Читать книгу The Wolf of Gambling - M.Trojan - Страница 11

It would be a direct contradiction to believe that you can find compassion and support in a gambling hall. That is the place where sorrow, frustration and hopelessness originate. From experience I know that you are very doubtful – full of doubt about what I have written and about your own view of things.

If you allow doubt to get the upper hand, you’ll find yourself back at the slot-machine. You must not hold on to a wrong decision made in the past, but rather hold on to future successes. After withdrawal from your addiction you will definitely get to know the feeling of success. However, if you continue to gamble away money at the slot-machine, you may as well shake hands with the devil. It is nothing but pure self-destruction. Trust your inner voice rather than trusting anyone else. The others are not gambling away their money, but you are. Therefore withdraw and listen to what your mind is trying to tell you. I always trusted other people around me – until I realized that the withdrawal from gambling was solely my business. Trust has nothing to do with passing on responsibility.

You can confide in other people; however, you absolutely do not need their agreement – you must know yourself what needs to be done. Most gamblers fail when withdrawing from gambling because they either choose the wrong perspective or they abide by a wrong starting position. I believe in you; but you must also believe in yourself in order to successfully get started into the future. Do not depend on others because only you can live your life. You are the way and you are the destination. Of course, a lot of things are much easier when there is somebody on whose shoulder you can have a good cry and who will speak words of encouragement and will make life easier from time to time. However, it is not necessary to have someone. The simplest road does not necessarily have to be the essential one to take. It is up to you to change your life, to make your life worth living again and to make those things you wish for come true – but only, if you believe in yourself.

Gamblers appear to experience similar misfortunes and scenarios. However, despite so many things in common, we walk past each other and live in the belief that we are alone and lost. You are not alone – not even when you feel alone. Even the greatest darkness can be lit up with one single light. However, we must be aware of whom we want to share our anxieties with. If you speak to a slot-machine producer about the injustice of gambling, then he will agree with you; but he will also do everything in his power for you to continue gambling. If you communicated those same anxieties to an ex-gambler, then he would understand and possibly offer help. To be quite honest – I have done it and seen it as a third party. You open your heart to the wrong person just to get the answers you want to get. A gambling sympathizer will of course downplay your addiction and make it all sound less serious. Only those who are affected themselves will openly and clearly address the danger.

A typical vicious circle of depressions, boredom and frustration paves the way into gambling. Sometimes there are no words to describe our emotions so clearly; as a gambler I had that problem nearly every day. I only thought of slot-machines and at the same time about suicide. The thoughts about suicide became increasingly predominant and the idea of withdrawing from gambling did not really make the situation any easier because for me withdrawal was unthinkable. It was unthinkable because – as I said before – I listened to the wrong people. Withdrawal from gambling is possible, but an attempt is definitely not good enough. You must do it – without any ifs and buts.

Not every person who failed in life automatically becomes a gambler. However, every gambler fails in life for as long as he gambles. In the gambling scene as such, losers are not accepted, everything is hummed, all crimes are ignored and it is unthinkable in the scene to admit that you were losing or losing most of the time. This is due to the fact that this culture must not be associated with loss. You would be seen as a loser which is precisely what a gambler never wants to be. For this reason, even gamblers who are friends will lie to each other and like a type of competition, alleged winnings are shouted out loud. You try to be better than the other and that is exactly the life-style which will result in the failure of the gambler. In his own view, he considers himself to be special if he wins high amounts of money. These are amounts he is really losing in order to possibly win them back bit by bit at a much later time. This fact is often seen as being pathetic by non-gamblers and people who do not want to think about it. However it isn’t that at all – it is an illness and therefore it can only be regarded to be pathological. The day you realize that it is an illness which only you and you alone can overcome, you will be starting to get healthier again.

Sometimes the truth isn’t good enough and you, the gambler, truly deserve more than I can express in words. However, reality can be a cruel companion in life. It can be so cruel that people stoop rather than walk upright on the straight road. You deserve to lead a life without worries; but no matter what you have been told, with gambling in general and a life at the slot-machines you will be pursuing your happiness blindly and at the end of the day you will fail. How deeply rooted the gambling addiction is in everyday life will not be evident the first time you gamble, but rather the last time. Usually it is the case that the decision that you gambled for the last time, is only a short-term announcement; after another day, most of them are gambling again as if they had never even considered giving it up.

You must not start bargaining or possibly taking withdrawal into consideration. Withdrawal is not a short-term reaction; it is the realization which manifests the withdrawal. Only the realization will achieve what you desire. If you proclaim after 5 or 6 beers that you will stop gambling, then this is a knee-jerk reaction. However, you will only successfully stop gambling if you have come to the realization that the last dollar has dropped.

The kiss of Judas can be seen every day. We can observe it every day and experience it. We watch TV and there is always someone who tells us what is cool and in, what appears to be healthy or unhealthy. We eat what the TV recommends and we dress the way the media tell us. We hate what the media present to be the enemies of peace. Americans are trimmed to present themselves as the country of boundless possibilities and that does not astonish the rest of the world in any way. But the economy needs this delusion. There is only one thing which fascinates Germany and the rest of the world about America – the love of their own country, patriotism, love of neighbour, and the fact that one for all and all for one is still alive in America.

Don’t let the media take control of you – racism and prejudice develop through TV. The media want to keep up this image of humanity; the world is supposed to remain racist, we are not to become brothers because who would want to wage a bloody war against his brother. No, conflicts are fuelled, extended and manifested by the media. We become ill in this world. We notice that the world around us is becoming smaller and suddenly we only wish that at least within our own four walls we can experience freedom, peace and harmony. The media only tell us what we want to hear. They do not bring truth or salvation; they deal with illusions and sell us those as being the truth. People start believing that the fictitious representation corresponds to reality and that it appears relevant for our life.

We watch how Columbo always catches the murderer and how Charlie Harper manages to get women even when he is drunk. However, all of that is the fictitious representation of a world which will never exist in such a way. TV will always show that which will for a short time put an idea of freedom into people’s minds for as long as they want to continue enslaving themselves voluntarily. TV will always have an explanation of why you are not feeling happy. TV will always find or invent a guilty person, just so as to distract from the actual danger. If you are unhappy, you will not find the answer on TV, nor with other people or cultures, but only in your own conception of reality. If you want to know who or what is able to change your life or influence it positively then look at yourself in the mirror. I am quite sure that the media have never suggested this to you even though it seems so obvious.

I’m quite aware that – as a gambler – you do not want to be confronted with particular dangers. At the end of the day, you will have to do the right thing and face the dangers. The love of a casino employee will not get you away from the slot-machines.

You will need an iron will and determination. The media will neither make withdrawal possible, nor will they make it accessible for you. And money can definitely not buy everything. Anyone who believes this, is closer to Judas than they may be aware of. You can buy a watch; but you can’t buy time. You can buy medicine; but you can’t buy health.

Become aware that the addiction to slot-machines is connected to everything. Make sure, you understand that the starting point is not money, but rather your emotions. Addiction is also in a way associated with yearning. That means that through gambling you are hoping for something and in conclusion then you believe that you can fulfil your hopes through high winnings of money. I would like to ask you one last question in this chapter: Why do you believe that you can achieve high winnings by gambling away your money?