Читать книгу New Year, New Man - Natalie Anderson - Страница 15

Chapter Eight

Josh sat through dinner with a chip on his shoulder and a pit in his stomach that prevented him from enjoying any of the delicious food April had prepared. Not so for his friends, who dug into heaping dishes of enchiladas and all the trimmings with the gusto of a pack of NFL linebackers.

What ate at his gut even more was the way Noah and Manny continued to flirt with Sara right in front of his face. Her rich, musical laughter filled the dining room as she immediately slid into the rhythm of their close circle as if she’d been a part of it for years.

That got him, too, because she was so different from any of the girls he’d met on the circuit. The ones he’d known his buddies to date throughout the years. The “buckle bunnies,” as they were called, were a special brand of groupies, and it was rare to find a true love, like Dave and Brandy, when you were on the road in cheap motels and seedy diners for weeks at a time.

He took another pull on his beer and groaned inwardly when he heard the front door slam shut. One more complication for his evening.

“Daddy? Sara? Whose truck is that in the driveway?”

Claire came into the dining room, and out of the corner of his eye, Josh saw Bryson sit up straighter.

Down boy, Josh thought to himself, giving a mental eye roll at how much he sounded like an old geezer.

He got out of his chair to stand next to Claire. “Claire, I think you’ve met Dave and Brandy. The guy who looks like his twin is his little brother, Noah. That’s Manny at the end of the table and Bryson next to him. Everyone, this is my daughter, Claire.” He pointed a finger in Bryson’s direction. “Off-limits,” he ordered, placing a protective arm around Claire’s shoulders.

“Dad,” Claire said with a groan, “don’t embarrass me.”

“Hi, sweetie,” Brandy crooned. “It’s so good to see you again.”

“Hey.” Claire gave a small wave and shifted uncomfortably next to him. “I’ll just go up to my room.”

He wondered what could be wrong with Claire. There wasn’t a more welcoming group than this bunch, but he got the sense that Claire was ready to bolt. Sara stood before Josh could answer. Her eyes met his for a brief second before she turned to Claire. “Did you have a good time with your friend?”

“Sure, I guess.”

“Come and sit next to me. We can be newbies to this group together.”

After a little push from Josh, Claire shuffled toward Sara and sank into the empty chair next to her.

Noah took up the conversation without a beat. “Did you hear about the last event?” he asked Josh.

“I don’t get a lot of bull-riding news out here,” Josh said without emotion. “And that’s the way I—”

“It was awesome, man. I rode Big Mabel and after six seconds she really let loose. I hung on like never before, legs back and chin down just like you taught me. You wouldn’t believe the high. I was in the zone like never before. You have no idea.”

“I have an idea,” Josh grumbled as he took his seat again.

“Five thousand dollars, dude. The biggest purse this season and it was all mine.”

Manny leaned over and thumped Noah on the head. “Shut up, amigo.”

“No, it’s fine.” Josh took another drink of his beer. “I want to hear everything.” He turned to Bryson. “How’s your first season going?”

Sara rubbed her hand along Claire’s back as she kept one eye on Josh. “Are we still going shopping this weekend?” she asked quietly.

“Sure.”

“What’s wrong, honey?”

“Do you think they blame me for what happened to Dad? I mean, maybe they hate me. It was my fault he—”

“Stop,” Sara said, hoping to soothe the young girl before Josh noticed her distress. “What happened to your dad wasn’t your fault. We’ve been over this. These are his friends. I think he’d want you to enjoy tonight, not to beat yourself up.”

“You’re right.” Claire smiled, although it looked more like a grimace.

Sara laughed softly. “That’s a start.” She grabbed the plate of brownies April had brought out a few minutes earlier. “Let me share something I’ve learned over the years. Chocolate is often the best medicine.”

Claire’s smile turned genuine. “I like that philosophy.”

With Claire happily nibbling on the brownie, Sara turned her attention back to Josh. His full focus was on Bryson as he nodded at something the young bull rider said. To a casual observer he’d looked relaxed, but Sara noticed the tension that radiated from his jawline down through his shoulders. His fingers gripped the beer bottle with a white-knuckled grasp.

It must be so difficult for him to listen to stories from a new crop of bull riders. She knew what it was like to have failure tap you on the shoulder and ask for advice in the form of a new generation of rising stars.

Sara stood without thinking. “How about a game of charades?” Everyone at the table looked at her like she’d grown a horn. “You know, the game?” she clarified.

Continued silence and stares. Finally Dave cleared his throat. “Cowboys don’t usually play parlor games, darlin’.”

Of course not. Sara felt color creep into her cheeks once again. She glanced at Josh, who’d finally loosened his grip on the beer bottle. Too bad for the cowboys, she thought. If it could keep these guys distracted and give Josh a little breathing room, she’d push them into it one way or another.

She leaned over the table toward Dave. “What’s the matter? Afraid of being beat by a girl?”

Brandy gave a quiet snort of laughter. “I’m on Sara’s team,” she announced.

“Women against men,” April added as she came into the room. “Perfect.”

Josh pushed away from the table. “I don’t think—”

Sara made squawking noises and flapped her elbows.

Josh’s eyes widened. “Are you calling me a chicken?”

Sara smiled broadly. “If the feathers fit.”

“Come on, boys,” Josh ordered. “Into the family room. These ladies are begging to be trounced.”

“Charades,” Dave mumbled, but stood without argument. “This has to be a first.”

“Should I come, too?” Claire asked.

“It wouldn’t be a girls’ team without you,” Sara told her, meeting Josh’s gaze for a brief second. She thought she saw gratitude and maybe a little relief before his mask snapped into place.

“Let’s do this.” He hustled the other bull riders out of the dining room, grumbling all the way.

* * *

Sara didn’t make it back to her cabin until close to eleven, way past her bedtime with the early-morning hours on the ranch. She’d helped April clean up in the kitchen after Brandy and Claire had gone to bed, leaving the guys to relive old stories around the fire pit on the side patio.

To her surprise, Ryan had seemed to find his place in the overtestosteroned group, happily sharing stories of which Hollywood starlets had what body parts surgically enhanced.

She smiled to herself at the stories she could tell if she wanted, then jumped at a noise from the trees next to her front door.

“Heart-attack central over here,” she squeaked as Josh stepped out of the darkness.

“Sorry.” He didn’t look sorry. He looked big and gorgeous in his soft flannel shirt, faded jeans and boots. A light was on in her cabin, its glow illuminating the front step enough for her to see him clearly.

Late-night stubble shadowed his jaw, defining it even more and making her wonder how that roughness would feel across her skin. She quickly pulled her mind away from that train of thought. No good could come from there.

“Expecting someone else?” he asked.

“Yogi Bear?” she answered, still trying to catch her breath. “Or Grizzly Adams, maybe?”

One corner of his mouth hitched up, matching the catch in her throat. “Noah likes you.”

“I got the impression Noah likes anyone with breasts and a pulse.”

That drew a laugh from him. “Probably. The question is, do you like him?”

Something in his tone of voice put her on edge. “I don’t think that’s any of your business.” She took a step toward her door but he blocked the path.

“It is if you’re going to mix business with pleasure.”

She eyed him for a moment then swallowed, too tired to play games or even put up a fight. “I’m not interested in Noah.”

He watched her.

“Or Manny. Or Bryson.”

He continued to stare.

She huffed out a breath. “I’m not after your friends. Why do I feel like there’s still a problem?”

He blinked several times then mumbled, “Thank you.”

“I’m having trouble following you.”

“For tonight. You made Claire feel comfortable, and I have a feeling you suggested the stupid game to do the same for me.”

“Everyone had fun playing the game,” she said, letting a little temper seep into her voice. “I was just keeping the guests entertained. I’m sure you can handle your own feelings.”

“You’re right—it wasn’t stupid. We did have fun. Because of you.”

The cool night air licked across her bare arms and goose bumps tickled her skin in its wake. She took another deep breath, hoping the scent of the surrounding mountains would calm her. Josh’s gaze fell to her chest, which had the exact opposite effect on her jumbled emotions.

His eyes squeezed shut. “I don’t know how to do this.”

“Do what?”

“Want you so badly and not act on it.”

She knew that feeling. “There are a lot of reasons we shouldn’t be together.”

He nodded but said, “Tell me why I shouldn’t kiss you right now.”

Every shred of rational thought dissolved from her brain. Without meaning to, she swayed a tiny bit closer to him. “I don’t want to.”

“You don’t want to kiss me?”

“I don’t want to give you a reason not to,” she said on a shaky laugh.

He laced his fingers with hers and tugged her closer. With his other hand he cupped the back of her head, bringing her mouth against his. Like before, his kiss mesmerized her. Her defenses, her protective walls—everything inside her loosened and traveled south to parts of her body that hadn’t been lit up for years. Those bits were glowing now as he claimed her, pulling her against him and deepening the kiss.

A shiver ran across her back and he wrapped his arms tightly around her. She snuggled into the heat that radiated from his body, losing herself in his spicy scent.

Tugging at the hem of her T-shirt, his warm hands pressed against her skin for several minutes before his fingers worked at her bra strap. Yes, yes, yes, her reawakened senses shouted in her head. At the same time, a trickle of unease danced across her conscience.

Darned conscience.

She didn’t do casual flings. That was one of the few standards she’d held true to, both in and out of the spotlight. L.A. was filled with relationships built on nothing more than mutual attraction and soul-crushing loneliness. Sara hadn’t given her body or her heart in a moment of weakness in the past. She wasn’t going to let her hormones take over now. She knew how badly that could play out in the morning, and she wouldn’t risk her pride, no matter how good it felt.

The silent snap of her bra opening brought her fully to her right mind.

“Stop.” She wasn’t sure if she’d said the word out loud until Josh’s hands stilled on her waist.

He buried his face in the side of her neck. “Is this what you call a dramatic pause?” he asked, his voice ragged.

“We shouldn’t do this.”

“I hope you mean we should take it inside your cabin instead.”

Sara gave him a small push and he immediately moved back. “I mean, the two of us is a bad idea for a lot of reasons.”

“If I’d known you’d actually muster an argument, I’m not sure I would have asked the question.”

“What do you want out of this summer, Josh?”

He tilted his head, massaged his thumb and index finger above his eyes. “Money,” he answered simply.

“Is that all?”

“Give me a break on the twenty questions, Sara. My brain isn’t firing on all cylinders right now.” He sighed. “I want a future for Claire and me. I want this ranch to feel like home for her.”

She nodded and tried not to admit that the truth in his words stung. She was used to not being a priority to anyone, even herself. But it still hurt to hear it out loud. “It’s about Claire for you. For me it’s about a second chance of a different kind.”

In a way, things had been easier in California. The day-to-day struggle to make ends meet had left her little time to ponder the sad state of the rest of her life. Now that she had that time, it was up to her to protect herself. No one else was going to.

She liked to believe that her grandma would have fought for Sara if her mother hadn’t made sure they never returned to Crimson. Maybe her grandmother would have been the positive role model Sara had so desperately needed.

She wanted to think that was why Gran had left her the house. An olive branch of sorts. Sara had no intention of letting it go to waste.

“I want the money and the fresh start it will give me. I’m going to get it one way or another. Even if that means...”

The lingering heat in his eyes went instantly frosty. “Even if that means crushing my future to guarantee your own.”

“I want both of us to get what we want. I really do. But at the end of the summer, that might not be possible. I’m going to sell this house. I hope it’s to you. I’m working to make sure that happens. But getting involved is a complication I’m not willing to risk.”

“And that’s what this is? A complication?”

“I don’t know. I think so.”

“What about Claire?”

“I’d never hurt Claire. You know that.”

“She feels close to you. It will break her heart if you throw us over.”

“That’s not fair, Josh. Whatever happens, I’ve been honest about my intentions. I’m not going to mess with you and Claire.”

“Why does it feel like you already are?”

His anger felt like a slap in the face.

“You don’t understand.”

“Explain it to me, then.” Frustration radiated off him, hitting her like rolling waves.

She opened her mouth but couldn’t think of how to tell him how scared she was. How frightened her feelings for him and his daughter made her.

As she’d done so often in her life, she took the coward’s way out. “It’s late. We’re both tired. You should go.”

“That’s what you want?”

No, no, no. “Yes.” She stepped aside to let him pass.

He moved past her, but at the last moment, swept her into his arms and claimed her mouth in a kiss she felt all the way to her toes. When he finally released her, she stumbled back against the door of the cabin, her knees as wobbly as a newborn foal.

He didn’t look any more in control than she did, but his voice was steady as he told her, “You think too much, Hollywood,” before turning and disappearing back into the darkness.