Читать книгу Your First Grandchild: Useful, touching and hilarious guide for first-time grandparents - Paul Greenwood - Страница 28

Now you can really come into your own as grandparents, if time and circumstances allow. I have often thought that not only should the father have compassionate leave, but perhaps one or other of the grandparents as well! As Dr Christopher Green wisely says, ‘Grandmas and grandpas are some of the most valuable, and least utilised natural resources.’

The immediate postnatal period is perhaps the most stressful of all for new parents, especially for the mother because her hormones can be very unsettled after the birth. I remember sitting in the car going home from the hospital with my new baby on my knee (yes, it was before the days of baby seats – or even safety belts for that matter; I don’t know how any of us survived!) and completely panicking: I CAN’T DO THIS! I DON’T KNOW HOW! I’VE NEVER BEEN A PARENT BEFORE! HELP!

So for grandparents who are within call this is an ideal time to help, especially by responding to requests. Please don’t make the mistake many do of assuming that you must leave them and not interfere – that it’s a time for them to get to know their baby and bond as a new family. It may be that they want to be left alone, but do make sure. I’ve often heard such wails as: ‘Oh, if only our parents had helped us in the first two or three weeks. We felt so alone. I hadn’t got my full strength back and he (the partner) was so irritable all the time. We just kept quarrelling about what was the right thing to do’ and ‘I did wish her Mum had popped round more often. We could have done with catching up on some sleep just at the beginning.’

It is obviously easier for grandparents to offer help to a single parent because they can feel pretty sure of being needed and there’s no danger of irritating their son or daughter’s partner. In fact, just because there are two parents doesn’t mean that the partner may not also welcome a bit of help. In the lucky but unusual case of two sets of grandparents being available, then co-operation between them can divide the load, prevent any feeling of being left out, and make for closeness between the older couples. Looking after new infants is tiring enough for young parents, but is especially so for those not in the first flush of youth. One new mother commented that the best thing her mother and mother-in-law did was to come round alternately every day to let her go to bed for a couple of hours. Sleep deprivation is a serious strain on new parents and not to be underestimated, so any help that allows them to catch up on some rest can be invaluable.

For the new parents this baby is the be-all and end-all of their world, so it is important for them to feel that, in spite of your busy and active life, you are prepared to shelve anything that’s possible in order to lend them a hand. It may not appear particularly relevant to them if you refuse a plea for help because you have to go to a party! A reasonable degree of self-sacrifice is necessary at this crucial time. Help may also be welcome with the chores that need to be done for the sake of good hygiene, but mean time spent away from their baby – like washing the kitchen floor, cleaning the loo or clearing out the fridge. If, physically, you are not up to these tasks, just sitting there holding the baby and lending a sympathetic ear can be just as helpful.

Again, as with anything else, don’t be afraid to ask what the parents might like to have done for them. This way they won’t feel that you’re trying to ‘take over’. It’s best to establish right from the beginning that you will tell them honestly if it is impossible for you to come at any particular time. That way they won’t be afraid to make requests and will be less likely to take offence if you can’t oblige. To start with too high a level of assistance, which you cannot sustain, can cause misunderstandings and disappointment on both sides. Honesty is undoubtedly the best policy.