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Be Happy! Day 9

Pass on encouragement

Encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing … Live in peace with each other. And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone. 1 Thessalonians 5.11–14

When I took on the job I am currently doing it was the first time I’d had a substantial managerial role. And the truth is, I didn’t have a clue what I was doing. Not a scooby!

So I found myself sitting in a circle at an event for managers to discuss issues that we had in common. The facilitator of the event began by asking each of us to tell the rest of the group what we felt our management style was. And because I was sitting on her left, she said, ‘Let’s start with Peter, and go round the circle.’

I had no idea what I was supposed to say, but I was aware of a dozen pairs of eyes looking at me, so I knew I had to say something. ‘Well,’ I hesitated. ‘Mainly I hug people and send lots of postcards.’

The rest of the group stared at me as though this was the worst answer they had ever heard to a question on a training course. (The reason for this was closely related to the fact that it was the worst answer that had ever been given to a question on a training course.)

At the end of the humiliating exercise, the facilitator was summing up, and she said: ‘At the beginning, Peter told us that he has a pastoral managerial style, prioritizing affirmation and communication.’

And I thought, ‘Did I? … Oh! … Yes, I suppose I did!’

I have dredged up that embarrassing story about my job (which I may no longer have if my boss has read this chapter) both because I was immensely encouraged by the facilitator helping me to see what I do intuitively as having professional merit, and because it made me determined to go on making encouragement central to my relationships at work.

I pray that you may be active in sharing your faith, so that you will have a full understanding of every good thing we have in Christ. Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the saints. Philemon 1.6–7

From the very early days of Christianity, even before it was known by that name, encouragement was seen as one of the most important factors in the relationship between the followers of Jesus. In fact, one of the first leaders of the church was a man called Joseph, who came from Cyprus. He showed that quality so intensely that the men who had been with Jesus nicknamed him ‘The Encourager’. It stuck so firmly that although he is mentioned many times in the New Testament, the writers never call him by his real name but use his nickname instead: Barnabas (which in Aramaic means something like ‘fathered by encouragement’).

It was an act of sizeable generosity that earned Barnabas his name, but his way with people proved that he deserved it again and again. He knew how to take someone’s side when no one else was doing so. Paul felt the benefit of his encouragement when the rest of the Christians in Jerusalem were afraid that his dramatic conversion to the way of Jesus was a trick to betray them. Mark knew the benefit when, after he had messed up an opportunity to serve Jesus, Barnabas took him under his wing and gave him a second chance.

One of the most beautiful gifts in the world is the gift of encouragement. When someone encourages you, that person helps you over a threshold you might otherwise never have crossed on your own. John O’Donohue, priest and philosopher, 1956–2008

Courage is at the hub of encouragement – literally in the middle of the word, and practically at the heart of the action. Encouragement gives people the bravery to be the best they could be. It lifts people’s spirits and makes them feel that they are doing something with genuine worth. No wonder it was so important to the Christians in the first church, where it often took real courage to maintain a new set of beliefs and values. So here is a practical course in how to be encouraging, step by ascending step.

First of all, smile at people. It takes barely any effort, but it is one of the simplest ways of increasing happiness, especially if the person is a stranger and you have only one chance to make a positive impact on them.

Second, listen to people properly. It seems simplistic to say it, but people so often feel that they have not been understood. Just fixing your eye on someone and showing that you have heard what they are saying is immensely encouraging. At a party last Saturday I was tempted to tell the person I was trying to chat to that the fact that he kept looking over my shoulder to see whether someone more interesting had come into the room behind me was doing nothing to add to my enjoyment of the evening.