Читать книгу Nicky & Lou - Nataniël - Страница 8

Doctor Friedland was sitting in his office, not sure about lunch. He lifted the corner of the sandwich and looked at the tuna inside. The door opened and Paulson Paulson walked in.

We make appointments, said Doctor Friedland.

Completing this assignment has changed my life, said Paulson, I’m not coming back, but you can read it.

He put two sheets of paper on the desk and left. This is what he wrote:

When I was ten years old I came home one day and found my mother sitting with Elizabeth Nel. She was a small, wiry woman who was addicted to playing tennis although she had never been to Wimbledon and could only beat senior citizens.

You have to take him, she said to my mother, You have to take your child to God or He will strike you!

That Saturday my mother took me to a wedding. Albert Richter was getting married to a girl. He stood in front in a dark suit and pointed shoes. His hair was combed backwards and his teeth were very white, he looked like something in a magazine. Then the organ started playing and bundles of white fabric came down the aisle, it looked like a bee keeper had exploded.

That’s when I realised what was about to happen. Inside the white thing was a person who was going to grab Albert Richter, take all his money and make him fat and tired and old like all the other men. I burst into tears and cried until we got home.

The next day I could hear Elizabeth Nel from the sitting room.

A wedding? she screamed, That is not the presence of God! That is a circus, a social event! Take him to a real service!

The next Sunday we went to church again. There were hundreds of people on the benches and a choir on the gallery. Candles were burning all over the pulpit, on the floor in front of it and all over the stairs.

Mother leaned over to a woman.

When did this place go Catholic? she said.

No, said the woman, It is a Singing Service.

Then the preacher arrived in a black robe and everybody started singing. They sang song after song. They knew all the words and all the tunes. I looked at Mother, we were the only people who didn’t know anything. My ears started burning.

When did they learn all this? I thought, Why were we left out?

The preacher waved his arms and sang like he was begging for food. There were too many candles. First his robe caught fire and then the velvet behind him. He did not notice, nor did the choir on the gallery, they just kept singing in the flames. A year earlier I had seen a black-and-white movie called The Vampires of Morleyville, now it was right in front of me. I burst into tears and cried until we got home.

The next week my grandfather died. By now I was so scared of going to church that I did not want to go to the funeral. Then mother told me we were all going to wear black. I was so happy. Brown, blue and green were for children and idiots, now I could wear black like a grown-up.

At the funeral things got even better, Grandfather was lying in front in his coffin. Somebody had put make-up on his face. He looked better than when he was alive. I decided that when I grew up I would always wear a little make-up.

The new preacher was a friendly man, the previous one was still in hospital.

Dear friends, he said, We are saying farewell to a father and a grandfather.

I looked around and saw Elizabeth Nel sitting across the aisle. She was looking at me with her vicious little tennis eyes.

We know he is in a better place, said the preacher.

May the bastard burn in hell, said Grandmother, Let’s go and eat.

Let us not judge, said the preacher.

He has not cheated on you, said Grandmother.

Let us forgive, said the preacher.

Fine, said Grandmother, But just him, he’s dead.

Then she got up and walked straight to Elizabeth Nel.

Slut, she said and slapped Elizabeth so hard you could hear it echo.

Since then I have been back to church many times. That is where I first wore black and became an equal. That is where I watched Elizabeth Nel disappear for good. That is where I first experienced everything that my life has become. Trust and mistrust. Happiness and fear. Judgement and forgiveness. And learning all the words to all the songs. So that my ears would never burn from feeling left out again.

(from the Coronåtion stage production, 2009)