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Philosophy of Women’s Love

Wherever you go in search of truth, eventually you will turn to your own road.

My way to psychology began in my youth, but in the 80s of the 20th century this science was accessible only to a few people in the central cities of Russia. After finishing school I received my philological degree, and after some years of searching for myself, I still came to psychology. The impetus for this event was the creation of my authoring program «Psychology of Success», which was easily sold on the shelves of bookstores. Life itself demanded the topicality of the theme. The next step was to enter Tomsk State University in the Department of Psychology. Psychology took over my head for good. Gaining experience in various organizations and social spheres, I became a practicing psychologist with a long experience, where achieving success and harmony in life are still a driving force for me. My motto: «Life is given to man for development and happiness». Not only have I had the experience of working with all age groups of people, but also the pleasure of teaching psychology. One can learn about oneself and life endlessly, and most importantly one can manage one’s own life. And when you understand this, you get a real thrill. I am constantly enriching my professional experience with new knowledge, but I pay special attention to the study of the emotional sphere and building strategies for one’s own life, which determines the success of an individual. I like to work with metaphorical maps and art therapy methods.

My consultations are more often with female and adolescent audiences, a little less time is spent on family conflicts. The underlying theme in almost every problem is love: for myself, for my partner, for my own child, the priority of values, sacrifice and passion of desires.

I believe that anyone can find their own happiness in life, you just need to believe in yourself and learn to trust yourself.

Thanks to my professional activity I have accumulated a very interesting and diverse material of life situations, passionate experiences, difficult achievements of emotional maturity. All this led to an irresistible desire to share my acquisition with the reading audience, and to try to bring to everyone the main point – the peculiarity of women’s emotional perception of love relationships, the view of a man and personal sacrifice that brings inner desolation.

This is a series of true stories based on real events. The names of the characters have been changed, but the storyline corresponds to reality. Here are typical scenarios from the lives of different women, their worldviews and points of view on situations. The peculiarity of women’s emotional perception is very different from that of men, which is exactly what affects the gender differences in behavior. The existing difficulties in mutual understanding between people make it very difficult to build trust and delineate the measure of responsibility. Isn’t that why we often confuse falling in love with true love, empty promises with mature responsibility? Interpretation of the stories encourages us to think about the ways of harmonious behavior that directly affect the quality of life.

As a practicing psychologist and author of emotional-life stories, I wanted to emphasize the difference in gender perception, the intimate, close relationship between partners, to emphasize the cause-and-effect relationship of thoughts and actions. After all, the main problem of relationships is the ability to express feelings constructively, the ability to speak out and be heard, the ability to create an environmentally intimate relationship. Each of us wants to love and be loved, but does not know how to achieve it.

I hope that you will find it interesting to read, and that you will find a lot of informative things for yourself here. Perhaps you will see a story of your own life that will help you to look at personal situations from a different angle, to reevaluate the motives of your own actions and emotions.

A look from the inside

The institution of family and marriage has always meant a great deal to the Russian mentality. In Soviet times, only married people could hold high positions, travel freely abroad, and achieve career advancement. Domestic relations and «extramarital affairs» were not taken into account, but today theа situation has changed in the other direction. The freedom in relationships, the freedom to choose a partner, the absence of obligations and leverage have all greatly changed the meaning and quality of family life.

What to do if you have taken on the responsibility of living in a marriage but have not been able to keep the love alive? What if you love a married woman or man without a family of your own? In which role do you feel better: wife or mistress, husband or lover?

As the saying goes, «everyone has what they have,» but what to do about it… When it comes to married women, public opinion can be formulated as follows: «Don’t open your mouth to other people’s loaf,» «Only takes other people’s husbands,» «Evil divorcee,» «Bitch,» etc. As for the mistress in relation to the wife, opinions differ: «Old Karga», «Kurva», «Hen», «Housekeeper», «Goose».

Men’s attitudes differ radically: «Usually they are not jealous of their husbands, especially of their exes» – they fight with their wives’ lovers on their fists. The stronger half is not verbose, but this does not mean that men feel or worry less, they just express their feelings differently, through actions. In the struggle survives the strongest, which is ready to the end to defend their love or his right. But how do abandoned spouses or true lovers who have stolen marital happiness from each other feel, and is it theft? Natalia is 29 years old. Just recently she had to play two roles at once: a cheating wife and a married mistress. «The feeling,» she says, «is not a pleasant one. «My soul was torn with contradictions. On the one hand, I was choked with jealousy, resentment, and on the other, I was indifferent to the condition of my friend’s wife. To be honest – I wanted to win in any role, I was afraid to feel unwanted. It’s not without reason that they say it’s better to be abandoned than to be abandoned.

Oleg is 30 years old, divorced. He says that as a matter of principle he has never met a married woman. «You never know what to expect from them» – reasoned the young man, «and then I need a life partner.

Many men, especially married men, prefer to date only married girlfriends, as if they do not claim your freedom and not particularly impose. And a nice feeling of superiority over the legitimate spouse warms the passion.

For women, it’s the opposite: free want to be the only one, and married – adored, and if you continue a relationship with a lover, secretly thinking about divorce, although to make such a step often do not dare.

Men, on the other hand, may cheat on their wives throughout their married life without even intending to leave the family.

One young woman brought her philosophy out of this situation: «I didn’t date a married man because he had a pregnant wife, but my place was quickly taken by someone else. And then I realized: it’s not about me, who needs it, he will always go for anything. As the saying goes, nature abhors a void. There will be a loss in one place and an acquisition in another. But if you think about it, with such statements we take responsibility for our actions.

It has recently become fashionable for fairly mature women to have relationships with young men. By benefiting mutually, such couples can exist for quite a long time. Young men want to find a «mommy,» and mature women want a good sexual partner.

There is a common misconception that love makes up for and replaces everything that is missing. We often do not want to admit the obvious and create problems for ourselves in relationships, believing that with love and some effort everything can be fixed. Drawing illusions, we are afraid to part with them and see the truth, confusing love with passion, where sex becomes the goal, not the means. It’s all about our image. Sometimes a man and a woman want each other for pleasure or material security, pursuing their own personal gain, seeing the relationship as more of a convenience than love. Such a relationship cannot last long, it is only long enough for an affair. But if another image emerges that corresponds to your dignity, strength and vocation, then the relationship grows into a lasting love union.

Why is it that while we are married, we often have an affair on the side and still condemn extramarital affairs? If one partner has such an affair, the other unwittingly becomes a victim or «guilty», believing that he has the right to behave defiantly and be possessive. In the aftermath, all of this turns out not to be a continuation of the relationship, but a common pursuit. Being faithful and claiming an obligation to be faithful are fundamentally different.

Constructive solutions are only possible through love.

Some people handle relationships lightly and easily, ready to end them at any time without guilt or pain. In that case, you should not expect someone else to treat you better. When we enter into a love relationship, we take upon ourselves a responsibility equal to that of our partner. And if you have to break up one day, you have to have the courage to break up with dignity.

The category of being

It was a warm autumn morning. The bright sun played on the stunted leaves, trying to give them a second youth. The sun’s rays were tentatively hiding behind the clouds. In the deserted courtyard sat a couple. They looked very young: a girl and a young man. The autumn wind fluttered their hair and clothes, reaching to the very depths of their souls, which sought escape, squirming with cold. The girl stared intently into her boyfriend’s eyes. Her heart was bursting with pain. Her whole being was ready to burst into tears, thinking that such eyes could not betray.

The man’s gaze was as cold as a frowning autumn sky, indifference turned into confidence. The girl suddenly understood everything: «Lord,» whispered an inner voice, as if from outside, «help me to bear it. How can you talk about love, unity of body and soul, and yet sleep with another?»

For the first time came the realization that no one would help here, not even my mother. Time cannot be planned, cannot be foreseen. It cannot be measured – it can only be experienced by the soul, physically felt by the body. It turns out that time is very material, it is your circular shell, it runs in a circle, fitting into a single concept – life.

They were sitting on a children’s swing, sitting and silent, such two grown-up children. Children in essence, outwardly adults, for the first time given freedom in everything, unable to sort out and protect their feelings. A heady taste of permissiveness came over them.

– I’ll walk you out,» said a man’s voice, as if cut off.

– That’s it,» she thought, and, hesitating, she walked slowly down the sidewalk. It was still hard for her to understand what had really happened, much less take it to heart. The first partings, the first feelings, the first seeming love…

There were children running and laughing around, birds chirping, the world lived its own incomprehensible life, only childhood remained somewhere behind, forgetting to write a return ticket. The category of being confused concepts: growing up and childhood, love and dependence, responsibility and freedom. Independent life was still just beginning, having read all the children’s fairy tales.

The realization of one’s adulthood often comes from the feeling «that I can do anything» and rarely from the realization «that I can do anything.» The difference is essential in the concepts of «can» and «can», it is the ratio of rights and responsibilities or the ability to take and give. If such values are violated, the relationship between partners will never be harmonious and long-lasting. As adults, we often think that we can change the other person with our love, but it turns out that we ourselves are changing, because love is not enough, it just melts like snow.