Читать книгу Walking Behind Schizophrenic Eyes - Perry Ritthaler - Страница 9

Twenty years of smoking marijuana and cigarettes nonstop have come and gone.

My lungs feel crippled; and through fear of getting cancer I am forced into making a choice to quit cigarettes or marijuana. Guess which drug won on the mental battlefield deep inside my brain.

When my eyes opened I am living on Siesta Key in Florida.

I could feel my brown cat curled up sleeping by my side. Every night this month; I have slept on the floor in my bedroom. I do this because I will hear the footsteps outside of my window if someone tries to sneak up on me.

The 911 tragedy has just occurred and my business instantly capsized leaving my finances in shambles. The entire USA economy is frozen.

The government politicians have gone on national television asking the population to help the government fight terrorism. After watching the newscast repeated every day I feel stress compounding in my mind; I decide to stand up and help the country I love; I have decided to join the politician’s in the fight against terrorism.

Every day I watch the television and I see the Trade Towers explode in the sky and fall; I have become psychologically fixated on the disaster.

I feel brain washed by the media presentations; and my mind is overflowing in ideas to help the government fight terrorism. Every day you hear about more people that have died or been crippled in the 911 tragedy; and how the USA is going into a war on terror; this visualization created deep inside my mind prompts me to act.

For two weeks I have watched television nonstop; every time I get a security anti-terrorism idea I fax the written note to the governors’ state office attention Jeb Bush. I keep watching television to see if there is any change after I send the government my ideas; and sure enough the government is acting on my recommendations anonymously faxed to them.

Five more weeks pass and my brain is fixated and riveted to the disaster unfolding on television.

The war on terror I am watching unfold on television will kill over a million people by the time the USA war operations are completed.

Unfortunately I neglect to spend valuable marketing my business and my investor’s interests; and my business opportunity start to crash and burn; along with my opportunity to reside in Florida; I am out of money and financial backers.

I have one more week in Florida; forced to leave the state in order to survive. I love living in Florida.

The stress of losing my business combined with the visualization of the 911 attacks on television combined with an understanding of the war on terror; creates stress in my life; and today I hear security people voices in my head that have challenge my mind; I think I am snapping more each day.

This stress is further fueled by the fact; I do not want to leave Florida or the woman I planned to make my wife. I told my investors I never will give up; I tell myself I will keep fighting to pay them back every penny they invested in my operation; until I am killed or go insane.

I feel like the politicians I faxed have me under constant surveillance; and I am running away from the government’s’ spy agency constant surveillance program and voices that have penetrated my skull.

I am an illegal alien living in the USA.

I have not left Florida for two years; and I know I will be deported if the USA government figures this out. Every day I feel like the government and my anti-terrorism work is swallowing up another piece of my brain and life.

Somehow I have to stay alive and save what is left of me.

I am packing everything I own into boxes that magically appear on the street in front of my house. The government software voice speaking in my head has led me to believe; I will be given a golden handshake and paid one million dollars for my intelligence and time working with the government.

The many voices in my brain; I hear talking to me through the turned off television told me; when I am finished my belongings were going to be put into a museum right beside Winston Churchill’s display.

The voices talking to me inside my head praised me over and over for all the battlefield war operations I designed; and anti-terrorism security ideas I created sent to the government.

The voices told me I am so important; the Presidents security team will be the only people that hear me in this private communications network; and the information is so classified; I should not write any information on paper and just speak out loud into the microphone implanted inside the television set in my room.

I am not sure if I can trust the government voices speaking to me deep inside of my mind. I know I have the family genetics to do this work; because at one time in his life my dad was trained in the military Special Forces in the Canadian army.

All week I have been moving my personal belongings over to my friends’ garage. I told Sean about my intelligence security work with the government; and then he looked at me with a funny look on his face.

I am not sure if Sean is involved with the government voices I hear in my head.

Sometimes I think the government has already paid Sean off to help control me; and I think the government has hired Sean to watch over me.

Every day I watch hours of intelligence reports sent through the television newscasts and then I speak out loud to the television for hours every day. I know the government has put a camera in the television I watch.

Every day in my house I go to work to empower the government. I want to prove to the government I am intelligent and a good worker.

Every day in my house I work on different classified security issues as I watch my television. Then the voices I hear inside my head have long conversations on the strategies we develop together to solve the crisis portrayed on television.

Through the television I told the government I am almost out of money; and I will need to get paid some money for my time.

I wonder if the government will pay me the million dollars the government voices in my head promised me.

I think the government is putting me through a test of pressure inside of my mind. I wonder if I am being groomed for the C.I.A.

The government is full of smart people; and I know they need covert spies like me to help them fight in the war on terror. I have caught the government leaders speaking on television making too many mistakes with the country security and the security of the President.

I know that with my comments today I have ticked off the director of the C.I.A. I told him that he could not guard his grandmother; let alone the President of the USA. I sent the message through my television to the director of the C.I.A; and the next day my mom and dad call to tell me my grandmother was dying.

On television I have saved thousands of lives with my propaganda mini movies created on my computer that is hooked up to the internet.

I create mind blowing movies filled with strategy and psychology that through the science of guilty by association the visualization can shift the directions of foreign policy and homeland security directly off of my home computer.

With my marketing ideas to rebound the collapse of the stock exchange in the USA; shifted in part by my ideas about Enron strategies; I have made the United States government millions of dollars in profit.

Most of my work involved sitting at home and merging different companies and ideas and psychology science strategies.

Creating new capital for companies through amalgamations and corporate takeovers became my specialty; with the new capital created more jobs were created and the stock market slowly recovered. This seamless covert operation created strategies that naturally created accomplishment; in the end made the President of the USA untouchable by any person who opposed his operations.

The investors and oil companies and weapons manufacturing companies made millions understanding my science; because they knew what stock to buy before the merger or war took place. Much like the people in charge understood what stocks to buy prior to the 911 attacks create by others in the world; long before I entered the picture.

Wall Street and Allan Greenspan loved the way I mixed and blended companies and science. During my work I watched the stock market soar. The DOW Jones industrial average went from sixty five hundred to ninety seven hundred.

My propaganda movies became the government’s worst headache; when I was not paid any money; I made copies of every propaganda movie I made. The copies of my work are my only link to the government; and I have hidden seven cd copies on the island where I live. Sometimes I secretly hide a cd when I am riding around on my bicycle.

When I wanted to hide a cd; I suddenly turn off the road into the bush and make it look like I am really looking at something. Some of my best research work empowering the Bush Administration is buried on Siesta Key in Florida.

A digital cd has a one hundred-year life span; and I am a hard guy to follow on a bicycle. In the past month I feel like I have turned into the perfect spy. I have never been caught hiding one of my cd copies.

Sean has agreed to help me buy a bus ticket to Texas. I am going to leave everything I own behind with Sean; and go to see my friend Sarge in Texas. Then I will ride a bus home to my mom and dad’s in Canada.

My last two days in Florida feel painful and are very hard on me. This morning I awoke to the sound of many big black vulture birds in the front yard. The birds sounded strange to me.

I stood up in my bed on the floor; and when I looked out the window I could tell the government was angry with me for leaving Florida in the middle of the Enron crisis.

I can see five big ugly black vultures tearing a small cat apart on the grass. The black birds are tearing different parts of the cat; the big birds are eating the cat alive.

I know the government is trying to psychologically torment me because they know I love cats.

The government is telling me my cat is next and they are the birds.

Besides I told the government people in my television; “who would ever believe I was the one helping them solve the finacial crisis and security crisis after the 911 attack”.

I felt the pain in my heart watching the cat’s submission to death in the yard; and I know I am walking down a similar path.

I am almost out of cash; I am still trying to work with the government. I am starting to realize how powerful the government is and every day I feel more afraid of the government.

My government code name is the Northern Alliance; and I have chosen this name because I am from the north and I create strategies to help the rebels in Afghanistan align while they fight the Taleban.

I find the maps of Afghanistan region on television very useful to see; and I am slowly getting used to how the Don Rumsfeld and the people in the government he controls.

I hold my cat every chance I get; and every time I do tears fall down my face. I have tears in my eyes when I ask my landlady if she will adopt my cat; when I have to leave; and then I start to cry while I am holding my cat. I am speaking to my landlady; Ginger is a nice lady and she agreed to be my cat’s new family.

I am going to miss my old brown cat.

I hold my cat often and I cry like a baby being pulled away from its mother. My cat has been my companion for two happy years on the island. I cuddled my cat every hour; and I think he knows that I am going crazy. He watches me talk out loud to the television when I talk to the voices trapped deep inside my mind.

I may be only one man; however I have a large footprint; and when I leave if others fail to fill my footprint properly Enron will fall.

I miss being held by Kathy; she is my girlfriend; and I hurt inside my heart every time I think of not being with Kathy. My heart feels like it is tortured internally by my brain breaking into a thousand pieces.

I try not to show my emotions because I do not want the government to get that much satisfaction. The government has tried to break me psychologically; and when I look at my reflection in the mirror I think they have succeeded.

My mind feels like a broken crystal glass thrown onto a grey concrete floor. I am afraid the government is going to build a legal case against me and brain farm me locked away in a dungeon.

I think the government will want to put me on trial for the Enron scandal if it falls. I know that the government is trying to frame me for a crime I did not physically touch to commit. I think framing me for a crime is the only way the government can hold me in Florida; unless they believe I am insane; and then who wants to be around crazy people.

The last ten weeks have been very hard on me; and I no longer want to listen to the voices in my head telling me to work longer hours for the government.

In the beginning I wanted be like Napoleon Hill in nineteen forties; when he lived in the basement of the White House. I have quietly trained myself for years waiting for the opportunity to recreate history emulating how Napoleon Hill advised the generals and President on how to invade countries and build economies; and in doing so personally help orchestrate control of huge parts of the world.

I want to leave the covert spy job behind me in Florida. I am sure the government led by a jealous Dick Cheney has replaced me with one of their own people like Mr. Rove.

Besides government agents did not smoke marijuana all the time like me. Like I spoke out loud many times; “who would ever believe a pot head is helping the President run the USA”?

I feel psychologically triggered by pressure of shadow running the country; deep inside my brain; and this massive pressure is constantly pushing me to the edge of my abilities in my brain.

I have to get out of Florida and away from the government covert manipulations. I am speaking to Sean and he agreed to pack some of my belongings into a storage locker when I leave Florida.

Sean tried to talk me into staying at his house; and I declined Sean’s invitation because I know the government has bugged Sean’s home. I am too afraid of the government C.I.A knock program that never pays cash for my services.

I hear the doorbell ring and I answer the door for Sean.

I look up and I can see Kathy has tracked me down; and when Kathy looked at me; she had love in her eyes.

I stepped outside of the house; and into Kathy’s open arms.

I have shot my mouth off too often pointing out the security failures of the country; and now my mind is at war with the military hawks and Secret Service and C.I.A knock program; and Dick Cheney’s special team of the NSA.

Suddenly I remembered all of the love that Kathy and I have shared together. Kathy’s familiar perfume smells so good to me.

I tell Kathy that this is my last night in Florida.

Kathy grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me. Kathy asked me; what is wrong with you; why are you leaving me?

I pulled Kathy closer into my arms as tears rolled down my face. I told Kathy that she would not understand; I could see Kathy is trying to be patient with me.

Kathy and I went for a walk around the block with heavy hearts; and tears rolling down our faces.

My heart was overflowing with lost love. I kept holding Kathy’s hand while I pulled her firm body closer to mine. We would stop from time to time gazing into each other’s eyes; and then look at the brilliant stars that cascade across the universe.

I am deeply in love with Kathy; and I am afraid the government will hurt her if I do not obey the voices sent to me through digital software signals in my head.

I wish I never got involved with the government because the President feels like a brother I never had; and Don Rumsfeld is like father to me; and now I must leave the country. We were all seamlessly standing back to back facing the world at one time or another.

Kathy held me in such a special way. Kathy loves me deep inside her heart; and I could feel her love cast into words as she caressed my face. Kathy wanted to know why I have not called her; all I could do was cry into Kathy’s shoulder.

We kept praying together crying into each other's shoulder most of the night. I love this beautiful Italian lady and she loves me.

Kathy’s emotions are all mixed up. Kathy knows I am leaving tomorrow; deep inside my soul I can feel the sharp pain tearing Kathy’s heart apart. Kathy told me she dreamt we will get married and have a baby together. I know I am holding someone that I really love; and the love being ripped apart feels painful deep inside my soul.

I quietly tell myself over and over; I will never let the government hurt Kathy.

Kathy looked beautiful in a white tight fitting dress under the moonlight; and that night I wished she was my wife. The time was late into the evening; soon I will have to leave the woman I love behind.

I hated the government for not acting to help me financially during my finacial crisis; making me leave Florida; and the woman I love.

When I worked for the government; in my mind I made sure that the government never connected me with Kathy; and only now the government can see me walking with my beautiful lady.

Kathy had to work early the next day; and I could feel our painful separation coming closer. Like small grains of white sand falling through a tiny hour glass; Kathy and I are running out of time with each other.

Kathy and I kiss each other for the last time; feeling the kiss that ignited flames of passion to last a lifetime. I promised myself that I would protect Kathy from the government; and never contact her again.

I am afraid to show anyone any love; because I know the government will only hurt the things I love; and use the pain I feel in my heart as a weapon against me.

One day vengeance will be mine.

The only way I have protected my friends is by never showing the government voices in my head I love any of my friends. I love Kathy; and leaving her behind is the only way I can protect her from the government.

I walk Kathy over to her new yellow mustang convertible; and I could feel more tears rolling down my face. We were both shaking and crying as we kissed each other good bye.

As I watched Kathy drive out of my life I knew Kathy has my heart; and I feel the cold empty dark hole appear deep inside of my chest. Tears of misery cover my face; and these drops of salty water fueled my thoughts of revenge and hatred toward the government.

I fell to my knees and I cried into my hands; what have I done to myself?

I keep telling the voices in my head I hate the government for making me do this to myself.

Deep inside of my heart; I just wanted to keep working and stay in Florida. More than anything I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Kathy and my old brown cat.

I feel like the government has crushed my life by not helping me financially; I could feel my eyes getting wilder as the anger overflowed out of my brain into my soul. I vowed to myself that one day I return in another program as “President Fantasy Spy”.

I will get even with the Republican government for hurting me and not paying me.

My anger dried the tears out of my eyes; as I tried to pull myself together; then I realized Enron would collapse when I stop fixing the crisis; one solution after the other will end; and then the USA government will realize the mistake they made.

I thought to myself it serves them right; someone took my ideas then took credit for the work; and now they must create the strategies; that rebound the economy and made the President of the USA the most powerful man on the planet.

I walked back into Sean’s house; and I grabbed my pipe and Sean’s whiskey bottle; lit my pipe and poured myself a stiff drink.

Sean knows how much I love Kathy; and I can see he is a concerned good friend trying to be supportive.

I hear Sean’s garage door open.

I still needed to talk to Sean about Kathy; so I keep talking. I feel too uncomfortable emptying my heart as Sean’s girlfriend comes into the kitchen.

Her nickname is Cat.

I slowly lose Sean’s attention; and I keep my thoughts of Kathy to myself. I can see that Cat is busy doing something; and then she takes off to the bedroom.

I thanked Sean for looking after me on the Siesta key.

Then Sean looked at me and said; that is what real friends do for each other. Sean has gambled and invested twenty thousand dollars into the marketing program; and unfortunately my business collapsed and I lost all of Sean’s investment.

The next day is another beautiful sunny day in Florida; Sean is driving me to the greyhound bus depot in Sarasota. When we arrive at the bus depot Sean walked over to the counter and purchased me my bus ticket for Dallas Texas.

Sean and I hug each other as we say goodbye.

I have tears in my eyes when Sean passed me twenty dollars for my pocket. I feel like I am parting company with another brother I never had.

I told Sean I miss my mom and dad; and if I am ever to repay him his investment I have to go to work legally in Canada. Sean is a smart man; he knows he will never see me again; after I go home to see my mom and dad in Canada.

I have not told Sean about the government software targeting my brain; and I know that the government people behind the curtain believe I have moved into Sean’s house. I know when the government cannot find me they will start looking for me.

I am financially broke; a mental wreck; and on the run from the most powerful government in the world. I am a mentally shattered; however I do not believe I am sick; and I hate being on the run from the government voices locked deep inside of my head.

I just do not have any other way to get away from the government; that has some kind of a communication system located deep inside of my brain.

I keep looking around to see if I am being followed; and several people look like they are tracking me. In fact; I am so angry at times I just want to walk up to them and start punching them.

Unfortunately I think the government will serve me with legal papers if they catch me violent; or if I stick a knife into one of their people following me.

The bus depot is crowded; I see no friendly faces looking at me. I know government agents have followed Sean and me to the bus terminal in Florida. I wave good bye to Sean and the two government agents in suits are watching us; as I board the Greyhound bus to Texas.

The only seat left on the bus is beside a fat lady that must weigh over three hundred pounds; and she smells like rotted meat. I am squished into my seat; and I can feel my spine is out of joint. My back feels like it has a razor sharp knife stuck between my shoulder blades.

As I look out my window I see two government agents standing in the bus terminal; I smile at them as the bus pulls out of the bus depot.

Both men are speaking into cellular telephones; and they look angry. Now the government knows I am on the move; and now the government can see how serious I really am about leaving Florida. Perhaps this is the best move for the Administration looking to see loose ends vanish.

The bus ride to Texas is forty eight hours long; and I feel like my brain is full of small razor cuts floating in a pail of salt water.

I wonder what the government has done to my eye glasses. My brain is being challenged constantly by different voices I hear deep inside my head; telling me they read my thoughts patterns through the special lenses in my glasses.

If I have bad thoughts about the government; someone in front of me raises their hand; and a voice tells me inside my brain that person can hear what I think.

I wonder what the government has done with my glasses; and if that is how the voices look into the thoughts I create in my mind. I feel like a trapped wild animal; and I keep wondering how the government talks to me; or how they can read my mind?

After thirty-six hours on the bus with no sleep I feel like my mind is spinning out of control. The pressure in my mind has made my back tense; and the muscle tension pulling my spine apart is producing tears in my eyes.

The pain in the back of my head makes my forehead perspire; I feel like a sharp bone in my spine is coming through the skin on my back.

I have transferred from one bus to another five times; and I want to stop paying attention to the hand signals in front of me; working with the voices deep in my mind; telling me not to look up or move and sit still.

The government is too big to fight in my brain; and after 40 hours on this bus ride from hell; I am giving in to the voices controlling my thought process.

Tears are rolling off my face when I scream “I no longer care if the government can read my mind”.

Suddenly everyone on at the bus stairs at me; my voices tell me see how many people work with us.

I want to vent my rage on a rude man sitting behind me; he keeps kicking my seat every time I scream the words “stop”.

Finally my teary eyes fill with rage; and I turned around to look behind me.

The man is about forty years old; and he has long black hair hanging over his shoulders. I looked into the man with my wild eyes; and he looked back terrified to me. The man had the same kind of eyes you see in a wounded wolf. The eyes in his head were mysterious and light blue.

I whisper to the man in a deep voice; I hate your guts.

I am not sure but I think the government has sent him to bother me or try to hurt me. I sit back in my seat; and I feel afraid to turn around in case I turn violent; then I wonder if I should strike first and attack the man behind me.

I think the man might be crazy.

My roller coaster ride on the way to Hell suddenly ends when I realize I have arrived in the Dallas bus depot; and everyone on the bus rushes to the door to get off the bus.

I felt good leaving the crazy man behind me on the bus; and when I walked into the bus depot; I telephoned Sarge from a pay phone. I could hear that Sarge was happy to hear my voice on the telephone; Sarge told me that he would pick me up in thirty minutes.

I have been awake for over fifty hours; my brain feels like an exploded mushroom splattered on the dirty walls inside my head.

As I sit alone waiting for Sarge I cannot help but wonder if the government has got to Sarge. The grey skies outside dampen my spirits; however I am looking forward to seeing my old friend. When he arrives at the bus depot our bond in friendship takes over and we hug each other tight.

My time with Sarge is full of laughs and conversation of our past years spent together; a long time ago when we were both living in Winnipeg.

I have been living with Sarge and his family for three days; I know from the many voices speaking to me deep inside my brain; the government has figured out what I am doing in Texas.

Today Sarge and I travelled back to Dallas from his home in Plano; and enjoy having lunch with an old friend of ours. His nickname is Spot.

While I am with my friends; I keep looking over my shoulder. I want to pinpoint the government agent that is following me around using a laptop computer to program the voices in my head; creating the thoughts rolling deep inside my brain.

My lunch with Spot and Sarge bring back memories of our younger years; and days we all spent having lunch together on most Sunday’s in Winnipeg. I wish I could turn back the hands of time and return to those days we loved so much.

I leave my marijuana pipe in the restaurant garbage can because I am out of marijuana. I am traveling by bus over the USA Canada border in two days.

My friend Sarge does not smoke marijuana; so I do not ask him to help me find my marijuana. Besides I have no money to buy my drugs.

Sarge is driving a beautiful brand new Mercedes SUV; and I wonder were Sarge got the money to buy a truck this beautiful. Sarge points at the roof of the vehicle; and then he told me that the truck is equipped with an “OnStar” system.

I did not understand what Sarge meant by “OnStar”.

Sarge told me that the government could listen in on our conversation at any time through the “OnStar” microphone. Then Sarge told me that he uses the “OnStar” system to find restaurants.

I think Sarge is tipping me off and trying to help me get away from the government. My voices inside my head tell me they are concerned for Sarge; because they know he will pay dearly for tipping me off about the “OnStar” system.

Sarge and I go back over thirty years; and I know he would never hurt me. In fact; for fourteen years he was my martial arts master in Winnipeg. We both trained three hours a day four days a week in a martial arts studio.

Yes; those were the good old days; when we trained with martial arts weapons every day; and our bodies were like lethal dragons.

I told Sarge he is lucky to have such a beautiful family.

I had no trouble reading into Sarge’s comments. This “OnStar” information we shared was the easiest way for Sarge to tell me that the government will be listening to our conversations whenever we are in the vehicle.

I know that Sarge will try to help me from a distance if he can.

The government voices in my head tell me they will catch him helping me; because the government can listen to my thought patterns using my glasses on my face.

The government found out Sean was not a strong enough man to hold me in Florida; and now the government is using my friend Sarge the same way to try and keep me in Texas. Every day Sarge and the voices in my brain tell me; I should move to Texas so Sarge and I can spend more time together.

I am down to five dollars in my pocket; and I needed Sarge to help me buy a greyhound bus ticket to Canada. My destination to travel too is a small town in Alberta; named Olds.

I know that if Sarge buys me the greyhound bus ticket he cares more about me than working for the government.

Deep inside of my mind I want to escape from the government’s tight grip around my world; so I decided not to stay in Texas and I am Alberta bound.

Sarge told me that he would help me get a bus ticket without question.

Sarge told me that I have changed in the way I act. I thought my heart was going to burst when I tell myself Sarge may be right; I am not that same person.

If my good friend only understood what the government was doing to me in my brain; shaping my behavior patterns into a cyber-war fighter. I am afraid to tell Sarge about the government voices in my head; because I figured out the government paid Sarge off; when they bought Sarge the fancy black SUV truck.

The voices in my head agreed with me about Sarge; and then tell me not to rock my friend’s economic boat. In a need to know business; I did not want to involve Sarge and his family further into this government’s web of manipulation.

Later that night Sarge bought me my Greyhound bus ticket in the bus terminal in Dallas. I was happy that my friend was financially benefiting from my psychological captivity created by the seamless government software voices deep inside of my brain.

I have a fifty eight-hour bus ride ahead of me; and I hear the voices tell me; “Are you ready for your next training exercise”? I can feel the muscles tighten in my back; I feel afraid of the government voices that pull my spine out of joint.

I wear my glasses on my wrinkled face less and less. I believe this move will help stop the government looking into my mind and understanding; why or how I think.

I remember reading in my computer books about Nana field technologies. When you involve code writing in computers; and wireless technology you can bounce the digital signal off a satellite straight into my brain through the Nana field plastic transmitter lenses in my glasses covering my eyes.

My voices tell me I am a genius; and they never thought I understood the NASA technologies embedded in my new glasses; recently purchased in Florida.

I like hearing the voices compliment me for being a genius; however I hate the government prying into my mind; unfortunately I need my glasses to see long distance.

I believe the government is watching me; and I feel more angry and frustrated in my brain every day. The constant voices in my brain are like a suicide bomber waiting to explode and splatter my thoughts over the inside walls of my skull.

I am an emotional time clock ticking in my brain; slowly building up more psychological pressure; naturally pushing my thought process to act out violent behavior patterns.

I think my glasses are using some kind of Nana field fiber optics technology and a satellite signal designed to program my thought process deep inside my brain.

For two years I worked in the window film technology industry in Florida. The window film I sold; serve as plastic lenses for a window; comprised of seven layers of technology. I have seen how window films technologies are developed and designed; so I see the connection to my plastic lenses in my glasses.

When the government places all of the technology pieces together with Nassau research scientists; I know I have a real problem with my glasses. I know that the government can see into my mind through my glasses; and now they can also use voice interface technologies to program by behavior patterns while watching everywhere I go.

I hate living under government surveillance implanted in my glasses seamlessly programming the voices in my brain. I feel like a small creature on a microscope slide sitting under a microscope. I think the only time my glasses do not work is when it is cloudy outside; and the satellite signal is interrupted by the clouds in the sky.

The government can understand even more about my brain after they have recorded my eye pattern movements.

I feel mentally broken; like a human lab rat being dissected alive by computer technology.

So for now; cloudy days make me happy because I have privacy; and the grey skies make me feel sad when I miss the Florida sunshine. For many days when I close my eyes tears quietly fall off my face.

I hate it when the government can see me psychologically broken this way.

I have had fifty hours of hand signals on the bus ride; and my brain feels like a human punching bag. My brain is slowly roasted by angry emotions burning the government hatred thought process evolving deep inside my brain.

The government voices in my brain have turned into the devil taunting me; systematically mentally torturing me; and this mental conditioning process is naturally encouraging me to act more aggressive and violent.

I hate it when the government reads my mind; and tells me what to think. I can trust no one because the government is so well connected; and too big to fight alone.

I fantasize about my revenge that will come one day when I seamlessly haunt the government; and build an invisible global army with a seamless invisible weapons system. In my fantasy I am the lone wolf with a covert weapons system named “The Quantum Energy Star Wars System”.

I can see the Canadian border; and my voices tell me the information in my brain is classified; so I will never be allowed to leave the USA.

My heart races faster and faster because I am afraid the bus driver is going to turn the bus around any second.

Finally when the bus stops two government agents in uniforms board the bus asking everyone for papers; and when both government agents locate me they say they have a few questions to ask me; and both escort me into the border office for questioning.

I know the government is going to serve me with some legal paper scam designed to get me to stay in the USA. I watch the border guard’s type into their computers; and then one of them tells me I have been away from Canada for over two years without returning to Canada.

My hands are shaking from the stress combined with the lack of marijuana in my body. I am sweating under my arms and on my forehead.

I try to look as healthy and clean as I can. I just hope they do not have the security clearance to read my files on my government work in Florida.

I need my marijuana similar to how a plant needs sunlight; and without my weed my thought patterns are scrambled in my brain.

My wild eyes look around the room; and I wonder if these men think I am a terrorist. I shake even more as my thoughts in my brain build momentum to make a run for it. Even the voices in my head tell me if I do not run soon I will be behind bars for a very long time.

I hate this idea so I scream deep inside my brain; yelling at my voices to shut up before everyone involved can hear what we say.

After a ten minute wait the border guards looked through the window; and returned into the room where I am locked away. The government agent told me he wanted to know more about me.

Question after question; questioning me about where I lived; and who my friends were in the USA; and how I created my money.

My voices helped me over and over answer the questions; and I wondered why they were helping me cross the border. Finally the guard smiled at me; and for some reason he let me back into my own country.

I have no money to my name when I arrive at the border; and according to the voices in my head someone will hand me a pile of cash for passing the spy course successfully.

Then I hear two other voices in my head tell me you failed the course. Then a fourth voice yelled; they are going to see me served with legal papers in Canada; working as a government USA covert agent.

I am so confused because one voice told me the United States government owed me a million dollars for all my security work; and economic work. Now the other voices; in my head tells me; they changed their mind; and decided they were not going to pay me because they did not have to; after I cross the border.

I thought to myself you assholes are nothing more than crack head addicts; that smoked the strategy like drugs I gave them; and now refuse to pay for services rendered.

Canada has a security division; and I think that the America government has contacted them and told them I am a covert spy in training. I feel like a fly with broken wings caught in a spider web of government political manipulation and corruption.

Inside my mind I am afraid that more people will follow me in Canada; and keep programming my thoughts deep inside of my brain.

Over and over; the voices tell me I have a brilliant mind worth stealing.

When I lived in Florida; I learned all about new energy technologies that can combine with computers; I self-taught myself how to work with multiple energy sciences while writing in eight sets of computer software programs. From database management to writing in video; I can do it all.

I think the voices I hear in my brain are mentally ill. I realize the government wants to steal my ideas; and the government will kill me if they cannot brain farm me in some kind of mental institution.

Do they think I am so stupid; and I do understand what is happening right in front of me?

I am afraid the government might keep me locked in a room with a television; and make me talk about economics or security cracks and battlefield strategy like they did in Florida.

The government has already digitally farmed my brain once; and now the government knows how hard I work. I am a workaholic; and if I cannot work the boredom will drive me crazy.

I recognize the country surroundings so I know I am getting closer to home. The weather feels cold; and the air is dry; and I find it hard to breath. The sky looks ugly and grey and nowhere near as beautiful as Florida skies.

I miss the heat and sunshine in Florida; and the sunset setting over the ocean. When I look outside now all I can see is death and frozen landscape. All the vegetation is brown or gone; and the ground is covered in thin patches of dirty grey snow.

Alberta in the early spring looks like a nuclear wasteland compared to Florida.

I feel very sad and depressed; so far away from the sunshine in Florida. Tears have slowly been sliding down the sides of my face for the last hundred miles; and my bloodshot eyeballs feel like they are going to fall out of my head.

I am cold and my thoughts inside of my mind are negative and scattered without my marijuana. My back is in constant pain. Every time I move I feel like I have three razor blades twisting into the joints in my spine.

From my seat I can see the Calgary Greyhound bus depot. I start to collect my things from under the seat. My voices tell me someone on the bus has a suitcase full of my money they plan to keep. The voices quietly tell me; if I figure out what person is stealing my money; I may be able to take the case away from them and home with me.

I eyeball all the different people on the bus; and they are all trying to get off the bus fast; I wonder who has my money.

I yell “give me my money;” and everyone stops what they are doing to stare at me. So who knows which one stealing my money?