Читать книгу Diamonds Are Forever - Michelle Madow, Michelle Madow - Страница 13
ОглавлениеCourtney and Peyton still had no idea that Savannah had broken their pact and talked to Mom and Grandma, and Savannah planned on keeping it that way.
So when Grandma had asked them to visit over the long weekend in January for Courtney’s birthday—using Aunt Sophie’s illness to guilt-trip them into saying yes—Savannah had been relieved. Soon her sisters would be forced to talk to Mom and Grandma. Savannah wouldn’t have to feel like she was going behind their backs anymore.
The limo got on the freeway—it wouldn’t be long until they reached Grandma’s new home in Napa. Courtney was staring contemplatively out the window, while Peyton had her headphones in, listening to a ’90s rock band so loudly that they could all hear it. Savannah scrolled through Instagram to pass the time. She was commenting on a photo by a popular YouTuber when the phone buzzed with a text from Perry Myles. She smiled and opened it, having a good idea about what it would say. She was right:
We go on in 10! The crowd rocks tonight :) xx
Ever since Savannah had texted Perry after the meeting with her agent, he’d been texting her every night of the One Connection world tour. On days when they played a show, it was always when he was waiting in the greenroom. When he first did it, Savannah had thought it would be a one-time thing. But he’d continued with every stop, and the texts had become something special between them. She’d even looked his tour up and memorized where he’d be every night that week...although she made sure never to let him know that.
Where are you now?? :)
Belgium... I’ve been craving waffles since we got here :P
I love waffles!! :)
I thought pancakes were your fave?
Yeah, they are :) Especially the ones at the Grand Café at the Diamond. They’re the best pancakes EVER!
Is that an invite for me to visit so I can try them? ;)
Savannah’s fingers froze, and she stared at the text. What was the right reply? She wished she could ask Peyton, but the vibe in the limo was so awkward—Savannah could feel her sisters’ anger toward Grandma and Mom. She didn’t want to make things worse. So she would have to try her best at channeling Peyton herself.
If you ever get a break in your crazy schedule ;)
She pressed Send, and reread their conversation. Hopefully her response was okay. She didn’t want Perry to think she was throwing herself at him, but she also didn’t want to sound uninterested.
I always have time for you. Anyway, my manager’s yelling at me to put my phone away...time to hit the stage! xx
Her heart flipped at the first line. He would always have time for her. It was hard to believe that Perry Myles was interested in her, but he did text her every night before performing. That had to mean something. But he also had to put his phone away, so she had to reply quickly.
Good luck tonight! I wish I was there <3
I wish you were here, too ;)
Savannah smiled at his reply, then returned to scrolling through Instagram. One of Perry’s bandmates, Noel, had posted a picture of the five of them backstage, and while they would never see it because they had so many fans, Savannah liked the picture. She couldn’t wait to see them live when they played Vegas this summer. In the meantime, Perry would text her when the show was over to tell her how it went. Although she’d come to learn that One Connection shows always went well. With seats that scalped for thousands of dollars, it was to be expected.
Eventually, the limo exited the freeway. Courtney was biting her nails—something she did only when she was really nervous—and Savannah tossed her phone into her bag. She wanted to say something to make Courtney feel better, but what? The guilt over her secret rose up in her throat once again, so Savannah stayed quiet, looking out the window and playing with the ends of her hair.
Peyton paused her music and took out her earbuds. “Are you guys ready?” she asked, looking mainly at Courtney.
“No.” Courtney stopped chewing her nails and lowered her hands to her lap. “I have no idea what to say to them. I wouldn’t even be visiting this weekend if Grandma hadn’t sent us that email about how Aunt Sophie wanted us to come, and that this might be one of our last chances to see her before...”
She let the sentence hang, not needing to clarify what she meant. Aunt Sophie had stopped chemo at the start of the New Year, since it wasn’t working. The three of them didn’t know Aunt Sophie that well—she’d moved in with Grandma right before they’d come to Vegas, and prior to then they’d only seen her a handful of times when she’d visited during the holidays—but how could they refuse to come to Napa with Grandma holding Aunt Sophie’s illness over their heads?
“Maybe it won’t hurt to listen to them?” Savannah twisted her bracelets. “We can’t stay mad at them forever.”
“But I can’t forgive them, either,” Courtney said. “They lied to us. For our entire lives. I can’t just get past that.”
“You don’t have to ‘get past it.’” Peyton blew a bubble with her gum and sucked the air back in. “I sure as hell won’t.”
“I don’t know.” Savannah bit her lip. “Will you really never forgive Grandma? You’re her favorite.”
“No, I’m not.” Courtney rested her head in her hand and sighed.
“I just keep worrying that Mom will relapse,” Savannah said. “If she does, and it’s because we haven’t forgiven her...it’ll be our fault.”
“It’s not our fault,” Peyton said sharply. “Besides, Grandma would have said something if Mom were drinking again. But it seems like quitting her job, moving to the country, and doing yoga every day was cure enough. Oh, and us moving out so she didn’t have to take care of us anymore. I’m sure that had something to do with it.”
Savannah flinched. “I don’t think that’s it. I mean, the other stuff must have helped. But she misses us—I know it.”
“How?” Courtney asked. “None of us have talked to her since Thanksgiving.”
Savannah’s heart stopped. “Right,” she said, her sisters’ gazes searing into her as she grasped for an excuse. “But before then, when we talked to her on Skype, I could tell she missed us. And when we saw her the day before Thanksgiving, she was really happy to see us. She tried cooking for us and everything.”
“She did try,” Courtney said, her forehead creased. “But being back in that house after what happened there, and seeing Mom and Grandma again...it’ll be so strange. I don’t think I’ll ever look at them the same way. I’m just so grateful that the two of you have stood by me through all of this. Thank you.”
“Of course,” Peyton asked as the limo passed through the gates of Grandma’s neighborhood. “We’re all three in this together.”
Savannah’s stomach dropped. What would her sisters do if they knew about her secret phone calls with Mom and Grandma?
Hopefully they would never find out.
“You’re going to have to say something to them, ’cause here they are.” Peyton motioned to the house, where Grandma and Mom had stepped out to wait for them—Grandma smoothing out her dress, Mom wringing her hands.
The initial greeting went well. Courtney managed to be pleasant, as if she hadn’t been giving Mom and Grandma the silent treatment since Thanksgiving. Peyton was a little sullen, but then again, when wasn’t Peyton pouting over something?
“Thank you for not shutting me out these past few weeks, like your sisters did,” Mom whispered to Savannah while hugging her. “I appreciate it more than you know.”
Savannah’s heart jumped, and she checked to see if Courtney and Peyton had heard. But they were already on their way inside the house, and they didn’t seem to have caught Mom’s slip-up.
“Of course,” she said, pulling away. “But you know Courtney and Peyton don’t know I’ve been talking to you, right? So please don’t say anything about it again? I don’t want them to get mad at me.”
“They shouldn’t make that decision for you,” she said. “But if you don’t want me to mention it again, I won’t.”
“Thanks.” Savannah smiled, glad that Mom still looked healthy. Her skin was clear, she no longer had circles under her eyes, and she’d kept off the weight she’d lost since rehab. Maybe Peyton was right, and Mom was better off living away from them?
As much as it hurt to think about, it might be true.
They went inside, and Grandma was the only one to be found in the living room,
“Your bags are in the guest room, and your sisters are down there getting settled in,” she said. “Aunt Sophie’s taking a nap, and her room’s right above yours, so be quiet when you unpack, okay?”
“All right.” Savannah wanted to stay with Mom and Grandma, but she also wanted to see how her sisters were doing. And she didn’t want her sisters to think she was taking Mom and Grandma’s side. “I’ll be back up soon.”
She headed down the steps and into the big bedroom that she and her sisters shared when they visited Grandma. She loved having her own room in the penthouse at the Diamond, but sometimes it got so quiet. She liked coming here and sharing the room with her sisters. This bedroom was about three times bigger than the one they’d crammed into in their dilapidated apartment in Fairfield, but it reminded her of old times.
Peyton was unpacking her stuff, but Courtney was nowhere to be found.
“Where’s Courtney?” Savannah asked. “Is she okay?”
“I don’t think so.” Peyton shook her head. “She didn’t say anything when we got down here—she just went straight to the bathroom. She looked like she did after finding her and Britney’s baby book. Really pissed off.”
“Crap,” Savannah said, glancing at the bathroom. “I guess seeing Grandma and Mom didn’t go as well as she made it seem.”
“You guessed right.” Courtney stomped inside, slammed the door and glared at Savannah. “What was that about with Mom?”
Savannah opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Had Courtney overheard what Mom had said? If she had...then Savannah was screwed.
She decided to act clueless. “What was what about?” she asked, sinking onto her bed and glancing at Peyton for help.
“I don’t know what’s going on.” Peyton threw her hands up and took a step away from Courtney. “Did I miss something?”
Savannah’s chest tightened, her eyes darting back and forth between her sisters. Courtney needed to stop glaring at her like she was the worst person ever—like she hated her.
She swallowed and looked down at the carpet. “Is this about the hug Mom gave me when we got here?” she asked. “Because I had to hug her back. I’m sorry.”
“Stop lying.” Courtney’s voice echoed through the room. “I’m sick of all the lies. I heard what she said to you. So just—stop. Stop pretending like you don’t know what I’m talking about.”
“What did she say?” Peyton crossed her arms. “What am I missing?”
Tears filled Savannah’s eyes, and she tried swallowing them away. She couldn’t say it—not without crying.
Leave it to Mom to talk without thinking and screw up everything.
“She thanked Savannah for not shutting her out these past few weeks,” Courtney told Peyton. “Which means that Savannah must have broken our pact. She’s been talking to Mom.”
“Is that true?” Peyton asked Savannah.
“I couldn’t not talk to her.” Savannah sniffed and wiped away a tear. “She hates what she did, and wishes she could take it back. Us not talking to her was making her feel worse.”
“She can’t just ‘take it back.’” Courtney paced around the room, her hands curled into fists. “Britney wasn’t some small thing that slipped Mom’s mind. She was our sister—she was my twin—and Mom didn’t tell us about her because it was too hard for her. Don’t you see how selfish that was?”
“I know,” Savannah choked out. “I tried not talking to her—I really did. But she kept reaching out to us, and she’s our mom. I couldn’t ignore her.”
“And I’m your sister,” Courtney said. “Me, you and Peyton—we agreed to take space from Mom so she would know that she can’t lie to us without any consequences. But you not being able to do it...it’s like you don’t care about what she did. Like you don’t care about Britney.”
“That’s not true,” Savannah said. “I do care about Britney, and I hate that Mom never told us about her.”
“So why are you acting like she doesn’t matter?”
“Because Britney’s dead!” The moment she realized what she’d said, Savannah clasped her hands over her mouth, her eyes wide.
Courtney stopped pacing, her face pale. She stared at Savannah as if she didn’t recognize her.
“What the hell, Savannah?” Peyton said. “When did you become such a bitch?”
“I didn’t mean it like that,” she mumbled, unable to meet her eyes. Her sisters were looking at her with so much betrayal that she wanted to bury herself under the covers. “Mom just kept reaching out to me, and I felt so bad ignoring her...”
“Mom kept reaching out to you because she knows you’re the weakest of the three of us,” Peyton said. “She knew you would give in.”
“At least I let myself care about people,” Savannah shot back. “You just push everyone away. Of course you had no problem shutting Mom out—shutting people out comes naturally to you.”
There were three knocks on the door, and they all went silent, watching as whoever it was opened it and peeked her head through. Aunt Sophie. Her skin was wrinkled and hollow, with age spots all over it, and the circles around her eyes were so dark that they could have been bruises. In her ivory, flowing nightgown, she looked like a ghost who hadn’t slept in weeks.
“Is everything okay in here?” she asked, her voice soft and frail.
“Aunt Sophie!” Courtney exclaimed. “Did our talking wake you up?”
“I wouldn’t call what you were doing ‘talking.’” Aunt Sophie laughed, although it turned into a hacking cough. She caught her breath, then said, “Yelling is more like it.”
“We’re so sorry,” Courtney said, clasping her hands together. “We didn’t mean to bother you.”
“I know,” Aunt Sophie said. “I opened my window this morning for some fresh air, and your window down here was open, too. Sound really travels out here in the country.”
“How much did you hear?” Savannah asked.
“Everything.” Aunt Sophie hobbled over to the closest bed—Savannah’s—and sat down. She held her hand against her head, as if just that short walk had made her dizzy, and took a few long, steadying breaths. “As I understand from what I heard, the three of you made a group decision not to speak to your mom and grandma, and Savannah spoke to them anyway without telling you.”
“We don’t need to ‘talk this out,’ or whatever,” Peyton said. “We’ve got it covered.”
Aunt Sophie cracked a smile. “I disagree. It sounded like you were about to rip each other’s hair out. And since I have to live here while everyone else is angry at each other, I think we do need to talk it out. Let’s not make this weekend more stressful than it needs to be, okay?”
Savannah’s cheeks turned red, and she fiddled with her bracelets, unable to look at Aunt Sophie. If she’d heard that entire conversation, then she must have heard what Savannah had yelled at Courtney—about Britney being dead. She’d never said anything so mean, ever. Especially not to her sister.
Aunt Sophie must think she was a terrible person.
“I want each of you to sit on your beds, and we’ll discuss this—without yelling,” Aunt Sophie said.
“Are you a psychologist now or something?” Peyton asked, although she did stomp over to her bed and sit.
“No—but I was a teen once, and your grandma and I had quite our share of fights as well,” Aunt Sophie replied. “I know what it’s like to fight with your sister. And when it came to your grandma and I, I was always the peacekeeper of the two.”
“Like Courtney,” Savannah said. “Well...like Courtney is normally. Peyton and I fight all the time about stupid things, but Courtney always fixes it.”
“You’re right,” Courtney said. “I’m always there for both of you. When you and Peyton fight over what music to listen to, or taking each other’s stuff, or any of your stupid fights, I help you work it out. But now—the one time when I needed you to stand by me—you couldn’t do it. And you lied to me about it.”
“Which are you more upset about?” Aunt Sophie asked. “That Savannah talked to your mom and grandma, or that she kept it from you and Peyton?”
“Both.” Courtney sniffed. “But not telling us makes it worse.” She turned her focus to Savannah, her eyes full of so much anger that Savannah backed up against the wall. “How did you sit with us in the car today when I was talking about how grateful I was that you and Peyton kept your word, knowing that you hadn’t? How could you lie to me like that?”
“I didn’t mean to,” Savannah said. “You made me promise not to talk to them. Then they wanted to talk to me, and I hated ignoring them, so I didn’t. No one ever asked me if not talking to them was something I wanted to do.”
“It’s always about you, isn’t it?” Courtney said.
Savannah blinked, and looked down at her lap. How could Courtney say that to her?
“We’re supposed to be talking about this without fighting,” Aunt Sophie reminded them. “I don’t have the energy to deal with a fight like the one I overheard earlier—and I certainly don’t want to be surrounded by this attitude all weekend.”
“Sorry,” Courtney said. “I knew we shouldn’t have come here.” She leaned against the wall, pulled her legs up to her chest and added, “But maybe it’s best that we did. Otherwise we wouldn’t have found out that Savannah’s been lying to us.”
“So I was correct,” Aunt Sophie said. “It’s the lying that upset you the most.”
“I guess.” Courtney shrugged. “It definitely made it worse.”
“What was I supposed to do?” Savannah asked. “If I’d told you about talking with Mom and Grandma, it wouldn’t have changed anything. You still would have been mad.”
“Yeah,” Courtney said. “But not as mad. At least that way you wouldn’t have been going behind my back for weeks, lying to me and making me think you had my back this entire time.”
“I do have your back,” Savannah insisted. “I just couldn’t ignore Mom and Grandma, either.”
“So you never should have promised that you would.”
“Your sister makes a good point,” Aunt Sophie said to Savannah. “When you made that promise, did you know you wouldn’t be able to keep it?”
“No,” Savannah said. “I wanted to stick to it. I swear it.”
Peyton rolled her eyes. “So why didn’t you?” she asked. “It wasn’t hard—we live in a different state than Mom and Grandma. All you had to do was not pick up the phone when they called.”
Savannah shook her head, amazed that Peyton didn’t get it. “Maybe it wasn’t hard for you,” she said. “But it was for me. I kept thinking...what if Mom gets so upset by our ignoring her that she relapses? She kept calling and reaching out to us, so eventually I had to pick up, and once I started talking to her, I couldn’t just stop again. But I’ve felt terrible about talking to her every time.”
“You shouldn’t feel bad about wanting to be there for your mom,” Aunt Sophie said. “That was kind of you to do—especially considering the magnitude of her lies. It takes strength to forgive and love unconditionally, and you have that strength, Savannah. It’s what makes you shine.”
“Thank you.” Savannah swallowed and glanced at her nails. She’d never had someone say something that nice to her before.
“I mean it,” Aunt Sophie said. “It seems like the real problem here is that you didn’t feel like you could be honest with your sisters.”
“I know,” Savannah said. “I was afraid. And I felt bad that I couldn’t follow through with the promise that I’d made them.” She took a deep breath and looked at both Peyton and Courtney. Peyton’s eyes were hard, and Courtney’s face was still red from the yelling she’d done earlier. “I hate when you guys are mad at me. I don’t want to take sides between both of you and Mom and Grandma, but I should have told you the moment I realized I couldn’t go through with the promise. And I shouldn’t have said any of that stuff to you just now. I didn’t mean it. I wasn’t thinking, and it just came out. I’m sorry.”
“It doesn’t change what you did,” Peyton said. “Or what you said.”
“Is that fair, Peyton?” Aunt Sophie asked. “Of course Savannah can’t take back what she said or did—that’s how life works. There are no do-overs. Everyone makes mistakes, and if you can’t forgive them, you’ll end up pushing everyone away. That’s no way to live. What’s most important is intent. Do you think Savannah means what she’s saying in her apology?”
“Sure.” Peyton shrugged. “I guess.”
“All right.” Aunt Sophie nodded. “I suppose that’s progress. Now, what about you, Courtney? Do you accept Savannah’s apology?”
“I want to.” Courtney focused on Savannah, and while her eyes were glassy, they weren’t angry like they were earlier. “And I will. I know you didn’t want to go behind my back, but it doesn’t change that you did. I just hope in the future you’ll be honest with me. Okay?”
“Okay.” Savannah smiled. “I promise.”
“Does this mean we’ll be able to enjoy this weekend in peace?” Aunt Sophie asked. She coughed, took a few wheezing breaths, and cleared her throat. “After all, we do have Courtney’s birthday to celebrate tomorrow.”
“I’m going to be civil to Grandma and Mom,” Courtney said. “But that doesn’t mean I forgive them. What they did by not telling me that Britney even existed...that’s unforgivable.”
“But you have to forgive them eventually,” Savannah said. “Right?”
“I don’t know.” She grabbed her backpack and pulled it onto the bed. “But I do know we’re celebrating my birthday tomorrow, and I have homework I need to do today.”
“I supposed that’s enough for now,” Aunt Sophie said. “And I need to get some rest. Would one of you mind helping me up the stairs?”
“Of course.” Courtney jumped up off her bed and helped Aunt Sophie up. “I’m so sorry that we bothered you.”
“No need to apologize,” she said. “I just hope I helped.”
“You did,” Savannah said, watching Courtney lead Aunt Sophie out of their room. Every step of Aunt Sophie’s was slow, and she breathed heavily as she walked. She couldn’t imagine how she’d come down here on her own.
“She seems really nice,” she said to Peyton once Aunt Sophie and Courtney were up the steps.
“Yeah,” Peyton agreed. “It sucks that she’s so sick.”
“I’ve never known what to say to her,” Savannah said. “She’s the first person I’ve ever known who knows she’s dying. But after that conversation...I’m glad we’re here this weekend.”
“I’m glad we’re here, too,” Peyton said, pulling at the ends of her sleeves. “It’s weird, though. Talking to her is almost like...talking to a ghost.”
Savannah shivered, and they were both silent for a few seconds.
Then her phone buzzed with a text. Evie.
Hey, Savannah! I saw on Twitter that you’re in California, and was hoping we could hang out? :)
Savannah glared at her phone, clicked out of the text, tossed it onto her bed.
“Wow,” Peyton said. “Whoever that was must have really pissed you off.”
“It was Evie,” Savannah said. “She wants to hang out.”
“But you’re still mad at her?”
Savannah thought back to the last time she’d spoken to Evie—the night of her Sweet Sixteen. Evie had known that Savannah had feelings for Damien, but she’d tried to flirt with him, anyway. After Savannah caught her, Evie had blown up. She’d called Savannah a selfish brat, and said that Savannah’s YouTube channel was stupid because she only sang covers and no original songs. Then she’d tried to claim that her making moves on Damien was good for Savannah, because it would prove to Savannah whether or not Damien was worth it. It was so convoluted.
At least Damien hadn’t fallen for it—he’d only been talking to Evie because he felt bad for her, because Evie had felt out of place at the party.
“I’m still mad at her,” Savannah said. “I don’t want to see her.”
“What about everything Aunt Sophie said?” Peyton asked. “About forgiveness?”
“That was different,” she said. “You and Courtney are my sisters—we have to forgive each other. I don’t need to be friends with Evie.”
“It’s your call,” Peyton said. “I’m just surprised.”
Savannah frowned and glanced at her phone. If Peyton was telling her to forgive Evie, maybe she should? But then she reminded herself about the mean things Evie had said at the party, and the way she’d tried snuggling into Damien, and anger surged through her body.
“You lost touch with your friends from Fairfield,” Savannah said. “Why shouldn’t I do the same?”
“Because those ‘friends’ I had in Fairfield were never really my friends,” Peyton said. “They were just people to hang out with and party with. But you and Evie were best friends. I always thought that you would have preferred to have her as a sister over me or Courtney.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Savannah said. “I would never choose to have anyone as a sister besides you and Courtney.”
“But you did always have more fun with her than you did with either of us,” Peyton said. “And don’t say it’s not true, because I’ll know you’re lying.”
Savannah shrugged, since she did have a lot of fun hanging out with Evie. They could talk and laugh about everything. It wasn’t that she didn’t have fun with her sisters, but it was different. Courtney was so responsible, and Peyton was so confident. Savannah always felt like everything she said was up for judgment or a lecture. But with Evie, she didn’t have to worry about that.
Her phone buzzed with another text.
Or be a bitch and ignore me. Whatever.
It hadn’t been ten minutes since the first message. Evie couldn’t know that Savannah had seen it.
Except that Savannah had her phone on her constantly, and Evie knew that.
But did she have to be so mean about it?
“I don’t want to talk about Evie.” Savannah deleted their entire string of text messages and threw her phone back down onto the bed. “We’re not friends anymore.”
“Okay,” Peyton said, although she didn’t sound like she believed it.
