Читать книгу Shadows Of Acceptance - Nancy Inc. Rockey - Страница 5

“The greatest terror a child can have is that he is not loved, and rejection is the hell he fears. I think that everyone in the world to a large or small extent has felt rejection. And with rejection comes anger, and with anger some kind of crime in revenge for the rejection, and with the crime – guilt - and there is the story of mankind.”

(The Rejected. 10). Evoy, John Joseph

Picture it. You were given away at birth by a father who wouldn’t even claim you as his, or by a mother who was so young that she had no idea about the needs of an infant, had no ability to meet those needs if she did know them. Perhaps she didn’t really want the responsibility of raising a child. She may have wished to have an abortion but didn’t have the money to have it done. She may have even tried to abort you herself by means that had been suggested to her by others, but her attempts were unsuccessful. Maybe she was unmarried and/or so young that she knew she should tell her parents but was scared to death to confess the truth, for fear of the putdowns and demands she would get from them. She could have been so totally caught up in the trauma of an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy that she had no thought of connecting with the child in her womb and probably wouldn’t have known how to anyway. Most women don’t, regardless of age or status.

The human brain is designed to see to it that the mind and the body will survive at all costs. As a result, through the years the brain will develop techniques to keep the human alive and functioning. In the first two years of life, when the mind is like a giant sponge that soaks in information, your style of attachment was developed. The choice you made was dependent on your mother and father’s abilities to bond to you in the womb. It became a survival technique, designed to protect you from the results of wounding. Each of the self-protective techniques you may have developed carries a price. In addition to difficult future relationships, came the current cost of dealing with personal attitudes and feelings that may not serve you well now.

When a child is abandoned by birth parents, even while still in the womb, that child, unable to articulate the pain it feels, develops several reactions to its experience of being alone. Abandonment can mean actually giving the child up for adoption, to foster care, or even just leaving the infant on someone’s doorstep or in a dumpster, emotionally abandoning or ignoring the child while still being physically present, leaving the child orphaned due to death or divorce, having extended periods of absence of one or both parents due to work-related concerns, removing love and acceptance from the child because of its birth being inconvenient to the parents, being disappointed by the sex of the child, or being pre-occupied with marital strife, addictions or other pursuits. Our shadows, our resulting feelings and behaviors, owe their birth to the light of our beginnings.