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My first thanks must go to Paul Carrington for his patience in accompanying a ‘ten percenter’ around France for two months. A ‘ten percenter’ is Paul’s disparaging term for members of the elite which he believes to be responsible for everything wrong about modern-day Britain. In a curious way he’s right about the elite, but I’ve never been a member. As all right-thinking people know, the elite has consisted of readers of The Guardian since the 1997 general election.

My thanks to the lovely ladies of France, especially those working in bars and restaurants. They bring such joy into the lives of men such as myself. My thanks to the wonderful restauranteurs, chefs, cheesemakers and winemakers of France. I thank the French in general for their determination to retain their cultural identity, except when it leads to quotas for state-financed French music on their radio channels.

Thanks to my good friend Andy Heslop for his constant encouragement about this book. Thanks to Stan Hurr for the front cover concept and execution, and to the clever chaps (and Melissa) at eBookIt.com for formatting this ebook edition.

My final thanks to you, dear reader, for buying this book. I hope it meets your expectations, whatever they might be.