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Emotions and Thoughts - The Chicken and Egg Mystery

Creating a positive approach to life is not as simple as just changing our thoughts, because what we feel affects many decisions.

It is hard to know what comes first - whether our feelings shape what we think or whether our thoughts shape how we feel. This powerful cause and effect cycle works differently at different times; however, both thoughts and feelings need to be addressed in any inner work where you are seeking change.

Some people may say to you, ‘Just think positively,’ as though the sun shines on their every moment. Their internal climate is favourable. They feel emotionally balanced and stable.

However, when you are deeply anxious, depressed, stressed, grieving or frustrated it is difficult to feel motivated and positive. It is like your internal climate is mostly cloudy or stormy. Please seek help if you feel sustained sadness, lethargy or hopelessness, as a medical professional may be an important part of your recovery. Your life deserves the best level of care.

There is something about our feelings we need to remember. Like the weather, they can change.

For example, imagine you are on a bus and feeling very nervous about a job interview in an hour’s time. You feel shaky, have an accelerated heart rate and, feel a little sick. Suddenly, the person next to you clutches their chest and collapses.

In this moment, your worry about the interview vanishes. You may feel anxious but for a different reason. You quickly assess how to get, or offer, help. The dread about the interview is rapidly replaced with the new focus of saving a life.

Here is another example. Imagine that you wake up feeling irritated by a thoughtless comment made by a colleague. It has bothered you during the night and you feel resentful. You feel too tired to go to work. Suddenly, the phone rings and it is your best friend. They are distraught because their partner has had an affair and left them. It is a complete shock to both of you. They need your immediate support.

In this moment, are you still filled with resentment towards your colleague? Are you too tired to care about your friend?

Most likely, the answer is ‘No.’

It is more likely that you feel a surge of energy, a shift in focus and a flood of empathy and concern. Your mind may already be strategising about how you can help.

These simple analogies show us that like the weather, many of our feelings change moment to moment, depending on how we perceive and react to events. Don’t let unhelpful feelings entrench themselves and become your inner climate. Stay aware and pause before accepting your feelings as your reality. Take a deep breath, exhale and let unhelpful feelings pass through.

The Story of the Two Wolves

A small child is listening to her Native American Grandfather. He tells her that within each person are two wolves. One is angry, selfish, mean and wants to hurt everyone. The second wolf is kind, patient, tolerant and loving. The wolves are always battling and struggling against each other, desperate to gain control.

‘Grandfather,’ exclaims the child in a worried voice, ‘Which wolf will win?’

Grandfather smiles and calmly responds:

‘The one you feed.’

Let’s now examine strategies to help you feed the positive inner wolf.