Читать книгу The Historical Child - Oscar Chrisman - Страница 63

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The Chinese have an old maxim that "a woman is thrice dependent; before marriage, on her father; after marriage, on her husband; when a widow, on her son." But this refers, no doubt, principally to support and subsistence, as the mother was greatly respected and had much authority for even "the emperor himself performs the ceremonies of the ko-tow before his own mother, who receives them seated on a throne."70 This power of the mother was carried to the daughter-in-law, for after marriage the girl was no longer a daughter but a daughter-in-law and for a considerable part of her life she was under the absolute control of a mother-in-law. Cruel treatment was the rule rather than the exception and the only way out was through suicide, and suicide and attempts at suicide on the part of wives were so frequent as to cause but little comment. Christianity requires a man to leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, but Confucianism requires a man to cleave to his father and mother and compels the wife to do the same. The sale of wives and children was not uncommon. "It is perfectly well known to those acquainted with the facts, that during several recent years in many districts stricken with famine, the sale of women and children was conducted as openly as that of mules and donkeys, the only essential difference being that the former were not driven to market."71

Modesty was deemed so essential in the female character that it was considered indecorous in women of birth and breeding to show even their hands, and the dresses were so made that the long sleeves usually covered the hands when touching or moving anything. Yet there was adultery, which was considered a most heinous offence, but instead of bringing the offender before a magistrate many cases were dealt with in private. The offender would be attacked by a band of men and sometimes his legs were broken, sometimes his arms, and again quicklime would be rubbed into his eyes, destroying the sight.

The laws of China did not sanction polygamy but they did permit concubinage. The man could have but one wife, who was distinguished by a proper title, while the concubines were inferior and their children belonged to the wife. If the wife had borne sons, it was considered somewhat discreditable for a man to take a concubine, and if he did and brought her into the same home with his wife there was usually great disturbance, which accorded with one of their proverbs, That nine women out of ten are jealous. These concubines were generally purchased with money and were from the lower classes, where poverty always prevailed, making occasion for the selling of the girls. In a few cases, concubinage in a family might have arisen through the wife's desire to have women and children to serve her, as they would come under her control.

There were seven grounds for divorce in China, being, barrenness, adultery, disobedience to the husband's parents, talkativeness, thievery, ill temper, and malignant disease. But divorce was not for the wife, for no offense, of whatever kind, on the part of the husband, gave a woman any right to claim a divorce from him. "Any of these, however, may be set aside by three circumstances: the wife having mourned for her husband's parents; the family having acquired wealth since the marriage; and the wife being without parents to receive her back."72 The family of the woman was a great factor against divorce, not only on account of the unjustness or disgrace attached to it but also because when the woman married she gave up her home and no provision was made for her further support and especially so if her parents were dead as the property was divided among her brothers and she would be looked upon as an alien. Hence a husband would not be allowed to divorce his wife, except for a most valid cause.

It was considered disreputable for widows to remarry. But this was not true of a widower as he could marry whomever he should choose, nor did he have to wait for any length of time for the ceremony because of any period of mourning for his first wife. If the widow herself should be unwilling to marry, the law would protect her against those trying to make her do so. One of the strong motives against marrying again was that as long as she remained a widow she would be absolute mistress of herself and her children. The widow was occasionally sold as a concubine by her father-in-law, but this was rare, as it was considered a great degradation and especially as she would be separated from her children.

"A reverse view of matrimonial experiences is suggested by the practice of wives refusing to survive their husbands and, like the victims of suttee in India, putting a voluntary end to their existence rather than live to mourn their loss. Such devotion is regarded by the people with great approbation, and the deed of suicide is generally performed in public with great punctiliousness. The following account of one such suicide at Fuhchow is taken from the Hong Kong Daily Press of January 20, 1861:

"'A few days since,' says the writer, 'I met a Chinese procession passing through the foreign settlement, escorting a young person in scarlet and gold in a richly decorated chair; the object of which I found, was to invite the public to come and see her hang herself, a step she had resolved to take in consequence of the death of her husband, by which she had been left a childless widow. Both being orphans, this event had severed her dearest earthly ties, and she hoped by this sacrifice to secure herself eternal happiness, and a meeting with her husband in the next world. Availing myself of the general invitation, I repaired on the day appointed to the indicated spot. We had scarcely arrived, when the same procession was seen advancing from the Joss house of the woman's native village towards a scaffold or gallows erected in an adjacent field, and surrounded by hundreds of natives of both sexes; the female portion, attired in gayest holiday costume, was very numerous. A friend and I obtained a bench for a consideration, which, being placed within a few yards of the scaffold, gave us a good view of the performance. The procession having reached the foot of the scaffold, the lady was assisted to ascend by her male attendant, and, after having welcomed the crowd, partook with some female relatives of a repast prepared for her on a table on the scaffold, which she appeared to appreciate extremely. A child in arms was then placed upon the table, whom she caressed and adorned with a necklace which she herself had worn. She then took an ornamental basket containing rice, herbs, and flowers, and, whilst scattering them amongst the crowd, delivered a short address, thanking them for their attendance, and upholding the motives which urged her to the step she was about to take. This done, a salute of bombards announced the arrival of the time for the performance of the last act of her existence, when a delay was occasioned by the discovery of the absence of a reluctant brother, pending whose arrival let me describe the means of extermination. The gallows was formed by an upright timber on each side of the scaffold supporting a stout bamboo, from the center of which was suspended a loop of cord with a small wooden ring embracing both parts of it, which was covered by a red silk handkerchief, the whole being surrounded by an awning.

"'The missing brother having been induced to appear, the widow now proceeded to mount on a chair placed under the noose, and, to ascertain its fitness for her reception, deliberately placed her head in it; then, withdrawing her head, she waved a final adieu to the admiring spectators, and committed herself to its embrace for the last time, throwing the red handkerchief over her head. Her supports were now about to be withdrawn, when she was reminded by several voices in the crowd that she had omitted to draw down the ring which should tighten the cord round her neck; smiling in acknowledgment of the reminder, she adjusted the ring, and, motioning away her supports, was left hanging in mid-air—a suicide. With extraordinary self-possession she now placed her hands before her, and continued to perform the manual chin-chin until the convulsions of strangulation separated them and she was dead. The body was left hanging about half an hour, and then taken down by her male attendants, one of whom immediately took possession of the halter, and was about to sever it for the purpose of appropriating a portion, when a struggle ensued, of which I took advantage to attach myself to the chair in which the body was now being removed to the Joss house, in order to obtain ocular proofs of her demise. Arrived at the Joss house the body was placed on a couch, and the handkerchief withdrawn from the face, disclosed unmistakable proofs of death. This is the third instance of suicide of this sort within as many weeks. The authorities are quite unable to prevent it, and a monument is invariably erected to the memory of the devoted widow.'"73

The most essential circumstance in a respectable family alliance was, that there should be equality of rank on either side. A Chinese lover who should woo a young lady of good family would visit the house of her parents, where he was expected to display his accomplishments, especially in penmanship. There was romance and poetry in the wooing, as may be shown by this love song, which has been sung in Cathay for more than two and a half millenniums:

"How rises the moon in radiant glory!

And thou my lady, most charming and sweetest

Oh, listen kindly to love's story!—

Ah, poor my heart that vainly beatest!

"How rises the moon in cloudless effulgence!

And thou my lady, most winsome and purest

Oh, grant thy lover more indulgence!—

Ah, poor my heart what thou endurest!

"How rises the moon in splendor most brightly!

And thou my lady, loveliest, fairest

Wilt never for my love requite me?—

Ah, poor my heart what pain thou bearest!"74

"At the present day marriage is probably more universal in China than in any other civilized country in the world. It is regarded as something indispensable, and few men pass the age of twenty without taking a wife. Chinese legislators have at all times encouraged early marriages as having a pacifying effect upon the people. A man who has given hostages to fortune in the shape of wife and children has a greater inducement to follow the paths of steady industry, and is less likely to throw in his lot with brigands and rebels, than a man who has but himself to think of, and is without any immediate ties. Besides this the Chinese believe, in common with the ancient Greeks, that the shades of the unburied wander restlessly about without gaining admittance into Hades; so that non-burial came to be considered by them the most deplorable calamity that could befall one, and the discharge of the last service a most holy duty. To die, therefore, without leaving behind a son to perform the burial rites, and to offer up the fixed periodical sacrifices at the tomb, is one of the most direful fates that can overtake a Chinaman, and he seeks to avoid it by an early marriage."75

The two young people to a betrothal in China had very little to do with it. This was arranged by means of a go-between, or match-maker. The negotiations generally originated with the family of the boy or young man. A card was made out containing data of the candidate, such as the ancestral name, the hour, day, month, and year of birth of the young candidate. At some time in the proceedings both parties had to make known to each other if there were any bodily or constitutional defect, what the true age of each was, whether born of a wife or a concubine, and whether real offspring or only adopted. Provided with the card, the go-between went to the other family and stated the object of the visit. The parents or guardians of the girl would then make inquiries about the other family, they would consult a fortune-teller to ascertain if it would be fitting and auspicious for the two young people to wed. If the offer was acceptable, then the go-between was furnished with a similar card about the girl to take to the other family. If within three days of the engagement an unlucky thing occurred, as the breaking of a china bowl or the losing of some article in the house, circumstances were considered to be sufficiently unlucky to warrant the instant termination of the negotiations. The betrothal was not binding till certain cards were interchanged between the families. The outside of the cards was covered with red paper, on which was pasted a paper dragon for the one and on the other a paper phœnix. Each card was adorned with two pieces of red silk. The card with the dragon was filled out with particulars relating to the family of the boy and retained by the girl's family, while the one with the phœnix had particulars of the girl's family and it was kept by the family of the boy. At the time of the exchange of cards presents were sent. For the girl was sent a pair of silver or gold wristlets and for her family articles of food, as pigs' feet, fruits, fowls, etc. For the boys' family were sent artificial flowers, bread, cakes, etc.

As usually in a family there was strict separation between the males and females, there was but little opportunity for the bride and groom to meet one another and often they would not have seen one another till the day of the wedding. The difficulty was increased after betrothal, for it was considered quite improper for the girl to be actually seen by the family of the future mother-in-law. The girl had to maintain the strictest seclusion. She must retire to the inner apartments when friends called upon her parents, and when going out she was to use a closed sedan chair. For this reason, most engagements were arranged between parties not living in the same place.

The time which might transpire between betrothal and marriage varied from a month or two to eighteen or twenty years, depending much on the age of the parties. "There are six ceremonies which constitute a regular marriage. 1. The father and elder brother of the young man send a go-between to the father and brother of the girl, to enquire her name and the moment of her birth, that the horoscope of the two may be examined, in order to ascertain whether the proposed alliance will be a happy one. 2. If so, the boy's friends send the go-between back to make an offer of marriage. 3. If that be accepted, the second party is again requested to put their assent in writing. 4. Presents are then sent to the girl's parents according to the means of the parties. 5. The go-between requests them to choose a lucky day for the wedding; and, 6, the preliminaries are concluded by the bridegroom going or sending a party of his friends with music to bring his bride to his own house."76

In the spring was considered the most appropriate time for marriage, and the month in which the peach-tree blossomed as the happiest time. The following poem translated from the "Book of Odes," illustrates this:

"Sweet child of spring, the garden's queen,

Yon peach-tree charms the roving sight;

Its fragrant leaves how richly green,

Its blossoms how divinely bright!

"So softly shines the beauteous bride,

By love and conscious virtue led,

O'er her new mansion to preside,

And placid joys around her spread."77

Some time previous to the day fixed, the bridegroom was invested ceremoniously with a dress cap or bonnet, and he took an additional name. About this same time the bride, whose hair had hung down in long tresses, had it done up in the style of married women of her class in society. Usually, the day before the wedding, the bride tried on the clothes she was to wear in the sedan going to the home of her husband, and what she was to wear the first day upon her arrival at his home. This was an occasion of great interest to her family, and the parents invited female relatives and friends to a feast that they might view the clothing and help to have things well prepared for the wedding-day.

On the wedding-day, the bridegroom or his best man and friends went with an ornamented sedan, accompanied with musicians, to the home of the bride. When evening came and the stars were just beginning to peep out, the bride, with a thick veil over her head and completely covering her features from view, entered the sedan and the procession, with music and lanterns, took its way to the home of the bridegroom. On reaching his residence, the bride was carried into the house in the arms of matrons and lifted over a pan of burning charcoal on the threshold. The bridegroom and bride seated themselves side by side, each trying to sit on a part of the dress of the other, as it was considered that the one who succeeded in so doing would rule the household. Then the bride returned to her chamber and her outer garments and veil were removed and she was dressed in her wedding finery and then with her husband she entered upon the wedding-dinner. Often this was the first time in the husband's life to behold the features of his wife. He could eat what he chose of the good things but she, according to established custom, must not take a particle, but must sit in silence, dignified and composed. The door of the room was left open and about it gathered the invited guests, the parents of the bridegroom and his relatives, all of whom scrutinized the bride and observed her deportment and expressed their opinions and criticisms. The cup of alliance was drunk together by the young couple and pledges were exchanged. On the next day they worshipped together the ancestral gods of the husband and paid their respects to his parents and relatives. This was the wife's last time to be in public with her husband, as husbands were never seen with their wives in public. On the third day after the wedding, the bride paid a customary visit to her own parents.

Whatever else might have been included in the marriage customs in China, the wedding-feast was the main feature of the occasion. This might occur upon the wedding-day or at some later time. Wedding and funeral feasts would be quite impossible were it not for the "share" system which they have worked out. Each guest, or each family, were not only expected but really required by a rigid code of social etiquette to contribute to the expense of the occasion. This was sometimes in food but usually in money and there was a scale according to which every one knew what his "share" should be.

"One of the most characteristic methods in which the Chinese lack of sympathy is manifested is in the treatment which brides receive on their wedding-day. They are often very young, are always timid, and are naturally terror-stricken at being suddenly thrust among strangers. Customs vary widely, but there seems to be a general indifference to the feelings of the poor child thus exposed to the public gaze. In some places it is allowable for any one who chooses to turn back the curtains of the chair and stare at her. In other regions, the unmarried girls find it a source of keen enjoyment to post themselves at a convenient position as the bride passes, to throw upon her handfuls of hay-seed or chaff, which will obstinately adhere to her carefully oiled hair for a long time. Upon her emerging from the chair at the house of her new parents, she is subjected to the same kind of criticism as a newly bought horse, with what feelings on her part it is not difficult to imagine."78