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Chapter II

Maturing of Vocation

Aline’s mother was a good example to her daughters both in vigor and in piety. Undoubtedly the relatives, after the premature death of the father, rendered the widowed mother and her children all necessary assistance. But the education and the development of the children devolved upon the mother who possessed the necessary capacity to take that responsibility in hand. Between her and her daughters there naturally existed a very close bond of union. Even in later years the mother was always concerned about her daughters. This was manifested especially in regard to Aline, who during the early years of her religious life, was ever able to rely on the ready help of her mother.

As a child Aline gave evidence of rich intellectual endowment and outstanding strength of character. Because of her natural ability and qualifications, her future way of life could well be developed. The mother placed high hopes on her elder daughter. These hopes were not entirely unselfish. However, one may not blame her for this. The widow clung tenaciously to her children and because of the early death of her husband she looked to them for her future security. It seems that she harbored the thought of having in Aline a support for her declining years. Therefore she believed that somehow Aline must remain with her. As Aline later spoke to her about her call to the religious life, the mother was not enthusiastic about the prospect, and did not give an immediate “yes” to the idea. She put her off by saying that she needed more time to consider it.

In the more affluent families of Olpe, to which the Bonzels belonged, it was customary to send their daughters, after the completion of the elementary school, to a pensionat, that is a girls’ boarding school, for some time. The purpose was not only the acquisition of more knowledge, but above all the formation of character and proficiency in the social graces. Tradition has it that the girls were sent to the Ursulines in Cologne. Thus Aline, with good grades and excellent recommendations from the elementary school, went to Cologne to the Ursulines. Apparently she was there more than a year.

Unfortunately, the reports of the Ursuline-Pensionat were lost during the Prussian Kulturkampf. Thus the time Aline spent in the boarding school cannot be established definitely. The Ursuline convent in Cologne was later able to give only the following: “Without doubt she (Aline) was in our boarding school for the name of Bonzel is still known here and has a good reputation.” If the name Bonzel was still in clear remembrance in 1925 in the Ursuline boarding school, it could also be associated with the fact that at the close of the Kulturkampf a great niece of Mother Theresia, called Adele Maria Theresia Bonzel, was accepted in Cologne in the boarding school.

Inquiries as to Aline’s classmates at that time were not made early enough to obtain particulars of the actions and experiences of the girls in the school. Although there are no extant facts, one can nevertheless state that this period must have had great significance in the development of the young girls. It was the first time Aline was away from the parental home and her native town for a long period of time. She had to adjust to unknown people in new surroundings and prove herself in a firmly organized environment. The tried tradition of the Ursulines laid great stress on cultural and character formation and true cultivation of piety. The constant association with religious women must have had great influence on the girls. It is true in all pensionats that the girls are deeply interested in the life of the religious; as much as possible they try to discover many of the so-called “conventual mysteries.”

Such interest often enough may have been only a romantic curiosity. But in the overall atmosphere of the pensionat many a vocation has been awakened. This seems also to have been the case with Aline. Although we know scarcely anything of her stay in Cologne, it is certain however that before she left the pensionat, she spoke to the superior of the Ursulines of her desire to become a religious. At that time her desire may not have been firm; it needed to mature. At all events the farewell words of the superior influenced and encouraged her to consider earnestly taking such a step. The consent of the mother however, was wanting. Aline also conferred with her confessor on this point. He reacted positively but counseled her not to act hastily, to wait some time in order to test the genuineness of her decision. Concerning this talk with her confessor we know from her friend, Emma Deimel, to whom she had entrusted it. Emma Deimel harbored like thoughts; she later entered the Carmelite Convent in Echt, Holland, and was invested as Sister Maria Walburga. The little information we have today of Aline’s youth came largely from her.

After Aline’s return to the parental home, the mother valued it most highly that her daughter become deeply involved in the social life of Olpe. What mother would not have had a like ambition? Before the critical eyes of relatives and acquaintances, her daughter should give evidence of her grace and charm in the refined manners she acquired at the pensionat. As Aline now had to participate in all the yearly festivals and amusements of Olpe and its surroundings, more than she herself liked, her mother must have had another design in this. She hoped that her daughter’s idea of the convent would pass over and prove to have been but a romantic enthusiasm resulting from the conventional atmosphere of the pensionat. If through experience in social activities, the daughter’s thoughts would be deflected from the convent and in consequence acquire a new interest, this indeed would be a highly prized method.

All this of course was not according to the thinking of Aline. She would have liked to enter a convent immediately. However, her inner nobility of character did not allow her to frown upon those festivities nor to enter them with a dejected countenance. Her cheerful and open disposition made it easy for her to participate with genuine joy. What the mother had hoped in her inmost heart, and here and there contrived, was happening to some degree: Aline had several offers of marriage, in itself an honor for a young girl. In jest, although clear and determined, she withdrew from the young men who persisted in their offers.

At her First Holy Communion, she had prayed: “O Lord, I am your victim; accept me entirely as your victim; do not reject me.” Soon after her return from the pensionat she experienced how our Lord accepted the oblation of herself as a victim. She was afflicted with a heart condition that lasted during her entire life. If a young person not yet twenty years of age be afflicted with a disease and experienced the infirmities of man in suffering and in pain, if he saw boundaries set to his energies, how do you think he would react? Many would complain, bearing the disease with an exhibition of suffering to evoke sympathy. Or, they would rest upon their misfortune unable to develop their capabilities and go through life in bitterness of heart. Again, others despairing would thrust themselves into all possible gratifications to glean something from life. Aline realized that God had accepted her offer. She saw in this, the affirmation that God had accepted her as his victim. It was not enough for her to bear this illness patiently, she also was prepared to follow Christ in an all-embracing surrender. Her cardiac condition was not the end of her endeavors, but in reality only its beginning. According to human estimation, she was scarcely equal to the tasks life set for her. As she bore her infirmity in the right spirit, she was able to accomplish much. Her strength was not an explosive energy, a reckless creative muse, with disquiet scheming. With a heart condition like hers, she would soon have come to the end of her capacity. But she lived and worked over fifty years with this ailment because she possessed the gift of expending her energy with serenity, wisdom, and tenacious regularity.

Throughout her entire life one can observe a display of these characteristics. They are clearly seen in the way she strove amidst all difficulties to enter the religious life. It was true of Aline, and in fact of all girls who attended the pensionat, that the social life experienced there was later preserved in close friendships. Several Olpe daughters had been with Aline in Cologne. They soon formed a unique circle whose objective was certainly not the revitalizing of an exhausted friendship. They united to venerate the Blessed Virgin Mary, a devotion endeared to them by the Ursulines. They formed a Marian Alliance of which Aline became the leader. The tasks undertaken by this alliance were the yearly decorating of the May altar, the assembling for prayer in honor of Mary, and the engaging in works of Christian charity and beneficence. This Marian Alliance was the initial realization of their later religious life, not only for Aline, but also for two of her friends. One was Emma Deimel referred to previously. The other was Regina Loeser. She was invested with Aline on December 20, 1860, but died prematurely on May 27, 1861.

Aline realized her call to the religious life very definitely at the age of nineteen and one-half. From March 28 to April 8, 1850, she took part in a parish mission in the neighboring town of Drolshagen, conducted by two extraordinary priests. Their names were known far and wide: Missionary Hillebrand and the Franciscan Father Kaspar Heimer. Aline made a general confession of her entire life to the leader, Missionary Hillebrand. She was so moved that her handkerchief was wet with the tears shed in the confessional. With her the missionaries accomplished their purpose completely. The method of the mission was set especially on stirring the feelings powerfully. The sermons resulted in a strong awakening of the emotions. Missionary Hillebrand must have been deeply impressed by Aline’s confession in which he was given a more penetrating glimpse into her soul than others were. The experienced director of souls perceived the genuine in Aline; he saw clearly that hers was a soul God had taken into his care in a special way. He offered her his wish to become the director of her soul and that she should contact him whenever he should be in the vicinity. That a missionary so much in demand should make this offer to her shows his concern for this chosen soul to walk in the way of God. He wished to be the instrument for fulfilling the will of God completely in her. Aline confided this offer to one of her friends. She followed the counsel of the confessor.

At the mission renewal, which usually took place the following year, she again confessed to Father Hillebrand and most likely also during the Olpe mission in 1851. The missionary realized that this penitent needed to be confirmed in her ideal to be able to withstand the great opposition her mother voiced to her entrance into religious life. It may be that he harbored the thought that the mother would relent if she were confronted with completed data in a positive way. Therefore after confession, Aline pronounced a vow of perpetual chastity. She went a step farther and soon after the mission entered the Franciscan Tertiaries of the world. Her name as a tertiary of St. Francis was her future name as a religious: Maria Theresia.

Thus interiorly she had bound herself completely. Now there was but one conclusion she could draw: as she had proceeded on this way and gave up all claims to marriage for the sake of heaven, she must endeavor to enter the religious state as soon as possible. But for this she needed the consent of her mother. She realized this permission would provoke much discussion. Most probably Missionary Hillebrand had counseled her after taking the vow of chastity to have a decisive talk with her mother and explain fully to her that she had destroyed all bridges behind her.

The exact day on which Aline had her discussion with her mother is not known, but it seems to have occurred toward the end of May or the beginning of June, 1851. She talked openly with her mother telling her that marriage could no longer be a thought of hers for she had bound herself in another way. Her decision to leave the world and to enter the convent was irrevocable. She begged for her mother’s consent, but her request was ill received. The mother refused resolutely. No matter how urgently Aline pleaded, or how warmly she begged, her mother remained adamant in her refusal. Did the mother really believe she could change the mind of her daughter? She must have known Aline better than that. It was against Aline’s nature to become hard and inconsiderate under opposition. She did not push her opinions by hurting others. But she was not to be turned from the course on which she felt herself called.

After the fruitless discussion she went to the One who had called her. She knelt before the tabernacle in a nearby church. That the Lord really called her, she was positive. Still her heart was so very heavy. In her mind rang the question: “Why?” From the vantage point of the completed work of Mother Theresia in retrospect to this day, one realizes: It was necessary that she pass through all this suffering to grow in maturity for the future work God had determined for her. But at that time she was to carry the full weight of the question. The words of Christ might have entered her mind: “Who loves father and mother more than me is not worthy of me” (Mt 10:37). Was her vocation sufficiently clear at that time to enable her to bring about a hard, conclusive break with her mother? The command of love of parents also entered her mind. She still trusted that sometime and someday she would get the consent of her mother. There was so much to consider. What was right?

As Aline went to her room that evening, she could find no respite in sleep. Her thoughts were too agitated. Out in the open a nightingale began to sing, at first soft, in dull and plaintive tones, then assured, ever more joyous and clear, until the song became a jubilant outburst of exultation. The nightingale sang peace into the heart of Aline. She felt that somehow she was not alone in the dark. God wished to have her and he would also determine the time in which she would go. He alone knew his designs for her. Therefore he placed these obstacles in her way. It was not easy for Aline to realize that she must wait still longer.

In her discussion with her mother, Aline’s heart condition may have militated against her call to the religious life. It appeared as a clear sign. Normally one would consider seriously before admitting a young girl with heart trouble into the convent. It is strange Aline never considered that a reason for doubting her religious call. At this period she suffered rather severe heart attacks; she was quite ill, bedridden, and required nursing care. When recovered somewhat in health she often assisted her sister Emilie in her household tasks. Emilie had married in the meantime and also suffered from a prolonged illness.

Concerning the inner attitude of Aline during these times, her friend and confidant, Emma Deimel, remarked: “The inner urgency of my friend was always to lead souls to God, and how wonderfully our Lord brought it about that her wish was fulfilled. She was sickly and often seriously ill; but that did not satisfy her zeal. She made novenas to beg for suffering and our dear Lord also fulfilled this wish.” Considering these remarks, one could get the impression that Aline herself at times scarcely believed she would ever be a religious. According to human judgment it was unwise for a sick person to pray for more suffering, if she really wished to enter the convent. To enter a convent, at least a reasonable condition of health is required. However it may have been, it required special courage for a sick person to pray for the grace of suffering in this way. One can explain it only in the light that at this time she recognized her vocation as that of suffering and she was prepared to answer the call.

Still, she must have realized that her vocation in life was not to exhaust itself in suffering only. An incident that played an important role in the life of the sick one is related by Emma Deimel: “Once when Aline was bedfast, I visited her. She mentioned that she saw a nun in a brown habit standing at the foot of her bed. She was firm and maintained that it was St. Clare.” No further details are known regarding this incident to permit a fuller explanation. However, with Aline it had the effect that she felt herself more definitely called to the religious life.

Her idea gained stability with Rev. Rector Hesse, who understood the nature of his penitent thoroughly. Was he fearful of using his influence outside the confessional in Aline’s behalf? He felt that it could be readily construed that he divulged the secrecy of confession if in a talk with the mother he should give the reasons for Aline’s vocation. He counseled Aline to contact Rev. Hengstebeck. She did so and with great confidence and made a complete manifestation of conscience to him. She felt a sense of security in his real support and was especially grateful that he offered to talk with her mother concerning her vocation. Through his authority, the pastor succeeded in finally winning the consent of Aline’s mother. Aline now thought she had reached her goal. She consequently took the necessary steps and applied to the Salesians in Hoexter for admission. She was most likely drawn to the Salesians through the influence of Missionary Hillebrand who knew the convent in Hoexter well. He had also previously counseled the Salesians to make a foundation in Mülheim, which they did in 1859.

Her day of admission was determined. The required dowry was procured. Aline bade farewell to her friends, acquaintances, and relatives. Then something very unusual happened. As Aline went to a neighboring woman, Jaeger by name, who was an intimate friend of hers, to bid her goodby, she said to her: “Unpack your trunk, dear Aline, you are called to found an order of perpetual adoration here in your home town.” From where did this woman have the certainty for such a statement? Did it rest merely on the supposition that Mrs. Jaeger knew Aline well? Aline did not have much time to reflect on the occurrence nor to ponder whether God really wanted to make something known to her through this statement, or whether it was merely the spontaneous outburst of a soul well known to her. However, Aline was unable to travel the next morning for erysipelas had suddenly attacked her. Again she was confronted with the reality of being unable to carry out the cherished ideal of her heart as she had planned. God wanted otherwise. In consequence, she decided not to apply again to the Salesians for admission.

In later years, she told one of her Sisters that about this time she had had a strange dream. She saw St. Francis of Assisi and St. Teresa of Avila having a debate. It was concerning Aline. The saints could not come to a decision to whom Aline should belong. At length St. Francis won and took Aline as his daughter. But St. Teresa did not relinquish her claims so readily. With hands stretched out over Aline, she gave her a blessing. Surely this was but a dream and an experience not too readily supernaturalized. But somehow the dream was a mirrored picture of what went on in the mind of Aline. After the collapse of her plan to enter the convent with the Salesians, the question as to where she should now apply was but natural. She had received the name of Maria Theresia as a Franciscan Tertiary; her friend Emma Deimel had entered the Carmelites, daughters of St. Teresa. Aline and Emma most certainly talked with each other about their inclinations to enter the convent. From their confidential talks, St. Teresa could have entered her dream. On the other hand, Aline as a Tertian, was bound to St. Francis, her birthday on the Stigmata of St. Francis gave her further connections with the saint. Therefore, was she not destined to become a Franciscan? Men doing research work, sometimes take very insignificant data as reasons for their conclusions. Who would question that God also uses insignificant things, such as a dream, to draw them into his plan in order to reveal his designs for them?