Читать книгу Dead Inside - Noelle Holten - Страница 8

Lucy came downstairs and looked at Patrick. He was slumped in the chair with his hand wrapped around a can of lager and – for one appalling moment – Lucy hoped he was dead. She shook the thought from her head in disgust and focused instead on her busy morning. He was supposed to take Siobhan to school. Lucy told him last night that she had an early meeting with one of her offenders. She sighed.

Getting angry at Patrick was a waste of energy – it never achieved anything. With her parents and sister coming to dinner later, Lucy could do without anymore stress. All she wanted was for Patrick to be semi-sober and civil. Not too much to ask, or so she thought.

Seeing Patrick now, Lucy couldn’t explain what had drawn her to him in the first place. She supposed it was the usual things – cheeky smile, piercing eyes, and a charismatic personality. But it was what he was like behind closed doors that scared her. As a probation officer, Lucy knew all the signs – the I’m sorrys, it won’t happen again; I love you so much … the list of excuses was long and never-ending. Despite this, she still found herself unable to leave.

Lucy left the room and walked back upstairs, pushing Siobhan’s bedroom door open. She looked over at the bed and paused.

Social services had placed Siobhan in the care of Patrick, giving Lucy temporary special guardianship. The court battles were expensive and emotionally hard to endure, but Lucy wouldn’t have changed a thing. She loved Siobhan as her own.

Lucy tiptoed inside and shut the door behind her, looking around at the room. The pink walls and plush carpet were Siobhan’s choice, and matched her duvet perfectly. Her eyes fell on a photo of Siobhan’s grandparents, standing outside their house.

Ten-year-old Siobhan still had supervised contact with Becky Parks, her mother. She would spend most weekends at her maternal grandparent’s house, where Becky could go and visit. Lucy was fortunate to have forged a reasonably good relationship with Becky’s parents, Ed and Maria Parks. Although it was initially strained, they seemed to understand why their daughter needed to be kept away from solely raising Siobhan.

Lucy made excuses for herself. Reasons why she stayed, because to believe that she’d allow this to happen to herself was incomprehensible. Taking on Patrick’s daughter played a large part in Lucy staying in the relationship. Siobhan was the result of Patrick’s toxic past with Becky Parks – an alcoholic and pretty vile creature-of-a-woman, whose voice could send a shiver down your spine. But it wasn’t all bad; there were some good days with Patrick, when the house was filled with laughter, and Lucy even felt a little bit of love. She knew that things weren’t perfect, but she had made the decision to stay, so now she just had to deal with it.

Lucy crouched down next to the bed and gently pulled back the covers. ‘Siobhan, wake up, sleepyhead! Daddy is poorly, so I’m taking you to school today, OK?’

Siobhan rustled in her bed. ‘OK.’

Lucy headed back to her own room to get ready for work, knowing Siobhan could get dressed without any fuss. Lucy planned on leaving Patrick a note to remind him about their dinner plans. Picking up her mobile, she texted Sarah Hardy, her friend and colleague at Markston Probation, to let her know she was on her way.

Lucy looked in the mirror and stopped. She nearly cried, something that was becoming a bit of a habit. Once silky, her hair was now a greasy mess – always pulled back in a bun or ponytail. Eyes that previously held a mischievous sparkle, were dull and puffy. Looking herself up and down, she saw an overweight, frumpy woman who chose oversized jumpers and cheap trousers to hide her body and make herself less attractive.

Lucy was finally beginning to realize that she had gradually cocooned herself in a protective shell. Withdrawn from friends, family, and neighbours, she had become someone she no longer recognized – or liked. Although she remained happy and assertive at work, at home – she glanced again in the mirror – she had become this person.

Snapping out of self-pity mode, Lucy knew she needed to get a move on, and Sarah would only cover for so long. Lucy had a supervision session booked for 9:00 a.m. and she hated being late – it didn’t set a good example for those she supervised, especially when she was constantly reminding them they were breaching the conditions of their order or licence if they didn’t show up on time.

After dropping Siobhan off at school, she arrived at the office with twenty minutes to spare. She rushed past Sarah, thanked her, and threw her coat over her chair. She logged into her computer and opened up her emails.

‘Everything OK, Lucy?’

She gave Sarah a thumbs up and hoped she wouldn’t ask anymore questions. She noticed a red-flagged email identifying a ‘Transfer from an Out of Area Probation Office’ waiting for a response. It would have to wait a little longer, because her desk phone buzzed to announce the arrival of her first appointment of the day. Lucy gathered her notes, made her way to the printer, and picked up the warning letter she had just printed off for Robert Millard. Taking a deep breath, she headed for reception.

Robert wasn’t going to be happy today, in fact, his mood may end up being worse than hers.