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Chapter Two

Starting Over

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Let’s Get Real

It’s quite possible that your current as-is style isn’t entirely what you imagine it to be. In your mind, you may be colourful and vibrant, but in reality, you may reach for more black than you realise. Maybe you think you’re dressing for comfort when in fact your clothes are ill fitting and as a result unflattering. These are the first examples that come to mind, because they are discoveries I made about my own style when I documented what I wore every day for a month.

My first thought when looking at the thirty-day overview was that I do not get dressed unless I must. I’ve read countless self-help books that tell you the most productive people get up early, make their bed, and get dressed every morning no matter what. I would love to tell you I get up at 5 a.m. and have an off-duty jeans and T-shirt combo that I slip into before tying my hair in a messy bun, slicking on some gloss, and heading out for the school run. I do not.

Fun fact: Several years ago (at school drop off), I was waving off my daughter and about to walk home when another mum stopped me. I hadn’t really spoken much to the other parents, since they all seemed to know one another and I was a solid ten years younger than most—it’s more varied now, but at that time I was very much in the minority as a young—mum, so it took me by surprise. She didn’t make much small talk before asking me, ‘Who do you live with?’

To give a little context, I was nine months pregnant at the time. My daughter was six, so this woman had seen me at school for more than a year, and whether this was just her question or a collective enquiry I’ll never know. Nor will I know her true motivation, but after answering, ‘My husband’, and not having much else to say, we parted ways. It wasn’t until later that I realised what (I assume) she was really asking. I looked young for my age as it was, but I had no glam routine to walk the two minutes from my house to go to school. She assumed that I was either too young or at least of too little means to live independently from my parents in an affluent area.

This isn’t something that bothers me a stitch now, but at the time the playground politics really got to me. Now I look around at pickup and see the glam mums chatting, the working mums rushing, the mums who have come however they were dressed at home (HOLLA!), and of course the dads…who don’t seem to be nearly as concerned by any of this as we do.

Just because I turn up to school in my pyjamas (joke! I haven’t yet, but the minute Milo is old enough for me not to get out of the car, I will consider it a legitimate option) doesn’t mean I don’t care about what I wear. Just because I go barefaced to the supermarket doesn’t mean I don’t love (and I mean truly love) me a new lipstick—it just means that I didn’t prioritise those things on that day. What I learned from my outfit experiment was that I could probably use a ‘uniform’ to fall back on for those lazy days, but more than that, I learned that comfort is my motivator. Oh, and I’m never going to iron anything, so I will stop buying things that need ironing.

Who Am I Again?

My blurb is starting to fill out a little now, isn’t it? Let’s condense it into some bullet points—join me with your own, won’t you?

•Young mum

•Still struggles with age appropriate style

•Enjoys comfort dressing

•Pretends she’s not still intimidated by the other mums at school

•Refuses to iron

•Warm/deep colour palette

•‘Apple’ shape

•Still wishes she was Jessica Simpson a bit a lot

I’m looking for a style that flatters me but doesn’t push me too far out of my leggings and sweatshirt uniform while I’m at home and makes me feel put together but not too formal at work. I also may need to work more on my outlook than my outfits when it comes to the school run…unless I’m prepared to do full hair and makeup to come home and sit in front of a laptop. That doesn’t sound like something I’d do, but we’ll see!

The Purge

You’re already tired, aren’t you? Reading this chapter is going to be a bit like watching an exercise video on your sofa, drinking a glass of wine. We both know what you need to do. I’m going to offer some tips that will make the process easier and more effective, but it’s up to you to actually do the work.

If it makes you feel any better, I’m not doing this today either. I’m writing this from a pub in Manchester station waiting for my friends to arrive on a train that’s been delayed because cows have wandered onto the tracks. How ‘English’ does that sound?

1.Take everything out of your wardrobe.

I know!! You don’t want to do it, nobody does, but think of all of the times you’ve stood in front of it, prepared to burn it to the ground because it has offered you nothing. If you really have nothing to wear, this should be a quick exercise.

2.Create three piles.

One will be for throwing away, one for donating, and one for trying on. Note that there is no automatic ‘keep’ pile…you think pulling all of those clothes out on to the bed was hard work? Prepare yourself.

3.Try everything on!

You know when you’re in a store and you can’t be bothered to queue for the changing rooms? (I’m looking at you, Primark!) And you say, ‘Oh, I’ll try it on at home’. You probably won’t try it on until you want to wear it, will you? Then you probably won’t take it back, but that’s a different point entirely. Trying on clothes is such a pain, but you really can’t get around this one.

If you don’t love it when you try it on, why do you still have it? Don’t even get me started on keeping things in case you lose weight. If you do lose that weight you’ve been saying you will for ten years, surely the first thing you’ll want to do is go shopping?! And if you don’t (let’s face it, few of us do), you don’t need a reminder of that every time you look in your wardrobe. Wouldn’t it be awesome if every time you went to get dressed you knew everything in there fit you, looked great, and had many potential partner pieces that went with it? If the answer is yes, read on. If the answer is no, you may have picked up the wrong book.

Mixing

In theory, you should now be left with a much smaller pile of clothes that you’re keeping because you love them and they make you feel good. Next job is working out the outfits you have among these items. Depending on your life style, you may only need one pair of jeans, or you may need four; if you’re me, you need twelve. I can’t answer these questions for you, but think about the outfits that you need and partnering up what you have left.

I’m going to talk about a capsule wardrobe later in the book, but this is a great time to start considering how your clothes mix with each other.

Contributors

I asked my contributors whether they think they’ve found their style yet…

‘Not really no, I haven’t quite found what works for my new body after having children so opt for baggy and unflattering clothes!’

—Liza

‘Not really—I think I have a style base (black, white, cream, taupe) that I try and work other things round, but I go off things very quickly, so I have yet to nail the “enduring” style thing.’

—Jane

‘My style is quite “safe,” but I know what works best with my body shape and my colouring. I feel better about my style and far more confident in my thirties than I ever did in my teens and twenties.’

—Emma-Jayne

‘I think for a long time I was trying to do “my style” by following others’ expectations of what style was. I still have times I try to follow trends…it doesn’t always go well. (I have bought the odd thing which has gone to the charity shop with tags still on! UGH.) But on the whole, I think I’m much less inclined to slot into an expected “style.” I like that I now wear my style without care of what others think. I like now that I look for my confidence in like-minded women rather than worry what they’re thinking of me. I think having confidence in myself is my style.’

—Alanna

‘Sort of, I am very much a jeans and striped top girl. But then I’d love to be a little less plain with it. I love the idea of being effortlessly stylish, but sometimes I find my style can just be effortless…without the stylish! So, I do like to “cheat” my way to style with things like bold lipstick!’

—Jen

‘I do, but that doesn’t mean to say I don’t occasionally veer off course and try something which I know just isn’t me! It’s taken me years to see what I love and what suits me, but I still like to take risks. I’m definitely a jeans, jacket, and boots girl. I have boobs so feel too fiddly in a shirt or pretty blouse. I like simple clothes, which is why I love a good AllSaints draped T-shirt or similar. I’m better with a simple color palette, too—black, grey, and white. In the past, I’ve tried too hard to wear “on trend” clothes which just don’t work for my body shape. These days I try to check myself before each purchase and ask myself if it complements my style before buying. I also remind myself that I enjoy quality more than quantity, which helps me avoid impulse purchases.’

—Joanna

Cover Your Basics

Foundation

If you opened your underwear drawer right now, what would it look like? If, like me, you’re a naturally untidy person, then it’s probably a mess, but beyond that… When was the last time you bought something new, something that wasn’t a bit grey and ill fitting? I’m not talking about sexy lingerie here (though I think everyone should have something they feel amazing in that may never leave the bedroom). I’m talking about underwear that looks good with your clothes on.

Some of you will be bored by the whole thing, it’s not on show, so who cares, right? Some of you will be brightly coloured, matching set kinds of girls…but it’s very possible that you’re both missing the key items that can totally transform the wardrobe you already have.

The first time I remember being aware of bras and wanting one I think I was about thirteen. I desperately wanted boobs, but my body refused to deliver. For any teens reading this, I didn’t really get them until I had a baby. I’m not suggesting that it’s worth the sleepless nights, but it was a welcome bonus. So, there I was, pre-pregnancy, frustrated with my lack of chest, when my friend introduced me to (imagine angels singing) padded bras. They were fascinating to me, and I had to have one…only I was thirteen, so the only way I was getting anything was through my Mum. I’m thirty-two now, and I still think I’d find it weird to ask my mum to pick me up a pack of thongs, so back then I was preparing to be mortified.

As a bit of background, my mum doesn’t wear makeup (she thinks it’s madness that I would get up early before work to put it on), she doesn’t colour her hair (although she also had no greys ’til she was fifty), and rarely wears nail polish. Basically, she only wears it if I insist and do the painting myself. Whatever the opposite of superficial is, that’s my mum, and beside her I look like a textbook narcissist.

So, with this super chill, nobody cares what you look like attitude, imagine her confusion when I tried to dance around the subject of why I needed new underwear. I’m fairly certain I described it as ‘seamless.’ VPL (visible panty line) was a thing people were talking about then, and so seamless bras were also a hot topic. In my mind, seamless meant moulded, moulded meant padded, padded meant boobs. In my mum’s mind, however, seamless meant seamless. The day she brought home this ‘seamless’ bra is forever burned into my brain: (1) it was from Marks & Spencer, super uncool for me at that time; (2) it was a glossy, shimmery ‘nude’ colour; and (3) (I’m going to have to find a photo example because these words won’t do it justice) it was a crossover with straps about an inch wide and absolutely zero padding.

I just cannot explain to you the horror, I really can’t. Years later I had boobs that filled this monstrosity (not until I was about eight months pregnant, though) and it effectively made me look like a very unfashionable version of Madonna in the pointy gold bra. I don’t remember exactly how I eventually did get my first padded bra, but once I did, I didn’t take it off for about four years.

All of that is to say that oftentimes, underwear maketh the woman—the right bra, a good pair of high-waisted pants, and those tights that suck you in and lift your bum, confidence in a packet! Shapewear is not just for the larger ladies among us, it smooths any lumps and bumps, it hides any bulges that regular underwear might create, and in some figure-hugging outfits, it’s essential, no matter your size. Even if it’s just a slip or a vest to go under sheerer items, foundation garments are just that, the foundation for anything you layer on top!

As I’ve said already, anything that you can purchase that makes you feel good when you look in the mirror is money well spent. Go and try on some shapewear and tell me you don’t feel better in that dress!

Jeans

I love a pair of shoes as much as the next girl, but Cinderella was wrong, the right pair of jeans can change your life! (Also, those shoes can’t have fit her all that well if she lost one of them, could they?) Once upon a time the search for the ultimate pair of jeans was like hunting for the holy grail. There weren’t that many options, and if you found a pair that worked for you, you bought two. Now there are so many fabrics and styles at so many price points, everyone can find their ideal pair! I remember hating jeans as a kid, I lived in leggings and sweat pants. Then the stretchy skinny kind became popular and the rest is history. Although, there was also that ‘goth’ phase with the baggy cords and the early 2000s phase when we were all about showing off our hip bones…let’s just be pleased that trends no longer dictate whether you’ll be able to find a style that suits you on the high street.

The only way you will find your pair is to try on lots, so take a day, try on shapes you wouldn’t normally pick out, and test a few different sizes! The number on the label means absolutely nothing, it’s just a guide to help you figure out which ones might fit. I fluctuate massively from store to store, so don’t go in with your ‘I’m a twelve and that’s that’ head on, go in looking for the ones that look best, whatever the number!

While we’re on that subject—really the only time a number matters is when a store is inflating or deflating their sizing enough to push you out of their clothes completely. When their ‘medium’ is everyone else’s ‘extra small’, we have a problem, because they’re alienating a huge number of consumers, but if you’re usually an Extra Small and the Medium is available and fits, who cares? I know for many it’s easier said than done, but try not to put so much value on the size, it’s all total BS! Look at it the way you look at a shoe size… If you had to go up in one store, you probably wouldn’t care as much as if the jeans you picked up were too tight. Am I right?

Lastly, jeans are some of the most fitted items that we wear (or at least as I write this they are—flares may well be on their way back!) so if you are really struggling to find ‘the ones’, don’t be disheartened. It’s impossible to cater for every unique shape, that’s what tailors are for! Some department stores have tailoring services, but if not, there will be one somewhere near you. It might be cheaper than you think to have those almost perfect jeans transformed into the figure-hugging pair of dreams.

Style by Shape

•APPLE – Regular waist skinny leg

•PEAR – High waist with a boot cut/slight flare

•INVERTED TRIANGLE – Boyfriend/Girlfriend styles