Читать книгу INCANDESCENCE - Nadia Rexler - Страница 5

NOUN: a region of space having a gravitational field so intense that no matter or radiation can escape.

I found myself sprinting around my apartment the next morning. A double whammy of the two things I hated most, oversleeping and having to rush. I was pouring coffee into my cup when Charlie texted, he was outside. I shuffled out of my place and down to his car, where he was standing by the passenger's side once again.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to make you wait, I'm running a little late this morning," I said breathlessly.

"It's alright, I've only been standing here a minute."

"But you shouldn't have to wait at all, I mean I'm one of your bosses for goodness' sake! You shouldn't be picking me up." I digressed.

"Calm down, I'm the one who offered, remember?" He said still smiling at me.

"I guess you're right... What, why are you smiling?" I said still trying to breathe correctly.

He continued to smile at me whilst opening the door. I slipped in, assuming he wasn't going to answer my question. He stood there watching me as I anxiously fumbled with my purse, briefcase, and the items, which should have been inside them. I looked up when I heard him laugh.

"Frantic Jerrie is almost as great as Sassy Jerrie," he said before closing the door. My entire body stiffened for a moment as I tried to decode the meaning behind his statement. My phone slipping through my fingers brought me back to life and I decided not to overthink it.

I threw my head back against the seat and sighed when I finally got my things in order.

"Rough morning?"

"Yes, sorry, I'm more put together than this, I promise. May I," I asked reaching for the radio.

"Sure. So, what's going on there?" He said pointing at me.

I was confused at first, letting my head tilt to the side ready to question him, until I realized, the scarf which was supposed to be around my neck, was in my hand instead. It had slipped off when the outside wind hit me, and I'd forgotten to put it back on. I wrapped it around my neck with haste.

"Oh, it's nothing," I said trying to be nonchalant about it. But I could feel my face turning red from embarrassment.

"You're not going to tell me you tripped down the stairs are you," he smirked.

"No," It came out defensively. Truthfully, I had been saving excuses in case anyone ever asked, but at that moment I couldn't think of any. It was the first time I'd made a mistake.

"Well if you don't want to tell me the truth, I'd rather you not say anything at all. BUT I'm telling you now if I ever catch anyone hurting you, I will take action." The tone of his voice both frightened me and made me feel protected. A feeling which was like such a distant memory.

"What makes you think someone did this to me? You'll feel bad when I tell you I have a skin condition. " I challenged.

"Skin conditions don't leave fingerprints sweetheart," he said matter-of-factly.

I was hoping he hadn't seen it clearly, but of course, he had. I felt like bursting into tears with embarrassment. This was why I hated to rush, I got careless and my secrets got out. Now someone knew something about me very personal and it was my own fault.

Deciding to take his advice and not answer, I adjusted my scarf, pulling it higher up my neck, and tried my best not to look like the child I felt like. I racked my brain, thinking of how I could have avoided this situation. I had a process; one I'd previously thought to be flawless. It was suspicious to wear turtlenecked shirts for a week straight so, I never wore them two days in a row. I also worked them into my wardrobe and wore them often and without incident. In fact, I wore very modest clothes in general, even in the summer months. If anyone saw skin, it was from the knee down. My fellow employees began to call me she-devil after I showed up to work on the hottest day of the year, covered head to toe, without an ounce of discomfort. If only they'd known the heat wasn't the worst pain, I felt that day.

Still, I didn't know how I would explain it to Charlie if he should ask again. Should I tell him to mind his own business? Should I tell him I'd done it to myself? Should I distance myself from him, like I did everyone else?

"Don't worry, I won't ask about it again," he kept his eyes on the road as he spoke, "but I will be paying attention". I didn't know if I should have felt relieved or more worried.

Fortunately, he changed the subject after that and never brought it back up throughout the day as promised. He had a switch, as I did, which allowed him to turn off the bad thoughts in his head as though they were never there. It made me wonder if he was more like me than I thought. I wondered if he had secrets too, things he wasn't proud of. If he was the moon, he had to have a dark side too.

Like the day before, we had a great time, spending more time joking off than training, although I got the feeling the job would come naturally to him. At the end of the day, I went to grab my purse and lock my office before leaving. I opened my office door, still laughing at whatever stupid thing Charlie had said. It was all but forgotten when I saw Leo standing behind my desk. He looked up at me and smiled, looking healthy and handsome. In fact, he radiated, if he were on a commercial a small sparkle would shine over his perfect teeth and in his clear eyes. I almost kicked myself for teaching him how to wear colors that brought out both his skin and eye color.

"Leo," I stated, trying to sound happy instead of whatever it was I really felt.

Affected or Infected.

"Surprise! I was feeling so well this afternoon, I decided to come to pick you up," he continued to smile.

"Well, I... uh," I stuttered. How was I going to tell him I had plans to ride with our new employee? How was I supposed to tell him I'd already hired a new employee, and he'd already started working?

"Jerrie are you ready to go?" Charlie knocked, opening my office door further and peeking in.

One problem down, but how would Leo react? I had never depended on anyone but him, and he'd always made it clear he liked it that way. His smile faded as he looked at Charlie, then at me, then back at Charlie before his smiled resurfaced, but not the one I knew to be genuine.

My blood ran cold, sending shivers up and down my body. Guilt washed over me. I had managed to piss him off before we had the chance to make up.

"You must be the man of the hour, Charlie, right? Leonardo Cordell." He spoke energetically, gesturing to himself with his left hand and coming from behind my desk holding his right out to shake.

"Yes, it's nice to finally meet you, Mr. Cordell. Sorry if I'm interrupting," Charlie shook Leo's hand after coming into the room.

"Call me Leo, I'm not some old, ruthless dictator. Jerrie has told me a lot about you, happy to have you working with us," Leo lied, grabbing my shoulder, and squeezing it like a stress toy.

In an effort not to wince, I forced myself to smile.

"Likewise, I've heard a lot about you too," I could hear the smile in Charlie's voice, but I wouldn't make eye contact or look at him at all.

"Good things I hope," Leo laughed but I knew he wasn't joking.

"Of course, of course. Well, I was checking to see if Jerrie still wanted a lift home, but since you're here..." Charlie trailed off, looking in my direction but I quickly looked at my phone, pretending to check the time or a notification.

"Depends, where do you live man?" Leo answered him, removing his grip from my shoulders to cross his arms inquisitively.

"A few miles west, off Elm Street," He informed.

"Near the hospital, right?" Charlie nodded, "Yeah... Jerrie lives six blocks from there," he chuckled, a silent warning shot from deep within his, chest low and rumbling like thunder.

It was most likely meant for me, but I felt the need to protect Charlie, who didn't know what he was facing. I exhaled distressingly, configuring my thoughts like lines of code, trying to find one containing fear, so I could promptly delete it.

"She's all yours!" he excitedly patted Charlie's shoulder.

I lifted my head slowly, not wanting to appear as shocked as I was. Leo directed his smile at me, and I was more surprised to find his genuine one.

It didn't put my mind at ease.

"Why didn't you start working for me sooner! I live another twenty minutes in the opposite direction, you would have saved me a lot of gas!" he joked.

"Well I'm new to the neighborhood, so I wouldn't have been much help before," Charlie chortled along.

"None of this would be a problem if someone would learn to drive," Leo pretended to whisper to Charlie, raising an eyebrow to me at the end.

I stood there for a moment frozen before it registered- Leo was giving me the cue to speak.

"Hey, I heard that," I chimed in with a gentle smile.

We all laughed as the surrounding air staled.

"Well you two get going, I'll lock up your office Jer," Leo handed me my purse and briefcase.

I took them without hesitation thanking him, for not making a scene rather than my things. There was no mistaking, Leo had his faults, being spoiled and bratty, but he never faltered in keeping up appearances. Maybe he could smell staleness rising like southerners could smell a summer rainstorm. After all, he had grown up in it.

Cool air hit my face and I exhaled, trying to keep my hands from shaking. Charlie and I had walked to his car in silence- or I was too spaced out to notice him talking. Nevertheless, he opened the door for me as always, which produced a burning sensation on the back of my head, probably paranoia intruding my thoughts, telling me Leo was watching this from my office. I refused to check and politely thanked Charlie.

Awkward had passed us by long ago and I wondered if my cover had been blown so soon. It wouldn't take a rocket scientist to decode the tension we'd left in the room. The moments went on and I thought about the insanity of how years of secrets could be ruined in two days. For so long two and two equaled four, it was simple addition until the sudden appearance of a variable turned it into algebra. It was an equation I wasn't used to, but it didn't mean it couldn't be solved. The key was to try.

"Wow, I didn't know you lived so close to me," I broke the silence, finally looking at Charlie. "Now I know the secret to your punctuality."

"What utter nonsense, I'm a very timely person actually!"

"Oh sure, everyone says that until GPS malfunctions and tells them to turn on an off-ramp," I giggled.

"Hey, I'm not the one who was stumbling out of their apartment this morning, remember."

I laughed but it was stiff, I'd almost forgotten the way I so clumsily exposed my secrets. I tried not to let the sadness cover my face, but I could tell Charlie began to recall it as well as his face twisted up into one of questioning. He opened his mouth with a sharp inhale, and I braced myself for the dreaded questions.

"So," He started, "Why don't you drive?"

"Oh," I said pleasantly surprised, "It's a boring story really, my parents died in an accident, so I never wanted to learn."

The car slowed to a halt at a red light and Charlie turned his face to me. The lowering sun turned his brown eyes into a glowing amber, accentuating his wide-eyed expression.

"A boring story, seriously? I can't wait to read your good ones, then" he scoffed.

"Sorry," I laughed, "It's been a long time, so I'm pretty numb to the subject".

He hummed with understanding, "Do you have any siblings, aunts, uncles..."

"No, just me... and my grandmother, but she' lives in a nursing home near the beach."

"You know what, you're right, this is no Greek tragedy," he quipped, "wait, you're not being haunted by your father's ghost in any way are you?"

I smiled at the Shakespeare reference, "I don't think so".

"Yeah, then it's a yawner."

My laughter died down and it left us in another silent spell, but more comfortable than the last.

"Oh Right!" Charlie exclaimed, breaking through the block of silence like an Ax, just about cutting my air supply. "Big Carly!"

"Who?" I asked still clutching the fabric of my pants and trying to slow my heart rate.

"Big Carly's Burgers, you've never been there?" I shook my head. "It's this cool looking retro diner I pass every day. On Saturdays, it's packed and there's always a line out the door. The thought of going in there has been looming in my mind since I moved to the neighborhood. Would you mind going with me?"

"Oh um, I don't eat diner-type food..."

"Alright, you won't have to order anything, I hate going to restaurants alone, you know?"

I did know. Nothing in the world seems as lonely as eating alone in public. And I'd had years of experience in the matter.

"Sure," I smiled.

"Whoo! Big Carly, here we come!"

As Charlie promised, the restaurant was wonderfully nostalgic. I was sure many movies had to have had a scene or two filmed there. It was a wonder I'd never heard of it. Then again, I didn't get out much. A cheerful statue of someone who was surely Big Carly, stood at the entrance with a welcome sign, and crossing her threshold transported us back into a simpler time. We reached the colorful neon order counter and Charlie exasperatedly looked over the plentiful menu, his mouth watering as he read the descriptions aloud. I scanned the walls, seeing the celebrity faces standing next to Big Carly over the years. Something about it was strangely familiar, and warm.

"And you sweetheart?" The middle-aged waitress alerted me.

"E-Excuse me?" I stuttered

"What will you have?"

"Oh," I said beginning to panic, I wasn't planning to order but the warm expression on the older lady's face put the pressure on, "do you have lemonade?" I asked in a faintly audible whisper.

"We sure do, freshly squeezed," she beamed, "anything else?"

My eyes shifted back to the menu, trying to figure out the lowest calorie item on it when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up to meet Charlie's smiling eyes.

"I think she's done," He answered, and I guiltily nodded my head in agreement.

"Well alright then," The waitress looked between us, suspicion on her face," Have a seat and I'll bring it right out".

"I thought you weren't getting anything," Charlie questioned as we sat down at a nearby table.

"Oh, yeah, I guess I got thirsty," my eyes averted as I put on an awkward smile.

Charlie stayed quiet for a moment, which made me look up out of curiosity and once I had, his head flew back while a laugh erupted from his chest.

I cocked my head to the side, trying to figure out if I'd missed out on a joke or if he was simply insane.

"It's alright to say you're shy you know," he said once he calmed down, "nothing to be embarrassed about."

"It's that obvious huh," I let a breathy giggle escape as I looked down again, fidgeting with the sugar packets on the table.

"Dreadfully so, I can't imagine why your employees call you..." he trailed off, realizing what he was going to say.

"It's alright," I chuckled artlessly, "I know what they call me. I didn't think it would spread to you so fast." I mumbled the last part.

"They all flocked to me in the breakroom, trying to figure out how I managed to get the big bad boss lady to smile."

My brows knitted together ready to defend myself, hoping he'd understand, I wasn't some horrible boss torturing every employee but him. Hoping he didn't think he would eventually see me as the she-devil as well.

Those thoughts were abruptly interrupted by our waitress sitting my glass of lemonade on the table. Prompting me to close my mouth.

"Don't stop flirting on my account," she winked, noticing our sudden silence.

"No," I rushed to say, "We weren't flirting. We're simply friends... co-workers... well, actually I'm his boss..." I babbled, feeling beads of sweat start to form on my forehead.

"We're not dating," Charlie clarified, saving me again. "Now Debbie,” he smirked, reading her nametag, “if you wanted to know if I was single, you could have just asked"

"Oh please," she scoffed, "I have cats older than you". None of us could resist a light giggle. "Your food will be out in a minute." She informed before sauntering off to help other customers.

"Don't worry," Charlie spoke, "I told my co-workers you were much nicer than you appear."

"I'm sure that went over well," I scoffed.

"Have you ever tried to convince someone with arachnophobia spiders are more afraid of them? It was a bit like that."

"Great, now people have Jerrie-phobia, I have nothing to worry about at all," I said sarcastically, making Charlie laugh again.

"Where was this attitude when Debbie was around!"

"I don't know, I'm shy remember," I said as bashfully as I could, batting my eyelashes.

"Don't ever do that again," Charlie snorted.

"Did it look as horrible as it felt?" I questioned laughing, Charlie nodded emphatically.

Debbie was back out with Charlie's food a minute later, which Charlie inhaled with great delight. Since we insisted, we were not a couple, Debbie separated our orders, which I was thankful for. It was best to keep boundaries as a boss. I couldn't let my comfort with Charlie override my responsibilities. Though I felt Charlie had no issues with the dynamic, it's always better to be proactive.

I loved the weightlessness I felt, talking to someone who didn't have the stain of judgment, rumor, gross innuendo or pity on their face. People's feelings were almost aromatic, you could smell it on them like cheap cologne. My nose rejected those scents like an allergy, shutting my systems down before a word was spoken. I'd convinced myself it was a part of my ever-growing list of paranoia’s, but if it were, why didn't I smell it on Charlie? Why hadn't I shut down, not for a single second?

"Have fun?" I heard a voice call from the dark.

I had mindlessly sauntered into my apartment while deep into my thoughts, only to get the shock of my life. A light flipped on, deeply shadowing Leo's eyes, accentuating the sharp lines of his bone structure and showcasing his obvious anger.

I almost wished it was a stranger instead.

My heart was iced over from the utter shock. 3 1/2 years I have lived in the loft, and not one single time had Leo ever stepped inside of it. Or so I'd thought. Seeing him lounging comfortably in my rarely used living room, of which he never had a key, skepticism saturated my mind.

"You're eating burgers now Jer?" he spat as he began to approach me, the light leaving his face the further he strayed from the lamp.

I stood still, my feet planted to the floor, sinking into the quicksand of my brain. He closed in on me, a dark expression, the darkest I'd ever seen, covered his face, followed by what could only be described as a growl. My breath hitched in my closing throat, and I closed my eyes bracing myself for some sort of impact. The door slammed behind me instead, leaving my body unharmed but my mind unhinged. Tears dropped from my eyes when I opened them again, my body shaking, resembling a cold Chihuahua.

"I come here..." Leo began to whisper from behind me, "to make sure my girlfriend has gotten home safely, after riding with some stranger, to find not only is she not here, but she's out on a date with him and using MY money to do it!" I could hear his teeth clenching together as he spoke.

"I-It's not..." I squeaked.

"No, you shut up!" He bellowed, moving in front of me again, yanking my purse off my shoulder in the process.

He opened it, plucking out my wallet before dropping it carelessly to the ground. Walking backward, watching me, commanding me not to move before he turned on the main light switch, lighting up the room further. My eyes adjusted to see him holding my bank card in one hand and a pair of scissors in the other. I stepped forward with pleading, watery eyes as I realized my worst fear was coming into fruition. My mouth opened to beg but no sound would come out. His eyes were focused on mine as he cut off the edge of my card. I dropped my head and let the tears flow freely. The sharp sound of metal rubbing together followed by plastic hitting the hardwood floor could still be heard. They drew closer with what I knew was his footsteps until I could feel the heat of his body beside me.

"You sure as hell better hope Charlie will take you to work from now on, I wouldn't want to have to fire you."

"H-how am I supposed to live without any money?" I cried.

"Not my problem," He hissed before slamming the door behind him, rattling the pictures on my walls.