Читать книгу The Sweethearts Collection - Pam Jenoff - Страница 42

Chapter 32

The grey, swirling fog that had engulfed Colenso stayed and wouldn’t lift. It was as if she was on the outside of life looking in as she routinely went about her work. She couldn’t believe Kitto was dead, didn’t feel he was, and yet everyone assured her that he couldn’t have survived the terrible storm that sank the barge. The pentacle stabbed relentlessly at her neck, until finally, with hot tears coursing down her cheeks, she wrenched it off and put it away in her basket.

Christmas had passed in a blur and, unable to sleep, she’d taken to walking down to the harbour early each morning in the hope of hearing something, anything. She’d expected a group of men to be waiting and looking, like the fishermen’s wives did when their men were late back. There was never anyone from the works there though and, exhausted and dejected, she eventually gave up going, gave up going out at all.

‘I can’t believe he’s dead,’ Colenso muttered one morning as she helped Mr Goss make a new batch of barley sugar. As she couldn’t bring herself to smile, Garren had agreed to serve the customers in the shop.

‘I know how exactly you feel, my dear,’ he replied. ‘Even now, I wake up some mornings expecting Meggie to appear, but of course she never does. I’m told it is part of the grieving process. Best get twisting that mixture before it sets too hard,’ he urged gently as she stood staring into space.

‘If only I’d said yes,’ she sighed.

‘If only we’d done a lot of things,’ he agreed, a wistful look on his face. ‘Shall we sneak an extra break, I could murder a cup of tea, oh …’ he paused, looking embarrassed.

‘I know what you mean,’ she assured him. Snatching up the kettle she went out to the pump. Snowflakes were falling from a leaden January sky, coating everything in crisp white powder. The air was as icy as her heart, although thankfully the water hadn’t frozen yet. Oh, why hadn’t she accepted Kitto’s ring? The thought that plagued her day and night, surfaced once again. As she stood there wondering what had possessed her to do such a stupid thing, her attention was caught by a cluster of snowdrops in the corner of the yard. Pearlescent fragility belying their toughness, they stoically stood, taking all the weather winter threw at them, and Colenso knew she would need to summon that same strength if she were to get through the coming months.

As was often the case in this more temperate part of the country, the snow didn’t settle for long, and by the end of February it had thawed, although Colenso’s feelings remained frozen, suspended in her last meeting with Kitto.

‘Come along,’ Garren urged late one afternoon. Business had been slow since the Christmas rush, and he’d closed the shop early ready to try out another of Jago’s grandmother’s recipes. ‘We need something new to entice the customers in.’

‘What are we going to make?’ she asked, trying to show an interest. Although life held no joy for her now, Garren and Mr Goss had been good to her, and she owed it to them to help keep their business going.

‘As you’ve probably noticed, many of our customers have been sneezing and coughing, so I thought we’d try this receipt for aniseed humbugs,’ he said, pointing to an illustration of little black and white cushions. ‘These are larger and stronger than the ones I’ve done previously, so we can sell them as a remedy,’ he grinned.

Once the sugar syrup was poured out onto the cooling tables, Garren cut it into two portions, one twice the size of the other. To the smaller portion he added a tiny amount of black colouring, to the other the aniseed flavouring he’d purchased earlier.

‘Right, we’d better oil our hands or they’ll be black for days,’ he told her. ‘I’ll knead the black portion while you do the other one until it satinizes, then we’ll press them together.’ They pummelled them until the mixture turned from clear to satiny and then rolled them into a sausage and strand, ensuring both were the same size. Garren placed the black strand over the white and rolled the two colours together until twice their original length. The smell was heady by now and she began to feel lightheaded.

‘Remedy working already, is it?’ he grinned, seeing her expression. ‘That’s a good sign.’ As he so often did these days, he took no offence when she didn’t reply, merely answering his own question. ‘Right, now we need to snip them into lozenges,’ he said, passing her a pair of scissors. But she worked too slowly and the mixture cooled so that she was no longer able to cut it.

‘It’s too brittle, the rotten, stupid stuff,’ she shouted, throwing it down on the table, where it shattered into shards. Horrified by her outburst of temper, she covered her eyes with her hands.

‘It’s all right, Colenso,’ Garren said softly, leading her over to the table and easing her gently into the chair. ‘Anger is the next stage of the grieving process,’ he murmured, handing her his kerchief. ‘I bought some angelica on the market and thought we might crystallize it tomorrow. It’ll soon be Mothering Sunday and it would make a good cake decoration. Of course, the whole place will reek like a distillery for a week, for the stems smell like gin when you boil them. He chatted on without expecting her to answer, and before long she felt the rage that had bubbled up from nowhere, subsiding.

With the new remedies proving popular, Colenso found herself working alongside Garren as they spent most evenings and Sundays trialling both the receipts in the journal and developing some of their own. He never asked questions yet was always ready if she wanted to talk. Although she still felt guilty at the way she’d refused Kitto’s ring, as February turned to March, she found the numbness easing slightly, leaving a heavy weight in its wake. She still couldn’t believe he was dead; yet, as there’d been no news from Wherrytown, she slowly began to accept the inevitable.

‘You need feeding up, my girl,’ Mr Goss said, placing a boiled egg in front of her. ‘Mrs Heava’s hens is laying well so there’s plenty more where they came from.’

‘And I’ve even cut a slice of bread into soldiers for you,’ Garren grinned.

‘Really, boys, I’m not a child, you know,’ she replied, a smile hovering tentatively on her lips as she saw them watching like mother hens themselves.

‘No, but you do need to eat a bit more,’ Mr Goss pointed out. Colenso nodded, for it was true her clothes were hanging off her. Even when she’d retrieved her pentacle, it had felt too heavy to wear. ‘Can’t have a scrawny scarecrow serving in my confectioners,’ he added, a twinkle in his eye.

‘You’re going to need the energy, for being Mothering Sunday tomorrow, I’m expecting a run on the last of those angelica stems. I’m pleased at just how popular they’ve proven to be.’

‘What about you, Colenso? Do you have a mother to think of tomorrow?’ Mr Goss asked.

‘Mamm has made a new life for herself,’ she replied, obediently tucking into her egg. It was enjoyable and the first thing she’d really tasted since hearing the news about Kitto. ‘And we buried Mammwynn more than a year ago.’

‘We shall be going to visit Meggie’s grave tomorrow,’ Mr Goss said. He looked so sad and, wanting to make him feel better, Colenso held up her empty egg cup.

‘Thank you, that was delicious.’ Both men smiled. ‘Perhaps I could return the favour by cooking a meal for you tomorrow,’ she offered. After exchanging a look, they nodded.

✳

As spring flowers bloomed in the yard, so Colenso found herself slowly coming back to life. She’d never get over Kitto but, with Garren and his father’s help, she found herself taking an interest in things again.

One Sunday morning as she took herself into the workshop for breakfast, she found Garren opening a present.

‘Thank you, Father,’ he said, shaking out a moss-green jumper. ‘Just what I need,’ he grinned.

‘Happy birthday, Garren,’ Colenso said. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t realize or I would have bought you something.’

‘Well, as it’s my birthday and the weather’s warm and sunny, why don’t we pack a picnic and walk along the beach until we find a sheltered spot? We’ve all been working hard and you haven’t been out anywhere in ages, Colenso. It will give me an opportunity to wear my new jumper,’ he added as she opened her mouth to protest.

‘That would be nice,’ she found herself saying.

‘What do you think, Father?’ Garren asked.

‘As you say, we’ve all been working hard and I’m feeling rather tired,’ he replied, yawning for good effect. ‘Think I’ll rest my eyes a while. You two go, though.’

The day was indeed sunny, although there was a breeze blowing so that Colenso was glad of her shawl, and Garren his smart new jumper. Taking a different street than she had before, they strolled down towards the seafront. The birds were singing, camellias and primroses bloomed, a tulip tree was in full bud, and Colenso found herself feeling if not happy, then almost content. Her heart wobbled as they passed the boats in the harbour but Garren quickly guided her through a little tunnel opposite the smelting works and onto the beach.

‘Shall we go barefoot?’ he asked, grinning mischievously. ‘We might even risk a paddle later if you want, although the sea will be perishing, oh …’ his voice trailed off.

‘Why not,’ she replied brightly, ignoring his faux pas as she perched on a rock to remove her shoes.

‘Love the colour,’ he grinned.

‘Mara, the lady who took me in, bought them for me. I didn’t know until after she passed,’ she explained, letting out a long sigh.

‘Poor Colenso, so much sadness,’ he said, patting her shoulder. ‘But today is my birthday and my wish is for you to relax and enjoy it with me. Come along, we’ll walk down St Michael’s Way. Have you been across to the Mount?’

‘Yes, I saw the sun rise there at Litha – or the summer solstice, as Mara called it.’ She let out another sigh, remembering how the woman had told her to make a romantic wish at the magic rock. A fat lot of good that had been, she thought.

‘Oh, ye of little faith.’ The words were so loud that for one moment Colenso thought Mara was at her side. She shook her head.

‘Life is full of memories,’ Garren murmured, staring out to sea. ‘Still, as you haven’t been out recently, we’ll not go as far as there today, just settle for a gentle amble.’

With the Mount ahead of them, they began walking, their toes sinking into the still cool sand. In the distance, she could see three large black lumps of rock.

‘That big one is Long Rock, for obvious reasons,’ he laughed. She stared at the elongated shape and smiled. They walked for another mile or so before Garren suggested stopping for their picnic. As they sat in the shelter of a cove, feasting on bread and cheese, they each began to open up about their past.

‘You mean Miss Chenoweth actually asked you to accompany her to a concert?’ she exclaimed.

‘Sinful, wasn’t it?’ he laughed. ‘And in the church hall as well. As soon as they moved next door, she made it plain she had plans, as she put it, to combine her epicurean establishment with my confectioners.’

‘You didn’t fancy the idea?’ Colenso asked, the reason for the woman’s increasing hostility towards her now becoming clear.

‘No fear. She’d have me wearing a starched collar and suit and offering my customers – or clientele, as she prefers to call them – violet and rose creams. Now, don’t misunderstand me, there’s nothing wrong with those confections but they’re hardly for children, which was her idea. Nasty, smelly little blighters is how she referred to them.’

‘But you love children,’ Colenso cried, recalling how patient he was with them.

‘Precisely,’ he nodded. ‘In fact, when I marry, it is my intention to raise a whole brood of them.’

‘And do you have anyone in mind?’ she asked. ‘Oh sorry, that was dreadfully rude.’

‘I did have but it turned out the woman I had in mind already had a follower.’ He said it lightly but was staring at her so earnestly, she had to turn away. ‘Of course, it’s much too soon for me to declare myself but maybe one day,’ he added quietly. ‘Now, come along, we’d best get back or Father will be wondering where we’ve got to.’ It could have been awkward on the walk back but he kept up such a flow of chatter about the sweets he was hoping to make for Easter that they were back outside the shop before she knew it.

‘I’ve had a lovely time,’ she told him, surprised to find that it was true. For a few hours at least, she had managed to put the tragedy out of her mind.

‘Me too. Perhaps we could repeat the experience,’ he replied.

As she lay in bed that night, she thought back over the day. Garren had been good company, undemanding but attentive, and she could enjoy spending more time with him as long as he realized she wasn’t ready to take things further.

For her heart belonged to Kitto, it always had, and although she’d accepted he was never coming back, she couldn’t envisage ever feeling the same about anyone else. In fact, she knew she wouldn’t.