Читать книгу Bisexuality and the Challenge to Lesbian Politics - Paula C Rust - Страница 31

Many lesbians define bisexuality in terms of behavior. In the opinions of these women, one is bisexual if one behaves bisexually. But what is bisexual behavior? Lesbians who define bisexuality in terms of behavior concur that the bisexual lifestyle involves some form of sexual contact with both women and men, but beyond this basic point, agreement breaks down. What kind of sexual contact is necessary to qualify one as bisexual? Is casual sexual contact sufficient, or must sexual contact occur within the framework of a serious romantic relationship? How much sexual contact with each sex is necessary—is a single experience with one or the other sex sufficient, or must a person have considerable sexual experience with both sexes in order to be considered bisexual? Must one enjoy these sexual contacts? Must one have exactly equal amounts of homosexual and heterosexual experience? Can homosexual and heterosexual experiences occur serially, or does bisexuality imply that homosexual and heterosexual relationships occur simultaneously? Differences of opinion exist on all these questions.

Compare, for example, the following two definitions of bisexuality:

A person who has sex with both women and men. (Jill)

To be bisexual would mean that a person were simultaneously involved in an intimate sexual relationship with a man and a woman. (Marlene)

Both of these women define a bisexual person as one who has sexual relations with both women and men, but they have very different ideas about the kinds of sexual relations that constitute bisexuality. In Jill’s opinion, merely having both homosexual and heterosexual physical relations is sufficient to qualify one as bisexual. The context, quantity, and quality of these sexual relations are irrelevant. Marlene has a much narrower definition of bisexuality. According to her, to be bisexual one must not only engage in both homosexual and heterosexual physical relations; one must also be involved in intimate ongoing relationships with both sexes, and these relationships must be simultaneous. In other words, merely engaging in both homosexual and heterosexual physical activity does not constitute bisexuality; this activity must take place in sufficient quantity and within the right context in order to be defined as bisexuality.

Other lesbians are more concerned about the quality of homosexual and heterosexual relations than about their quantity, context, or simultaneity. Jamila and Greta define bisexuality as the ability to enjoy homosexual and heterosexual contact:

I think that there are times when anyone can enjoy sex be it with a man or woman. Bisexuality means you can enjoy it either way. The way I see it is if you enjoy it do it. (Jamila)

Many bisexuals have not realized or accepted that they are gay. Others may really be bisexual getting as much fulfillment from men as women. (Greta)

But despite their agreement on this point, these two women still have different conceptions of bisexuality. Jamila considers anyone who enjoys both types of sex to be bisexual, whereas Greta reserves the term for those people who enjoy the two sexes equally. Therefore, in the opinion of the first woman almost everyone is bisexual, whereas in the opinion of the second woman bisexuality is less common than it appears to be. Consequently, these two women have different attitudes toward bisexuality. Jamila takes a liberal “to each her own” stance, whereas Greta looks upon women who claim to be bisexual with suspicion.

Some women extrapolate the ability to enjoy both sexes into a need for both sexes, conceptualizing bisexuals as individuals who not only enjoy both heterosex and homosex but who need both heterosex and homosex. In this view, a bisexual person can never be completely satisfied with either a heterosexual or a homosexual relationship, since her need for the other type of relationship would be unfulfilled. Thus, bisexuals are doomed to a life of either alternating between homosexual and heterosexual relationships,

Now, though, I am trying very hard to understand bisexuality. I feel that it must be a very difficult lifestyle . . . an emotional and sexual seesaw. (Kelly)

or juggling simultaneous homosexual and heterosexual relationships,

I think that it would be a very hard way of life for me. I could not juggle the two. (Gina)

or indiscriminate sexual activity with anything that moves:

[Bisexuality is a way] for highly sexed people who go either way to double their chances for sex. (Arlene)

Any of these three lifestyles would make a committed monogamous relationship difficult to maintain, if not impossible. Conceptualized in terms of coexistent homosexual and heterosexual needs or as the result of an overly active sex drive, bisexuality becomes incompatible with committed monogamy,

If a person is settled with this identity I think it’s great. I also believe that this lifestyle could present problems in needing both preferences met at same time—makes for a difficult monogamous relationship. (Ruth)

especially when homosexual and heterosexual needs are perceived as antithetical to each other:

One who is attracted and enjoys a sexual relationship with both men and women. Sad that the inner conflict prevents the person to experience a complete commitment to one person in order to build a lasting relationship. (Cori)

The implication that bisexuals are incapable of committed relationships bothers many lesbians, who conclude that bisexuality is a symptom of an inability to commit oneself to a single partner. These lesbians often have moral objections to bisexuality as nonmonogamous by definition. Although they sometimes extend partial tolerance to bisexuality, they do so only under certain conditions and predict that problems will arise even under these conditions. For example, Bobbi feels that nonmonogamy would be OK if the participants were mature and honest: “I can accept bisexuality if . . . (1) the person is happy and can emotionally handle and accept their own sexual identity and lifestyle; and (2) they are honest and open with someone they are about to or are committed to in a relationship.” Similarly, Jennifer’s approval is contingent on the mutual consent of those involved, “Bisexuality is fine with me—as long as everyone is consenting.” In contrast, Alison does not approve of nonmonogamy under any conditions; she would tolerate bisexuality only “If the person has a relationship with either sex and breaks it off totally, to start a relationship with the other sex.”

Some lesbians who define bisexuality in terms of behavior disapprove of bisexuality for political as well as moral reasons. Many feel that bisexual women’s associations with men disqualify them completely from political alliance or comradeship with lesbians. Others feel that bisexual women can and should align themselves with lesbians, but again, only if they follow certain rules. They have different opinions about what these rules are. Some don’t care if bisexual women continue to sleep with men as long as they identify themselves as lesbians for political purposes. Other lesbians are angered by bisexual women who try to present themselves as lesbians because they feel that this is deceptive and disrespectful to lesbians. Still others feel that bisexual women should, for the time being, abstain from relationships with men and unite with lesbians until equality between the sexes has been achieved. Lesbians’ political opinions about bisexuality will be explored in greater detail later in this chapter.

In summary, the most common criterion lesbians use to define bisexuality is behavior. That is, when most lesbian respondents were asked to discuss their opinions about “bisexual women,” they pictured women who behave bisexually. But they have different opinions about what constitutes bisexual behavior. For some, it means simultaneous sexual relationships with both women and men, or an exactly equal amount of homosexual and heterosexual experience. Others have broader definitions, which include any woman who has had sexual relations with both women and men, or who could enjoy both homosexual and heterosexual relations. According to any of these definitions, bisexual women are nonmonogamous or at best serially monogamous by definition, and many lesbians who define bisexuality in terms of behavior are concerned about bisexual women’s inability to commit themselves to a single partner. Others are concerned about the political implications of bisexuals’ relations with men. For these reasons, bisexual women—defined as women who have sex with both women and men—meet with a great deal of disapproval and distrust from lesbians.