Читать книгу Her Kind Of Cowboy - Pat Warren, Pat Warren - Страница 11

“Please, Abby, I can explain.” He raised a hand to touch her, but she stepped back out of reach.

“Explain? You lied to me six years ago when you said you’d come back and explain why you left.” Her voice was trembling and she fought to control it. “Why? I want to know why.” And why now, when she’d just about stopped thinking of him daily.

Jesse wondered if the truth would really make her feel better. He had to try. “Sometimes my name can be an obstacle in getting to know someone. I was trying to get experience working with cattle because my father wanted to add cows to the ranch, to diversify.”

“Why couldn’t you just be honest and say that? My father would have…”

“…never hired me if he’d known I was a Calder. I needed to be anonymous, to be just one of the men so I could learn from the ground up.” Jesse scraped a hand over his beard, searching for the right words. “I never meant to hurt anyone, least of all you.”

Angry, hurt, breathing hard, Abby just stared at him, as a variety of emotions bombarded her. She waited. There had to be more.

He shuffled his feet, wondering why he’d thought this would be easier than it was turning out to be. “That summer, my brother went to a ranch in Montana to learn all about sheep because Dad didn’t know if he wanted to add cattle or sheep. He used the name Hunter, too.”

“Did he romance a girl there, too? Did he lie to her, then leave her hanging?” Her eyes struggling with tears, she stared into his, daring him to contradict her. Jesse had lied about his name. What else had he lied about?

The sound of male laughter floated out of the open door of the barn. “Please, I have a lot more to tell you. Could we walk a ways?” He honestly hadn’t realized the depth of her hurt. Did his leaving send her into the arms of another man, the one she’d so hastily married?

Abby shook her head, edged away from him. “You’re a little late with your explanations. Six years too late.” She needed to get away before the tears burning her eyes fell and let him see just how badly he’d upset her. Again.

“Abby, I always knew you to be fair. I’m asking you to walk with me, to hear me out. Fifteen minutes. Is that too much to ask?” He’d never begged before, but he had to make her see.

She could give him that much. A part of her wanted to hear the rest. “All right. Fifteen minutes.” She checked her watch. “It’s more than you deserve.”

They began to walk away from the round pen and the barn, down a jagged path toward the stream that snaked through the ranch. The smell of mesquite peppered the air with its pungent aroma, mingling with the scent of wild honeysuckle. The heat of the day was at half power with the retreat of the sun and a light breeze cooled things down. The hoot of an owl echoed from a distance as night birds twittered in the trees.

A perfect night for an imperfect couple.

Jesse touched her elbow to guide her toward a large rock alongside a weeping willow at the water’s edge, but she jerked away. At the rock, she turned to look at him. “I thought you wanted to talk. You’ve already wasted several minutes.”

He faced her, gauging his words. She was actually going to hold him to a time limit. Beneath the hurt in her eyes, he saw anger and hoped he could erase it. “I lied about my name, but that was all I lied about, Abby. I never lied about how I felt about you. I fully intended to return and tell you who I really was after I’d made sure my father had survived his heart attack. But about fifty miles from home, a drunken driver in a pickup hit my convertible head-on.”

Her eyes widened at this news, but she stood silent.

He could have told her about how they’d had to rebuild his nose, about his clavicle broken in two places, his collapsed lung, the removal of his spleen, the four surgeries on his leg that would never be exactly the same and the crushed vertebrae in his back that would likely give him pain for the rest of his life. He could have, but he chose not to. The last thing he wanted was her pity.

“Ironically, I wound up in the same hospital as my dad, only he got to go home before me. I was pretty badly banged up, in a coma for over a week, then months of healing and physical therapy.”

She didn’t want to feel sympathy for him, but she couldn’t help it. Months recovering from a head-on collision. And she’d had no idea. “Why didn’t you call me?”

“I couldn’t for the first few weeks, but I phoned as soon as I was able. I talked to Lindsay. She told me you’d gotten married and moved away.”

Abby shifted her eyes to the stars in the cloudless sky, studying them as if the answers were spelled out there. “I tried finding you. I called every Hunter family in northern California. I checked on the Internet on a link for traveling ranch hands. Naturally, I came up empty-handed.” She wrapped her arms around herself, as if to ward off a chill even though it was quite warm.

“I’m sorry, really sorry, Abby. I even sent you two letters.”

Frowning, she turned back to him. “Here, at the ranch?”

“One here and one to the university even though they told me you’d quit. I was hoping they’d forward it. But I guess you’d already gotten married. They both came back marked ‘not at this address.’” He dared to touch her arm, needing the contact. His skin was cool and she didn’t pull away this time. “Your husband, this Tom Price that Casey told me about, you must have met him when you went back to the university soon after I left, right?”

“Something like that.” Abby moved away from the rock, away from his touch, turning her back to him. “You’d hurt me. I felt so alone and…”

“…and you married him on the rebound?” Perhaps that was a presumptuous assumption, but after they’d been so close, Jesse couldn’t believe she’d tumble into love that quickly.

She didn’t answer him. She didn’t have to. “Then you had to go through his death. Were you with him when he drowned? Did you come back here after that?”

Abby didn’t want to go into the details. “I came back home because I was pregnant with Grace.” Finally, she slowly turned around. “What exactly did Lindsay say to you? Do you remember?”

“Oh, yeah. She told me I wasn’t welcome around here, not to phone or send mail or come by ever again.”

“I… I guess she was trying to protect me.”

“From me? Why? I didn’t think your family even knew we were seeing one another.”

“Mom and Dad didn’t, but Lindsay’s enterprising. She probably saw us leaving to meet down by the river or maybe in the hayloft.” No, she didn’t want to think about those times. “Listen, I understand why you couldn’t come right back, but I still don’t see why you lied about your name. That’s…that’s…”

“That’s the way it’s done in ranching circles, Abby.”

“But it’s dishonest. It’s like spying to pick up another rancher’s secrets.”

Jesse shook his head. “What secrets? Ranching is ranching. I wasn’t running around taking notes and jotting things down. I was trying to see if we could handle raising cattle much as your father does here. To see if cattle would fit in with our herd.”

He didn’t think he’d done anything wrong, and maybe he hadn’t. All in the eyes of the beholder, Abby thought. She rubbed at a spot over her left eye where a headache was forming. “Well, that’s all well and good, but I’m sorry. I can’t trust you, Jesse. And if my father should find out, he’d feel as betrayed as I do.”

“I think you’re wrong. I’m not ashamed of what I did, not any of it. I’ll go to your father right now and tell him everything and…”

“No! No, don’t do that. He’s got enough problems right now. You may have noticed at dinner that he’s distracted and worried.”

Jesse frowned. “What kind of problems is he having?” Vern had confided in him, but he wondered if Abby knew.

“I’m not sure. He won’t talk about it, but I think it has to do with money. He’s lost several good men. Don’t tell him about this right now. I don’t want to add to his worries.”

“All right.” He stepped closer, took both her hands. “What about us, Abby? Do you forgive me?” When she hesitated, he went on. “We were close once. I’ve missed you.” He saw the wariness in her eyes and knew he’d put it there.

She wasn’t without her own secrets, her own deception. She had no reason not to forgive him. How could she continue to blame him when he’d been in that terrible accident? But she certainly wasn’t about to fall under his spell again. Once you’ve been burned, it would be stupid to stick your hand back in the fire.

“Yes, I forgive you.” Gently, she removed his hand. “But that’s as far as it goes, Jesse. You’re here to help Remus and nothing more. There is no us anymore. Good night.” Turning on her heel, she started walking back, then shifted into a run.

Jesse watched her go. Had he made any headway today? Hard to tell. When he’d known Abby six years ago, she’d been a soft-spoken girl, sweet-tempered and gentle. This Abby was a woman who’d buried a husband, had a child, started a business and knew her own mind.

He smiled as he walked slowly to his cabin. He rather liked the new version.

Abby reached the big house, out of breath, the tears she’d hidden from Jesse wet on her cheeks. She paused at the porch, sitting down in the white wicker chair to wipe her face and pull herself together. It wouldn’t do to let her family see how upset she was. There was no telling what her father would do with this piece of news. But her mother worried her more.

Joyce Martin was a paradox, in her daughter’s view. Alternately loving and shrewish, she was a difficult woman to figure out. Abby knew she’d had back trouble for years and been taking medication for it, not to mention her more frequent migraines. Perhaps the pills were the cause of her inconsistent behavior. It was clear that she loved her children, though she particularly favored Lindsay, who resembled her the most. She rarely spoke of her life before marrying Vern. However, in a moment of weakness, Joyce had told Abby that she was illegitimate, that she’d not known her father, and the shame had affected her deeply. That was undoubtedly why she was overly protective of her daughters and very disappointed that neither was happily married.

No, her mother would figure things out quickly and that would be disastrous. Abby had gone to so much trouble to put her life back together after Jesse that she dare not risk another upheaval. Not only would she suffer, but Grace would, too. No matter the cost, she would have to protect her daughter.

Finally composed, she went inside.

It was only nine o’clock, but the downstairs was empty with nothing but a dim light on in the living room. Abby climbed the stairs and walked quietly down the hallway. She’d asked her mother to supervise Grace’s bath and put her to bed. At Grace’s room, she saw the door was ajar and went in.

A smile formed without her conscious knowledge as she gazed down at her sleeping daughter. Grace was on her tummy wearing her favorite Peter Pan pajamas, clutching the somewhat ratty stuffed dog she’d named Fred. Abby had rented the movie version of Peter Pan and Grace had loved watching it so much, Abby had finally bought it for her. The little girl viewed it almost daily, telling everyone she wanted to fly just like Peter Pan.

Leaning down, Abby brushed the golden hair from Grace’s face and rearranged the sheet so it covered her. For a long while, she stood, just looking at her child. The best part of her, the best thing that had ever happened to her. How could she regret any part of that year that had changed her life when it had given her this wondrous little girl?

She kissed Grace’s cheek, then quietly left the room.

Her parents’ bedroom door at the far end of the hallway was closed, no light showing beneath. Dad always went to bed early because he was up by five o’clock. Mom also was an early riser, in the kitchen by seven o’clock, even though she often stayed up late reading or knitting, saying she couldn’t sleep. Abby was grateful she didn’t have to face them tonight.

She paused at Lindsay’s room and knocked lightly. When she heard no response, she opened the door. The bedside lamp was on, but her sister’s bed was empty. Lindsay had probably gone to that new club she’d mentioned at dinner. Abby decided she’d have to wait until tomorrow to ask her about the phone call from Jesse. Not that she didn’t believe that part of his story. It would be just like Lindsay to throw cold water on any attempt a man might make to contact Abby. Things may have turned out very differently if she’d have taken down Jesse’s number and told Abby to call him.

Sighing, she left her sister’s room and went to her own. She undressed and put on her pale-green nightshirt, then lay back on her bed, knowing she was too churned up to sleep. More tears struggled to be freed from behind her eyes at the onslaught of the bittersweet memories being with Jesse again had evoked, but Abby ruthlessly blinked them away. She’d cried all she was going to over Jesse.

But once begun, she couldn’t help remembering the shy, introverted girl she’d been six years ago, feeling very much in the shadow of her older, sophisticated and confident sister.

She’d been so young, not yet twenty, but already finished with her junior year at Arizona State, having skipped a grade in high school. She felt comfortable with books and learning, almost as much as she enjoyed being with the horses. Casey had taught her to ride at six and she’d turned out to be a natural, able to ride like the wind. She’d spent hours in the barn, grooming her favorite horses, giving them treats and talking softly to each one. She didn’t mind that her interests were mostly solitary because she didn’t feel as socially adept as Lindsay or even her mother. With books and horses, she felt the confidence that eluded her with people.

Until Jesse showed up the week she’d come home for summer break.

She’d noticed him in the barn that first time. Most of the men came in from a long day in the saddle on the range and handed their horses over to the two young grooms before heading straight for the mess hall. Not Jesse.

Standing by one of the far stalls, she watched him rub down his mount, talking to the stallion all the while. It was beastly hot so he’d taken off his shirt. Wearing jeans and scuffed boots, his damp chest gleaming from his exertion, he looked like the pictures of James Dean that Abby had seen, only with dark hair. There was a restless energy about him, a devil-may-care look in his impossibly blue eyes. Yet he was gentle with the horse, revealing a soft side.