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Preface to the Revised Edition

Many seasons have passed since I wrote the first Preface. Much water has flowed down our river. Many walks along it have occurred. Many trips down the river on tubes and in canoes have been enjoyed. Our children have been raised and are now out in the much bigger world. We have aged and wear glasses and get discounts for being senior citizens. We are well and strong.

I am well and strong. And so is Disentangle.

In fact, Disentangle has reached such a level of good health that a dream of mine has come true: Disentangle has been picked up by a traditional, a.k.a. “real,” publisher, and I am very pleased to say that it is Central Recovery Press (CRP). You know that already, because if you now have the book in your hands and are reading this, it has been released by CRP. This is a major success for me and my book.

It has been seven years since I wrote the first Preface after walking with my friend, Sally, along the river. That day we were speaking about my releasing the book through various forms of self-publishing. Much has happened with Disentangle since that day to develop and support the book’s success and bring it into this broader, professional market. There are many stories and people along the way who have supported and fostered the growth of this project, and to each of them I am extremely grateful. And I am amazed at how this book and its contents have blossomed into more ideas, tools, and opportunities. Here is some of this story over these years.

When I finished writing Disentangle, I sent it to several traditional publishers for consideration for publication. One publisher expressed strong interest in it twice but never chose to accept it. I found their near-acceptance encouraging, and, of course, I believed strongly in the value of this material, so I pursued self-publication. I let go of the desire and need to have someone else publish the book and went about my business of helping to relay and teach this information to interested others.

Initially the book was printed by an office supply store and had a plastic spiral binding. A local bookstore owner was more than willing to put it on her shelves, and we had a successful book signing for the public. People bought it in her store and in my office. I realized that the form of the book easily lent itself to conducting workshops on it, and I began to do just that in my office as an additional aspect of my clinical practice. All sorts of individuals found the book and came to these workshops. I started to see that what I anticipated was true—the book has broad appeal and application. The list of people I write about on the second page of the book are the people who were drawn in by its title and who became excited about the way the Disentangle approach is constructed.

By March 2004 I had upgraded the form of the book by working with a professional self-publishing company that helped me to design and construct a bound copy of the book that could be ordered on demand. That worked very well, and over these years around 1,200 copies of Disentangle have been sold in that self-published version. The local bookstore owner again sponsored a book signing for this new release, and interest from readers continued to show up, individual by individual.

With a professionally bound book in my hands and a history of conducting workshops based on its concepts, tools, and techniques, I decided to branch out beyond my wonderful and receptive community to the broader world. I was accepted to present some of the book’s material at a statewide conference. The response by attendees was very strong—so strong that I was surprised. I had standing room only in the session, sold all of the books I had brought, and had a number of people speaking with me after the session. One person in particular, who worked in an employee assistance program (EAP) setting, was so positive and eager for the material in Disentangle that she connected me with a regional EAP conference at which I presented shortly thereafter.

I presented the Disentangle approach at numerous other conferences over the next three to four years. I learned that one successful presentation builds on another, that I would meet people at one conference who would connect me with another opportunity to present. I presented to mental health counselors, addiction counselors, guidance counselors, EAP counselors, doctors, nurses, and unit staff for hospitals, treatment centers, and prisons.

Now I don’t want to sound like I was out on a full-time lecture or presentation circuit by any means. At the most, I would present five to six times per year at various and wonderful places on the East Coast. I continued to be a full-time counselor in my private practice, a mother, and a wife. I had no agent or staff, and so I did what I could produce by my self. And it was plenty.

As I said above, I was surprised by the strong and positive interest in Disentangle at these presentations. I know the importance of its material both personally and professionally. Importance is actually an understatement. Imperative is more the word for me; to be able to disentangle is imperative for my serenity and growth. It was true then when I wrote the book; it is still true now. But what I have been writing about and presenting on is known generally as “codependence,” and that word and its meaning can be controversial and often misunderstood. Thus, when I find out that my workshops and presentations are full even though I am not a “known” presenter, I realize that the topics of codependence and tangled relationships have brought people into the room. I am very glad about that. We may not want to look at our relationship tangles, our codependence, but not doing so leaves us vulnerable to others and to our self in a chronically unhealthy way.

In doing these workshops and presentations, I found another way to apply the material in Disentangle—I have used it to help my self as a presenter and teacher. I have had to see the reality of how much I can and cannot present in a workshop or conference session, the reality of how people may or may not respond to the material, and the reality of how the session may or may not go as planned. I have used detachment to listen and observe when people are expressing a view or idea different from mine. I constantly have to employ boundaries as I consider the time allotted for the session and the material I have to present. And spirituality is there with me as I deal with my anxiety about being up in front of people, as I let go of my attachment to wanting to make something happen for each person there, and as I settle into the flow of when and where I will be asked to present again, not forcing solutions but doing my part and letting go.

Now Central Recovery Press has made it possible for you to have this book, for it to be available to a much broader world. How did this happen? Through the flow of life, of course. I was simply minding my business in the fall of 2009, seeing clients and returning phone calls. One of those calls was a client wanting some information about the use of medications to treat addictions. I said I had just seen an article in a professional magazine on this topic. I said I would look it up and get back with the client about that information. I immediately did so. In the process of looking through the magazine, I found an announcement about Central Recovery Treatment and specifically about Central Recovery Press. I thought, “I don’t know this press. What is this press about?” I made a note to look it up on the Internet that night. And I did.

I was immediately excited about the possibility of submitting Disentangle to them for consideration for publication. I had not done such a submission since the early years of the book. I was not looking for a publisher. I had just gone ahead with my work and with my work with the book over those years. And then, when the time was right and when I was ready, the publisher appeared and accepted.

Thanks to Central Recovery Press’s willingness to publish Disentangle and the excellent support and guidance of my editors there, Nancy Schenck and Dan Mager, you too are now in the flow of this project, a project that offers each of us the opportunity to not lose our self in someone else but rather to connect with our self, strengthen our self, interact with others in ways healthier for our self, and gain greater serenity for our self.

Yesterday I was again tubing on the river with my husband and some of our close friends, among them Sally. And once again, at the end of our ride down the river, we were walking back on the river path carrying our tubes and talking about the soon-to-be release of Disentangle by Central Recovery Press. As my husband and friends spoke with me about this wonderful evolution of the book, I felt their love and support. And I felt my own love and support, grateful for all that I am learning, and loving the flow of the river and of my life.

Nancy L. Johnston July, 2010