Читать книгу Final Score - Michelle Betham - Страница 13

The freezing north-east wind whipped around Amber’s ears and she wished she’d put a hat on. It was December, and the Christmas lights and festive feel filled the city of Newcastle. And she should have been excited. This Christmas she had the baby she’d so badly wanted, and the man she loved beyond anything. Last Christmas she’d had neither. But it wasn’t that simple, was it? Her baby belonged to another man, and she was about to tell him that, this time, she really was taking his son hundreds of miles away to another city, to be with the man he’d fought against for so long.

Walking past Fenwicks, one of the oldest and largest department stores in the centre of the city, she stopped to look at the beautiful Christmas window display the store put on every year. Ever since she’d been a little girl she remembered her mum and dad bringing her here, to see what theme the store would be displaying that year – from traditional to fairytale, she’d always loved standing there with her nose pressed up against the glass, staring in awe at the colours and the moving puppets and the sheer magical feel of everything. And now that she had a child of her own she wanted him to experience that, too. But maybe it wouldn’t be here, in her native north-east. Maybe he’d experience that elsewhere. And anyway, London was full of this kind of thing. There’d be plenty of places to take him over all the future Christmases she’d have with her son.

‘Here. I thought you could do with this.’

She turned to see Ronnie holding out a takeout cup of coffee. ‘Thank you.’ She smiled, taking a much-needed sip.

‘So, it’s all going public today, then.’

Amber stared back at the window, concentrating on a Christmas elf, who was banging a wooden hammer up and down on a bright-red brick. ‘There’s a press conference at 5 o’clock. At Tynebridge.’ She looked at Ronnie. ‘I should have told him sooner, shouldn’t I? Ryan, I mean. I should have told him about this sooner.’

So far only her father and Ronnie knew about Jim’s imminent departure from Newcastle Red Star for his old London club, Endleigh United. Her father wasn’t exactly over the moon at this sudden turn of events, but he also knew there wasn’t much he could do to change Amber’s mind. He just wanted her to be happy, when all was said and done. And Jim made her happy. Simple as that.

‘Ryan Fisher is still unpredictable, Amber. He’s still a loose cannon, no matter how much you think he’s changed. If you’d told him this sooner, there was every chance he’d kick off and the secret would have been out way before now.’

‘I’ve been lying to him, though.’

‘Think of it as sparing him the truth before he needed to know it. And anyway, you could have just let him hear about it at the same time everyone else was going to hear about it.’

‘Oh, yeah, that would work, wouldn’t it?’ She took another sip of coffee, staring back at the window, her eyes now focused on a mechanical Rudolph chewing on a carrot. ‘Maybe if Rico wasn’t involved… maybe then I would have left it to the press conference to let him know about it.’ She threw her head back and sighed. ‘Oh, what kind of person does that make me?’

‘Come on, Amber. He’s just going to have to deal with it, isn’t he? And anyway, you’re telling him now, aren’t you?’

She checked her watch. ‘Yeah. I’m telling him now.’

‘Come on. I’ll drop you at his place.’

She slipped her arm through Ronnie’s as they walked away from the crowd that was building outside Fenwicks’ window. ‘I’m scared, Ronnie.’

‘Of what?’

‘Of everything. It just feels as though it’s all out of my control now. When I think back to the way things used to be…’

He slipped his arm around her shoulder and she clung onto his waist as they walked past the imposing Theatre Royal, the cold wind showing no signs of letting up. ‘You’re gonna have to stop thinking in the past now, kiddo. Things have moved on. Your life has changed inextricably over the past couple of years and I…’ He stopped walking and turned to face her. ‘I really want to tell you to stay here, to forget about going with Jim.’

‘Jim’s only going because of me, Ronnie. But we need a new start if we have any chance of making it work this time, and that just isn’t going to happen here. It isn’t. That’s why he’s cited conflict of interest in his get-out clause. The whole set-up is so complicated nobody really wants to get involved.’

‘So that’s why it’s all happening so quickly, then.’

‘That’s why it’s all happening so quickly. Jesus, my whole frigging life is so complicated that Newcastle Red Star are quite willing to let the best manager they’ve ever had go without a fight. I’m probably single-handedly killing this club! The fans are just gonna love me.’

‘Okay, okay. Enough of the self-pity. And forget the fans.’ Ronnie sighed, sliding his arm back around her shoulders as they continued walking towards his car. ‘Maybe it is time to start thinking about what you want. For a change. And before you say anything, I still don’t think Jim Allen is good enough for you.’

‘But you are?’ She couldn’t help smiling as she said that, and Ronnie smiled back, squeezing her shoulders.

‘Yeah. Of course I am. Actually, I’m probably way too good for you.’

‘Cheeky sod,’ she laughed, playfully punching his arm.

He stopped as they reached his car, leaning back against it. ‘I’m serious, Amber. He really isn’t good enough for you. And I’m scared history is gonna repeat itself all over again.’

‘It won’t.’ She stuck her hands in her pockets, burying her chin into her scarf as the wind whipped up once more.

‘Because he told you that?’ Ronnie arched a sceptical eyebrow.

‘Because he told me that,’ she repeated. ‘Come on. Take me to Ryan’s and let’s get this over with.’

*

‘You think I knew about this?’ Ryan didn’t know what to feel. Everything from anger to upset to a searing pain was clashing together inside him, making his head spin.

‘She hasn’t told you?’

‘Do you think I’d be reacting like this if she’d told me, Max?’

Max sat down on the arm of a nearby chair, pushing a hand through his hair. ‘Jesus… I’m sorry, Ryan. I thought you knew. I just wanted to see how you were doing before the press conference makes it all official.’

‘It’s all happening today?’ He didn’t know what to do. He seriously didn’t know what to do.

‘Red Star have called a press conference for 5pm, at Tynebridge…’

‘I’m going down there,’ he said, grabbing his jacket from the back of the couch.

‘Hey, hey, calm down. Ryan, calm down!’ Max stood up, grabbing his arm. ‘You’re not going anywhere. Now, I’m sorry you had to hear it like this, but she hasn’t exactly been open with me, either. I only heard about it an hour ago.’

‘You’re not the father of her child, Max. A child she is planning to take all the way down to London, away from me, to be brought up by Jim fucking Allen! Jesus Christ, I can’t believe this…’

‘She was talking about moving down to London anyway, Ryan, so this can’t have come as a complete surprise.’

‘She didn’t say anything about shacking back up with him, though, did she?’

‘But even you said that was on the cards, kiddo.’

‘I didn’t think… I… They’ve planned a whole new life together in a matter of weeks, Max. With my son!’

‘Okay. Okay, I understand how much…’

‘You understand nothing. Nothing. I loved her. I loved her so fucking much, and I thought… I thought that when Rico was born… I thought he’d bring us closer.’ He was pacing the floor now, pushing a hand through his hair, backwards and forwards in an almost nervous action.

‘You always knew he was never going to go away, Ryan.’

He stopped pacing for a second and swung around to look at his agent. ‘But maybe I always hoped he would. Somehow. Jesus!’ He slammed himself back against the wall, resuming the repetitive motion of raking his hand through his hair, stopping only when the doorbell echoed through from the hall. He looked out of the window, catching sight of Ronnie’s burnt-orange 4x4 on the driveway. ‘That’s her.’

Max held up his hand, a silent order for Ryan to stay exactly where he was. ‘I’ll get it. And Ryan? Don’t blow this, okay? Don’t start acting like a petulant kid who thinks the world owes him a living.’

‘She’s taking my child away, Max.’

‘She’s doing what she needs to do to be happy. And you’re just going to have to deal with that. I’ll call you later.’

Ryan watched Max walk out into the hall; he heard the front door open and muffled voices before she finally appeared in the doorway. She looked as though she’d been crying, and her dark-red hair was all mussed up and windswept. She was beautiful, and to look at her broke his heart more than he cared to admit.

‘I’m sorry, Ryan. I should have told you sooner. I should have told you before now.’

‘Yeah. You should have.’

She looked down for a second, digging her hands deeper into the pockets of her cream coat. ‘It’s all happened so fast…’

‘No, it hasn’t, Amber. It hasn’t. Because it never stopped happening. You and Jim Allen, you never stopped being together, even when you were apart.’

‘You don’t know…’

‘I know it all, Amber. I know you never really loved me; I know I was always just some kind of buffer between you and him, someone to run to when he was treating you like crap. I know that’s all I ever was to you.’

‘That’s not true.’

He looked at her, her eyes shining with fresh tears, and yet still all he could feel was love. He wanted to hate her for what she was doing, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t hate her. ‘Just admit it, Amber. Please. No more pretending, okay?’

She leaned back against the doorpost, pushing a hand through her hair as she stared up at the ceiling for a couple of beats. ‘Why does everything always end up so complicated?’

He wasn’t even sure she was directing that question at him. She wasn’t really directing it at anyone, she was just thinking out loud, or that’s what it seemed like.

‘When are you going?’ he asked, his voice calmer now. That anger he wanted to feel just wouldn’t come.

She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. ‘Jim’s last match in charge is New Year’s Day. He wanted to finish on a home game.’

‘That’s big of him.’

Amber threw Ryan a look, telling him his sarcasm wasn’t something she appreciated. Tough. He didn’t appreciate her taking his son hundreds of miles away, but he wasn’t being given much choice in the matter.

‘I wanted to leave sooner,’ she whispered, her eyes staring down at her black ankle boots.

‘That desperate to get away from me, huh?’

Her head shot up and she glared at him. ‘Grow up, Ryan.’

‘What do you expect, Amber? Did you think I’d be happy for you? Really? Did you think I’d be jumping for joy at the thought of my son – my son – being brought up by a man who has basically taken from me the one person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with?’ He walked over to her. His head was all over the place, and that anger he’d wanted to feel earlier was now creeping in, spreading slowly. ‘And now he’s not only taking you away from me, he’s taking my son, too. So I can’t be happy, okay? I can’t do that.’

Her eyes locked onto his, and all that guilt she knew she deserved to feel flooded through her, like someone had just opened a floodgate somewhere inside her. ‘I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. But I can’t… I need him, Ryan. I need him.’

‘Like shit you do, Amber. You don’t need anyone. The Amber Sullivan I first met, where’s she gone, huh? Where’s she gone? Because she wouldn’t have let herself be dragged down by a man she knows she should have left behind a long time ago. She wouldn’t have done that.’

Amber shook her head, taking a deep breath, her eyes still locked on Ryan’s. ‘But she did, Ryan. Don’t you see? That’s exactly what she did.’

*

Jim leaned back against his desk and looked around the office he was about to vacate in just a couple of weeks’ time. Part of him felt a little sad about that, because he’d come here to Newcastle Red Star, and turned this club around. He’d given them the success they’d craved for decades; he’d helped them become league champions, seen them through several good Cup runs and stints in Europe they could only have dreamed of before. So his decision to leave and go back to Endleigh United wasn’t going to be a popular one. He knew that. Only a matter of weeks ago he’d been determined not to let anything get in the way of ensuring this club stayed right where it belonged, at the top of the League. That memory just intensified the guilt he was already feeling at leaving them like this, in the middle of a season in which they were doing well. They were doing really well. And he was leaving them. But he had no choice. He was a different man now. Things had changed; his life had changed. He had Amber back. And if he wanted to keep her; if he wanted to make sure it worked this time, something had to give. And that something was Newcastle Red Star.

Thinking about Amber also made Jim realise that it was going to be his private life under scrutiny at this press conference just as much as his professional one, which made him slightly uncomfortable. Anything to do with his personal life becoming public made him uncomfortable. For years Jim Allen had been a very private man, an enigma, almost. The most anyone knew about him was that he was better at his job than any manager of his generation. But then everything had come out about his past relationship with Amber, about Brandon Palmer being his son – about his marriage ending because Amber was pregnant with Ryan Fisher’s baby, even though that had only been part of the problem. And now – now it was going to happen all over again. Today wasn’t only about telling the footballing world he was making the trip back down south, it was also about telling the world he was back with the woman he loved. And for once he wanted everyone to know that. He wanted them all to know how much Amber meant to him. He was quite willing to expose himself emotionally if that’s what it took to show just how much he loved her. If that’s what it took to prove that, this time – this time it was for keeps.

‘You okay?’

He looked over towards the door, a smile spreading across his face the second he saw her. ‘I am now. Come here, come on.’

She walked over to him, stepping between his legs as his arms circled her waist. ‘I just thought I’d pop in and see how you were feeling.’

‘I’m fine. Is it busy out there?’

‘You could say that, yeah. The place is teeming with press and media, as you’d pretty much expect.’

‘And who’s covering this exclusive for Cloud Sports, then?’

‘Ronnie. He’s already got a front-row seat in the Press Lounge, so be nice to him, okay?’ She winked, and he laughed, that low, deep, sexy laugh that made Amber’s stomach flip over and over.

‘And where are you going to be?’ he asked, his hands sliding down over her bottom.

‘I thought I’d just stand at the back and keep my head down.’

‘Are they mad at you? The bosses at Cloud Sports, I mean, for not letting on that you already knew about this?’

‘Well, I can’t say they were happy. I seem to make a habit of harbouring secret stories from the world of football, most of them concerning you.’ She shrugged. ‘But I walk a fine line between being professional and being personally involved with the people who make these headlines, so, they kind of understand why I had to keep it a secret, why I didn’t want Cloud Sports to claim some big exclusive just because I’m your… Jesus, Jim, what am I, exactly?’

He stared right into her eyes, and for a few seconds he didn’t say anything. ‘Marry me. Again. Marry me, Amber.’

She couldn’t stop a small laugh from escaping. ‘Sorry?’

‘Marry me. And let’s do it properly this time. Jesus, honey, if I’m gonna make a habit of putting my private life out there, then let’s do it in style, okay?’

‘Are you serious?’

‘Like you wouldn’t believe.’ Jim laughed, pulling her even closer, his mouth gently brushing over hers. ‘Just say you’ll marry me, Amber. Please. And this time… this time we’ll make it work. Both of us. We’ll make it work.’

She smiled, her stomach flipping a ridiculous amount of somersaults as she closed her eyes, letting his kiss take her over, loving the feel of his body pressed hard against hers.

‘I want you, right here, right now,’ he whispered. But he was telling her something she already knew. She could feel him hard against her thigh and a familiar ache for him spreading through her body.

‘You’ve got a press conference to go to,’ she murmured, her mouth moving closer to his.

‘And they can’t exactly start without me, can they?’

She smiled again, already slipping out of her shirt. ‘Well, they could, but there wouldn’t be much point.’

‘Turn around.’ His mouth was almost touching her ear as he spoke, and Amber felt that ache grow more intense, her breathing becoming more rapid by the second. ‘I won’t hurt you, I promise.’

She stared up at him, reaching out to touch his face, her fingers running lightly over his cheek, down over his slightly open mouth. ‘Kiss me,’ she whispered. ‘Just kiss me.’

The electricity between them was almost ricocheting off the walls, and the intensity that had suddenly filled the room seemed to make the heat rise and the temperature almost unbearable, despite it being freezing outside.

And when his mouth touched hers she felt her stomach take a leap so strong her knees literally gave way and he had to hold her up, catch her in his arms, all the while his mouth never leaving hers. His fingers were loosening her jeans, pulling them down slightly, his tongue flicking across the back of her teeth, sending her stomach into yet more spasms.

He pulled away only to gently turn her around, and she leaned forward, her hands palm-down on his desk, knowing exactly what was coming now, the anticipation verging on unbearable. She could hardly breathe; every breath was shallow and ragged as it tried to escape, mingling with the small gasps the touch of his hands on her naked skin were causing. Gripping the edge of his desk she closed her eyes as she felt him pull her jeans down around her ankles, his hands sliding back up her legs to slowly pull down her knickers, and she gasped again, louder this time, desperate for him to take her, to push inside her so hard she’d feel that beautiful pain she so badly wanted to feel. Her whole body was on fire, just waiting for him to come inside her, to give her that relief she needed now. And when she felt his knee nudge her legs further apart, his hands on her hips keeping her still, she bit down on her lip as she waited for the inevitable, crying out quietly as he pushed into her with an almost violent thrust that rocked her forward, causing her to grip the desk even tighter.

But then those thrusts became more gentle, a little slower, and she pushed back against him, wanting him deeper, needing to feel every inch of him. And it was just minutes before his actions grew faster again, his movements in and out of her speeding up, pushing harder, until neither of them could hold on any longer. But the inevitable endgame was every bit as beautiful as she’d wanted it to be, that white-hot pain searing through her as she felt him flood out into her, filling her with everything she needed from him. Everything she’d ever wanted. He was making himself a part of her all over again and she was taking him, and loving him, and keeping him close this time.

She felt his grip on her hips loosen slightly as he slowly pulled out of her, and she stood up, quickly yanking her knickers and jeans back up her legs as she leaned against the desk.

He smiled, and she felt her stomach embark on another round of somersaults. Would it never let up with those acrobatics? Was she going to feel this way about him forever? ‘You know, there’s a perfectly respectable office down there in the Parkfield Stadium. And I’m sure my desk was bigger there, too, if I remember rightly.’

Slipping her shirt back on, she returned his smile, running her fingers through her hair and shaking it out. She was absolutely positive people were going to be able to tell what she’d been doing in here. She was sure of it. And she didn’t care. ‘You get off on this, don’t you?’ She pulled him towards her by his shirt collar. ‘Fucking me, in your office. You really get off on it.’

His arm snaked around her waist, his smile widening. ‘I could be fucking you anywhere, Amber, and I’d get off on it. Jesus, just thinking about you gives me an instant hard-on.’

‘Well, try not to let that happen out there, okay?’

‘Can’t promise.’

She moved her mouth closer to his as she spoke. ‘Try.’

‘Still can’t promise.’

She was lost in him again, falling into his kiss like the lovesick teenager he was constantly going to make her feel she was. Almost forty years old and still she couldn’t stop herself from feeling like that sixteen-year-old kid she’d been when this man had first walked into her life.

The sound of someone clearing their throat made them both jump apart, and Amber looked over toward the door. Max was standing there, arms folded, a look of something bordering on slight amusement on his face.

‘You two finished?’

Jim took another step backwards, his hands now in his pockets, his head down as he gave a small laugh. ‘Yeah. Yeah, we are.’ He raised his eyes slightly, giving Amber a look that only made those stomach somersaults start up all over again. ‘I’d better go. I’ve got a big announcement to make.’

Amber straightened his collar, quickly kissing him before he grabbed his jacket from the back of the couch and slipped it on.

‘I’ll see you in there?’ he asked, turning back around to look at her.

She nodded, folding her arms and smiling at him. ‘Yeah. I’ll see you in there… Jim?’ He turned around again, his eyes fixed on hers. ‘You are sure about this, aren’t you?’

He didn’t know whether she was talking about him taking the Endleigh United job, or whether she was talking about them, but either way, he couldn’t be more sure about anything. ‘I’m sure.’ He smiled, and she leaned back against the desk to steady her already weak knees. ‘I love you, Amber.’

‘Yeah. I love you, too,’ she whispered, watching as he left the room.

Max closed the door behind him. ‘Well, thanks for making me sit through something bordering on some schmaltzy scene from a Hollywood movie.’

She looked up and poked her tongue out at him.

‘Nice. You know, if you took Ice magazine up on their second, much more lucrative offer, and did exactly that whilst wearing nothing but your ex-husband’s suit jacket you’d make sure they sold so many copies they’d have to order a dozen reprints.’

‘I’m going to start ignoring you. I’m almost on the wrong side of forty now, and I’ve just had a baby. I think my days of doing glamour shoots are over.’

‘You’ve only done the one.’

‘Exactly.’

‘But you’ve got a body kids half your age would kill for.’

‘So? Does that mean I have to get it out for all and sundry to look at? And why are we talking about this?’

Max walked further into the room, stopping to check out the array of Manager of the Month awards that lined the wall of Jim’s office. ‘This has shattered Ryan.’

‘I can’t help that, Max.’

He turned to face her. ‘Maybe you should have trusted him. Given him a little more credit. Told him about this before now.’

‘Don’t lay the guilt trip on me, Max, please. I feel bad enough as it is.’

‘Was he okay? When you left him?’

‘He seemed fine.’

‘Seemed?’

‘He seemed fine, Max. Okay? What do you want me to say? I can’t spend the rest of my life worrying about his, I can’t do that. Not any more.’

‘I know. I know you can’t.’

‘I care about him, believe me. And what I’m doing, I’m not proud of it. I didn’t want any of this to happen. But Jim, he’s… he’s like some drug I just can’t give up. He’s a lifelong addiction, Max. And I can’t kick it.’

Max looked at her. ‘Then Ryan’s just going to have to deal with that, isn’t he?’

‘Yeah. Yeah, he is.’

*

‘Have you seen this?’ Gary stared up at the huge, oversized TV screen that hung on the wall in his pristine white kitchen. ‘What the fuck…?’ He looked at Ryan. ‘Did you know about this?’

Ryan didn’t look at the TV. He just continued to sink mouthful after mouthful of beer from the bottle Gary had just given him. ‘I didn’t know a fucking thing, mate. Not until a couple of hours ago.’

‘Jesus…’ Gary looked at the TV again, turning the volume up so he could hear Jim Allen as he spoke.

‘Does that have to be so loud?’ Debbie stopped in her tracks as she joined them in the kitchen, her eyes automatically going to the screen. ‘Has he just said he’s leaving Newcastle Red Star?’

‘Shut up, Debbie, will you? I’m trying to listen.’

‘What about Amber?’

‘What about her? Can you just zip it for a second, huh? Just let me listen.’

Debbie sat down at the breakfast bar that separated the functional part of the kitchen from the family room area. Not that any area of Debbie’s kitchen was particularly functional. She very rarely cooked anything that needed more than a quick re-heat, so it was little wonder that every one of her many expensive appliances were still sparkling and brand new.

‘When the fuck did this all kick off?’ Gary sat back down, taking a big swig from his own bottle of lager. ‘And who told you?’ He directed that question at Ryan, who was still refusing to look up.

‘Max. Well, he didn’t tell me, as such, he mentioned it and… Look, does it matter who told me?’

‘So, it wasn’t Amber who told you?’ Debbie asked.

Ryan finally looked up, his eyes meeting Debbie’s. ‘No. It wasn’t Amber who told me. And before you start giving me the Spanish Inquisition, yes, I’ve spoken to her, and no, everything isn’t fine.’

‘That’s why you’re round here, then, is it?’ Gary took another swig of lager, smirking slightly at Ryan, who ignored him.

‘Do you want me to go?’

‘That’s not what I said, mate.’

‘She never said anything to me…’ Debbie’s voice trailed off as she fished her mobile phone out of her pocket.

‘Well, it would seem she didn’t say much to anyone,’ Ryan sniffed. ‘And I wouldn’t bother trying to call her. She’ll be in there.’ He cocked his head toward the TV, where questions were now being fired left, right and centre at Jim Allen.

Debbie put her phone down and sat back on her stool, looking over at Ryan. ‘I can’t believe this. I’m assuming, because of the state of you, that Amber’s going with him?’

‘Why else do you think he’s leaving, Debbie?’ Gary got up to fetch two more bottles of lager from the imposing double fridge at the back of the room.

‘Okay. Don’t start on me.’ She looked back over at Ryan. ‘I thought you would’ve been glad to see the back of Jim Allen.’

He threw her an almost withering look. ‘Yeah, and I would have been, if he hadn’t been taking my girlfriend and son with him.’

Debbie bit down on her lip, scrunching up her nose. ‘Oh. Sorry. I didn’t think…’

Gary put the beers back and shut the fridge door. ‘Look, instead of hanging round here looking at your miserable face, let’s go out. Have a few drinks in town.’

‘Is that a good idea?’ Debbie nudged her head in the direction of Ryan, trying to keep her voice low.

‘I am here y’know.’ There was a slightly irritated tone to Ryan’s voice now.

‘He’ll be fine. You’re a big boy now, aren’t you, mate?’ Gary winked, grabbing his phone from the countertop. ‘You just need to get out, have some fun. Take your mind off everything. It’ll be just like old times.’

‘It better not be,’ Debbie muttered, slipping down from her stool and picking up the pile of ironed baby clothes that were lying on the breakfast bar. ‘And try not to make too much noise when you come back in, Gary, okay? Because, if you wake Jodi, I don’t care how much you’ve had to drink, you’re the one that’ll be settling her back down.’

Gary ran over to Debbie and picked her up in his arms, swinging her round before putting her back down and kissing her quickly. ‘I won’t be late, and I won’t be drunk.’

‘Yeah.’ Debbie threw him a sideways smile, retrieving the baby clothes she’d dropped when he’d picked her up. ‘And where have I heard that one before?’

*

Amber stood at the back of the room, her hands in the pockets of her skinny jeans, her eyes never leaving Jim as he spoke, his expression sincere, his voice steady as he spoke of how much Newcastle Red Star meant to him, not only as a manager, but as a player, too.

A wave of guilt stabbed her chest and she briefly looked down at the floor. If it wasn’t for her, he wouldn’t be going anywhere. If it wasn’t for her, this club wouldn’t be losing the best manager they’d ever had – the best manager the game had seen in a long, long time.

She briefly closed her eyes, silently scolding herself for giving in to another bout of self-pity because she didn’t deserve that luxury. She’d helped cause this mess. She’d done that.

Looking over at Jim again she felt her stomach contract as his eyes locked onto hers, and he smiled – at her. A smile that may have been brief but it was meant only for her, she knew that. It was a smile that was trying to tell her it was all going to be okay, because that’s what Jim Allen did. He told her how things would be.

He broke the stare and turned his attention back to the room, but that smile he’d aimed directly at her hadn’t gone unnoticed by a few of the more eagle-eyed journalists and reporters in the room, some of whom had now turned around to look at her, which made her feel more than a little uncomfortable. She still wasn’t a fan of being anywhere near the limelight. She may be what they classed as a minor celebrity now; a famous face in the world of sports presenting. And she may have appeared on more than a handful of magazine covers and done photo shoots that had caused more than a few eyebrows to be raised, but sometimes she felt as though someone else entirely had done all of those things, because it was still hard for her to get her head around everything that had happened to her. But being the centre of attention, having people interested in every move she made, having them write about her personal life and ask questions that nobody but those closest to her should ask, that still wasn’t something Amber could get used to. Nor did she want to.

‘You okay?’ Max asked, sidling up next to her.

She nodded, staring out a particular journalist she was familiar with; a hack who’d twisted stories about her and Jim on more than one occasion to make them sound more sordid or interesting than they really had been. ‘I’m fine.’

‘You didn’t have to come in here, if you didn’t want to.’

‘I wanted to be with Jim.’ She turned her head to look at Max. ‘I wanted to make sure he told them what he’d told me. I wanted to make sure he was really leaving; that’s how bad things have got, Max. I actually need to hear him say the words, to hear them for myself as he tells the football world he’s leaving here. To start a new life. With me. I needed to hear him say those words to someone other than just me. That’s the only way I can believe him; believe that he means it. That’s how paranoid and obsessive I’ve become.’

Max reached out to quickly squeeze her hand. ‘You know this isn’t the end of it, though, don’t you? This is just the beginning of the questions and the speculation about you and Jim, you and Ryan… This isn’t the end, Amber.’

‘I know,’ she whispered. ‘I know that.’

‘And I’ll be there, sweetheart. Every step of the way. I’ll be there to help in any way I can. To make this easier, for all of you.’

She couldn’t help smiling at him, squeezing his hand back. ‘I knew I’d made you Rico’s godfather for a reason.’

Max grinned at her. ‘Yeah. It means I get to him first when he becomes one of the most famous footballers this country has ever seen.’

Amber laughed quietly, shaking her head. ‘As long as he’s got his daddy’s talent, and not his mother’s ability to fuck up everything.’

Max gave her fingers one more squeeze before letting go of her hand. ‘You’ll get through this, Amber. You’re a Sullivan. You’ll get through this.’

Once upon a time she would have believed that. But now she wasn’t quite so sure.