’s attempts at introducing city boys to river rafting caused her a lot of grief in her love life. Somehow, she just couldn’t see that they were frightened by the rapids. “I really don’t know what happened,” she says. “I think I probably blew a lot of them away. I don’t know if it was the wilderness or the rapids or just my choices (of men).”

Assuming that your partner is comfortable right away will often lead to problems. When it’s the woman who is the experienced one, it’s easy to forget that a beginner is a beginner—even if he’s a man. “For me, it would be a role reversal to pamper a man in a way that might make him feel more comfortable out there, the way men typically do for women,” Meyer says. “I’d expect the man to be ready and up for the wilderness, more so than I am, I guess.” She learned the hard way that anyone can be scared doing a new activity, even if he seems tough in his everyday life.

You or your partner may have fears or concerns about camping that I don’t cover in this section. Make sure you talk about them together, and find ways of dealing with them before you make your first trip. Respecting your partner’s opinions is important if you want to have a trusting relationship. If you deal with any potential problems ahead of time, you can spend your trip focused on the fun stuff.

Wild Animals

On my very first camping trip, our group returned from a swim down at the beach to find a black bear at our campsite sniffing around the tents. Someone must have left food around. I knew nothing about bears, so when one of the leaders starting yelling at the bear and clapping her hands, I thought she was crazy. He’s going to come and attack us if you yell like that!

If you’re taking a beginner somewhere with bears, wolves, coyotes, or other wild beasts, make sure you give them some background knowledge first. If you’re a new camper with concerns, ask your partner or talk with the local ranger about whether any native wildlife pose a danger. Now I know you’re supposed to make noise so you don’t surprise the bear, because that’s when they charge. But that would have been a good thing to know before I saw one. Let your partner know how to handle wild animal encounters, and what precautions you should both be taking. If the beginner knows that tying up the food and garbage between trees will keep the bears away from the tent, he or she will probably get a much better night’s sleep.

Snakes are classic phobia-inspiring creatures. Even experienced campers can be caught off guard when they run across a snake. I was doing a guided desert hike in Arizona’s Vermilion Cliffs area with someone who’d been leading camping tours in the desert for years. As he moved between a boulder and a bush, he suddenly exposed a snake in our path—and, much to my surprise, he jumped! So I figure if a snake can make a guy like that jump, the rest of us have nothing to be ashamed of.

Luckily, snakes tend to get out of the way when they sense people are around. But it’s possible to run into them now and then, and it might be enough to panic you or your partner into doing something silly. If there are any dangerous snakes in the area where you’ll be camping, it’s a good idea to know how to recognize them, so you can avoid unnecessary anxiety every time a harmless snake crosses your path. In areas with lots of poisonous snakes, a snakebite kit is worth packing. I know it would make me feel better about my chances after a close encounter.

If you have a partner who is seriously afraid of snakes, you can be a real hero by checking their boots and sleeping bag to make sure there are no snakes lurking in there. By taking the lead on any hiking trails, you can also be the one to ensure that there are no killer serpents waiting to strike around the next bend.

Bugs

As I’ve mentioned, this one hits close to home. I still don’t like them, but I’ve mostly recovered from my fear of bugs; at least they don’t immediately make my pulse race anymore. I put annoying bugs into two categories: creepy-crawlies and biting bugs.

Creepy-crawlies are things like centipedes, beetles, grasshoppers, and other insects that don’t actually pose any threat but do play on some people’s irrational fears. If your partner is grossed out by bugs, don’t just laugh it off. You won’t be getting much loving from someone who’s totally freaked out.

Keeping your tent door zipped up at all times will make it impossible for these bugs to get inside. Having a “safe” sleeping environment is a must if you’re going to enjoy camping (especially if you want to have sex in there), so if your partner is nervous, offer to go into the tent first and check for bugs. It might seem pointless to you, but it’s a small effort to put someone you care about at ease. Once the inside of the tent is deemed safe, you’ll have less trouble getting your partner’s clothes off! The other place where a bug-hater might feel nervous is the outhouse, so offer to check that out first as well. You can even score extra points by standing guard outside the door.

Almost everyone who camps thinks that biting bugs are a big pain. Mosquitoes, black flies, deer flies, and other biters can turn a beautiful night in the wilderness into an itchy nightmare. I made the mistake of taking my boyfriend camping in Quebec during the worst part of black fly season. Thousands of them swarmed around us as soon as we got to the campsite. We had to put on our rain gear just to keep the flies from biting through our clothes. My poor boyfriend got massacred while we were putting up the tent. By the time we were done, his entire face was covered in blood. I’m lucky he didn’t dump me right then and there.

There are a few different ways to deal with these bloodsuckers if someone is so bothered by them that he or she refuses to camp. The easiest solution is to avoid camping during the summer months. At other times of the year, most biting bugs are simply not around in large numbers. If you’re willing to trade long days and warm weather for peace of mind, then a bit of creative scheduling is all you need to keep your partner happy.

If you can’t avoid being around biting bugs, then the next best thing is to prevent them from biting. This means creating some kind of physical or chemical barrier to keep them away from you. Pack a good bug repellent to whip out as soon as you see the first mosquito of the day.

If you or your partner are not terribly happy about spraying deet all over your bodies, invest in bug-proof jackets, pants, and hats that are made of tight netting. It might seem like an extreme way to deal with the problem, but if that’s what it takes to make someone feel safe from biting bugs, then it’s worth taking some extra stuff along. On the plus side, if you manage to keep the bugs out of your tent, you can happily strip away your bug-proof clothing once inside.

Driving Me Buggy!

“ I absolutely hate bugs. Can’t stand them! Sitting outside for a barbeque during the summer drove me nuts if there were bugs around. I would get those citronella candles and completely surround myself with them. There was no way I was going camping with no house to run and hide inside. My husband, convinced that I would like it if I could just get over the bug thing, really wanted me to come on a camping trip with him. I told him the only way I would consider it was if he could actually guarantee I wouldn’t get any mosquito bites. I figured that was impossible, so I’d never have to go camping.

My husband thought I was being a bit ridiculous, but he went out and bought me a “Don’t Bug Me” jacket and pants and promised me that they would make me bug-proof. After trying it out in the backyard (and having my husband laugh his head off at me), I agreed to go camping with him. I have to admit that it wasn’t as bad as I expected, and we still go camping at least once every summer. But I never go without my bug jacket! ”

—DB

Getting Lost

I’m the first to admit that I have a terrible sense of direction. Whenever I’m leading a hike, I begin by telling the other hikers, “If you think I’m going the wrong way, speak up. I probably am!” So I’ve learned to use marked trails as much as possible and to stop often and check the map. Even so, I took one woman on a hike in a river valley just outside of Toronto, and we managed to get so caught up in our conversation that we ended up walking in a complete circle before I realized we’d taken a wrong turn. And that was just in the suburbs! So far, I’ve never been so badly lost that I couldn’t make my way back to the right trail. But I do harbor a secret fear that one day I’ll be in the middle of the woods with no idea where I am.

If you aren’t comfortable in the bush, the fear of getting lost and wandering aimlessly until all hope fades can be pretty overwhelming. It’s something that can happen to even the most experienced campers, so you always have to be ready in case it happens to you. A change in conditions, an un-crossable river, or a washed-out trail can send you off course. But there are ways to build up a beginner’s confidence both before and during your trip.

Even if one of you is comfortable making your way through unmarked wilderness or finding a new shortcut, don’t expect your partner to share your enthusiasm for cross-country exploration right away. For at least the first few trips you do together, stick to marked trails or simple canoe or kayak routes so your partner can see that you are staying on the right track. Sometimes all it takes to put someone’s mind at ease is the reassurance of seeing a blaze or a signpost. Show your partner on the map exactly where you are, and do it more often than you think you should—every five or 10 minutes is a good idea if your partner is worried about it.

If you’re extremely nervous about getting lost, even on a marked trail, plan your first trip along a heavily used route. Running into other people on a regular basis will be reassuring and keep you or your partner from thinking that you could be stranded alone in the woods. You’ll have to sacrifice some of the privacy you’d find on less popular trails, but until you’re comfortable, you aren’t likely to enjoy the privacy much anyway. Campers are a friendly bunch, so if you run into people coming from the opposite way, you can ask them about the terrain up ahead, and how far you are from your destination.

Maps are important on any camping trip. Before the trip, spread out the map on a table and look over your route and where you’ll be stopping each night if you aren’t returning to a base camp. Pay attention to landmarks like rivers, lakes, and bridges that will be recognizable as you pass them on your trip. If you get familiar with the route before you’re on it, you won’t feel as powerless and dependent on your more experienced partner.

Personally, I like to use this kind of landmark technique to keep me motivated on a long walk. I’ll check out the map for points that will be easy to recognize, like a footbridge we have to cross. Then when we get there, I know exactly how far along the route we’ve gone, and how much is left to go. It’s also a good way to know if I’ve somehow taken the wrong trail. If I’m supposed to cross a bridge after 1 mile, and two hours later I still haven’t crossed it, it’s time to think about where I might have made a wrong turn. Bodies of water are the easiest to spot, along with buildings (like huts, for instance), cliffs, and ridges. Remember that a small stream marked on a map may not be there during a dry spell, or a new stream that’s not marked on the map may appear after a storm. Never rely on just one landmark, but on the various ones you pass along the whole route.

Better still, learn how to use a compass and map to find your own way. Navigating and orienteering skills are very empowering and build confidence. If you’ve got the time before you head out, take a navigation course. Even if your partner is willing to help you, sometimes a proper teacher makes a big difference in picking up new knowledge. Knowledge is power, and power will give you the confidence to face the wilderness. If you want to take things a step further, it is now quite feasible to carry your very own GPS (global-positioning system) receiver on your camping trips. They are small, lightweight, and can tell you precisely where you are.

Another thing to do before you leave is tell someone where you are going and when you expect to be back. If there is someone back in civilization waiting to call out the troops if you don’t show up when you’re supposed to, it will add an extra level of assurance.

Cold

If you’ve never slept outside, you’re probably expecting to get cold on your camping trip. After all, we live in houses for a good reason. My boyfriend, Gerhard, is always cold. He’ll wear two fleece jackets inside the house. So it may seem kind of surprising that he likes going camping, even when it’s not summer. Giving up the comfort of a warm bed is something that makes a lot of people shy away from camping. But as Gerhard knows, there’s just no reason to be cold on a camping trip if you take the right stuff with you.

With proper clothing, a good sleeping bag, and a tent, you’ll be in for a cozy night in almost any conditions. (Of course, if you’re new to camping, you may want to avoid doing your first trip in the middle of winter, just to be safe.) If you know that you get cold easily, remember to pack extra layers. Dry socks, warm gloves, and a wool or fleece hat can turn a chilly night into a perfect opportunity to cuddle. And don’t hold back on the cuddling! It will not only keep you both warm, but also distract you from the fact that it’s cold outside.

It’s in the Bag

“ My only memory of camping out as a kid was shivering all night in my sleeping bag and wishing I was home. So when I spent the first night in the down sleeping bag I borrowed from my friend, I was wearing about ten layers of clothing. It took about five minutes for me to start sweating buckets and stripping off layers of fleece. My girlfriend thought I was a complete nutcase. I guess I must have looked like one. I wonder what my childhood sleeping bag was made of—old bed sheets, maybe? ”

—RS

If you share your sleeping bags, you can benefit from the extra warmth of your partner’s body heat. There are a number of double-size sleeping bags available. But most brands’ single bags can be zipped together into a double as well, if you buy one left-opening and one right-opening bag. You can even combine different models and/or brands into one “interspecies” bag if the zippers are the same size and the bags are roughly the same shape and length. Whatever brand you go with, check at the store to make sure that the bags will “mate.” And then be prepared for a little mating of your own! A double bag makes it much easier to get intimate without getting cold at the same time. So if you’re hoping to have a romantic night even though the temperature has dropped, the double bag is ideal. Before you know it, you’ll both be complaining about how hot it is in there.

In areas that allow it, a campfire can be a romantic way to stay warm after sundown without having to hide inside your tent right away. Sitting beside a crackling fire is one of my favorite things about camping, especially if I get to snuggle with my man. It’s like a candlelight dinner a hundred times over. The smell of the wood smoke permeates my camping clothes and acts as a reminder of the romantic night by the fire for the rest of the trip. As an added bonus, the smoke helps to keep bugs away. It’s not always possible or practical to light a fire, but if the campsite has a fire pit and there’s no ban in place, it’s a great way to spend the evening together. Just don’t go cutting down trees to get fuel.

If you’re afraid that camping will entail spending the night shivering away, pack a few marshmallows and look forward to sitting by a cozy fire toasting them together. Then snuggle into your warm sleeping bags and make a real effort to heat things up in your tent.

Great Balls of Fire!

“ When I met my future husband, I made it very clear that I was not an “outdoorsy” kind of person. I like to be warm, dry, and comfortable, thank you very much. But as things got more and more serious between us, he started trying to subtly suggest that if I gave it a try, I might just enjoy myself. It took an awful lot of convincing, but by the time we got married, I was willing to give it a shot.

On our very first camping trip together, it rained all day. My husband tried to console me by making a nice campfire, but, of course, the wood was all wet and he couldn’t get it to light. He was so determined to show me he could light a fire that he poured lighter fluid all over the thing, and when he threw in the match, it went up like a big fireball and nearly burned his eyebrows off! And then it went out again anyway.

Lucky for him, the sun came out the next day, and the rest of our trip was really nice. Otherwise, that might have been the end of camping for me. But now I actually have learned to love the outdoors, and while I still prefer to sleep in my bed, I can give it up now and then. ”

-–TS

Rain

It’s a fact of life that if you go camping, you will eventually encounter some rainy weather. You might as well be ready for it. Try out your rain gear on a stormy day at home to make sure that it does keep the water out. Knowing that you have the right gear will help you to relax on your trip.

A little rain might not be so bad if you have ways to pass the time. Pack a deck of cards and a couple of magazines, and bring an extra tarp and ropes for some shelter outside of the tent. Of course, a rainy night (or day) is a perfect excuse to hide in your tent for a little extra snuggling and sex. Might as well stay warm!

Working Up to a Proposal

Greg and I were on a ski trip in the Italian Alps. Unfortunately, there was no fresh snow and it was incredibly foggy every day, but we were in the Alps, so we weren’t complaining. In the evenings, we joined our friends for wonderful family meals.

One day, the sun finally came out, so Greg and I decided to take a drive to a different ski area, Claviere.

When Greg plays, he likes do things a more “interesting” way. With snowboarding, this means hiking to reach good powder. Although I am often willing to come along, I tend to be lazy and lethargic after lunch. Needless to say, when Greg picked up his board and started hiking out to a ridge, I wasn’t thrilled. In fact, I was feeling quite nauseated hiking after the meal. Can’t we, for once, take it a bit easy? I thought. I might even admit to being a bit whiny. Greg was urging me on. When he stopped so I could sit and rest, I thought, Wow, I got off easy.

It was beautiful: We were sitting on a knife-edge ridge surrounded by snow-covered peaks. In the distant valley, we could see the alpine towns. This is my memory of what happened next (Greg has a somewhat different version):

Greg: “Is this pretty?”

Me: “Yes.”

Greg: “Is it romantic?”

Me: “Yes.”

Greg: “No, really, I mean, is it really romantic?”

Well, I could hardly think because my heart started beating really fast as I said, “Yessss……”

Then Greg got down on his knees in the snow and pulled out a box wrapped in a Borders coupon. I don’t remember the entire conversation clearly from that point on because I was too busy crying. I think he said he got me a 25-percent-off Borders coupon, and I said I always wanted that. Underneath was a little blue box with a ring inside. He proposed, and I said yes.

We sat there for a while. I was very excited that no one else knew our little secret, except for the skiers hanging out on the hut’s deck. We decide to go down, and I had an awesome afternoon scoring freshies in the trees.

On the way back, we stopped by the town of Cesana to walk around. At this point, I no longer wanted to keep the secret. I wanted to tell someone, anyone. We went to a wine bar and ordered two glasses of Barolo. I asked Greg if I could tell our waitress. He said sure, probably wondering how I would accomplish that. Well, in the international language of women, I pointed to my ring and said, “Oggi,” which means “today” in Italian. Of course, she understood. And I discovered the way to get a free plate of appetizers: She brought us over a plate of bread, prosciutto, and cheese. Maybe we should try that more often…

—Wanda Gonzalez

Ease Into It

Yes, it’s possible to have too much of a good thing, especially your first time out. Don’t get carried away with your enthusiasm for showing your partner all of the great stuff you can do on a camping trip. Start slow, start small, and gradually make your camping trips more challenging as your partner gets more comfortable. My friend Maria is a beginner camper, but she is willing to try new things because she trusts her boyfriend to understand where her comfort level is. “I feel I can trust him 100 percent with the plans and details of the trip that I may be more unsure of,” she says. “I can trust his judgment, trust his sense of what is a challenge versus what is dangerous, and I can trust that he takes my abilities into account.”

Let’s look at some ways to make those first few trips easier for someone who’s still not too sure about all of this outdoorsy stuff, and build their trust to the point where they’re willing to try more challenging outings.

Start at Home

If you’ve got a partner who is terrified of camping, try “practicing” at home first. If you have a yard, set up your tent there and spend a night in it together. Your partner will get a chance to see how warm and comfortable it can be, without ever being too far from a real bed. It will also give you a heads up on any extra comforts that your partner might need on a trip, like a travel pillow or a set of earplugs. Do it right by wearing the clothes you would bring with you on a camping trip.

You can also try out some of your camping meals at home before you go. If your secret recipe for tuna pasta supreme makes your partner gag, it’s better to find out before it’s the only thing you’ve got.

The More the Merrier

“ My husband kept saying he wanted me to come mountain biking with him, because it would be so much fun if we could do it together. So finally I said OK, I’d give it a try. But then as soon as we were on the trail, he just took off and left me (literally, might I add) in his dust. I wasn’t really sure where the trail went, or if it branched off anywhere.

By the time I caught up with him, he had been waiting for 15 minutes, and he was ready to take off as soon as he saw I was OK. So I didn’t rest at all, and this pretty much kept happening all day. As soon as I caught up, he’d take off again. At the end of the day I said, ”If that’s your idea of spending the day together, you might as well go by yourself.“

We eventually found a compromise. We go biking with a group so he can take off with the fast people, and I can follow along with the slower ones and not be left alone. ”

–HU

And be sure to try out some of the sexy suggestions in Chapter 5—you may find your partner is converted into an enthusiastic camper on the spot!

Bring the Car

Car camping can be an excellent way to introduce someone to the outdoors and get a new camper comfortable before trying to go into a park interior. Even if you are an experienced backcountry camper, take your partner on a car-camping trip the first couple of times. Having a vehicle nearby makes people feel safe, since you can always make a quick escape back to civilization. Car camping also gives you the option of bringing along more comforts of home since you don’t have as many limits on size and weight. And if things get really bad weather-wise, you can always hide in the car and turn the heat on—or even retreat to the nearest motel.

Sexy Tent

Games for a Rainy Day

If the weather’s bad, there’s no need to pack up your trip. Take the opportunity to hole up in your tent for a little romance. If you need help getting started, try one of my favorite games.

STRIP POKER:

Try the classic version or substitute your favorite card game. If you don’t have cards, try Strip 20 Questions. Pick a famous person to be (maybe someone naughty like Madonna or the Marquis de Sade), and let your partner guess who you are by asking questions with yes or no answers. For every question they need to ask, your partner loses an article of clothing. Chances are, you’ll never get to 20!

TEQUILA PIGS:

These little plastic piggies were designed as a drinking game, but you can bring along your own rules. When you throw the pig down, how it lands determines what you have to do. Snout down, remove a piece of clothing. Bum down, remove a piece of your partner’s clothing. Lying on one side, kiss an exposed part of your partner. Standing up, your partner has to perform the sexual act of your choice (time limits may apply). It’s even more fun than tequila, and you won’t get a hangover!

STORY TIME:

Take turns telling a sexy tale, with each person adding the next sentence. You can set the scene by making your story take place on a camping trip. Start of with something like: “Once upon a time, a handsome, young man (or beautiful, young woman) was walking through the woods.” Then the next person continues: “Suddenly, he saw something in the river ahead of him—someone bathing naked.” Well, you can see where this is going, but let your imaginations run free.

STRIP BATTLESHIP:

You’ll need to bring the travel version of this game along. Each time one of you sinks an opponent’s ship, the defeated player will have to give up an article of clothing. Fire at will, and prepare the torpedoes for action.

PLAYING DOCTOR:

When was the last time you were thoroughly examined?

I NEVER!:

Tell each other the hottest things you’ve never done but want to try. Perhaps you’ve never given an erotic massage, or gone outside naked in the rain.

TRUTH OR DARE:

Time to find out about each other’s secret side. Has your partner every had fantasies about a friend? Have you ever slept with someone you had no interest in seeing again? Tell the truth!

69 SHOWDOWN:

Who can experience oral sex longer before reaching orgasm? There are no real losers in this game!

Keep It Short

Save those plans for the transcontinental hike for a little later. To begin, go away for a weekend trip. One night in the woods together will get your partner used to sleeping in a tent, cooking meals outside, and facing any lingering fears. What it won’t do is leave your partner exhausted, filthy, and desperate for civilization. Nobody will have to worry about getting lost on a long, backcountry trail or river system, miles away from anywhere. The trip also will be easier to plan and pack for than a longer expedition.

A simple car-camping trip to a park with scenic dayhikes can be a great introduction to camping. Dayhikes with a small pack are less daunting than backpacking with everything you need to set up camp. Likewise, paddling around a lake and returning to a base camp is far easier than loading up a canoe or kayak with all of your belongings and carrying them over portages, while still offering a bit of the scenery you’d see during a paddling trip.

Bring Backup

If your partner has a lot of doubts about being able to hack it with only you to rely on, bring along more people. (This may seem counter to the idea of a romantic weekend, but remember, you can always pitch your tent in a secluded spot.) There is strength in numbers, and your partner may feel safer if you’re not the only one around to help in an emergency. It also takes some of the pressure off of you, since you’ll have more experienced help around. If you know another couple who like camping, invite them along for a weekend. This can be particularly helpful for women first-timers, who may feel much more comfortable with another woman around to ask for advice. After all, no man has to squat in the bush to pee!

Spoil Your Partner

Bring things along that you know will put your partner at ease, even if those items aren’t exactly necessary for camping. Have his or her favorite chocolate bar or cookies as a treat, or a little wine or sherry. If you’re car camping, you can even bring a cooler of beer. Anything that will give an emotional boost to your partner, without being completely inappropriate, would be a good idea to take along.

For Doug, getting his wife out on her first canoe trip involved a lot of coercion. “My wife was very reluctant to camp—she figured it would be a painful experience with nothing but getting wet, dirty, and cold,” he says. “In the middle of the winter, we were visiting with friends, and the discussion turned to doing a canoe weekend together as families. My wife agreed, thinking it would never happen.”

When they actually started planning the trip, she wanted to back out. She tried thinking of creative excuses to tell the other couple why they couldn’t do it. But her husband knew if he could just get her to see the beautiful surroundings, she’d really enjoy herself. It called for extreme measures.

“I talked her into going based on me doing everything: All the packing, portaging, setting up camp, cooking, cleaning the dishes—and she got to bring a lawn chair,” he says. “As it turned out, she fell in love with it. She has insisted on going every summer since.”

A good first impression made all the difference for Doug and his wife. If you’re trying to find ways to convince your partner, think of all the little details that will make the trip more comfortable. Sometimes it’s as simple as an inflatable pillow to make sleeping more comfortable, or a blindfold to keep the sunrise from waking him or her up. For some people, it’s worth packing real cream to put in the morning coffee, or real coffee instead of instant. Try to identify a few of these things that will make the first few times easier for your partner, and make sure you have them handy.

You can also spoil your partner by lavishing extra attention on him or her. Whisper sweet nothings, steal kisses, give a massage, and make it clear that you are willing to do whatever it takes to make this experience a good one.

Time Your Trip

It may seem kind of obvious, but if your partner hates mosquitoes, don’t go on your first trip when it’s mosquito season. If you have pollen allergies, don’t go camping when flowers are pollinating. Planning your first camping experiences to avoid the conditions that would upset you or your partner is the easiest way to make the most of the positive stuff and downplay the negative.

The weatherman should be part of your trip planning, too. If you were hoping to go away for the weekend and the weather forecast says there’s going to be constant rain or a violent storm, it may be worth putting your trip on hold. If your partner’s first experience is really awful, it will be hard to convince him or her to give it another try. Of course, bad weather is eventually going to come up on a camping trip, but if you can avoid the extremes to begin with, things will probably go much more smoothly. Ross Morton, who has worked with Outward Bound for seven years, says the most important thing in introducing a new camper to the wilderness is timing. “I’ve had relationships with people who weren’t outdoorsy,” he says. “If you want to take someone up a mountain, you wait for a beautiful, sunny day to do it.”

Pick Your Spot

Going to the right place can be just as important to the first camping experience as the right timing. Try to find a place that will have gorgeous scenery that is also within your partner’s comfort zone. Don’t plan to climb a huge mountain or shoot Class V rapids on your first trip together. Make it achievable and enjoyable. You can work your way up to Mt. Everest later.

Love = Caffeine

“ My wife is not a morning person at all. Whenever we went camping, she refused to get out of her sleeping bag in the morning, and it would take an hour to get her up. Then she’d be grumpy for the whole time we broke down the campsite. I tried waking her gently, but that didn’t work. I tried to get her excited about what we had planned for the day, but she never seemed to care about that, either. I was at a loss.

One day, I was up a little earlier than usual, so I went outside and made coffee. I poured a cup for her, complete with cream and sugar, and brought it into the tent. I woke her up and handed her the coffee without her having to leave the warmth of her sleeping bag. After that, she was chipper for the rest of the day. So now that’s our morning routine—coffee in bed for my honey. The things we do for love! ”

—BV

If you have been camping for a while, it’s a good idea to take your beginner partner somewhere you’ve already been. That way, you’ll know what to expect, and you can make sure your partner is prepared for what’s coming up next. If you’re considering your first camping trip, be realistic about your abilities. You might want to see some great place your partner has raved about, but if it’s a five-day hike to get there, don’t suggest it for your first trip. Keep your plans in line with your experience.

Involve the Beginner

Even if you are used to doing everything yourself, make sure you get your partner to help you set up the tent, prepare dinner, and make camp comfortable. Nothing makes you feel quite as useless as standing around watching someone else set up the entire campsite while you have no idea what to do with yourself. Start with simple stuff like setting up the sleeping pads and bags inside the tent. My boyfriend has his special way of tying the tent down with ropes, so I make myself useful by gathering rocks for him to use to hold the ropes down if there aren’t enough trees around. (It’s the most useful thing I can do, because heaven knows I’ll never remember how to tie his special knot!)

By handing over a few new tasks every time you camp together, you involve your beginner and, little by little, you will teach him or her how to be a camper. Make sure you explain why things are done the way they are, rather than just bossing your partner around. Feeling useless is bad, but feeling like a slave is worse. Beginners, ask lots of questions if you don’t understand why your partner is doing something a particular way. It could be important for safety–or it could just be a personal preference. The sooner the beginner learns how to do camping tasks, the sooner the experienced one can stop doing them all, and the more time the two of you will get to spend on the fun activities, like christening the tent.

Offer Lots of Encouragement

If you’re not used to it, carrying a backpack or paddling all day is a hell of a lot of work! Keep this in mind and remember to stop and see how your partner is doing now and then, and offer some encouragement. Tell your partner how far you have already gone, and how close you are to your next stop. Keep it positive, and stop for extra hugs and kisses along the way. Your partner wants to feel appreciated, and to know that you’re glad he or she is with you. Don’t take this for granted, but say it out loud and say it often: “I’m so happy that you agreed to try this.” “I’m so glad you’re here with me to see this.” With luck, by the end of the trip, your partner will be saying it right back to you.

Definitely Not the Beginner’s Route

“ We had our hearts set on camping next to this creek, but it was more than 100 feet below us, deep within a canyon that seemed inaccessible. Finally, we found a wash that led into the canyon. Once we climbed down the first 10 feet of the wash, we had to cut our switchback down the steep walls of the canyon to get to the cliff. From there, it was a sheer, 10-foot drop to a sandstone shelf on which we planned to camp. Hiking down the switchback was frightening because the dirt was loose; one wrong step, and I would have fallen over the edge of a 75-foot cliff. I decided to take that switchback on my butt because it was safer. Then, in order for us to get to the bottom of the cliff, we had to lower our backpacks by rope and rock climb down an alcove in the cliff.

The next morning after breakfast, we packed up camp and headed out of the canyon. First, we had to lift the backpacks up the cliff by rope. Then we had to climb back up the switchback to the wash. I did so on all fours because the dirt was too loose for me, and I dropped my hiking stick. It landed next to the river. Scared and angry, I stood in the wash and tried to catch my breath. John asked me if I was okay; I shook my head. He asked me if I wanted him to get my hiking stick out of the canyon; I nodded. By the time he returned with the stick, I had finally recovered from my fright, and I hugged and kissed him, happy to be alive. ”

—Heather Verley

Usually, the hardest part of converting someone into a camper is getting them out on that first trip. After that, you shouldn’t have any trouble making plans for other camping trips. Just remember the old cliché (because it’s actually true in this case), you never get a second chance to make a first impression.

Ready for Action

Once you’re both feeling comfortable with the camping basics, you can let your sense of romance and adventure start to roam free. By breaking out of your routine, your sex life can take new directions you may not have considered before. Ever had a Tarzan fantasy? Tarzan can hide up in the treetops, observing the human female that has wandered unknowingly into his territory. The first he has ever seen! He can’t communicate with her in the usual way, never having learned to speak. Jane is afraid but intrigued by the rugged stranger. Who is this wild man? What is he going to do to me? Tarzan curiously compares her body to his own, feeling his way around her. He must remove her clothing to see what she is hiding beneath it. His instincts begin to take over, and he soon realizes what these new feelings are telling him to do. He backs her up against a tree and makes love to her, discovering the sex act for the very first time.

You’ve got to admit, it’s a far cry from the usual routine. The possibilities are endless if you’ve got an active imagination. How about Han Solo and Princess Leia celebrating among the Ewoks? Or you could be two contestants on Survivor, trying to escape from the prying eyes of the cameras to have a private night together. This is your chance to get out of the bedroom and shake things up!

Is your partner convinced yet? Read on to start making plans for your first (or next) hot trip into the wilderness. Once the two of you bring a passion for the outdoors into your relationship, there’s no limit to where you take it.